I can't believe I've fallen for you
by letsnotalk
Summary: Drake Parker at his best on top of the world of music. But is there more out ther for him? R&R its long but worth it...
1. Falling for you, I fell for you

"Hey, can I have another coke please?"

I sat at the end of the bar letting the music go through one ear and out the other while every other girl in the room hung on to every word that the rock band of 4 sang. I couldn't help it I had heard them so many times before it was almost habitual to ignore the noise coming from them. Terror 24 had just taken the stage and rural New Jersey by storm, most of the crowd was here to see them. Fame had just happened so easily for them, they had played a couple gigs last summer in the under 18 clubs near the beach and almost over night they were famous. The crowd was filled with hundreds of teeny boppers wanting to be close to the next big star. Unfortunately I couldn't get way from them, they were my friends, and I've known most of them since freshmen year in high school.

"How many more nights do we gotta listen to this pop crap?"

The bartender asked with a smile on his face. We were on first name basis since he has seen me in the same seat weekend after weekend.

"They have to stop once school starts back up right? I know this tour ends in 2 weeks and then all the teeny boppers have to go home sometime?"

I responded in an almost devilish laugh.

The truth is I almost liked some of the other music on this tour it was catchy and mellow I like music that doesn't make you think you can just enjoy it. Terror 24 opens up for all the bands that play at Mikes Mic. Mikes mic use to be an old abandon movie theater from the 40's and now it's a pretty cool concert hall. There is no seating all standing room and it holds only about 1000 people its real intimate for the fans, I think that's why people loved to come here, for the experience. Most of the bands that play here are only famous to the people who came to see them. Most of the bands would get off stage and go right into the crowd to listen to the next performer or sign autographs and bond with there fans.

"Hey!"

I awoke from my daze to see Johnny standing right in front of me. I played I cool not letting him know I zoned out his entire performance.

"Wow… that was a great set. You guy's sound better and better every time."

I said with a wink.

I didn't have to lie to Johnny he knew the only reason I came was to cheer them on but I never understood why he needed me there were hundreds of girls who would do that for him and are already.

"Come on lets go I got work tomorrow morning at 6."

He said with a sigh in his voice.

I winched at the idea of Johnny doing anything other then playing his drums and I know going to his dad's constructions site every morning killed him little by little.

"Actually I'm gonna stay a little longer."

I had other plans in mind besides plopping in front of the TV and falling asleep to Roseanne on Nick at Night. I wanted to meet one of the guys that were singing tonight. He was absolutely adorable I knew there was a hundred beautiful girls here but I thought it was worth a shot I sat on the same bar stool every night for the past week as he would finish his set and say "Hi, how are you?" I literally froze in fear that if I looked into his eyes I would be his slave for ever and tonight that doesn't sound so bad. I would always try to play it cute and confident and give him a little smile and a mousy "hi" then act more interested in my glass on coke then the handsome boy in front of me.

"Why? You're usually itching to leave as soon as possible?"

He said with an almost disappointed look on his face.

"I just wanted to listen to the last two bands I guess. I have only heard them once and people say there really good."

I felt as thought I was betraying him by wanting to flirt with another guy. Johnny and I had gone out many times before and he just found the seduction of tiny boppers to hard to pass on and me not being Mormon and all just found it to hard to deal with. It was over between Johnny and I and we both knew it but neither one of us wanted to accept it, I once told him that he was my Dawson to my Joey. I know corny but I'm the product of the 90's and that was my love role model.

"Okay well I'll just call you tomorrow I guess. Gavin will be here all night if you want a ride home."

The innocence in his voice was a little scary.

"I'll take my chances with the bus!"

I said with a laugh hoping to see a smile. Gosh why was this so hard I feel like I'm breaking his heart and why do I feel bad he's done it time and time again to me. Bringing girls into our apartment that we had shared, I couldn't stand that fact that there were girls in the bed where I slept! Well after that mental break I don't feel so bad anymore.

"I'll see you later Johnny."

I just wanted him to leave I didn't want him to ruin my chances with the heart throb on stage telling the scattered audience that this was his last song.

Johnny melted away in the crowd as I sat an listened to the words melt of his mouth like honey just making me feel so go inside I don't even know how to describe it.

"You know, and I know, and I know  
It's always better when  
You know and I know, and I know  
It's always better when  
You find out we've been lying, cheating

Baby  
Give me a sign  
Give me a reason  
Make up your mind  
Darling, only a fool  
Couldn't see through us  
Know what we do"

A few minutes past and they felt like hours I was afraid I had missed him or that he had seen a prettier girl. I mean I'm no Angelina Jolie, I am more of a Julia Roberts. Dark hair blue eyes freckles and I just want to apologize now but I actually eat and keep it down. I'm not fat but I look like a 20 year old healthy girls should, I have curves and I have never had a compliant yet.

"Hey"

A familiar voice said from the side of me.

I quickly snapped out of my inner thoughts of my bodies curves and awarded the "hey" with a smile.

"You sounded really great tonight."

He looked surprised. I probably did to I almost shit myself when my mouth returned more then a "hey".

"Thanks, Can I sit down?''

"Sure"

I'm actually looking at him and he must be the same age as me and he's more gorgeous now then before. Shaggy brown hair cut that falls into his eyes big brown eyes and a pretty good looking body if I can say so myself.

"Why are you here every night?"

The question caught me off guard, I felt like a complete dork! But I was glad I had a better answer then most crowd goers here just to pick up the musicians.

"My friends are in the band that played before you."

"So do you live around here?" He asked as if to already know the answer.

"Born and raised by the Jersey shore."

I said proudly because I was proud, I mean the place couldn't be half bad if so many people flocked to spend there 1 week a year vacations.

"Well is there anything fun to do?" he asked with a smile

I couldn't help myself but smile back at him he was just so damn cute.

"Well what have you seen so far?"

"My hotel room and this place."

"Awww…. What a life huh? You haven't even been able to at least go on the boards yet?" I said with a shocked look on my face that turned into a heart melting smile because right then and there I knew I had him hooked. He leaned in and put his hand on my shoulder to move the conversation as to ask …"wow what's the boards?"

"There great, roller coasters, junk food, games and the beach. I mean I think it the only reason people come to Seas Side Heights."

I said it as if I was a little kid all excited and seeing it for the first time.

"So what are you doing tomorrow night?" he said with confidence

"You're looking at it! I'll be here probably till the end of the week. Then hopefully they let me off the hook because school starts?"

And I said that with complete honestly I didn't even have to think twice which is a little depressing to me.

"Well do you wanna hang out tomorrow night?"

A sly smile crept across his face the like wolf in the old cartoons but even that turned me on a little.

"You don't even know my name!" I exclaimed with a sly smile right back at him.

"Well I'm Drake now that you know mine were half way there."

His name suited him well it was just as cute as he was.

"Ashlee, Gavin is on the phone he wanted to know if you wanted a ride before he leaves."

The horse voice of Larry the bartender trumped over the music and my moment.

"I can give you a ride home."

I looked at him as if he was crazy he had only known me for like 10 seconds. But I must have been crazy to because I took him up on it.

"Larry, tell him I'm fine I don't need a ride."

"So that's your name Ashlee"

"Yup... You don't need to give me a ride I was going to take a taxi anyway."

"You never answered my question…"

"What question?"

At that moment I looked around and saw all of the 13 year old girls looking at me some with disgust and others with total jealousy I didn't like either look I was very low maintenance I felt like I wasn't dressed the part me be in the spot light I glanced in the mirror and noticed every flaw. A curl out of place, one eye lid was darker then the other.

"Do you want to hang out tomorrow maybe you can show me around?"

Could this be happening is he really asking me out!

"Sure why not?"

I tried saying as casual as possible.


	2. city air chockes me today

Tonight I didn't get ready like any other night I actually cared what I looked like tonight. I pulled out all the stops make-up, 2 hours in front of the mirror, floor full of clothes.

My chaos was disturbed by the sound of the front door being opened.

"Ash are you here?"

Only one person walks in without even knocking.

"Johnny I'm back here"

"Whoa hot stuff…."

He says mockingly and he plops on my bed like a high school girlfriend trying to get the scoop.

"What's up? With the make up and I never seen you dress up like that?"

I second guessed myself maybe I didn't look good maybe I went a little over board with the white tube top and the curve hugging jeans.

"No it looks…..great"

As he paused he looked me over for dramatic effect and it felt good. He hadn't looked at me like that in a long time but this look wasn't for him it was for Drake.

"Lets go you're going to be late for your set."

I just wanted to go, my stomach was full of butterflies my mind spinning of what could happen and a part of me just wanted it all to be over.

"Okay, Okay….I don't know what got into you but I like it."

He said as he put his finger through the belt lopes and pulled me closer. The smell of his musky concert tee and the feel of his skin on mine made me quiver inside.

"Whoa what are you doing, stop you nut. This isn't all for you."

I said as I struggled to escape his grasp.

"What, whats wrong? I thought…."

"You thought wrong. I have a date tonight after the concert with Drake Parker."

"What are you friggin' kidding me he's a pansy he sings pop songs he… he…!"

He searched for the right words but nothing would come out straight.

"He's a nice guy and I don't see why it's any of your business anyway."

I didn't mean to be so mean I just wanted to have a good time with a guy I felt like a mom for the past couple months watching over Terror 24 making lunches and dinners, being a taxi driver making sure they get to gigs and home without a DUI, and just picking up after them. I was a lonely house wife with out the perks of a wife, a man to crawl in bed with at the end of the day. Yeah Johnny would like to be the guy I crawl into be with at the end of the night but only when it's convenient to him and when there's not another girl in it.

"Come on Johnny lets not start I still love you I just need to have a night to act like a 20 year old college student."

I said with a smile and a small kiss on the cheek.

"Okay lets go, I can't be late anyway they'll kill me."

He said with his teeth grinding together.

The whole ride to Mikes Mic was completely silent. Every once in a while I would look over at him waiting for him to say something but my gaze was met with the clicking of the turn signal or the rev of his engine. I couldn't take it anymore.

"What? What's wrong? Why are you so pissed?" God that felt good.

Johnny looks over and laughs my question off. I couldn't say anything I just sat there awe struck with my mouth open.

"You're a trader." He said with no emotion.

"I'm a trade? Why, what the hell did I do to you because I don't wait around for you to get your shit together and decide to be with ONE girl? You know what you the trader! You have stabbed me in the back, cheated, and lied and broke my heart more times then I can count, and I'm the trader? Just take me to Mikes and you'll be done with me."

I said like a 13 year old teenager with my hands folded over my chest.

"Fine!"

The rest of the car ride was silent. I got out of the car and slammed the door and walked to the door of Mikes Mic. I wasn't worried we always fought like that and one of us would come around and apologize sooner or later.


	3. Because of you my minds always racing

"Hey you showed up?" An unsure voice asked from the corner of the bar.

God he was cuter then I remembered his brown hair dangling in his eyes, his tight black lynard skynard shirt hugging his every curve and the butterflies actually went away he made me feel so at ease with his gentle smile and it helped a little that he sounded more nervous then me.

"I told you I would come. Do I look like a girl that would lie to you?"

I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Terror 24 took the stage while Drake and I just sat and talked about everything and anything. Terror 24 ended there set and Johnny walked right out into the crowd and toward me.

"Hey baby I'm sorry about earlier I didn't mean to start a fight like that"

He said as sweet as could be then put his arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. Okay some things wrong here because he never even called me baby even when we were going out…that jerk he's trying to scare Drake away.

"It's cool. I'll talk to you later."

"I'm not gonna be happy till I know that you really forgive me."

He says playfully as he steps between me and Drake.

"I gotta go my sets gonna start really soon."

He said with and awkward smile on his face.

"Okay… umm well were still gonna go to the board walk after this?"

I didn't want to sound desperate but I didn't want Johnny the moron to mess this up for me.

Yeah definitely I'll meet you here after my set."

He waved bye and started walking towards the stage.

"yeah… I'll be right here."

As soon as Drake was out of ear shot I turned my attention back towards Johnny.

"Are you nuts? Why would you do that to me? You're such a jerk."

"Ash he's not a good guy he has a different girl every night." He said with a know it all air.

"Well… well…Well aint that the pot calling the kettle black!" I said with a laugh and walked away.

"Fine do what you want ash I'm not gonna stop you." He said as his face disappeared into the crowd.

I moved my way up front to watch his performance for the first time this week. His music and performance was just as sweet and energetic as he was and it made me more keyed up about going to the board walk with him tonight.


	4. Sorry Friends I'm such a mess

I waited patiently for the concert to be over not that I didn't enjoy listening to him sing but the butterflies were coming back and I just wanted to get out of there I didn't want any more distractions. I made my way back to the end of the bar I didn't want to seem to egger.

"Hey Ash…. What's going on tonight?"

I turned around disappointed knowing exactly who it was it.

"Nothing much Gavin…"

I didn't ask him what was going on with him because I knew exactly what he was gonna do:

1) Pick up a girl way to young for him and only knows him as the lead singer of terror 24

2) Get drunk till he's just about to pass out

3) Take her back to his house

4) Commit a crime (statutory rape)

5) Pass out…

"So I heard you got your panties in a bunch for the Drake kid." He said with a smirk.

"Gavin you're so classy! Gavin please just go."

Gavin gave me a quick hug and walked away. I was starting to get a little worried that maybe Johnny had scared him away.

"Hey Ashlee are you ready to go?"

I wiped the cheesy smile off of my face before I turned around to Drake.

"yupp… listen about Johnny there just like my older brothers there very protective he didn't mean anything by it."

I said hoping to erase the awkward start of our first date.

"No worries everything's fine. I didn't take it personally."

He said with his calm cool smile that just melted my heart.

He took my hand as we walked through crowd, everyone was watching us especially Johnny. I loved that feeling like I had something that everyone wanted.


	5. She says, she says YEEEAAAA

The ride to the boards was a little awkward and I didn't want to seem like and extreme fan of his music because I really wasn't. To tell you the truth I didn't know much about him I've seen him play a few times and he had a song at one point on TRL but other then that he was a complete mystery to me.

It only took us about 20 minutes to get to the board walk but it felts like hours, very awkward hours.

"Oh there's a good spot we won't have to walk far to the piers."

We got out of the car and as we were walking up to the pier he took my hand and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I blushed and smiled I wasn't expecting that I wasn't expecting anything. Things kind of just came together after that I mean we enjoyed the board walk like all the other teenagers.

"Come on win your girl a prize her hands are empty!"

An annoying voice yelled at Drake from one of the game stands.

"I'll give you the first one free."

He said trying to entice us towards him.

"You don't have to there all rigged anyways."

I said with a smile and gave his hand a playful squeeze. Until that moment I hadn't even realized that he hadn't let my hand go the entire night.

"What kind of guy would I be to let you go empty handed?"

He said with an endearing smile, he let his hand slip out of mine and handed the scruffy man 3 dollars. Now the point of this game was to knock down all three blocks that were stacked on top of each other sounds easy but it never really is.

Drake aimed the ball as if he was playing the winning game in the World Series, first ball miss!

"Aww… its okay don't worry about it."

I said hoping he wasn't taking this game seriously.

"Don't worry I'll get it."

He said actually believing it. I waited patiently as he throw ball after ball missing each time or just knocking off one.

"Drake don't worry about it even if you did knock them all down he would only give you an undersized prize from under the counter and I wanna go on some rides tonight anyways."

I smiled trying to make him leave the scruffy man and return to me; truthfully I wouldn't have thought it would be a hard decision. He left the stand and stood in front of me with his hand out waiting for me to give him mine. I hesitated a minute I'm not use to guys being so nice, it felt awkward but I liked it and put my hand in his.

After we rode all the roller coasters and enough rides to make us sick we walked down the boardwalk to the car laughing hysterically at everything and at nothing all at the same time. I leaned up against the car Drake put his left hand on the car next to my shoulder and leaned in so slowly I knew what was going to happen next but when his lips touched mine and I felt him inside of me the blood rushed from my toes to my head. His right hand grasped firmly on my hip, his touch made my whole body shake from the inside out. He pulled away slowly with one last short kiss on my bottom lip. He leaned in slowly again put his mouth up to the side of my ear and whispered.

"I don't want this to end."

Jesus he was good at this right? My knees could have buckled right there and then!


	6. Bright lights for blue eyes

I couldn't stop myself I had to kiss him again, our lips met and the fire works went off in my head. My lips made there way to his ear.

"It doesn't have to…"

I whispered slowly.

We both entered the car knowing what was going to happen next. Drake drove to his hotel room at light speed but it was still long enough for my brain to give my hormones a talking to. I wasn't this girl, I wasn't the girl who meets a guy and goes back to his house the first night but something about him made me want him so bad. I thought maybe I would feel better at my place plus it was closer maybe my brain could shut up long enough for me to have some fun.

"Hey Drake can we go back to my place it just right around the corner."

He had my hand in his hand the whole time he was driving he gave it a little squeeze and smiled.

"Sure if that's what you want."

God I wish he would stop looking at me he's making my heart skip a beat each time. We stopped at a red light he leaned over and kissed my cheek.

Finally we we're at my apartment, my head was spinning so much I couldn't find my keys right away. We finally got into the apartment and the kissing commenced I couldn't stop it I couldn't even think straight my body just took over my hands ran up and down his back, my lips caressed his, it was just so …so… great!

As we moved into the bedroom my brain came back into the picture and I had to find away to escape Drakes grasp even if my whole body was telling me no.

"I can't I'm sorry"

I whispered and stared at the tan carpet anticipating him reaction, the silence was deafening. I knew there were a ton of girls that would have slept with him with the snap of his fingers, but not me. I wasn't a virgin but it was always with some one I cared about and knew for more the 2 days.

He took my chin in his hand to make me look him in the face gave me a kiss in the lips then pulled away I was sure he was just gonna walk out the door.

"Its okay I had fun with you I still don't want this night to end but we can end it any way you want." He said with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Okay now my panties are officially in a twist.

"I know this might sound corny but we can watch a movie or something?" I smiled knowing I did the right thing.

"That sounds great I haven't seen a new movie in months!"

He said as he brushed the hair out of my eyes.

Well all the movies are in that cabinet you can pick I'm gonna get my pj's on I hope you don mind. And if you want I have a ton of sweats and tee shirts if you wanna get comfortable?"

God I don't think I have ever felt so comfortable with some one my whole life.

"That sounds great."

I ravished my draws looking for the perfect pajamas nothing smutty but something that looked like I wore it every night. I settled with a pair of boy shorts and a plain white tee. I took out o pair of gray sweats and a plain tee for him to change into. We cuddled on my couch until we both fell asleep.


	7. Typical Situation

I woke up smiling knowing exactly whose arm was wrapped around my waist. I slowly moved his hand and the blanket from my body and crept to the bathroom trying not to wake him, he looked so cute. I washed my face getting the sleepers out of my eyes when I heard the front door open I rushed out of the bathroom like I was a 16 year old girl getting caught with a boy by her mother. I waived my hands and trying to get Johnny's attention off of Drake and over to me I put one finger to my mouth trying to give him silent instructions to be quite. He followed me to the bedroom and just stared at me like I was the worse person in the world.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I said knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"Why is he still here Ash? Did you sleep with him? You don't even know him."

Johnny was so mad he said everything with his teeth gritted completely together.

I just looked at him shaking my head in disbelief.

"Just go Johnny."

He didn't even look twice he just turned around and walked right out the door.

"I didn't mean to cause any trouble."

Drake said in a sluggish voice as he stood in the door way to my bedroom.

"No, its not you its Johnny he's…well… crazy."

I said still in complete awe of how rude Johnny had act, he has done a lot of crumby things in the past to me but deliberately hurting me was something I never thought he would do. I mean even when he would sleep with other girls I just thought well this is how it goes we weren't married he had no serious intentions with me he got caught up in the moment.

"I'm just gonna go… okay?"

He said as he picked up his shirt off the floor.

"I'm so sorry things ended up like this I didn't mean for it to be this way."

I think my heart broke in pieces every step he took further from me.

"No, no it's okay I just have an interview with a radio station in like an hour. I had a great time with you."

He walked back over to me and kissed me so gently on the lips yet it sent shock waves through my body. I walked him to the door he stopped and turned around giving me a hug like I would never see him again which was probably true because he lives clear across the country.

Just as I was about to shut the door he turned back looking at me like he was missing something.

"Can I call you later?"

I almost went into shock when the words came out of his mouth, that was exactly what I wanted to say to him but was too afraid of looking like a dork.

"Sure"


	8. It all comes down to nothing

After Drake had left I sat on my couch wondering if I should go after Johnny, I know I hurt him even if I didn't mean to. Johnny's my best friend, he's really my family, and I don't really talk to my own family. I always go to him for everything. I need to see him…now.

I rode around town looking for Johnny. I went to his apartment, the construction site, his dad's house, and I even went to Gavin's house but I had no luck I was just about ready to give up when I drove past his apartment and saw a light on. I ran out of the car and up the 4 flights of stairs. I stopped in front of his door which was very unusual because I usually just barge right in without even knocking; ha I guess that's why he got caught so many times. I took one long deep breath and knocked hard on the door once as a warning and opened the door actually scared of what I would find on the other side.

"Johnny… Hey are you here?"

I yelled down the hallway making sure that he would hear me where ever he was in the apartment.

"Ugh… Ash this isn't a good time."

Johnny hung on to the doorway of his bedroom half dressed.

"Well I wanna talk, and I wanna talk now!"

I was so pissed I don't even know why I was so pissed.

"Ash seriously just go."

"NO! You owe me at least a minute."

My rant was disrupted by a half naked female body slinking around in the back ground struggling to find her clothes.

"Oh I see that's why you can't talk to me your cheating… You're cheating on me!"

I yelled from the top of my lungs and the girl scurried along much faster now! "Wow dejavu" I laughed to myself. At least this time I really didn't care I wasn't even hurt I was just doing this to mess with him like he did with me this morning.

"Ash stop yelling!"

He said with that look again. God that look hurt it pierced right through me.

"I'm so sorry I didn't know."

A mousey voice said as the teeny bopper ran passed me. I guess Johnny didn't really care because he just let her walk out he must have already got what he wanted from her.

"Now do you have time?"

He didn't answer just sat down on his bed.

"Johnny I love you, I love you so much you mean the world to me. But you have to let me go sometime, right?"

I said trying to hold back my tears. I loved him but he didn't deserve my tears anymore. I didn't deserve to be treated like sloppy seconds; I made up my mind long ago that I wasn't waiting around for him.

"Johnny we spent two years together and four more as friends, not once have you ever said I love you. When all my girl friends were getting engaged I walked around not even knowing if I could call you my boyfriend. Everyone told me to leave you to stop taking your shit, but I loved you. I…"

Again my ranting was being stopped but this time by Johnny's lips on mine. God this felt good but I couldn't.

"Johnny please stop!"

My tears rolled down my face uncontrollably.

"Isn't this was you want Ash?" He said really believing that.

"That's what you got out of all that? That I want to be manhandled? I want something real I want a fiancé and someone I can come home to at night and vent and snuggle with. Johnny your not that guy, even if you wanted to be that guy you couldn't."

"Why?"

He looked me straight in the eyes awaiting my answer.

"Because Drakes gone in a day and you're not going to want me the way you do now after he's gone."

"Ash look I'm sorry are we cool?"

"Yeah, were good."

I smiled and sat down on the bed in complete exhaustion.

"Listen I need to have fun, I need to be myself. Johnny things have to be different if I want to see a guy I can without you busting in the next morning embarrassing the shit out of me. Okay?"

"I understand I'm sorry."

Johnny leaned over and put his arms around making sure that everything was alright when I felt a vibration coming from my pants. My phone was ringing, Johnny loosened up his grip to let me answer my phone. I didn't recognize the number.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me: "Hello"

Caller: "Ashlee?"

My face must have brightened up like a light bulb I automatically knew the voice coming from the other end, how could I forget it.

Me: "yeah, hi."

Drake: "I'm done my interview I was wondering if you would like to get together, maybe dinner."

Me: "Sure but can I call you back in a little bit?"

Drake: "umm… yeah sure ... are you going to the concert tonight? It's our last night and I would really like to see you there and then maybe after we can talk about dinner."

Me: "Definitely I'll see you there."


	9. Everybodies happy Everybodies Free

I wasn't going to lie to Johnny about the phone call I told him it was Drake and he wanted to see me after the show tonight. The look he gave me broke my heart but on the other hand it felt so natural sitting on the bed with Johnny just talking but I know he's not ready for what I wanted, and this thing with Drake it's just a fling he lives clear across the country. I could see him when I go to California with the band next month but I don't want to jump into it with someone I don't even know. I mean he's a great guy and the chemistry… GOD… is so good I can't even explain it in words I can just feel it in my bones.

"If that's what you want to do Ash I'm cool with it."

Johnny said interrupting my thoughts, he just smiled and put his lips to my cheek and kissed me softly.

"I'll be here for you if you ever need me."

He said with this sincere look in his eyes.

"Thank you Johnny."

I just turned around and hugged him like I would never see him again and walked out the door.

I showed up to the concert like I always would I a tank top, jeans and sweat jacket, even though it was still the summer the air off the ocean was frigid making it feel like winter. This time wasn't the same I didn't want to go pass the door I didn't feel like I belonged there, so I sat outside for a while letting the sunset and the cold air hit my chest just thinking. I don't even know how long I was out there for; it must have been the whole concert because I didn't wake up from my daze until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"What are you doing out here? You're not trying to skip out on our date? You gotta be cold."

I didn't even answer him, he just unbuttoned his black pea coat and threw it over my shoulders standing in front of me he slinked his arms around my hips and held me close so we were both under his jacket and I was under his spell. I was still uneasy about the situation earlier I kept my head down trying to hard to not let him know that I was unhappy. He picked my chin up in his hands and placed my lips on his and everything just sparked the battles in my mind had dissolved into fireworks in my heart.

"Are you okay something seems off?" He said stroking my cheek.

"I'm better now"

"So Ash you wanna go get some dinner maybe somewhere warm?"

"No."

"Well what do you wanna do?"

"Lets just got o my house order take out and just relax I had kinda crazy day and I just wanna chill. Is that okay with you?"

The smile on his face gave me the answer before he could even open his mouth.

"Sure well end the day where we started it."

I laughed and he took my hand as he escorted me to his car.


	10. shot me down as I flew by

"You know you're beautiful don't you? You know I really like you? I mean you're like THE girl."

He said as we sat on the living room floor with a pizza in between us.

"You're a goofball you know that?"

"No I mean it like all guys try to find that girl who gets it all and has it all, and you get it."

"Got what? I'm just A girl not THE girl or you would think that I would have a boyfriend by now."

"See that's what you don't get Ash there's only THE girl for one boy."

I don't know what came over my body but I couldn't stop myself I crawled over to him looked Drake straight in the eyes and kissed him, I never closed my eyes I just watched him. I felt like HIS girl. The kissing got more intense, I kissed his neck, his lips it wasn't enough, I took his shirt off and kissed his chest wanting more. I couldn't help my self and neither could he, without saying a word he picked me up off the floor and laid me on my bed. Our two bodies became one and at that moment in time everything made sense everything was right I was THE girl for THE guy. Our bodies moved as one, our hands explored each others bodies. This was all new to me I have had sex before this wasn't sex this was something new something great.


	11. Take you away from that empty apartment

The next morning I woke up in the best mood knowing that Drakes arms were tightly around my waist not wanting me to go for the second morning in a row.

"I could definitely get use to this."

I whispered and smiled to myself, but I had to knock myself down to reality this was only a fling just for the weekend he's leaving tonight and that was it. The sadden look on my face turned into a surprised one when I heard the phone ring.

"Sorry"

I said quietly to myself because Drake stayed asleep. I pushed Drakes arm off my stomach and search the ground for any kind of covering before I reveled myself from the covers Drake didn't even wake up, maybe he was use to girls sneaking out?

--------------------------------Phone convo--------------------------

"Hello…Hello…"

I said fumbling with the phone.

"Ash were supposed to get your books today"

"I know Johnny but I'm not even awake yet. I'll call you later… okay?"

"I don't know I got stuff to do today."

"Well Johnny I don't want to stop ya just do what you gotta do I'll call you later."

"Fine bye."

"buh bye"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I slinked back into bed and back into Drakes arms I wasn't ready to give this up I still had a little more time. Drake stirred in his sleep opened one eye and smiled at me.

"What are you doing up so early? Ughhhh…" He said sluggishly

"The phone was ringing." I smiled back

Drake pushed strands of hair out of my face and kissed me quickly on the neck. He jumped on top of me throwing the blankets over our heads tickling me with kisses we both laughed uncontrollable as if we were 10 years old playing in out home made fort. Finally he stopped tickling me long enough so I could catch my breath.

"Your nuts!"

I proclaimed with the last bit of breath I had left in my lungs. Drake exhaled deeply laying his head on my chest as to call a truce. I ran my finger tips lightly up and down his bare back feeling the goose bumps appear.

"So do you wanna get some breakfast or something?"

He said not moving his body enjoying every touch.

"No I just wanna lay right here"

"Me too"

He said looking up at me and smiling.

We laid in bed for another hour or so enjoying every moment we had left. Finally I had to pee! I had to get out of bed.

"Do you want some breakfast or something?"

"No I'm fine"

He yelled from the bedroom as he jumped around the room trying to put on his pants. Drake slinked into the kitchen where I was putting the tea water on.

"What time does your plane leave?"

I said as my stomach dropped to the floor.

"Midnight"

He said look as sad as I did.

"Wow that's really late; at least you'll be able to sleep."

I said to him trying to sound cheery.

"Ash I don't want to talk about that right now."

Drake took my hand and pulled me close to him and hugged me like no one ever had almost as to absorb me in him. I kissed him on the cheek smiled and agreed.

"Ashlee what are you doing for the rest or the day?"

"I have to go down to the college and pick up some books, go to the laundry mat nothing to exciting!"

"Can I go with you?"

"Sure"

I smiled knowing I scored a few more hours with him.


	12. If ever you loved me you'll say its ok

I took a shower as Drake sat on my couch eating cereal and watching cartoons I couldn't help but look at him and smile it was like peanut butter and jelly it just went together. I finished my shower and started to get dressed.

"Ashlee"

Drake called from the couch.

"Yeah"

"What are you going to school for?"

I stopped for a second dumbfounded that even though Drake and I have talked for the past 48 hours we didn't know anything about each other.

"I'm going to be a special education teacher."

I sighed thinking it wasn't anything cool like a rock star.

"That's great"

The voice said coming closer. I finished dressing and walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to blow dry my hair. As soon as the hair drier started he stood behind me with his hands on my hips kissing my neck God it felt great.

"So what's your family like?"

I turned off the drier not really wanting to answer the question. Talking about my family was like talking about politics to me, you never discuss it with friends.

"Ummm… I really don't see them much they live in Philadelphia I have 2 brothers and a sister all around my age. To tell you the truth Johnny, Gavin, Dan and Chris (terror 24) are my family I mean they have always been there for me and my nana, which I have lived with since I was 10."

"That's great."

He said not really knowing what to say.

"We actually have to stop at my nana's before I go to school I need to see if she needs anything. She's great she's a total sweetheart the guys are always over there they call her nana too. You don't have to go in if you don't want to."

I said quickly hoping not to scare him away about meeting my family.

"No why wouldn't I if she raised you she must be great"

He kissed my cheek tightening his grip on my waist.

The day went great we finished all the errands and enjoyed each others company a great deal. We were exhausted and decided to go back to his hotel to order some room service and spend as much time together as possible before he had to leave. He set up a table and lit some candles it was really cute.

"I don't do this."

He said looking embarrassed.

"You don't do what?"

"I never go head over heels… I'm usually ready to go when it comes time for me to leave."

I just sat there a little embarrassed not knowing what to say? Did he think I picked new guys up and slept with them after only knowing them for a day? Because if he did he's greatly mistaken, I just stayed quite and let him continue.

"I'm just gonna say it! I want you to come back with me?"

"Come back where?"

I said almost chocking on air; he looked at me like I had a hole in my head.

"Back to California with me, back to my house. I know it sounds crazy but you still have two more weeks till school starts up right?"

He said as he dropped to one knee as if to propose.

"Drake I'm sorry that is a little crazy I mean… I don't know… I mean we don't know each other…and… gosh…"

I couldn't get the words out because there was a holy war going on between my brain and my heart. My heart says what are you waiting for get home and pack the other side says he's fucking nuts!! But the truth is I didn't know if I wanted to or not, I had just come to terms with him leaving and to just accept it but if I say yes I wouldn't have to accept it.

"I'm sorry Ash I just thought… you know… you felt the same as me."

He got off his knee and sat on a chair and put his chin to his chest. I took a step towards him, sat on his lap and took his hand in mine.

"Yes, I'll go with you."


	13. This messed up town

Finally we landed Drake jumped out of his seat ready to race to the door.

"Drake calm down they haven't even opened the doors yet."

I took his hand and pulled him down back to his seat.

"I know… I know I'm just excited I wanna just get home with you."

Finally when we walked off the plan and into the terminal I checked my phone and it had 50 new messages and said mail box full.

"Crap!" I said to myself but drake heard me.

"What's wrong?"

"I got fifty messages… I'll be right back I just wanna make sure everything is alright."

I said walking out of ear shot of drake.

"Okay I'll get the bags and call Josh to pick us up."

I didn't even answer him just kept walking. I took my phone out of my pocket and deleted all the voice mails not even listening to them knowing that they would probably just make me upset. So I just called my nana first making sure my reservations were okay with the hotel. Then I called Johnny.

------------------------------Phone Convo-----------------------------------------

Me- Hello

Johnny- You know what Ash I don't even want to talk to you!

Me- Why what did I do? I thought we talked about this?

Johnny- You just go across the country and not even tell me?

I mean were supposed to be going to California in a week you couldn't wait a week?

Me- It's not like I planned this!

Johnny- Couldn't you have at least told me first so I didn't go crazy looking for you. When you didn't show up to the concert I went to your nana's house and found out you left with him. Well you know what I hope you have a nice fucking life Ash because I'm not gonna be there no more. I'm so fucking done with you.

Me- Bye Johnny

Johnny- I'm glad that's how you really feel about me.

Me- Me? Johnny you'll never understand what you mean to me. I was just trying to have some fun. Why is it every time we talk I cry is that's how you feel about me? Maybe you should think about that. Bye Johnny

---------------------------Hung up on him------------------------

I saw Drake coming over to me with all the bags in his hand I wiped away my tears and put on a smile.

"Josh will be here in like 20 minutes so we can…"

"Oh my god it's Drake Parker!"

Two preteen girls rushed over to us screaming like what you would see in the old beetle's videos. Drake looked over and me and wisped into my ear.

"Sorry"

He put on a huge smile for the girls and gave them his autograph and gave them each a hug. I couldn't stop but smile at him he was just too adorable. I let out a laugh and drake started to laugh too. Pretty soon every girl and boy under the age of 16 was running up to him trying to grab his attention. We made our way to the exit but not before he addressed everyone that had come up to him. I had no clue he was that famous.

We finally made it outside to wait for his friend Josh to pick us up.

"That was the cutest thing I have ever seen."

"Yeah I'm sorry"

He said looking embarrassed.

"Sorry for what?"

"I don't know… I mean one thing that I really like about you is that you didn't treat me like the other girls. Like I could get them a job or a spot on my music video, you know it's hard to know who really likes me for me. You're kinda like the girl next door type."

I couldn't stop laughing.

"Well that's the last thing I want is to be shown on TV. I am way to shy your lucky I even talked to you it took me four nights to get up the nerve."

Drake smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss on the cheek.

Josh pulled up in his car and got out to help us with our bags.

"Josh this is Ashlee, Ashlee this is Josh."

Drake introduced us.

"Hi nice to meet you."

I said putting out my hand.

"You too."

"I just wanna get home and relax by the pool."

Drake said to Josh and me.

"The one thing I forgot, a bathing suite!"

Drake and Josh both looked at me like I was crazy.

"You're in California and you forgot your bathing suite."

Drake said ushering me into the car.

"Well that's my fault I only gave her ten minutes to pack." Drake said laughing.

I'm not so great at meeting new people I was always so shy but I wanted to make Drake happy by hitting it off with Josh. I didn't think this will be a hard task he seems like a great guy he hadn't stopped making jokes since he showed up.

I sat in the back seat listening to the two of the going back in forth with what they had missed in the past month that they had been apart.

"Uh… Drake I wanted to rent a car when we get a chance."

"Why?"

Drake said turning around from the front seat.

"What do you mean why? I would like to go places!"

I laughed thinking his question was silly.

"Ash this isn't like jersey everything's right around the corner here you don't need a car and if you do I'll drive you."

He said with what had become his signature smile.

"How about if I was at my hotel room and wanted to go somewhere?"

Josh stopped at the red light and turned his head.

"Your going to a hotel which one should I be driving to?"

Drake looked upset after hearing I was still interested in going to a hotel.

"I thought you were gonna think about what I said."

"Well think of it this what if you want to get away and spend time with me you can come to my really nice hotel room…"

Both boys just looked at me like I said that to a lot of guys.

"No wait that sounded really bad…kinda pretty womanish."

I said trying to not sound like a hooker. It must have worked because all three of us just started laughing hysterically.

"I told you, you'll like her."

Drake said smiling at Josh.

"Ashlee come on please just try it at my house and if you don't like it then you can go to the hotel room."

Drake said putting his hands together to beg me.

"Fine… Fine I'll stay."

"Yeahhhh! I knew you would come around."

Drake jumped over the front seat and plopped down on the seat next to me throwing his arm around me.

"Where almost there Drake you think you can sit in your seat for like 10 more minutes to I don't get pulled over." Josh yelled from the front seat like a parent.

"I'm sorry Josh I didn't even ask you. I know you guys live together, do you mind me staying with you guys it will only be a few day then my friends are coming down and I'll probably just stay with them."

I asked Josh because I know I would be annoyed if my roommate just brought people over to stay with out asking me.

"No I don't care, its fine with me."

Josh said shrugging his shoulders

"Ashlee!"

Drake screeched backing up from me.

"What?"

"Who's coming down to Orange County?"

"Well Johnny, Gavin all the guys, you had to know about this your playing with them."

"I didn't know. Is that why you came down?"

"Well truthfully I don't think Johnny's talking to me right now seemed pretty upset when I called him from the airport."

"We're home!"

Josh proclaimed breaking up the tension between me and Drake. Drake just looked at me a smiled letting the whole thing roll off his shoulders. Drake jumped out of the car and ran around to my door and opened it.

"Ash don't worry about your bags I'll get them for you later I want to show you around first."

He grabbed my hand and rushed me through the font door.


	14. That how lon I've been on ya!

Finally we landed Drake jumped out of his seat ready to race to the door.

"Drake calm down they haven't even opened the doors yet."

I took his hand and pulled him down back to his seat.

"I know… I know I'm just excited I wanna just get home with you."

Finally when we walked off the plan and into the terminal I checked my phone and it had 50 new messages and said mail box full.

"Crap!" I said to myself but drake heard me.

"What's wrong?"

"I got fifty messages… I'll be right back I just wanna make sure everything is alright."

I said walking out of ear shot of drake.

"Okay I'll get the bags and call Josh to pick us up."

I didn't even answer him just kept walking. I took my phone out of my pocket and deleted all the voice mails not even listening to them knowing that they would probably just make me upset. So I just called my nana first making sure my reservations were okay with the hotel. Then I called Johnny.

------------------------------Phone Convo-----------------------------------------

Me- Hello

Johnny- You know what Ash I don't even want to talk to you!

Me- Why what did I do? I thought we talked about this?

Johnny- You just go across the country and not even tell me?

I mean were supposed to be going to California in a week you couldn't wait a week?

Me- It's not like I planned this!

Johnny- Couldn't you have at least told me first so I didn't go crazy looking for you. When you didn't show up to the concert I went to your nana's house and found out you left with him. Well you know what I hope you have a nice fucking life Ash because I'm not gonna be there no more. I'm so fucking done with you.

Me- Bye Johnny

Johnny- I'm glad that's how you really feel about me.

Me- Me? Johnny you'll never understand what you mean to me. I was just trying to have some fun. Why is it every time we talk I cry is that's how you feel about me? Maybe you should think about that. Bye Johnny

---------------------------Hung up on him------------------------

I saw Drake coming over to me with all the bags in his hand I wiped away my tears and put on a smile.

"Josh will be here in like 20 minutes so we can…"

"Oh my god it's Drake Parker!"

Two preteen girls rushed over to us screaming like what you would see in the old beetle's videos. Drake looked over and me and wisped into my ear.

"Sorry"

He put on a huge smile for the girls and gave them his autograph and gave them each a hug. I couldn't stop but smile at him he was just too adorable. I let out a laugh and drake started to laugh too. Pretty soon every girl and boy under the age of 16 was running up to him trying to grab his attention. We made our way to the exit but not before he addressed everyone that had come up to him. I had no clue he was that famous.

We finally made it outside to wait for his friend Josh to pick us up.

"That was the cutest thing I have ever seen."

"Yeah I'm sorry"

He said looking embarrassed.

"Sorry for what?"

"I don't know… I mean one thing that I really like about you is that you didn't treat me like the other girls. Like I could get them a job or a spot on my music video, you know it's hard to know who really likes me for me. You're kinda like the girl next door type."

I couldn't stop laughing.

"Well that's the last thing I want is to be shown on TV. I am way to shy your lucky I even talked to you it took me four nights to get up the nerve."

Drake smiled at me and leaned in for a kiss on the cheek.

Josh pulled up in his car and got out to help us with our bags.

"Josh this is Ashlee, Ashlee this is Josh."

Drake introduced us.

"Hi nice to meet you."

I said putting out my hand.

"You too."

"I just wanna get home and relax by the pool."

Drake said to Josh and me.

"The one thing I forgot, a bathing suite!"

Drake and Josh both looked at me like I was crazy.

"You're in California and you forgot your bathing suite."

Drake said ushering me into the car.

"Well that's my fault I only gave her ten minutes to pack." Drake said laughing.

I'm not so great at meeting new people I was always so shy but I wanted to make Drake happy by hitting it off with Josh. I didn't think this will be a hard task he seems like a great guy he hadn't stopped making jokes since he showed up.

I sat in the back seat listening to the two of the going back in forth with what they had missed in the past month that they had been apart.

"Uh… Drake I wanted to rent a car when we get a chance."

"Why?"

Drake said turning around from the front seat.

"What do you mean why? I would like to go places!"

I laughed thinking his question was silly.

"Ash this isn't like jersey everything's right around the corner here you don't need a car and if you do I'll drive you."

He said with what had become his signature smile.

"How about if I was at my hotel room and wanted to go somewhere?"

Josh stopped at the red light and turned his head.

"Your going to a hotel which one should I be driving to?"

Drake looked upset after hearing I was still interested in going to a hotel.

"I thought you were gonna think about what I said."

"Well think of it this what if you want to get away and spend time with me you can come to my really nice hotel room…"

Both boys just looked at me like I said that to a lot of guys.

"No wait that sounded really bad…kinda pretty womanish."

I said trying to not sound like a hooker. It must have worked because all three of us just started laughing hysterically.

"I told you, you'll like her."

Drake said smiling at Josh.

"Ashlee come on please just try it at my house and if you don't like it then you can go to the hotel room."

Drake said putting his hands together to beg me.

"Fine… Fine I'll stay."

"Yeahhhh! I knew you would come around."

Drake jumped over the front seat and plopped down on the seat next to me throwing his arm around me.

"Where almost there Drake you think you can sit in your seat for like 10 more minutes to I don't get pulled over." Josh yelled from the front seat like a parent.

"I'm sorry Josh I didn't even ask you. I know you guys live together, do you mind me staying with you guys it will only be a few day then my friends are coming down and I'll probably just stay with them."

I asked Josh because I know I would be annoyed if my roommate just brought people over to stay with out asking me.

"No I don't care, its fine with me."

Josh said shrugging his shoulders

"Ashlee!"

Drake screeched backing up from me.

"What?"

"Who's coming down to Orange County?"

"Well Johnny, Gavin all the guys, you had to know about this your playing with them."

"I didn't know. Is that why you came down?"

"Well truthfully I don't think Johnny's talking to me right now seemed pretty upset when I called him from the airport."

"We're home!"

Josh proclaimed breaking up the tension between me and Drake. Drake just looked at me a smiled letting the whole thing roll off his shoulders. Drake jumped out of the car and ran around to my door and opened it.

"Ash don't worry about your bags I'll get them for you later I want to show you around first."

He grabbed my hand and rushed me through the font door.


	15. Play secretary I'll be boss tonight

We walked through the front doors of his house; it was beautiful it was like nothing in Toms River, New Jersey. My jaw dropped to the floor in awl.

"This is beautiful!"

I said trailing behind Drake and he led me around by hand.

"Yeah… I guess its okay."

I was watched josh come through the front door with me and Drakes bags about to topple over from the weight. I tugged my arm away from Drake and ran over to help Josh carry some of he bags.

"Here let me help you."

I said grabbing half the bags to even out the wait.

"Ashlee come on I want to show you my bedroom."

Drake whined.

"I bet you do so grab the bags and we can put them in your room."

I said pointing out that none of the bags were Josh's.

"Okay Josh hand them over."

Drake showed me to his room and opened up the double doors that led to his room, it looks like something out of that show cribs it was just extravagant.

"So where's my room?"

I said acting very serious.

"Are you kidding Ash? I thought you would just stay in here with me."

Drake said flashing his puppy dog eyes at me.

"In the same bed!"

I exclaimed throwing my hands in the air.

"I'm kidding; of course I'll stay here with you."

Drake ran after me full force, picking me up and spinning me around in the air.

"Ash you scared the shit out of me!"

Drake said plopping me down on his bed. Drake ran his finger through my hair and stated kissing my neck softly running his hand up my shirt trying to undo me of my shirt.

"Drake the doors open."

I said being as shy as I was I didn't want Josh to accidentally see us.

"Don't worry about it baby it's alright"

Drake ignored me and just kept on kissing me.

"Drake I'm serious, get off of me."

"What… what's wrong?

"You're making me uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry Ash. That's the last thing I wanted to do. I want you to make yourself at home. You forgive me?"

"Yeah its okay don't worry about it."

Drake laid his head up to the top of the bed and patted the spot next to him inviting me to lay down next to him.

"Come on Ash you gotta be tired you didn't sleep at all on the plane why don't we take a nap and I'll show you around some more."

I laid my head on Drakes shoulder. I loved the way that it felt like my head perfectly fit there like it was meant to be there.

Drake fell asleep almost automatically. I couldn't sleep I was too excited about being in California. So I crept out of bed trying not to stir Drake he looked so peaceful. I walked down the stairs deciding I was gonna go explore on my own a little bit. I saw Josh sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hi"

I said trying to get Josh's attention.

"Hey where's Drake?"

"He's sleeping. I just couldn't sleep so I decided I was gonna go out and get something to eat, I'm starving."

I said putting my hand on my stomach trying to quite the rumbling

"Do you know any good places to eat in walking distance?"

"Well do you want me to go with you?"

Josh asked getting up off the couch.

"I don't want to inconvenience you but I always like company. "

"Yeah I'll go with you. No problem, I haven't been out of the house all day anyways except to pick you guys up. Just let me get changed."

"Dido!"

I said already making my way up the stairs. I open the door to the bedroom and unzipped my suit case all my clothes were wrinkled and unfolded. I quickly laid all my clothes out flat on Drakes bureau trying not to wake him up. I decided on short jean skirt and a white tee shirt. I threw my hair up in a quick pony tail and hurried back down the stairs not wanting to make Josh wait for me.

Josh was waiting by the door.

"You know what we should write Drake a note so he doesn't worry."

I said grabbing a pen and a little note pad out of my huge purse.

-----------------------------------Note----------------------------------

Dear Drake,

I went to lunch with Josh. Be back soon.

Xoxo

Ashlee.


	16. you can be my punk princess

The walk to the fifties style dinner was quick it felt good to be out in the fresh air after being on the plane for so long. The streets were filled with beautiful girls that looked like they had just jumped out of Cosmo the men out of GQ, me on the other hand I looked honkey tonk. Right there and then I thought maybe I wasn't meant to be in California, but isn't that why Drake likes me because I wasn't like anyone else here.

In Jersey I was popular I knew everyone and everyone knew me, I always had the cute boyfriend, I was always at the parties… then life happened I wanted to move out from Johnny's apartment so I had to get a job and buckle down with college. I really became a grown up over night, Johnny and the other guys helped out so much when I needed a job they let me become there manager but even before that I was negotiating contracts setting up gigs but now I was getting paid for it.

"This place is so cute."

I turned to Josh who had opened the door for me.

"Yeah I come here all the time the foods good too."

We sat down in the only booth that was open the dinner was packed! Our waitress wasn't the ordinary white haired women with orthopedic shoes this girl was about 20 years old in a short tight pink spandex mini dress and boobs your mama could never give you.

"Hi Josh how are you?"

The busty blonde asked.

"I'm good."

He said opening the menus that she had just passed out.

"Josh can you do me a favor?"

She said twirling her hair between her fingers.

"Ummm… what?"

"Drake was supposed to call me last week and I never heard from him can you tell him that I would love to see him again."

I looked at Josh and a huge smile broke across my face Josh's face turned beat red. He looked at me to see my reaction and when he saw my smile he started laughing.

"And how are you honey? Is this your new girlfriend Josh I never see you around here with any girls."

I bet this girl wished her boobs were brains because she had some room in her head to fill while her bra was busting at the seams. I couldn't help myself I started laughing too.

"No she's not my girlfriend; this is Ashlee, Drakes Girlfriend."

Josh said not even being able to look up at her.

"Hi" I said sticking my hand out to greet her.

"Oh…I'm sorry you guys are gonna need a minute."

When she was out of eat shot we started laughing hysterically!

"I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor Ashlee."

"You too."

After I caught my breath I took a look at the menu. I knew what I wanted automatically.

"I know what I want"

I proclaimed slamming my menu on the table.

"Wow that was quick. What are you gonna get."

I was about to open my mouth when another beautiful 20 something year old came to take our order.

"What can I get you guys?"

I spoke up first

"I'm gonna have a cheese burger with fries and a chocolate milk shake."

"Okay… got it and you?"

"Umm Caesar salad and water with lemon."

The girl walked off through the kitchen door.

"You live dangerously Josh."

I said with a smirk.

"I'm on a diet."

"Why? You look fine."

"Sure… I don't know if you noticed but everyone is skin and bones around here."

"Just because everyone does it doesn't mean its right. You look like every guy I know."

I said leaning back into the booth not sleeping in 24 hours was starting to catch up with me I definitely needed my two favorite C's carbs and chocolate. I gave a tired smile to Josh who finally looked like he was warming up to me.

We both ended up giggling and talking till we both finished our meals and walked out to the street. My phone was vibrating inside my purse to I dug through the mess and flipped open the screen.

"Josh its Drake, I'm gonna answer it."

------------------------------------Phone Convo-----------------------------

Me- Hey

Drake- Where are ya?

Me- Oh I'm sorry I couldn't sleep so I asked Josh if he wanted to go get something to eat with me. You looked so tired I didn't want to wake you, but I got you something. Josh and I are actually walking up the block so I'll just talk to you when we get back.

Drake- Oh okay. Bye

I just want everyone to be aware the next chapter gets a little graphic.


	17. If I can be your first real heartach

Josh and I walked in the door laughing because he was just so funny and sincerely enjoyed making people laugh. I looked over to see Drake lying on the couch with the remote in his hand.

"Hi!"

I exclaimed plopping on the couch I could feel the energy coming back to me. I was happy to see him I was happy that things were working out in my head about coming here. Drake didn't look so happy, maybe he was mad I left with out him?

"How was your nap?"

"It was fine I was just surprised when I couldn't find you."

"Well I was safe Josh took good care of me."

I said putting his hand in mine. He was warming up once again.

"Well I'm glad you had fun"

He said as he kissed me on the cheek.

"I got you a cheese burger fries and a chocolate milk shake. You want me to heat it up for you?"

"Aww… thanks I appreciate it."

"Oh and our waitress said 'Hi'"

Me and Josh looked at each other and started laughing hysterically.

"If you point me towards the kitchen I'll warm it up for you."

Josh pointed towards the back of the house and I found the microwave. I heard Josh and Drake arguing then laughing. I waited till the minute was up on the microwave.

"Do you want anything on your burger or ketchup with your fries?"

I yelled out to the living room. Before he could answer he came in the kitchen from behind me putting his hands around my waist and kissing my neck.

"Don't worry Ash I can get it."

"Well I wanted to do it for you."

Drake laughed in my ear softly using his hands on my hips to turn me around to face him. He started kissing my neck and working his way up to my lips I couldn't help but still feel a little shy we had only known each other for two days and we were out in the open. Drake put his hands on both sides of my face and forced me to look up at him. He saw how scared I was he could see it in my eyes. He dropped his hands around my back and held me close pulling me towards him in an embracing hug.

"Its okay Ash I don't want to scare you off."

Drake whispered in my ear making me want to drop to my knees.

"Don't worry I don't get scared very easily."

I whispered back. I took Drake by his hand and led hi up the stairs to his room I shut the door and I couldn't control myself I just started to strip off my clothes Drake laid on his bed mesmerized by me. I turned away form him and peeled my white tee shirt away from my skin leaving me in my short jean skirt and black bra. I turned around to let Drake see me I put my thumbs to my hips and slid my skirt off revealing my matching black panties. Drake didn't smile or blink he just sat on the bed with a look in his eye that I had never seen before, he wanted me and only me. I put my hands behind my back to unhook my bra I felt it slip and grasped it from the front not yet reveling all of me. Drake couldn't take the teasing anymore he jumped off the bed and pinned me up against the wall he grabbed my pony tail holder and let my hair fall down my bare shoulders.

I had no control at this point I don't think I ever really did have control. I started kissing his neck and making my way down his chest I didn't even really think about what I was doing I just did it. I was down on my knees staring up at Drake watching the pleasure in his eyes I was turned on by the look of ecstasy in his eyes it made me happy to make him feel good. I let Drake take control laying his hand on the back of my head setting the pace. This was new to me this was the first time I had ever given someone oral sex I had always thought it was a vulgar way to show someone how you care for them. Right before Drake was finished and about to cum he took my chin in his hands and moved me towards his bed.

Drake climbed on top of me and moving back and forth never looking away always watching my eyes it felt awkward at first so I tried kissing his lips and turning my head to the side to moan but it felt so great I didn't want to think about ways to avoid eye contact. The rest was almost a blur and great satisfying blur. Drake laid down in bed and put his head on my chest.

"Drake I'm gonna take a shower okay?"

"You want me to join you?"

"No I'm okay. Can you just do me a favor?"

"Yeah sure?"

"Can you turn around?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah… I'm sorry"

"Why are you embarrassed? You're beautiful Ash you have a great body like Betty Paige that's the kinda girl I like."

"The pin up girl? aww… that's so sweet but that's not it. I like my body I guess I'm just a little shy."

I smiled at him and kissed his lips softly I had to pull away fast or we would start this all over again.

Drake threw his boxers on and handed me his robe.

"Here baby you sit here for a minute I'll start the shower for you."

Drake laid his hand on my shoulder and walked into the bathroom the adjoined his room.

I usually don't write things this graphic if people have a problem leave it on the review and I'll change it around… Some one had said if I added a sex science it would be better but I'm not really that great at it anyway.

Thanks love ya 3

Review!!!


	18. I would do it all over agian

"Ash its ready for you babe."

"Aww… thank you. Your food is still down the stairs in the microwave if you're hungry Drake."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you."

I heard my phone ringing in the other room.

"Umm… give me a second Drake let me get that."

I ran back into the room grabbing my skirt off of the floor and grabbing my cell phone out of my back pocket.

--------------------------------------Phone Convo----------------------------------

Me- Hello, who's this?

Other end- Its Johnny.

A sad voice answered on the other end.

Me- Hey Johnny.

"Ash is everything okay"

Drake asked poking his head out of the bathroom. I nodded my head in compliance.

Johnny- Can I talk to you?

Me- sure.

Johnny-I'm sorry Ashlee I didn't mean what I said.

Me- Johnny this really isn't the time, I…

Johnny- Please just listen to me Ashlee I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything I said and everything I did. Can you please forgive me?

Me- Johnny I love you and when you love a person you don't have to forgive them because when they mess up and do something stupid you know in your heart that they did it for good reasons. So let's just act like the phone conversation earlier just didn't happen.

Johnny- Really Ashlee? Just like that your not gonna hold it against me?

Me- No Johnny, I'm fine, were fine.

Johnny- Look Ashlee I'm coming down next week and I promise I'm not gonna bother you until then but you know if you ever need me you can call me.

Me- I know Johnny. Okay I love you I'll talk to you later

Johnny- I love you too. Bye.

"So you love him?"

Drake asked walking out of the bathroom in his boxers looking so defenseless.

"Drake he's like my brother and he's lucky he is because if any other guy would have said the stuff he said to me earlier I wouldn't even have given them the light of day."

"Are you sure that's all it is?"

"Would I be here with you if it wasn't sure?"

"I guess not."

"Drake lets not get ahead of ourselves. I mean I like you a lot but we hardly know each other and in all seriousness I don't want to fall head over heels and get hurt because the truth is I'm only here for two weeks and then I go back to Jersey and usually people who are dating 50 states away don't work out."

I mean it; I meant every word I said I didn't want to fall in love with him and have to go home the next day. I looked up at Drake and saw the look on his face, it was blank I couldn't tell if he was mad or hurt it looked like he was just empty.

"I understand and we'll do things your way but I just want you to know that I would never hurt you like Johnny did."

"Drake you don't know anything about that."

"Lets me guess he cheated on you and left you all alone and it's so obvious the worst part for you was you being left alone."

"What do you mean?"

I said out of frustration he was acting like he knew me and he didn't, Drake Bell did not know me and I didn't know him.

"That's why you guys still need each other, that's why when you couldn't fall asleep you ran to Josh, you need to be liked, you cant be alone ."

"What's wrong with being liked?"

I started crying surprisingly I knew all of this about myself before but I didn't know it was so obvious.

Drake rushed over to me and put his arms around me.

"Shhh…Ash I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you cry."

He rubbed his hands up and down my back and shushing me trying to sooth me.

I back out of Drakes arms and wiped my tears that were running down the side of my face with his robe.

"I'm just gonna take a shower okay?"

He looked at me concerned.

"Ashlee I'm so sorry I didn't mean…"

I stopped him before he could say another word.

"The truth hurts right? Look it's getting a little weird and complicated and this whole thing was supposed to be fun and carefree. I think I'm just gonna stay at the hotel tonight."

"Ash I really like you that's why I asked you to come home with me I wanted to get to know you better I didn't think this was just a fling."

His face dropped like I had broken his most valuable possession.

"We really messed up I think."

I said as I started grabbing my things that were scattered across his bedroom floor and quickly putting them on. I took my clothes off the bureau and put them back in my suitcase. I reached for the door knob but Drake intercepted my hand.

"Please Ashlee don't go like this."

Drake pulled me close and dropped my suitcase on the floor. He pulled me in for a hug. It wasn't an ordinary hug, this hug made me feel good inside and I knew that he wanted me there I was just mad and scared and I guess I just wanted to run away and stay far away so things don't get to real for me.

"I'm so sorry baby."

Drake whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry too."

"Are we okay? I just want us to be okay, we can do this like you want if its just for the two weeks or how ever long we last then that's it I'll be okay with it. And if you want to stay at the hotel then Ill take you there myself, but I would really like you to stay here I would just feel better knowing that your safe."

He backed up looking me in the eyes.

"I'm sorry too… I'm okay … We're okay… I'll stay here, lets just have a good time, you know?"

"Yeah that sounds good."

Drake kissed me on my forehead and patted my hair.

"Come on I got the shower already for you. I'm just going to go down and grab something to eat."

"Your milk shakes probably already melted"

Drake was sitting on the bed pulling on his pants he looked up at me and laughed. I couldn't help my self I started laughing too.

I walked into the shower letting out a sigh of relief when I heard the bedroom door open and shut.

I had a lot of things to think about and at that point I didn't want to think about any of them so I wasn't. I wasn't going to over analyze every little thing that happened or what was said, I was just going to relax and enjoy myself.


	19. cant you see im in love with you

I walked out of the shower and got dressed into a pair of sweats and a white tee-shirt. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer I laid down on Drakes bed thinking I would just close my eyes for a minute.

"Ashlee are you okay?"

I heard Drake whisper as he crawled into bed next to me.

"Yeah I was just tired. I thought I would just close my eyes for a minute."

"A minute?"

He laughed lowly.

"Its midnight you've been sleeping for like 4 hours. You looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake you up."

"That's okay I was so tired. Im kinda glad you didn't wake me up but I'm sorry I feel like I wasted the day with you. We have so little time that I didn't want to waste any of it."

I laid my head on Drakes chest listening to his heart beat. Drake didn't answer me, he didn't have to we both regretted today.

Drake pulled his arms around me and kissed me on top of my head.

"Good night."

I said looking at him. He looked down at me and smiled. He pulled the covers over us and closed his eyes.

"Good night Ash."


	20. Talk to you im medaphore

I woke up expecting Drakes arms to be wrapped around me, but I woke up in the large bed alone. I took my time getting dressed and doing my hair. I tried mimicking the girls that I had seen on the streets I wore a white lace dress with a pair of flats. I walked down the stairs like I was being introduces to a ball to find Josh sitting on the couch in his boxers.

"Good morning Josh."

"Oh… geeze good morning Ashlee. I'm sorry about the boxers I'm just use to it."

"Don't worry about it I have two teenage brothers."

I giggled.

"Umm…Josh where's Drake?"

"Oh… he didn't tell you? He went to a CD signing"

"Oh… well maybe I'll meet him there, we can go out to lunch. Would you like to go with me?"

"Yeah, sure."

"You might want to get changed first. Do you know where it is?"

Josh laughed and started up the stairs.

"Yeah he's at the FYE on the boulevard. It should only take us like 20 minutes to get there."

I waited patiently for Josh to change. When he started down the stairs I just followed him out the door and into his car.

"You know what I would love to go to the beach while I'm here I never been in the Pacific Ocean."

I smiled at Josh.

"I know it's not any of my business but I heard you and Drake fighting last night and if it's about that waitress it was nothing and it was before he even met you. He really likes you when he was talking about you last night he acted like you were the greatest thing in the world and he never acts this way about girls."

I laughed he was so far off the point.

"No we weren't fighting about her. I'm not really the kinda girl that gets jealous that quickly. Me and Drake were not really even going out we're just kinda hanging out. To tell you the truth I have no clue what were doing. We actually fought because Drake got jealous of a guy who called my cell phone last night."

Josh started laughing.

"You must really have him twisted. Well we're here."

I opened the car door and noticed the line of preteen girls swarming the store.

I tried to get through the doors. I couldn't even get close enough for him to notice me, so I went to the corner of the store and sent him a text message telling Drake I was here. Drake stood up looking around I put my hand in the air waving to get his attention.

"Guys I'm just gonna take a five minute break!"

He yelled to the crowd of anxious girls. Drake walked out from behind the table and waved me over.

"Hey baby I didn't want to drag you out to this, it can get kind of boring. Did you get my note? "

"No and I thought it would be nice to surprise you. If you don't want me to stay around there are plenty of shops to go to and I need a bathing suite anyways."

"No, no you can stay here as long as you want."

Two girls came up to us with a camera.

"Aww… That's so cute they want you to take a picture with them."

"Ash I'm sorry. Later I promise just me and you. This is over in like an hour."

"Don't worry about it I think it's adorable, it's who you are. I'm gonna go get some tea and a doughnut. Maybe later we can go shopping for a bathing suite I would really like to go to the beach."

"Sure what ever you want Ash."

Drake leaned in to kiss me but I backed away.

"What's wrong?"

"All these girls are here because they love you and are all dreaming that one day there gonna be you girlfriend, don't break there hearts Drake."

I leaned in close and wisped into his ear.

"I'll see you later."

I smiled and walked out of the store. I walked through the crowd of girls until I was close enough to grab his hand.

"I'm going to get some breakfast. You want to come? Wow all of this from a sneaker commercial? He really loves music."

"Yeah, just give me a second."

I walked to the corner for the street and waited for Josh to emerge from the crowd.

Josh and I found a cute little coffee house packed with people. I text Drake telling him where we where, hoping we could meet up soon. Josh and I sat at a tiny table it was awkward at first but then I broke the ice by asking him about movie and music things that everyone likes. To my surprise he liked hip hop a lot of local rappers. I was totally the other way I liked people like Dave Mathew's band and Bare Naked Ladies. He asked what kind of music Terror 24 made I didn't know how to explain it but it was very emo screamo. I didn't even know if that made sense. They sounded a lot like Hawthorn Heights.

I felt my phone vibrate.

"Hey Drake."

"Okay we'll come down now."

"Bye"

"Drakes going to play a set he wants us to come down to the store."

I told Josh we left a tip on the table and hurried to back to the store. We walked to the front door and made our way to the front of the stage. Drake looked great on the little platform in front of all his fans.

"This is a song form my new CD . I hope everyone enjoys it."

The first time I saw you  
I thought you were barefood  
Your hair was pulled back, your jelly shoes, I was wondering if I should  
lie  
About my age

Buddy Holly glasses on a Betty Page negative  
You're lookin so classic handpicked by some Hollywood executive  
just like Norma Jean  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
way oh  
way oh  
way oh

the next time I saw you, you asked for a reason  
I let my love come down  
now you're spending all your time thinkin how you're gonna get even  
and I'm by myself  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you

Good morning now  
It's a good morning

The Hollywood ending it never came easy  
the bride to be can plainly see and now she says she's ready to kill me  
And I'm so afraid  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you  
I can't believe I've fallen for you

Drake finished his song the girls went wild screaming and crying his praise and his name. I stood in amazement he was really good he was really a good artist. I waited for Drake to emerge from the back of the stage. He came out about 30 minutes later after the store cleared out.

"That was really good Drake! So you really like Betty Page don't you?"

I asked thinking about the compliment he had given me the day before about my body. I smiled at him and took his hand.

"Thanks Ash. So what was this about getting a swim suite, because I'm all up for seeing that fashion show."

He grinned wickedly.

"Yeah I would really like to go to the beach. Is there a mall or something around here?"

Drake laughed at the question.

"Ash you have some of the best stores rights here were on Hollywood boulevard."

"Drake I'm here for two weeks and I really don't have the kind of money to buy anything on Hollywood boulevard. I was thinking of the like an Old Navy."

"Well if I get to see you in it then I'll buy it for you."

My cheeks turned pink I wasn't the kind of person to take charity. Drake saw the look in my eyes and understood it.

"Ashlee I didn't let you pack and I told you what ever you didn't pack I would get for you, right?"

Drake pulled me in for a hug stopping the people behind us. He didn't care he was just in tune with what I needed.

"Come on Ash… please… We have a great pool at the house. So its either you let me buy you a bathing suite or we go skinny dipping!"

Drake stopped in his tracks once again, turned on his heels and rubbed his chin like he was in deep thought.

"You know what Ash I just forgot I don't have any money on me so I guess were going skinny dipping!"

"Okay fine!"

Drake linked his fingers between mine leading me down the street. I felt people looking at us and I didn't care it felt right, not being in California or dressing like a china doll but holding his hand looking into his eyes everything about him felt good it felt right.


	21. We're the new face of failure

Most of the week was the same. We would wake up in each others arms stay in bed till one of us had to get out, we laid around the house talking trying to get to know each other better. We usually went to the beach in the afternoon; we had a blast at the beach we would walk the boards, lay on the sand it was just perfect. I thought nothing could ruin it until I got a call from Johnny telling me he wanted me to meet him at the airport. Drake was not very happy about this he acted like Johnny was going to take the little time we had together away.

"Johnny lives like 15 minutes away from you why do you have to go see him today?"

Drake whined, we were still in bed completely naked shielding ourselves from each other under the covers.

"Drake, please don't do this. Please don't make me choose between the two of you."

I said looking at the alarm clock I had 2 hours to meet up with Johnny. I jumped out of bed with the sheets around me picking Drakes vintage rock tee off the bedroom floor and slipped into it.

"Who would you choose?"

"I wouldn't have to because your to nice of a guy to ever make me do something that would make me so upset."

I stopped rummaging for my underwear's and leaned on the bed facing Drake. I put my serious face on because I wanted to tell him how I felt I hadn't done this the whole trip even though I felt like I was oozing at the seems with feelings. Drake was true to his word he didn't push the subject of how we felt about each other he was letting me figure things out like he promised the first day I arrived.

"Drake I really like you, and I don't mean like how I like Johnny as a friend but I really like you and I know Johnny's going to ask me to stay with the band because he's a jerk and he doesn't want me with you. But as I said I like you a lot and I want to spend the rest of my time here with you. If you want me to stay I will."

"Of course I want you to stay here with me."

Drake crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled me next to him; he learned over and put his mouth to my ear.

"I really like you too."

We began to kiss I couldn't stop myself but I knew I didn't have time.

"Drake we don't have time we gotta meet him at the airport."

The kissing stopped immediately Drake backed away and shook his head.

"Uh- uh I am not going to meet him at the air port! Why do I need to go?"

"Because you didn't let me rent a car, and I need a ride there."

"I'll get you a cab."

My jaw dropped I looked at Drake in total surprise, he would just send me out with someone neither one of us knew.

"That's so mean."

Drake looked like on of those cartoons with the light bulb on top of his head when he thought he had a great idea, unfortunately it happens a lot.

"I got it! Josh, Josh can take you."

"Fine if Josh will take me then fine, but if he doesn't you gotta take me, okay?"

"Okay…I promise"

Drake leaned in to finish what he started but I backed up and jumped off the bed.

"Come on we have time."

Drake pleaded.

"No sorry baby I gotta find Josh to see if he'll take me."

I smiled pulling my jeans up, I leaned in and kissed him teasingly biting on to his lip softly.

"Bye baby."

I said over my shoulder as slammed his head onto the pile of pillows. I walked down the stairs and found Josh on the couch watching the rerun of E! TV's 'Soup' from the night before, but he was still in his boxers.

"Hey Ash what are you doing up so early?"

"I have to meet Johnny at the airport and I was actually wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Yeah sure, what is it?"

Josh said smiling throwing the decorative pillows on his lap.

"Drake really doesn't want to come with me to meet up with Johnny and don't have a car so I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming with me?"

"Yeah that's no problem I'll take you. When do we have to leave?"

"In like and hour, I'm going to take a shower and get dressed real quick and I'll just meet you down here?"

I asked hoping I wasn't being to big of a pain in the butt.

"No problem Ash."

Josh got off the couch and went right up the stairs behind me to get ready.

I walked into Drakes bedroom door to find him sleeping again. I tip toed to the draw Drake had cleaned out for me I didn't have to much cleaned because I refused to let the house keeper do my laundry and I was just to busy to do it. I went with something simple my jeans and my white tube top I knew Drake would really like it because I was what I wore on our first date. I got showered, dressed and ironed my hair I was ready to go and Drake was still asleep.

I leaned over the mattress so I could whisper into his ear.

"Hey baby I'm gonna go now I just wanted to give you a kiss goodbye."

Drake hardly woke up he puckered his lips and fell back asleep. Before I walked out the door I grabbed my cell phone and purse.

"Okay by baby I'll call you later."

"Bye Ash love ya."

I closed the door not even realizing what he had just said to me. He loved me? No he didn't mean it, he was still asleep. I shrugged it off not even giving it a second thought.

Josh was waiting on the couch all dressed with his hair ironed too.

"I really like your hair Josh it looks really nice."

"Thanks Ash. You ready to go?"

"Yup let's do this!"

I said nervously because the truth was I didn't know what to expect I didn't know how Johnny was going to react I hadn't talk to him all week and that was the longest we had ever even gone without seeing each other in 4 years. I had to face it I ad to suck it up and see if he had changed. I followed josh out to his beautiful BMW and we were off to the air port.


	22. Had a bad day dont talk to me

I waited patiently at the opening for gate 24, josh ran to get us coffee at the airport food court. The passengers started dribbling out slowly. My stomach was in knots waiting for Johnny one part of me was so happy to see him because I really had missed him and the other wished he would have just stayed in Jersey.

"Ashlee…"

Johnny ran up to me with open arms spinning me in the air and dropping me on my feet.

"I missed you so much Ash."

Johnny said catching his breath.

"Hey Ash what up hotty."

Gavin (lead singer of T24) yelled pulling me into a hug and smacking my ass in the process.

"Hi gavin."

I said pushing him off of me.

"Hey Ash how are you?"

Dan (the bass player of T24) said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey honey how do you like cali so far?"

Chris (Guitarist of T24) said giving me a hug like he hadn't seen me in years.

"It's so nice to see you guys I love it here it like never rains is always nice and tons of shopping."

Josh walked over to me handing me the coffee.

"Guys this is Josh, Josh this is Johnny, Gavin, Chris and Dan. They're all really good friends of mine from high school."

"Hi guys."

Josh said extending his hand to everyone.

"Hey Ash I gotta go to my psychology class soon are you okay or do you want me to wait for you?"

"Aww… thanks Josh you don't have to wait fro me I'm gonna make sure they get into there hotel okay I made the arrangements and it's under my name so I don't want them to give them any bull for it."

I said giving Josh a hug.

"Okay Ash if you need me you got the number."

Josh walked out into the crowd of people and out the door.

"So guys how was the trip?"

They all yelled out there complaints at once like a classroom filled of kindergartners.

"Okay, okay well I rented you guys a car we should be able to pick it up here and the instruments and things should be delivered to the hotel already. I'm good aren't I?"

I smiled in my own amazement.

We drove to the hotel and checked out the rooms. It wasn't the Hilton but it would do for these guys they were very low maintenance. I stood in the hallway making sure everyone had everything they need, because that's what they paid me for. Johnny and I really didn't talk I knew he wouldn't say anything in front of the guys. My phone started to vibrate I knew exactly who it was.

-------------------------------phone convo-----------------------

Me –Good morning are you finally awake?

Drake- Hey babe are you okay?

Me- Yeah I'm fine why?

Drake- You didn't come back with Josh.

Me- Well I told you I handle all the bands stuff that's why they pay me I had to make sure everything was okay with the hotel and that were instruments and stuff were delivered. Drake please, I have to do this don't worry about me.

Drake- I meant what I said earlier.

Me- What did you say?

Drake- I love you.

Me- Aww… Drake that's so sweet, but don't say it because your afraid that I'm with Johnny. Look I'm gonna be done here in like two hours you wanna come and pick me up we'll go out to a movie or something?

Drake- Sure Ash… I'll pick you up in like two hours.

Me- bye baby please don't be mad.

Drake- Don't worry Ash I'm not mad I was just scared I guess. I love you bye.

(Drake hangs up before I could say anything back and I think he doesn't it so he doesn't have to hear if I say it or not.)

My heart skipped a beat when he said it again maybe he did mean it.

"Hey Ash want to come and check out my bed?"

Gavin yelled already stripped down to his boxers. The worst part of all of it was I had already slept with Gavin in high school when we had gone out very briefly; Gavin was the one who introduced me to Johnny.

"Shut up Gavin!"

Johnny yelled from his room two doors down.

"Ash come here real quick."

I walked slowly towards the door not knowing what to expect. I walked through the door and shut it behind me.

"I missed you Ash."

"I know we have never been apart for so long."

"So how do you like it has Drake been treating you good?"

"Johnny he's a really good guy and he's real sweet with me."

"I thought maybe after tomorrow nights show we could all get together go grab something to eat, you know all the guys and Drake and his friend?"

"That sounds really good Johnny thanks."

I throw my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. I ran around the rest of the two hours getting them take out menus and maps of the area, checking suitcases and making sure all the instruments were accounted for. I called the boys in to one room to make sure everything was okay.

"Okay now boys do you have everything you need?"

Their heads shook in compliance.

"Okay now the only thing I have left to do is call the venue tomorrow and see when you guys have sound check, and I'll call you guys with that tomorrow. You guy have my cell number call if you need anything. Okay I'm out see ya's and don't get into trouble!"

I went down the row of boys sitting on the bed and kissed each of them on their foreheads.

"Bye boys"

I said as I walked out the door and down the hallway.


	23. I'm sick of my sickness

I took the stairs so I had time to think about what Drake had said, "I love you." I wasn't use to hearing that. I'm actually scared I don't want to be hurt, when are we going to see each other we live across the country? The stairs seem to end so quickly I walked out the door to see Drake sitting in his '66 mustang with Dave Mathews Band CD blearing from the speakers. I walked up to the car I gave him a little smile and opened the door.

"Hey baby…"

"Hey Ash…"

I sat down leaning it for a kiss. This wasn't an ordinary kiss this was a kiss that sent shock waves through my body. The kisses multiplied until I was sitting on his lap running my hands through his hair. He had my hand on the back of my neck and running the other up and down my back. We came to an abrupt stop when we heard a knocking on the car window.

I jumped off of Drakes lap and into the passenger seat and rolled down the window.

"Hey Johnny…"

I said fixing my make-out hair.

"You forgot your purse."

Johnny said holding it up as evidence.

"Aww… thanks Johnny."

"Hey Drake this is a really nice car."

Johnny said leaning into the window.

"Hi Johnny thanks"

"Okay Ash I just wanted to run this down to you. I'll see you tomorrow before the show."

"Bye Johnny."

I turned my cheek so he could kiss me good bye like he always did but my cheek was met by the warm summer air. Johnny walked back to the hotel and disappeared through the doors.

I turned to Drake and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Drake just started up the car and began driving.

"Are you okay?"

I asked looking down at my thumbs; he was making me feel like I had done something wrong.

"Ash why don't you just do what you really want to do?"

"Oh… I'm sorry Drake I forgot you could read my mind. If I didn't want to be here with you why am I here then?"

My question was returned with silence. Drake inhaled deeply and just looked straight ahead like he was dealing with an annoying five year old. I just folded my arms across my chest and ignored him. A couple of minutes past filled with silence and the music of DMB. We stopped at a red light Drake turned to me.

"Why did you have to wear that?"

He said sounding disappointed

"Wear what?"

"That outfit."

"I knew you were upset about me seeing Johnny and I knew I was going to see you so I thought you would really like it. I wore it on your first date."

I said as tears filled my eyes. I felt so stupid I felt like this was the exact opposite of what I wanted out of our relationship. I didn't want to feel like I was constantly doing something wrong, I just wanted to be happy. Drake ignored my tears and kept driving.

"Drake can you take me back to the hotel please."

"No come on Ash lets just go back to my house."

"Drake I'm serious I want to go to the hotel."

"Are you serious Ash, your making a big deal out of nothing."

"My feelings aren't nothing! Fine you don't want to take me home then just leave me here I'll get a cab."

"Fine Ash I'll take you back."

Drake screeched on the breaks and made a U-turn. The rest of the ride was silent. We came to the hotel I got out of the car and slammed the door. Drake turned off the motor and fallowed me to the door.

"No Drake I don't want to see you right now."

"Ash stop this, I'm sorry."

Drake grabbed my arm in an attempt to stop me.

"Drake you're acting like a jerk! You're acting like a spoiled brat and I'm your toy or something! I'm better them that. I think you need a night to cool off."

Drake loosened his grip on my arm and let me walk through the door. One part of me wanted him to run after me and make me believe he was sorry and the other part of me wished that none of this ever happened I had never stayed late at he club that night.

I walked up to the hotel room that I had reserved but never use. I wasn't going to run to Johnny, I would just hear an "I told you so".

I walked into the room and sat on the bed and cried. I didn't know what to do so I decided I was going to enjoy the time I had alone. I picked up the phone and dialed Chris's room number.

"Hey Chris its Ashlee, I'm staying at the hotel for the night but I don't want anyone to know, but I don't have any clothes can I borrow a tee shirt and a pair of shorts?"

Chris agreed. Chris was a good guy he had been with the same girl for 4 years they were engaged and in love, he had everything I wanted.

I heard a knock on the door. I ran over and looked through the peek hole it was Chris.

"Hey, thank you so much. I just needed some time for myself."

"No problem Ash if you need anything just call."

"Bye Chris"

"Bye Ash."

I slipped into the over sized shirt and stayed in my underwear's because the shorts kept falling around my feet.

I sprawled on the bed and turned on the TV. My phone rang only about a hundred times since I started to relax; I flipped up the top and gave in to temptation.

--------------------------------phone convo------------------

Me- Drake stop calling!

Drake- Ash please just listen to me for one second.

Me- What Drake?

Drake- I'm so sorry I was just scared and I was pushing you again, I'm so sorry.

Me- Okay fine

Drake- Can I come pick you up then?

Me- No drake I just need some time to myself.

Drake- Is Johnny there?

Me- Oh my god Drake your not sorry! What am I some kind of slut? I don't just jump from guy to guy! Get over yourself Drake.

Drake- No No No that's not what I meant I don't know what I meant. I'm sorry Ashlee I just don't want to lose you.

Me- Drake look I don't know who were kidding here it wasn't meant to work out that's why I didn't want to get so serious with you sooner or later you were going to lose me.

Drake- But that's not how I feel Ashlee I want this to work I want us to work I don't care if I have to fly down every weekend your not like other girls I never felt this way. I didn't want to say these things over the phone I wanted to say them to your face. I'm coming down there Ash and you don't have to let me in your room but this is stuff that shouldn't be said over the phone.

------------------------------------Drake hung up not letting me even respond.-------


	24. You can't save me

I was still in bed almost asleep. I heard a knock on the door I knew it was Drake I didn't want Johnny to hear or see him and come down the hallway. I jumped out of bed and opened the door. He was holding a huge bouquet of flowers. I smiled a little because Drake always made me smile.

He laid the flowers on the bed and just threw his arms around me.

"I'm so sorry Ashlee… I'm so sorry.

Drake said as he nuzzled his nose into my shoulder.

"It's okay Drake."

I sat him down on the bed and took his hands.

"Ash please don't tell me where breaking up?"

"No, no I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry you have been so considerate of my feelings when I was making you hold all yours in and that frustrating and that was all my fault so I'm sorry."

Drake just held me not saying a word he knew what I needed and at the moment I just needed him.

"Ash why don't we just stay here I mean well order in it will be like taking a mini vacation from your vacation."

"That sounds good."

I said picking up the flowers and laying them on the small table in the corner.

Drake plopped on the bed and patted the spot next to him signaling me to join him. He opened the courtesy book on the end table and flipped through it finding nothing that interested him. I laid on the bed next to him putting my head on his shoulder, taking deep breaths just trying to relax. With every breath I took in a piece of him the smell of him made me feel calm and protected.

Drake put his arms around me and kissed the top of my hair I looked up and him and smiled.

"Ashlee I love you. You don't have to say it back but I thought you should know how I feel about you. Ash I would fallow you to the end of the world."

"I love you too Drake."

I moved up on the bed and put my arms around him. Drake was speechless he wasn't expecting me to say it back.


	25. Got medication a new adicction

The night was great everything was great. It was the morning now and we should have been getting ready for the set today but I didn't want it all to end so I decided to lie in bed for a little while longer. I couldn't believe how vulnerable I would feel after I said the three words that I had waited so long for someone else to say to me. Drake walked out of the bathroom after just taking a shower.

"Hey babe you okay?"

He must have felt vulnerable too because it was only the twentieth time he had asked me that.

"I'm fine Drake!"

I said giving him an assuring smile.

"Okay!"

Drake said crawling into bed with me. Oh god he was so cute and every time he touches me I lose control and my body would start to shake at every touch. Drake moved his body over mine; his lips touched mine his teeth tugged on my lip teasing me. His hips touching mine and rocking slowly back and forth, I wanted him inside of me he teased me being so close and not letting me have all of him.

"Drake please"

I moaned softly.

"Do you want me?"

Drake grunted softly.

"Please I want you inside of me."

He ended my yearning for him; he dipped his hips in slowly my body arched in complete exhilaration. I loved him so much that it made it feel a hundred times better. My body started to feel the wave, they started slowly and turned in to a tsunami I couldn't control my self I screamed out in ecstasy.

Drake burrowed his head in to my shoulder I could feel him trying to push himself in further, he wanted more of me. I couldn't stand it any longer; I made him roll over on his back I knelled on top of his taking control. I rocked back and forth he put his hands on my hips urging me to push harder I throw my head back feeling him harden up more his body began to shake he took his hands off my hips and throw them down by his side in complete exhaustion and satisfaction. He pulled me down to his chest I could hear his heart it sounded like it was going to pop out of his chest.

"I love you"

I said meaning it 100 percent.

Drake just looked at me and smiled.

"I love you too..."

We both laughed but we were too exhausted to get up we just laid lifelessly until I looked at the clock and noticed it was already 2 o clock. I jumped out of bed and picked up my phone.

"Johnny are you guys getting ready?"

"Good I'll be around in about an hour to go, make sure all the guys are getting showered and dressed."

"bye."

----------------------------------

"Drake we have to go! I don't have any clothes here and the guys do sound check in like 2 hours and you have it in 2 and a half hours."

"Okay Ash calm down we have plenty of time to get dressed and race back."

I took Drakes hand and pulled him out of bed. He sluggishly agreed and started to get dressed. I looked out the hallway to make sure the guys couldn't see me; we raced out the front door and to his car. We made it home in record time we both ran up stairs and didn't even argued for the shower we just jumped in together which I don't think Drake minded. We got dressed and raced back to the hotel and I went into drill sergeant mode.

"Do we have all the instruments?"

"Do you guys know what songs you doing and in what order?"

"What back ground are we going to be using?"

"Johnny do you have your drum sticks?"

"Dan and Chris do you have your pic's and amps?"

"Gavin just get into the van!"

We made it to the concert hall on time and with no mistakes. Drake fallowed behind not even going back into the hotel. I think that was a good idea because the longer he's away from Johnny the better.


	26. Point your finger at the singer

I sat back stage listening to the sound checks Drake sounded great I loved his music it made you want to get up. Terror 24 was first up then another band that I didn't catch the name and then Drake.Johnny was sitting down next to me going over the schedule.

"So did you ask Drake about going out with us tonight?"

Johnny said putting his arm over my shoulder.

"Oh no I didn't I completely forgot but it should be cool. Where did you want to go?"

"Well I thought maybe Drake could recommend a good place I don't know anything around here."

"You know what there's this great diner close to here you guys would love and if Drake doesn't want to go out he can just go home its close to his house."

I got a little uncomfortable having Johnny's arm over my shoulder when Drake started to walk towards me.

"That was a good set Drake."

Johnny's said getting out of his seat letting Drake have it. I was so surprised he was being so cool about this is actually made me think there was something else going on. I let it roll off my shoulder and enjoyed the peace. Drake sat down next to me taking Johnny's place figuratively and literally.

"Hey baby it really was a good set. I like the song about the periscope is adorable."

"Thanks Ash. So what did he have to say?"

"No he just wanted to see if you wanted to come out with and get some diner?"

"Ash truthfully I don't want to go and I had plans with one of my friends anyway tonight. I'm sorry baby."

Drake draped his arm over me and pulling me closer.

"That works out perfectly you go out with your friends and I'll hang out with the guys."

"Wait…wait…wait… your going to hang out with them anyway?"

"Yeah what did you think I was going to sit around the house and wait for you to come home and let me out? I don't think so Drake!"

"Fine Ash, do what you want. Why don't you just stay at the hotel tonight too?"

"Drake if that how you want it then fine! But don't call me a hundred times tonight begging to come over."

"Ash come on we don't mean this."

Drake tried to grab my hand I shooed it away and walked away from him. I was so mad, I can't believe he would act like this two days in a row I mean did I give him the 3rd degree about who he was going to hang out with? No because I trust him! I walked back to the band.

"Guys you have about 10 minutes and you go on are you ready!"

I tried to get them pumped up!

"Are we ready? Of course we are!"

A roar of hooting echoed through the halls.

Drake stood in the doorway looking over at me. I ignored him being here with the band was my job and more importantly they were my family.

The band circled around me chest bumping and moshing knocking me on my butt. Gavin reached down and throw me over his shoulder jumping up and down I couldn't help my start laughing hysterically I was laughing so hard I couldn't breath!

"Gavin put me down I'm gonna pee myself!"

I yelled out!

Everyone stopped in there track and started to laugh at me. Gavin put me down and I stumbled into Johnny's arms.

"You okay Ash?"

Johnny asked trying to steady me.

"Yeah just dizzy."

"Okay guys no more playing around you gotta get on stage."

I ushered the guys to the stage and they ran out in all there glory. I usually went into the crowd I hated sitting in the back with the groupies and weirdoes, but I was beat I just wanted to sit down and relax. As soon as I found a seat close enough to hear the band and far enough away from the weirdo Drake came walking up in his red velvet blazer and his guitar stung around his neck.

"Can I talk to you Ash."

"You know what Drake I don't think you can I think you need a time out."

"Fine what ever if that how you feel then I guess I can't change your mind."

"First of all Drake I actually do love you I guess that was just something you said to get me away from Johnny."

"Well I guess it didn't work huh ash."

"You a real jerk Drake."

I could believe the way he was acting what did he want me to do beg him to stay home with me tell him I would drop everything just for him? I just shrugged my shoulders and went out into the crowd I guess be out there was better then being next to him at the moment.

I made my way to the front Johnny saw me and gave me a wink I smiled back. I didn't want to be here I just want to go home and sit in my bedroom with a pint of Ben and Jerry's chubby hubby ice cream watching nick at night reruns.The boys finished there set I went back stage to congratulate them on the first successful California show. When I reached the waiting room I was to late Drake and Johnny were in each others face.

Drake- Why can't you just back off dude!

Johnny- You know as soon as she comes back home this whole little fling you guys have going on will be over and shell back to me like she always does.

Drake- That's not true she actually loves me!

Johnnys- yeah well she loves me to. You a fucking moron you know? You really think she would pick you over me you're a fucking loser.

Drake threw a punch I ran in flipping out.

"You're both fucking morons. Johnny were over I don't know how many times I have to tell you and when we get home you're going to be lucky if I even talk to you."

"Ash listen…"

Drake said blocking the exit.

"No you know what Drake this all started because of you. You couldn't just trust me? You know what I really did mean the things I said to you but it turns out your no better then Johnny. Guy's bottom line don't be douche bags Drake, Johnny and the guys are my friends and Johnny, Drake is my boyfriend so get over it. Now can we just move on."

"Ash can I talk to you then?"

"Yeah sure."

"Well can you walk me to the stage."

I started to walk out of the room.

"I'm sorry Ash"

"I know you are Drake, but you really need to chill out I mean it's not worth you getting all crazy about it."

Drake turned to me and kissed my lips softly.

"No, your worth so much more."

The butterflies were back, he's good I can never be mad at him but one day that charm is going wear off and he's going to be in trouble.

"Ash I want you to come out and hang out with my friends tonight. I mean after you go out to dinner with the guys."

"That's sounds great."

Drake made his way on stage and I went back to the waiting room to work things out with Johnny.

"Now have you calmed down yet?"

I asked Johnny like I was a teacher that just put him in the corner.

"Yeah I'm cool."

"Well let's go get something to eat okay?"

"Whoa Drakes letting you get something to eat with us?"

Gavin said butting in.

"No I told him I was going."

"You know what Ash I think we're just going back o the hotel."

"Oh… Okay, well I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bye"

The group said as the walked out the door. I was a little confused and a little upset. I felt betrayed like since I left the group to find love I was outcasted like some crazy Mormon town. I walked out into the crowd it was nuts the girls were screaming and so were there mothers for Drake Parker I couldn't believe people loved him that much. It made my love for him look like an ant on the world.

"I have someone very special here to help me out with this song."

My jaw dropped when the beautiful blonde from the diner came out in a baby doll dress and 9 inch heels.

**"Hollywood Girl"**

_[Girl:_  
Are you putting in your songs?

_[Drake:_  
No, I'm not when you ask  
Nope  
Kind of I guess

Hollywood girl  
Is lost again  
All of her hopes left her stranded  
Seasoned dreams  
Are just pretend  
She can't stand it

Why'd it have to happen to me  
Why'd it have to hurt so bad

Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
Can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights

She doesn't believe  
In believing  
Miracles have died in her mind  
She knows the world  
Is deceiving  
Everything is wastin' her time

Why'd it have to happen to me  
Why'd it have to hurt so bad

Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
Can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights

Get in line and hold your head high  
Pretty face will help you get by  
Step inside I'll make your tears dry  
So put on your smile

Ha  
Cause in this town  
Can't find up but I found down  
In the city life  
Can't turn around  
I can't give up I feel too proud  
Under the city lights

_[Girl:_  
One of the drivers has to pick you up at the airport  
and bring you to my photo shoot so I can see you  
I'm so sorry, I tried to get it changed  
I'm so sorry baby  
Don't be mad

They finished up the song she kissed him on the lips and hugged him He just smiled and kissed her back. I felt like I was watching my heart being stomped on by everyone. A tear drop slithered down my face I was so upset I couldn't breath I felt like I was being suffocated by the embarrassment.

I walked out of the concert hall and called a cab I don't want to deal with this not after I said them three stupid words. Fuck how could I do this to myself again. I told the cab driver to take me to Drake house. I was going to get all my things and go to the hotel I just wanted to take next flight home. I walked through the front doors and Josh was walking down the stairs.

"Hey Ash how was the concert."

I just started crying I could help it, I didn't want his sympathy I just wanted to get out of there.

"Ash what wring sits down and tell me."

"Drake…gulp kissed the girl…gulp from the diner."

"Ash I told you it was before he met you why are you so upset?"

"He did it on stage!"

I yelled with all my anger.

"What the hell, why?"

"She did a song with him and she kissed him on the lips and he kissed her back and then they hugged and Drake couldn't look happier."

Wow it felt so good to get it off my chest.

"I just want to get my stuff and leave Josh."

"No Ashlee come on you guys can work this out he loves you."

"If he loved me he would have at least have told me she was going to be there."

Josh pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket.

"Ash see its Drake."

--------------------------what I could hear---------------

"Drake what the hell happened man?"

"Yeah shes here crying because you kissed that diner chick on stage."

Fuck ( I heard Drake yell over the phone)

"Okay I'll tell her."

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Ash Drake wants you to stay here. He's leaving the concert now.


	27. Im a death threat havent slept yet

I didn't want to wait I ran up the stairs in a blind furry throwing all my clothes in my bags. I can't believe this, he was so scared that I would cheat on him but yet he would do that to me. I walked down the stairs Josh was standing in front of the door.

"Ash please wait at least give him a chance to explain himself."

"No, I'm sorry Josh its time for me to go home. It was really nice meeting you though. Just tell Drake I'll call him when I get home."

"I'm sorry Ashlee."

Josh said leaning in for a hug, he moved away from the door so I could leave. I jumped into the taxi that was waiting for me he drove me to the hotel. I didn't know what I was doing, maybe I should have waited, and maybe there really was a good reason. I checked my phone there were no missed calls.

I walked to Johnny's door I was about to knock but I couldn't. He was right I was just going to run right back to him I just sat in the hallway crying. Johnny and the guys came up from down the hall.

"Ash what's going on?"

Johnny said running up to me.

"He kissed another girl."

I just put my head in my hands and shook my head.

"Ash maybe there was a reason. I told you Ashlee he's a player he was with like 4 other girls when he was in Jersey."

I started to cry even harder.

"Ash come on let me get you to your room."

"You need us to help."

Chris asked.

"No I got it you guys."

Johnny took my hand and led me to my room he opened the door and sat me on the bed.

"Ash you're a mess why don't you go take a shower and relax."

"Yeah that sounds good, thanks Johnny."

I walked into the shower upset about the situation but even more because he never called he didn't even want to try to fix it. Well I didn't do anything wrong I am definitely not calling him. I just had to relax I leaned against the shower wall letting the water steam down my body.

"Ashlee! Ash!"

Johnny yelled barging into the bathroom.

"Johnny get out of here."

"Ash get out you need to get the phone its Josh."

"Tell Josh if Drake wants to talk to me he can call me himself."

"Ashlee get out of the shower now!"

"Okay fine."

I walked out of the shower not knowing why he was so upset. Johnny's face was white as a ghost he didn't say anything to me he just shoved the phone my way.

-----------------------phone convo---------------------

Me- hello?

Josh- Ashlee listen I need you to sit down.

Me- Josh what's going on?

Josh- Ashlee, Drake was in a really bad accident and it doesn't look good.

Me- Okay Josh where are you? I'll come down now.

Josh- I'm at the OC hospital.

Me- Okay I'll be right there.

"Johnny can you drive me?"

"Sure Ash."


	28. Tell the tabloids everythings my fault

I ran through the intensive care unit doors. I wasn't thinking about anything I was just completely blank I saw Josh sitting in a chair.

"Josh what's going on? What happened?"

"He was at a red light and someone barreled into him his face is completely messed up he's missing like 6 teeth, he has a neck fracture and his jaw is broken."

"What the frig! Wasn't he wearing his seat belt?"

"Yeah but you know there's no air bags and the seat belts only go around the waist."

"Can we go in and see him?"

"There's someone in there right now maybe we should wait and I'll go in with you. I called his parents there flying in as soon as possible."

"Who's in with him?"

"Ash listen don't get made but its Barbie."

"Who's Barbie? Oh my god, don't even tell me it's that stupid whore from the diner! Forget it it's not worth getting all crazy about it."

"Ash they were on the way home to explain that Drake didn't even know she was coming until the third song in and she was in the car with him."

"I'm not mad I just want to make sure he's okay I'm going to get a soda I'll just go in with you."

"We'll go in after you get your soda and kick her out."

Josh smiled and I walked away still not being able to really think about the situation I was numb my brain was numb. My heart wasn't I felt guilty maybe if he wasn't rushing home, maybe if I would have just stuck around, maybe if he hadn't of kissed her.

I got my soda and returned with tears in my eyes Josh just held out in arms and pulled me if for a hug.

"He's going to be okay Ash. Come on."  
Josh took my hand and led me to Drakes room; there was a nurse in white scrubs fixing Drakes IV. Drake tried to sit up the nurse forced him back down he waved his hand for me to come close he looked over at Barbie sitting in the corner on her cell phone. I saw it in his eyes he didn't want her there he wanted me. Josh walked over to Barbie and escorted her out of the room. Drake tried to talk but it all came out mumbled. I pulled a pen out of my purse and a piece of paper.

"Here you go babe."

--I didn't want to kiss her I'm so sorry I love you so much I just wanted to see you I'm so sorry please forgive me. Do you still love me? I didn't want you to see me this way.--

My heart broke reading the little piece of scrap paper.

"Drake I love you okay and I'm sorry I acted like a bitch! Don't worry about all of that. And you're still the most handsome man I have ever seen."

Tears filled my eyes I leaned in carefully to give him a hug I kissed him ever so lightly on his cheek.

"Drake try to get some rest okay baby."

He began writing again.

--Ashlee can you stay with me? Atleast for a little bit I hate hospitals.--

I started laughing through my tears.

"Yeah I'll stay all night if you want me too."

I turned to the nurse to ask her.

"Can I stay with him tonight?"

"Yes one of you can stay but his injuries aren't that bad he'll probably be going home in 2 days."

"Well that's really good to hear thank you very much."

I pulled the chair next to Drake and took his hand being careful not to touch his IV.

"Are you comfortable baby?"

He just nodded his head.

"I'll be right back okay?"

I walked out of the room giving Drake and Josh some time. I called Johnny tell him everything was okay and what had happened. I told him I was going to stay with him until he gets out of the hospital and if he could drop my stuff off with Josh.

I walked back into the room Josh was on the phone with Drake parents giving them and update.

"Yeah he's in good hands his girlfriend is staying over night with him."

He told Drakes parents.

Drake saw me walk in and smiled he waved me towards him, he picked up the pen.

--I'm hungry--

I read the note out loud. Josh and I just looked at each other.

"What they heck are you going to be able to eat?"

Josh asked him in his always upbeat funny voice. I turned to the nurse who was sitting around ease dropping.

"How long will his jaw be wired?"

"About 3 months"

My mouth dropped, Drake growled through the wire.

"Don't worry baby I'll look up all kinds of recipes and make them up for you."

Drake picked up the pen and started scribbling uncontrollably.

--Your supposed to be leaving in 2 days can you please stay a little longer with me like 3 months?--

I read the note and laughed.

"Drake I have school in a week but how about this I'll call and see if I can get a few things emailed to me and if that works out I'll see if I can stay for a few more weeks, if it's okay with Josh."

"Of course its okay, I don't want to take care of him."

Josh said lightheartedly

"Hey dude I'm glad your okay I'm going to go home and get some sleep I'll come by tomorrow morning."

Josh hugged Drake; I fallowed him out of the room.

"Josh listen when you come tomorrow morning I'll go back to the house and start making some of the recipes I look up tonight on my phone and get a shower and stuff because truthfully I don't know how long I'll be able to stay and if I make the meals now and freeze them he would be able to do it himself."

"That's really nice of you Ash."

Josh gave me a hug and left. Josh understood what I was going through school is very important to both of us he was even taking summer classes but Drake hated school he didn't even try college music was his full time job. I walked back into the room Drake was writing again.

--Ash I really am sorry for what happened at the concert and it means so much that you're here for me and that you're going to stay long. I know you really do love me, and it just makes me feel so much better that I have you around to help me.--

"Well when we get home we'll get a TV for your room and blend up some spaghetti O's for you. But baby do you need anything like something to drink or another blanket?"

Drake shook his head.

"Okay which one are you saying yes to?"

Drake pointed to the blanket and pillow.

I stood up and walked to the closet and pulled out another blanket and pillow. I lifted his head up slowly fixing his pillows I took the sheet off that he was tangles up in and laid the thick cloth blanket over of him.

"Drake you know what turns me on, that cute orange gown."

Drake laughed through the wire.

He held his arms out for a hug. I sat next to Drake rubbing his hand until he fell asleep. I couldn't sleep in that little chair so I took out my phone and looked up all kinds of recipes writing every single on of them down no matter how disgusting they sounded. I felt so bad that I would have to go home sooner or later. I felt like I was abandoning him when he needed me. Josh had school and work and there parents had there sister to take care of in San Diego and wouldn't be able to stay long. I made up my mind I was going to change my classes to online and stay as long as he needed me.


	29. Went to heaven and couldnt get in

I felt something brush my arm I opened my eyes almost forgetting where I was I was preying it was all a bad dream.

"Good morning sweetheart are you Ashlee?"

A familiar face asked I knew where I had seen her before in Drakes family pictures.

"Hi Mrs. Parker, yeah I'm Ashlee"

I looked over at Drake he was still sleeping.

"Good he's sleeping. As soon as he would fall asleep they would come in and take more tests."

I said fixing myself and getting out of the chair so she could sit next to her son.

"I hate hospitals." Mrs. Parker said

"That's so funny that's the first thing Drake wrote. Well I'm going leave you two alone, I'm going to go back to the house shower and change. I downloaded a bunch of recipes to blend up for him. They said he'll becoming home either tonight or tomorrow afternoon."

"Thank you so much for taking care of him."

"Oh… its okay you raised a really good kid. Bye"

Just as I was about to walk out the door I heard groaning coming from the bed. I turned to see drake scribbling on another piece of paper.

--Ashlee where are you going?

Hi Mom!--

I walked over to Drake planting a kiss on his cheek.

"Drake I'm going back to your house and take a shower. I'll be back later."

Drake shook his head in agreement.

"Hi Drakie!"

His mom said putting her arms around him.


	30. Thats what you get for falling agian

Two days had past and Drake was coming home! I was so excited I couldn't wait to get him out of the hospital he was so miserable in there. I went shopping for tons of smoothie mixes and tons of ice cream. I was waiting patiently while Josh went to bring Drake home.Finally I heard a car pull up I ran to the door to greet Drake but it wasn't him it was a bunch of kids my age getting out of a huge SUV. I went to the door to greet them.

"Hi, How can I help you?"

"Hey we just wanted to welcome Drake home, you must be Ashlee he told us all about you. Can we come in?"

A very handsome boy asked as he led the parade of 20 something year olds in the newly clean house that only took me 6 hours to do. The group of people made them selves at home talking among each other ignoring me completely I went into the kitchen to bring out some sodas.

"Would anyone like something to drink?"

I said juggling the 12 pack of coke.

"Do you have any bottled water?"

One girl asked with her nose in the air.

"No I'm sorry I can get you some from the tap."

"Oh…no thank you"

She said turning back to her friends laughing. I didn't like this girl and if it was any other time I would have taken her by her fake little nose and threw her out on her butt. I didn't want to ruin this day for Drake and for all I knew he wanted them here, I mean I know I've seen some of them around the house or coming to visit Drake in the hospital. I didn't want to sit in the house anymore so I walked out and sat on the front step flipping my phone back and forth not knowing what to do with myself.

I saw Josh's BMW pull up I got so excited I ran down to the garage and threw my arms around Drake neck.

"I missed you so much Drake!"

"I love you Ashlee."

Drake said through the wires things started to sound clearer now that the swelling was going down.

"Awww… I love you too. It's so good to hear your voice again. Drake some of your friends are upstairs."

Drake clapped his hands, put his arms around my neck and walked me up the stairs. We walked through the front door and his friends rushed him asking the normal just out of the hospital questions. I walked away giving him some space I went over to Josh to talk to him. Josh was standing in the corner of the room look uncomfortable in his own house.

"Hey Josh what's wrong?"

I said putting my arm around his shoulders all buddy like.

"Nothing, just hungry I guess."

"Well come on into the kitchen I totally stocked the fridge with all kinds of goodies! I'll make you some lunch I'm starving too."

"Good deal Ash."

Josh and I decided to hide out in the kitchen eating hot pockets and drinking Sunny D.

"Ash I don't know the last time I had Sunny D."

We both just laughed!

Drake came in with a girl in each arm and let them go to give me a hug and a kiss on the fore head.

"Aww… it's so cute she's like a little mommy."

The blonde bimbo said to the brunette bimbo. They both turned and laughed. My face dropped I couldn't believe they would just disrespect me right to my face.

"Do you have a problem with me?"

I said getting out of my seat and standing up in front of them.

"What do you mean? I think it's cute he keeps you around to take care of him."

"You know what if you can't be respectful then maybe you should just go."

I said so ready to punch them both in there faces.

Drake pulled me to hallway by my arm. I pushed his hand off of me and gave him a look that should have said everything I was thinking.

"Ashlee there my friends don't talk to them like that!"

Drake said almost inaudible.

"They were disrespecting me, where you not standing right there?"

"Ash please for me?"

"Fine."

"Just be nice. I love you and these are my friends I want them to like you too."

"I said fine but I really don't care if they like me."

I walked out of the kitchen defeated I walked passed the two snarling pit bulls Drake calls friends and went into the living room.

"Josh you wanna go upstairs and watch a movie?

"Yeah sure I just got 'Invisible'"

"Ash come on!"

Drake mumbled.

"Drake you know what she spent a lot of time getting ready for you to come home she's been up for like 48 hours with you at the hospital she shouldn't have to deal with those people you know how they act with anyone different you know hoe they act towards me!"

Josh said defending me.

"Fine Ash do what you want."

I walked over and gave Drake a kiss on his swollen lips I put my lips to his ear.

"Drake I love you baby I'm just so beat I'm just gonna relax a little bit and you can come and get me. Okay don't be mad baby."

"It's okay Ash I'm sorry do what you gotta do, but baby can you do me a favor before you go?"

It was so funny to hear him talk it sounded like he had a mouth full of food.

"What?"

"Can you make me a milk shake?"

I laughed at the request and his puppy dog eyes.

"Me too Ash"

Josh piped in.

"Sure! You guys are like little kids."

I made there milk shakes and Drake went back out to his friends hooting and laughing. Josh and I went up to the game room to watch a movie I must have fallen asleep on Josh's shoulder half way through it.

"Ash the movies over."

Josh said rubbing my shoulder.

"Oh crap I feel asleep. Your arm must be killing I'm sorry."

I changed into a pair of super short boxers and a fitted white tee. I walked down the stairs there were just a few people left scattered in the living room drinking beers the house was in complete disarray I was so pissed that was so disrespectful but it wasn't my house it was Drakes and he didn't seem to mind.

"Hey baby come here."

Drake said patting his lap.

I took a seat next to him and he pulled me on his lap anyway. I smelled the alcohol on his breath. He must have sipped it through straw I laughed at the image projected in my head.

"Isn't she hot guys and she can cook and clean. I love this girl."

Wow… that was just a commercial for a mail order Bride.

I stood up and bent over to whisper in his ear. I jumped quickly feeling a hand on my ass and it wasn't Drakes.

"Excuse me! What the hell do you think you're doing? You do not touch me like that I don't know what kinda whores you guys hang out with but that is totally disrespectful!"

I screamed at the guys laughing it off.

"Drake he just grabbed my ass!"

"Babe chill its okay. Dude ask her next time!"

"Are you kidding me? God your are really pulling on my last nerve Drake!"

"What are you going to do run to Johnny?"

He said laughing.

"I would if he hadn't already left."

I looked at him with all the anger I had built up since this morning.

"Aww… baby I'm sorry I was only kidding don't be mad I thought you loved me?"

"I'm sleeping in the game room don't bother me!"

I turned and stormed off up the steps. I heard his friends laughing at me and I didn't care I was never the kind of person to care what other people thought but I think it's mostly because everyone liked me.

I went into the game room carrying a pillow and blanket from Drakes room, Josh was still in there watching movies.

"Josh you don't have to leave but I'm gonna sleep here tonight."

"Why what's the matter?"

He said sitting up to make room for me.

"One of his friends grabbed my ass and all Drake said was 'Next time ask her'"

I said clenching my jaw to sound like him. Josh laughed at the imitation.

"Ash he really does love you I mean its just that's the kind of girl he's use to the kind you pass around. Don't let him ruin this with you."

"He's drunk! Should I just like go down there and shoo everyone out and drag him upstairs?"

"Yeah, that's what he needs."

He was serious I stood up putting my hair in a pony and started down the stairs. I sat on Drakes lap and put my hands through his hair. The girl's looks could kill which made it even sweeter.

"Baby its been so long since you've been home and you'll never know when I have to go back home so why don't we go upstairs together your friends can let themselves out."

Drake caught on to what I wanted and kissed my neck playfully. My face turned bright red I wasn't a fan of PDA at all and it made me so uncomfortable with all eyes on me. I stood up taking Drakes hand leading him upstairs.

"Bye guys it's been fun I'll see you next time."

They all stood up getting ready to leave taking the obvious hint. Drake and I walked into his bedroom shutting the door behind us.

"I missed you Ashlee."

I forgot about everything as soon as his hands touched me. His breathing was quiet and smooth. I was gasping for air. I faked a smile he pressed my hips into mine. He kept my hands pinned down at my sides. I was holding back from telling him exactly what it really feels like. I was the lamb, he was the slaughter. He was moving way too fast and all I wanted was for him to hold me. Nothing that I tell him is really going to having an effect. I whispered that I loved him, but he's probably only looking for se-…

"Oh my god I screamed!"

I was looking for so much more than he could ever give me, a life free of lies and a meaningful relationship. He keeps my hands pinned down at my sides. I wait for it to end and for the aching in his guts to subside.

It was possibly the best sex I ever had! Drake rolled off of me I turned on my side towards him.

"Drake I love you for some stupid crazy reason I love you but I'm not the girl for you I am not what you're looking for."

"Ash what do you mean? I love you I know I can act like a jerk and my friends are assholes but all that matters is how we are when we're together and when I'm with you all I want to do is tell you how much I love you. You're all I talked about when you left the room and how great you are. Ash there's only one question I want to ask you. Do you love me?"

He was so serious I never seen him so serious. He tried to make the words come out as clear as possible.

"I do love you Drake but things are going to have to change because I just flipped my world around for you. I changed my classes to online so I can stay as long as I want to I told the guys they would need to find someone else. My sisters even going to stay at my apartment and pay the rent till I kick her out! So I am so serious right now when I say things are going to have to change!"

Drake put his arms around me like he was never going to let me go.

"I knew you loved me."

Drake didn't let me go the entire night.

--the song is Brand new sic transit glory fades changed it a little to fit the story hope you guys liked it please review because I'm thinking about ending it soon and doing another totally different movie fan fic. Ideas are always welcome!--


	31. Bandwagons full please catch another

Weeks had past and things were going great. Drake was feeling better and better everyday. Josh and I had become best friends. I stood in the kitchen while the boys were in the living room playing halo 3 yelling at each other abut who to shoot next.

"What do you guys want for dinner?"

I yelled over the sound of gun shots.

"What are you making?"

Josh yelled back.

I left being the mom of one group of boys to be the mom of another group of boys.

"Umm… I can make some chicken and dumplings, Drake you can eat that too!"

"Sounds good!"

Josh yelled back after Drake agreed.

I loved being here I felt like I belonged. The house slowly became my home. I let the house keeper go because I would clean while I was bored during the day and she would come over and have nothing to do. I even showed the boys how to o there own wash! I ran out of money weeks ago but Drake would just hand me his card or cash he said what was his was now mine. I was so scared to get pulled into all of this and being at his place using his money. What would happen if we broke up? I quite my job, my sister took over the lease on my apartment, and I gave my car to my little brother all just to live here.

"I totally got you."

Josh yelled as the boys came into the kitchen. Drake wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It smells really good."

"I know."

"So what are we doing tonight?"

Drake asked laying his head on my back.

"I don't know what do you wanna do?"

I said tilting my head back to look up at him.

"Jason's having a party; I have to make some kind of an appearance."

He was one the rich spoiled kids of Hollywood. I had made a great effort to learn how to tolerate his friends. I would paint on a smile, laugh a lot like they were the funniest people on the earth and always stay close to Drake like I was his helpless puppy. He knew I hated it but he loved it this was like high school for him.

"Sure no problem."

I said smiling at Drake.

Josh rolled his eyes.

"Why don't you come with us?"

I asked Josh giving him a twisted smile

"No thank you!"

I stuck my tongue then showed it to Drake.

"I bet you can't do this?"

I taunted him he just tugged on my hair.

God I missed his tongue I missed having a normal kiss with him I felt like I was kissing a 13 year old with head gear all the time.

"Well we'll leave after dinner."

Drake said walking up the stairs getting ready to jump in the shower.

"Why don't you just tell him you don't want to go?"

Josh asked knowing I hated going to parties in general even more when Drakes friends were going to be there.

"I don't want to start a fight I mean we have been getting along so well lately! I just want to make him happy I guess."

"Well you're not going to be happy."

"Look if I go and put up with them for a couple of hours then he'll be happy and that means I'll be happy. Look don't worry about me I'm fine."

I gave Josh a kiss on the fore head and checked on dinner.

"Dinner will be done in like 10 minutes will you take it out I want to go up and do my hair."

I went and dug through my draws I decided on a black tunic and a pair of jeans. I curled my hair and I was ready in like 45 minutes Drake was still just getting out of the shower.

"Come on babe your worst then a freakin girl! I don't want to be there all night; Josh and I are going to the farmers market in the morning."

I whined trying to get him to hurry up!

"Woah the farmers market you don't say! How gay Ash!"

"Aww… don't be a jerk I wanted to get some good fish for dinner Sunday."

What Drake didn't know was that I was very stuck in my ways with tradition, and Sundays were the worst I had to get up early listen to a little Elvis while getting ready for church come home do laundry and start dinner which was always seafood. I know seafood dinners were supposed to be on Fridays but my family always had pizza Fridays so we would refrained in eating meat in that way.

"So did you think about going to church with me Sunday?"

"Ash… I don't want to!"

Drake whined like a 5 year old.

"Well I'm not going to make you is you don't want to!"

"Why don't you take Josh?"

"Because Josh is Jewish! You should thank god everyday you were born with good looks because I don't think you could get by on brains alone!"

Drake tackled me on to the bed tickling me and making me laugh uncontrollably.

"Drake stop I just did my hair… please baby!"

I said gasping for air trying to wiggle my way out from under him. He let me up I stood up and went to the mirror to fix my hair. Drake sat on the bed watching me.

"I love you, you know?"

"I know."


	32. Oh I'm a leading man

Three months had passed and Drake was getting his mouth unwired. I was so excited we planed a huge party for him, everyone was coming out to see him because even all the guys from the recording studio because they had to stop production while he was recovering.All his friends were invited I made tons of food and decorated the house. We pulled up to the doctors office I turned to Drake with a huge smile on my face I knew he was scared because he also had to get the teeth that were knocked out replaced.

"Are you ready baby?"

Drake didn't answer he just nodded his head. We walked in to the waiting room signed in and sat and waited. A few minutes past Drake didn't say a word just stared at his feet.

"Everything's going to be okay baby"

He didn't answer he just shook his head again."

"Drake Parker they can see you now!"

Drake stood up kissed my fore head and walked through the doors alone. Two hours had past and I was starting to get a little antsy and Josh was starting to get on my nerves because he was calling every 15 minutes. My phone rang again the receptionist was even starting to get annoyed the receptionist pointed to the large sign with a line through a cell phone. I walked out to the hallway and flipped my phone out.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me- Josh he's not done yet I'll call you as soon as he is!

Johnny- Ash?

Me- Johnny? Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. How are you?

Johnny- I'm good I just wanted to call and check in on you. You know make sure your okay? I talked to your nana yesterday she said you call her everyday.

Me- Yeah I do. I'm sorry I haven't called but the door swings both ways Johnny.

Johnny- Yeah I know I've been busy. Well Ash there was another reason I called I just wanted to tell you before you heard it from anyone else but I'm going to have a baby.

Me- Who's going o have it?

Johnny- You only met her once. Like 4 months ago when you came over to my apartment the day before you left Jersey.

Me- Oh I remember she was cute. Are you guys going to be together?

Johnny- We're trying I guess I just wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else.

Me- Awww… Johnny you're going to be a good daddy. I'm so happy for you.

I saw Drake walking towards me I finished up the conversation with Johnny and ran over to Drake.

"How you feeling baby?"

Drake just gave me a close lipped smile and nodded his head. I didn't want to push him but I thought that he would be talking up a storm or at least wanting to kiss me. We drove all the way home not saying a word to each other. He hadn't said a word to me since we woke up.

We reached the house we both got out of the car he took my hand we walked up the pathway that led to the front door all his friends were standing on the front step his mom and step dad were in front of everyone, Josh stood on the top of the steps with a camera. Drake put his hands on both of my shoulders to stop me from making another step. It all seemed so bizarre no one said a word you could hear a pin drop. Some of the spectators had happy faces some looked miserable. Drake went down on one knee I just looked at him not knowing what was going on. He reached in to his jackets pocket and pulled out a tiffany blue box. I didn't smile I didn't scream or cry I just stared trying to put it all together.

"Ashlee will you marry me?"

He said with his perfect smile. I just smiled back just relieved that he was happy.

"Drake?"

I couldn't put a sentence together I felt everyone's eyes on me. This is what I wanted. But was it really what I wanted from Drake this is what I wanted from Johnny. But I loved Drake I mean I was crazy in love with Drake.

"Of course I will."

Drake stood up and locking his arms around me.

"I love you Ashlee I want you to be with me forever. These were the first word I wanted to say to you after I was totally back to my old self."

Everyone cheered and congratulated us as we walked through the doors. Josh came up and hugged us.

"I'm so happy for you guys."

I read the banner hanging from the ceiling.

'Happy engagement'

I planed my own engagement party wow he is slick! I couldn't actually believe what had happened. I walked through the house in a daze people were talking to me but I didn't understand what they were saying I was seeing everyone but not really registering what was happening. I was at my engagement party!

I looked at Drake being congratulated by all his friends. I felt sick to my stomach I ran upstairs to the bathroom and shut the door. I sat down on the side of the tube.

"What did I just do?"

I whispered to myself as I put my head in my hands and cried. I need to get myself together. I stood up and looked in the mirror and saw my eye liner run down my face. Standing in the bathroom, reflections that you'd never guess who would have ever thought that I would end up such a mess  
I stood there thinking where did I lose my mind? But I have to stay with him or I'll be alone. I'm fine living a lie, wondering why. Thinking its over, now what have I done? Maybe I just shouldn't have told him yes.  
"I can make this work"

I told my self as I fixed myself in the mirror.

"Awww… there's my girl. Where did you go?"

Drake announced as I walked down the stairs.

"I called my sister."

I lied I didn't want to hurt his feelings by telling him I was crying in the bathroom. I walked down and let Drake parade me around on his arm introducing me to everyone.

'I can make this work'

I said over and over aging in my head and I wasn't going to stop until I really did believe it.

Drake took me by hand and led me to the bedroom so we could be alone for a minute. Drake shut the door and just put his arms around me I put my arms around him. God I loved him so much so why did this feel so wrong?

"All I can say is you save me baby" 


	33. She will be loved

"What do you mean I save you?"

"Before you I didn't care about anything as much as I care about you I mean I want to get married and have like he 2.5 kids and a dog."

My heart sank, that's what I wanted. I need to talk to someone anyone.

"Drake I'm so excited I just need some air."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No…no just stay here I just need a minute to walk and call everyone and brag!"

I said forcing a smile and holding back my tears. I walked out of the room not even taking a second look at Drake sitting on the bed dumbfounded as to why I wasn't jumping for joy. I should have been kissing him and flashing my beautiful ring. But no I ran out the door and flipped up my cell phone to call my nana.

------------------------------phone convo------------------

Nana- Hello

Me- Hi nanny I have some news

Nana- please doesn't tell me your pregnant I'm not sitting down.

Me- No… no Drake just…

I couldn't finish my sentence because I was crying so hard.

Nana- Ashlee whats wrong what did he do?

Me- He proposed

Nana- Jesus Mary and Joseph that's great aww… Ashlee I am so happy for you. This is the best thing that could have happened to you right now.

Me- Why do you say that?

Nana- Ash not to sound old fashion but your living with him and he's taking care of you, paying for your school he sounds like a great guy not like the other losers you were dating.

Me- He sings! I mean he has no real plans for the future.

Nana- Ashlee he's becoming very successful he's a well known name and didn't you just tell me he's trying to start his own record label?

Me- Yeah I know I'm just a little scared I guess. It's a big step, so you think this is for the best?

Nana- I think you should do what you think is right. I love you Ashlee and I just want to see you happy you're an adult now you have to make your own decisions.

Me- I love you nana.

Nana- I love you to Ashlee congratulations.

I walked back to the house slowly giving myself some time to think. I did love him and this is the best thing that could have happened. Drake loves me for me he thinks I'm the greatest thing he treats me like a princess. I walked through the door and spotted drake from across the room. I ran over to him and throw my arms around him.

"I love you so much thank you."

"I love you too baby."

Drakes step-dad stepped up to say a toast.

"Drake has always been wild and we haven't always agreed with his ways but you two being together is the best decision he has ever made."

Drake just pulled me closer and kissed me on the lips overpoweringly.

As time passed by the number of guest started to dwindle down. I was exhausted from just thinking about today. All I wanted to do was go into my room and fall asleep. I slipped into an oversized shirt and fell into bed.

"Ashlee?"

Drake called poping his head into the door.

"Yeah I'm in here."

Drake walked over to the bed and sat on the ledge.

"Whats wrong? Don't you want to get married?"

"I was just surprised that's all."

Drake wouldn't look at me he just stared at the wall.

"Ash don't lie to me. Look me in the eye and let me know  
if you gcan't love me that let me go."

"Drake I love you. That's not the problem I was scared."

"Of me?"

"No of being so far away from home I don't have anyone here for me."

"I'm here for you!"

Drake was so angry I have never seen him like this.

"I thought I was doing the right thing…"

Drake walked out of the room slamming the door behind him.

What did I do why did I have to be so dumb why do I have to hold onto Johnny he's having a baby he's moved on. Why cant I? Why do I feel like I should be carrying his baby in a one bedroom apartment living paycheck to paycheck working at wal-mart?

I jumped off the bed and grabbed my phone.

----------------------ohione convo--------------

Me- Johnny Drake proposed.

Johnny- Wow that's great you're gonna steal all the thunder away from the baby news.

Me- I don't love him like I loved you.

Johnny- Ashlee I treated you like shit. As soon as you left the house I would call up some stupid whore and invite her over I didn't even care about you the way I should have. And you still treated me like a king. Don't do that to Drake he takes care of you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

Me- Johnny I don't know.

Johnny- Ash don't call me about this stuff.

I hung up the phone not believe he said all those things to me. I knew what he said was true but to actually here him say them I just couldn't take it. I loved him for so long. He was my everything for so long and he did treat me like shit he never even told me he loved me.

Fuck what did I do? I'm driving the only person who truly loves me out of my life. I throw my clothes back on and ran down the stairs trying to find Drake.

He was sitting in the kitchen alone just looking out the window.

"Drake you love me so much I just didn't know how to deal with it. I'm not really use to it. But I just want you to know I love you so much that I would never want to hurt you and I would love to wear this ring but I just need a little more time to figure out if I even want to get married."

I wrapped my arms round Drake I wanted him to put his arms around me I need to feel him I needed to know that everything's going to be okay.


	34. She always belonged to someone else

I woke up all alone this morning feeling cold and alone. How could I have messed things up so bad? I didn't even get dressed I just walked down the stairs looking in each room but the house was empty there was a note on the fridge.

---Ashlee,

We all went out to breakfast. See you when I get home.

Drake ---

I went up stairs numb I didn't know what to think maybe it was for the best that things aren't working out but I didn't want to leave him I did love him. I went upstairs to get dressed for the day I better look good after what I did to him last night. I waited for what felt like hours the suspence was killing I needed to know what was going on with us. Did he want me ou was he okay with ho things went? I picked up my phone dialing his number.

-----------------phone convo-----------------

Drake- Hello

Me- Hey

Drake- Hey

Me- Drake … um… I don't know what to say.

Drake- Well you called me.

Me- Yeah I did… I just wanted to tell you I wont be here when you get home I didn't want you to worry.

Drake- Oh okay… where are you going?

Me- I don't know but I think we need some time alone.

Drake- Yeah me too.

Me- Okay then I guess you can call me hen your ready.

Drake- Yeah.

This is supposed to be the happiest time in my life?

I packed my bags trying not to leave anything. I called a cab and waited by the window until it showed. It looked like a hurricane was coming you could hardly see 2 inches in front of you the rain was coming down in sheets. The cabby honked his horn I ran out with my bags dragging behind me. I told him to just take me to the airport. I wasn't a Hollywood girl I was a jersey girl from a small town.

When I got to the airport everything was delayed nothing was going out until the storm let up so I sat in the terminal just caught up in my own mind until my phone rang.

------------------------------------------PC---------------------------

Me- Hello

Drake- Where are you?

Me- I'm at the airport.

Drake I thought you meant you were just goig out for the day not skipping town.

(I just started to cry not being able to control my tears I wanted to be back home with him cuddled up on the couch not sitting in a dirty airport dripping from the rain.)

Ash please don't cry I love you so much I would never want you to leave how would we work anything out that way?

Me- I thought you wanted your space I thought you were mad.

Drake- Ash don't move I'll be there to pick you up, I'm leaving now.

Me- Okay I love you.

Drake- I always loved you.


	35. Look for the girl with the broken smile

I sat waiting for Drake to come I wanted to work this all out I finally realized I rather be a little confused with him then without him because I couldn't even function with out him. I saw his car pull up he step out of the car I grabbed my bags and ran out to him, I let my bags drop to the wet street I threw my arms around him I never wanted to leave him again.

"I'm so sorry Drake."

"Its okay lets just get you home everyone's still there."

"Oh god your parents probably think I'm a flake."

"I didn't tell them anything. Ash we have a lot of things to talk about when we get home okay?"

"Yeah I know."

Drake started the car he just held my hand the whole ride home. We got home and just walked right to the bedroom drake fallowed me.

"I love you Drake."

"I know you do but I don't think you love me like you should."

"I know what you're thinking. But the truth is I love you so much and I know I'm a little scared but I know I rather be with you then with out you."

"Ash I love you so much it hurt, I mean I think about you all day I never want to be away from you."

"And that scares the hell out of me all of this does!"

"Why?"

"Drake I gave up everything for you, my apartment, car, job, and friends and no one has ever loved me like you do not even my own family."

I just started crying no one have ever loved me like he does and that's a horrible thing to have to know in you heart. Drake saw the sadness in my eyes and put my head to his chest.

"I'm sorry Ash you never talk about your family."

"Drake I think you are my family now."

Drake looked down at me and smiled.

"Drake Parker will you marry me?"

"Of course."

We stayed in the bedroom for a while talking about everything from the weather to my family. I told them everything how they shipped me off to live with my nana when I was ten and called on the holidays and my birthday. No one ever said I love you. I have only heard it from one other person my nana. Drake didn't know what to say he had a great family who was there for him no matter what. I didn't want his sympathy I was over it I just wanted to move on with my life start new with him.

"You want to go down the stairs and I'll make everyone a big dinner?"

"That sounds really good Ash."

I started to get up and walk to the door.

"Wait come here real quick."

Drake stood up extending his arms to me. I just fell into the putting my head on his shoulder. This was the moment when I knew he really loved me and for all the right reasons.


	36. Threw away my reputation

Weeks had past and things were getting back to normal. His family had left and friends stopped gushing over our engagement. I was finally excited about everything I spent hours on the computer looking up invitations and linens.

"Hey babe are you coming with me to the studio?"

"Drake I have so much homework to do. I'll just see you when you get home."

"Okay I'll bring home pizza. Love ya."

"Love ya babe."

We were so comfortable with each other that we didn't have to do everything together we could spend the whole day doing our own thing but when night time came around as long as we were together everything was great everything the way it should be. But things were going to change Drake was in the studio with his next big hit and getting ready for another tour.

"Hey Ash, what are you up to?"

Josh asked peeking his head into the media room.

"Home work."

I sighed.

"You wanna go do something I'm so bored and it's a Saturday."

"Beach?"

I asked knowing he hated the beach he hated the people and the crowds.

"Ugh…I guess."

"Yesss!"

I said jumping out of my chair and kissing him on his cheek. Josh and I had become so close these past months, but I think he's afraid everything's going to change once me and Drake get married like were going to kick him out of the house. But I would never do that I wouldn't want things to change I loved the way things were everything was working out great.

We sat in Joshes car cursing the highway traffic.

"So what's going to happen when Drake leaves next month?"

"Oh, god only one month away?" I sighed "I guess just busy myself with school maybe try to find a job? Its not like he's home all to much right now anyways."

"Yeah he's going to be doing that music video with that girl soon too."

"I know he's so excited. I'm so happy for him" I said smiling to myself staring out the window. I was so proud of him he had everything he wanted and he let everyone know he was always happy I don't think he has a sour bon in his body.

The day went great the beach as beautiful but I felt like Josh and I were falling apart at the seams he didn't talk to me much unless it was about Drake he listened to his i-pod and fell asleep leaving me feeling alone and not just on the beach but in the world. I had two people in my world and Josh was one of them. I felt as if I need to be a 20 year old girl and make some more friends and go out with kids my age. We drove home in silence and both just retreated to our rooms for the rest of the night.


	37. Waking up on the bathroom floor

Drake came home around midnight I was already in bed watching a movie ready to drift off.

Drake opened the door slowly as if he was sneaking in he didn't even look to see if I was sleeping he just assumed he walked over to the closet and started undressing throwing his clothes on the floor 10 feet from the hamper.

"Hey baby, how was work?"

Drake jumped putting his hand to his chest.

"What the hell Ash! I thought you were asleep."

"No I'm watching a movie. Why are you home so late?"

"Oh… yeah… we were studying the choreography for the video."

"The shoots not for like 3 months why start now won't you forget all of it before you guys have to start."

"No it's was kinda like a sit down so we just go over what the video was about an what I'll e doing."

"Did you like it?"

"Like what?"

"What ever you'll be doing in the video."

"Oh… I guess."

"What's wrong you seem spacey?"

"I guess I'm just tired. I'm sorry baby you don't mind if I just crash?"

"No baby you probably worked hard today."

Drake plopped down on the bed I turned to give him a kiss but he turned his head as my lips were about to make contact. I laid in bed stairing at the ceiling. What was going on here? Why did it seem like no one wanted me here? Or maybe I was just being paranoid maybe it was me? I wrapped my arms around Drake seemingly shrinking waist breathing him in and I was finally ready to turn my brain off and allow sleep to take over my body.

I woke up the next morning alone in which felt worse in such a big bed. I didn't worry about getting dressed I just wanted to find Drake and make this iron ball in my stomach to just go way. I don't know what my problem was but I felt sick to my stomach my hands were shaking I was nervous but I didn't know what about I felt like I was going insane. Was this all in my head? I mean I felt like something was happening between all of us and I wasn't allowed to be let in on the secret, or was I really having these nauseating pains?

I walked down the stairs holding my stomach trying to keep my hands as still as possible.

"Drake!"

I called out hoping that he would pop out from behind the next corner. I ran to the next corner looking the walls seemed to be coming in on me I felt like I had to get out, breathing became harder and harder. I sat on the floor holding my head ion my hands crying. I'm going crazy was the only thing that made sense, I going fucking crazy.

"Ashlee what's wrong? Are you okay?" Josh said leaning over me.

"I can't breath!" I gasped

"Ash do you have asthma?"

"No!" I said with an escaping gasp.

Thinking became harder and harder until I felt like I was just going to fall asleep which made even more scared. Was I dying? Calmness washed over my body and nothing …. Nothing happened I started breathing again and I could think I concentrated on Joshed hand rubbing my back and him telling me softly to breath. I breathed deeply through my nose and out through my mouth. A few moments had passed I looked up at Josh and kissed him not like a brother and sister kiss but a full out kiss and he kissed me back. I pulled away not knowing what had come over me.

"I think I need to see a doctor."

I proclaimed trying to stand up on my own.

"I think so too Ash. Don't get up I'll call someone for you. I'll take you over right away."

Josh helped me up the stairs I felt fine but he thought better safe the sorry. I got dressed and Josh as promised drove me to the hospital were a doctor was waiting to see me.

"Josh where's Drake?"

"I don't know he's not answering the phone, sorry."

"Josh will you come in with me?"

"Of course."

The visit was very routine take some blood pee in a cup wait forever to see my doctor for results.

"Josh I think we can go I feel fine."

"Ash it probably was just a panic attack but you have to be careful and we're already here so why not just wait to see what they have to say."

A doctor finally came in the room.

"Mrs. Nichols?"

"No Green."

"Oh is he your boyfriend?"

"No."

"Well maybe we should talk alone."

"Ash I'll just be out here if you need me." I watched josh walk through the thin curtain yet he felt like he was a thousand miles away.

"Mrs. Green…"

My stomach dropped she had a look on her face like I was going to die tomorrow.

"Yes…"

I said trying to hurry her along.

"Your pregnant."

"No I'm not I got the depo shot a few months ago."

"The blood test and urine test both show positive results. No are you having sex?"

"Yes."

"Well then you can be pregnant."

She said with a know it all air.

"Well you have many choices…"

"I have to go…"

I walked out of the hospital past Josh right to the car I just opened the door and sat in the passenger seat.

This isn't how it's supposed to be its not supposed to work out this way. I'm supposed to be happy. I'm pregnant! A smile crept across my face and disappeared many times I pondered the thought. Josh looked at me as if maybe they should have put me in a padded room. He took my hand as if I was fatal.

"What's wrong Ash?"

"I'm… I'm …" It took a few times to chew over like if I didn't say it, it wouldn't be true

"I'm pregnant."

Josh didn't say anything just pulled me close for a hug a hug that I desperately needed. Where the hell was Drake? I need him I wanted him here with me he was supposed to be here with me not Josh.

"Josh can you drive me to the studio?"

"Sure"


	38. Every penny from my last paycheck

I sat in the car for a few minutes trying to work up the courage to go in there and tell him, tell him he's going to be a dad. Would he be happy and want this? Or maybe he would think that I'll ruin his life. The one thing I did know is if I kept this is any longer I was going to explode. I walked in the studio and up a flight of steps I stood outside the door fixing myself I heard laughter erupt. I paused one more time and opened the door Drake's back was facing me and there was a girl sitting on his lap laughing putting her hand through his hair. Drake turned in the swivel chair to see who was interrupting there fun.

"Ashlee what are you doing here?"

He asked struggling to stand up.

"I needed to talk to you but I can see you're busy."

I was so pissed I turned and started down the steps Drake grabbed me by the arm forcing me to stop.

"Ow… Drake let go you're hurting me."

"Then stop running. It's not what you think."

"You come home later and later you leave with out saying goodbye or telling me where you are, you don't answer you phone when I need you."

"You know where I am all the time!" He screamed. "I'm doing this for us!"

"What flirting with other girls? Letting them sit on your lap and put there hands all over you? Which part of that was for me?"

"None of that."

I didn't let him finish I snagged my arm away and tried to run down the stairs. Just as I was about to reach the door Josh walked though confused as to why I was crying and running way from Drake.

"Ashlee knock it off."

"I'm not five you can't tell me what to do. You know what I'm not going to run from this. Stop acting like a loser because you're going to be a dad."

I wasn't nervous or happy I was numb we all were Drake looked at me in disbelief. Josh's jaw had hit the floor and decided to just take a seat for the show of what I like to call my love life. Drake smiled I mean this huge loving smile but started crying at the same time.

"Your not kidding?"

"Nope"

He just ran over to me and put his arms around me and kissed my face. I didn't kiss him back I just collapsed in his arms crying.


	39. Go ahead and take a picture

I couldn't believe this he wanted this, he thought this was the best thing in the world. We went home and never talked about the girl in the studio or the kiss I had shared with Josh I felt like it was an even trade.

"Ash how did this happen?"

Drake asked petting my hand.

"The doctor said nothing is a hundred percent."

Drake just pulled me into his hollow chest and rested his chin on my head getting comfortable making me feel like we could stay like this for hours and we did. We didn't move or talk we just stayed in the bedroom holding each other.

"We have to call a doctor and get everything checked out."

I told him as I pulled back and kissed his cheek.

"Well let's find one right now."

"Okay."

We looked through phone books and the internet Drake called his insurance company and put me on under him. He was so excited like the day he asked me to marry him. His smile could light up a room and make everyone else smile. I loved it, I loved him. Maybe this wasn't a mistake maybe it was just a really good surprise.

There was an underlining problem with all of this that I was forcing myself to see past. Drake was getting skinner and skinner, his eyes were sunk in and always red, he would be completely hyped up one minute and then just fall asleep. I didn't know what was going on but I really didn't want to know. I seen some of the guys go through this especially Gavin when he was using drugs. I didn't think Drake was that kind of guy he hardly drank never smoked it didn't make sense and I wasn't going to accuse him of something I knew nothing about.

We finally found a doctor and went late in the evening because Drake had begged for an appointment today because he was so excited. I set in the all white, cold room in a paper gown not sure what was going to happen next. A tall handsome doctor walked in which made things worse I didn't want to get checked out by some cute doctor I wanted a girl doctor if they had to exploring down there. Drake pulled the chair up next to me as the doctor started. Drake held my hand and smiled at me the whole time.

"Well Mrs. Parker it seems your about two months pregnant. Would you guys like to see your baby?"

"Are you kidding?" Drake asked on the edge of his seat.

I put my clothes back on and walked into a different room. I lied on the table and lifted up my shirt exposing my belly. I didn't remember much of the cold gels or Drake and the doctor making small talk but all I could think of was that I didn't look pregnant I still had my flat stomach and no stretch marks. I stopped thinking about that kind of stuff when I heard a small rhythmic beat.

"Okay guys now that's the heart I'm recording that for you guys now to keep."

A tear rolled down Drakes cheek. I turned my head toward Drake and smiled at him he squeezed my hand in reassurance. We both sat and looked at pictures of the baby growing inside of me.

"Well guys there looks like there's a little bit of a problem there seems to be a tear in the placenta your going to have to take it easy no stress no lifting and no driving."

"Okay, we can do that." Drake announced like he was carrying this all by himself.

I just sat there listening to instruction my body was there but not my mind it was everywhere and anywhere else.

We walked out to the car Drake opened the door for me and help me in.

"Drake I don't think we should tell anyone about this right now I mean they say its bad luck if you say anything before the third month."

"Okay if that's what you want."

The rest of the car ride was silent the rest of the week was silent I went in and out of the day in a complete zombie like state. Drake left early in the morning and came home later and later every night. His eyes became even redder and blood shot his speech slurred. I kept my mouth shut because I couldn't think of him I had to think for 2 people right now. I had to stay calm and relaxed. He sent me flowers every other day saying home much he loved but all I could think was how many other girls were getting these. It came with the territory I knew that I've been here before I knew how to deal with it. I kept quite and waited for him to refocus on me he was a rock star now he liked the idea of having me and home pregnant with his child while he was out every night with a new girl, I was cute and quite I could clean and cook. This was his fantasy not the 2.5 kids with the white picket fence and a dog we all just lived and played by the rules of Drake Parker.


	40. All the years I've wasted on you

I woke up feeling sharp pains in my lower stomach I threw the covers off of me and checked the clock it was 3 in the morning. I looked over to see if Drake had come home but the bed was empty I tried to stand up but it hurt so bad I look over and saw a huge red spot where I was laying.

"Josh! Josh! Help! Josh!"

I yelled from the top of my lungs afraid to move.

"Josh!"

Josh came running in and knelled down by my side.

"What's wrong?"

"Something's wrong I'm bleeding badly."

"I'm going to call an ambulance."

"Where's Drake I need him."

"What an idiot." Josh mumbled under his breath. He was probably so sick of taking care of me and filling in for Drake.

Josh walked back in to the room and picked me up like a baby cradling me and carrying me down the stairs.

"I'm so sorry Josh. You should have to take care of me all the time." I apologized though tears.

"Ash I love you your one of my closest friends I will be there for you when ever you need me."

The ambulance showed up shortly after and we were driven to the hospital.

I blacked out from the blood lose and woke up to drake crying by my bed side.

"What happened?"

"You lost the baby." He said sobbing Josh was sitting in the corner with his hands over his face.

I didn't want to deal with this I was so tired I just rolled on my side and shut my eyes. I was so disconnected with the world my body was there but not me it wasn't me. I was so sad for someone I didn't know yet. But in my head I thought maybe this is the way it was supposed to be me and Drake went ready we had so much life to live and there would be a better time to settle down.

I slept a few more hours until I heard drake get up to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I just need to go for a walk."

"I need you Drake."

"Ash I don't know I just need to get out of here I hate hospitals."

"Okay."

I rolled back over and cried, I cried myself to sleep.

I was allowed to go home the next day Josh came to pick me up Drake was at the studio he said he would lose the money he used to reserve it. I didn't say much to josh just thank you, I didn't want to make things awkward between us, especially now that Drake would be leaving for his tour in a few days.

We finally reached the house I just got out of the car and went right to the bath room and took a shower I smelled like sick people. I got dressed and went down the stairs to sit on the couch. I had a lot of time to think I couldn't sleep last night and I decided I needed Drake I had this huge empty hole when he wasn't around and I was going to do anything I had to, to make this work.

I called him on his cell but no one answered I kept myself busy cleaning the house and cooking a huge dinner even though I was the only one home. I waited up for Drake to come home I needed to talk to him. I heard a car pull up to the drive way it was two in the morning. I waited a few minutes for someone to walk through the door but nothing happened. I peeked my head outside to see who it was. I opened the door quietly hearing a girl giggle. My heart stopped beating when my eyes came across Drake making out with a girl and I mean a girl she couldn't have even been seventeen. I didn't say anything and they didn't even notice me because they were so engorged in each other, I just started to cry. Drake looked over at me and stumbled over my way.

"Hey baby. Why are you up so late?" He slurred forcing the words out of his mouth.

"Drake what were you going to do bring her in our house? What were you going to do fuck her on the couch while I was sleeping up stairs?"

"No baby you know I love you."

"Yeah I can see that. Come on lets go in the house."

The girl stared in awl while trying to hide the guilt on her face.

"Baby you know I love you? You know I never slept with another girl while I was with you?"

"What are you on?" I said throw my gritted teeth I wanted to pull my hair out I wanted to pull her hair out. I wanted this to be all her fault.

He laughed off the question stumbling up the stairs to our bedroom.

"Why aren't you mad?"

"Why should I yell at you now you'll just forget in the morning? Look, don't go anywhere tomorrow and if you do leave without talking to me first I'm gone. I'm not kidding by the time you come home I'll already be in Jersey."

I sat on the couch not able to sleep because my brain was running a thousand miles a minute. I fucking love him I love him so much it hurts. What's wrong with me? Why is okay in my mind to have him going out and cheat on me? Why would I forgive him right this moment? I was to tired to analyze myself.

Just as I was walking up the stairs Josh walked in the door.

"Hey Ash what are you doing up? Waiting for Drake?"

"No… he's already in bed."

"Really?"

"Yeah he came home about an hour ago high on something with a girl. I found them making out next to the stairs."

I couldn't hold back my tears or my feelings anymore I felt hurt, confused, betrayed, and worse of all not myself. Josh took me in his arms and held me speaking to me softly.

"Ash your such a good person… You don't deserve this… Why can't he see what I see?" He talked to me for about 45 minutes. I never felt so loved or cared for as I did in those 45 minutes. Finally he told me I should go to bed if where going to deal with this problem in the morning.

"Can I stay in your room? So many things have happened and I don't want to be in there with him I just might kill him."

"Sure."

Josh draped his arm over my shoulder as we walked up the stairs together. I snuggled in bed with him it didn't feel awkward it was like climbing in bed with your best friend at a sleep over. I put my head on Josh's chest; Josh put his arms around my back as we fell asleep.

Please review I don't know if you guys like it or not… Definitely would like some ideas or if you like the direction I'm putting it in!


	41. Mommys and daddys have the best coccain

I woke up early the next morning still filled with sadness and anger. I slinked out of Josh's bed trying not to wake him and tip toed down to where Drake was sleeping he was still there laying in the bed with only his underwear and no covers. I slide next to Drake putting my head on his chest then something came over me I wanted him so bad or maybe I wanted him to want me. I started kissing his lips he woke up smiling at me like nothing had happened last night. I pushed the thought out of my head and concentrated on how good it felt to be with him. He sat up holding me in his lap; he pulled my shirt over my head exposing me. I shimmied out of my panties and placed myself on top of him. I had control I felt good, it felt good. It was a very short spurt of happiness but it was something. When it was all over I didn't even look at him I just got dressed for the day. Drake just laid on the bed still recovering from what ever he was on last night.

"Drake I love you so much and we have a lot of things to work out."

"Yeah like you sleeping with Josh last night? You do remember he is my brother?"

"I slept in the same bed because I didn't want to be alone? Don't accuse me of being a slut when you're the biggest one of them all. I'm going to make breakfast I'll see you down the stairs."

"Why don't you just do what you want to do?"

"Why do you always ask me that? Like you control me and that's the only reason I'm here. I love you more then I think I love myself. You tell me what do I want?"

"You want Josh. That's why you came in here all horny because you couldn't have him!"

"Drake I want you. I wanted you to want me so bad. I love you so much but I don't think those three words could ever explain how I feel about you. Drake why don't you tell me what you want?"

"I want you, I want us to get married and have a baby. God you know how great it would be if we had a baby?"

"What and you come home high off you ass with other girl? Or us arguing in front of him all the time, I want a real family I want my kid to have a great mom and dad who love each other and love him. I want more then my parents gave me I want my child to hear I love you every day of his life."

I didn't wait for his answer I just walked out of the bedroom and into Josh's. I sat on the edge of his bed and shook him awake.

"Josh I'm going to make some breakfast and I want you with me when I talk to Drake about the drug thing."

"Okay Ash give me a few minutes."

"Take your time."

I walked down the stairs and started to make a huge breakfast. That's what I did when I was upset I cook and clean it got my mind off of things. Drake shuffled down the stairs using the railing as a crutch. Josh came down behind him putting his arm around him helping him down the rest of the steps.

"Josh listen man I love you but you're causing a lot of problems between us." Drake said as if he was in a parallel universe.

"What are you talking about man?"

"You sleeping with my girlfriend, you guys hooking up!"

"Ashlee you told him we hooked up?" Josh said guilt ridden.

"No! Drake what are you talking about we never slept together. Will you knock it off the only one causing problems is you. Baby please just sit down for a minute."

"I don't want to talk while he's here."

"Josh can you just leave us for a minute." I turned to him apologetically.

Before Josh left the room he threw his arms around Drake and told him he loved him.

"Drake something's really wrong here and either we figure it out today or I'm gonna just give up."

"Ash I'm okay. I was just thinking about getting out of here and renting a little apartment just you and me."

"Drake I don't want to talk about that kinda stuff I want to know what you're using."

"Look the guys at work gave me something to calm my nerve about the tour and new CD. Ash I am so stressed I have so much going and what you don't see if I am doing this all for us. I am fucking killing myself for you, for us. And the night you lost the baby I took a few more pills and last night I was so depressed about losing the baby I took way to many and I was drinking I didn't mean what I did with those girls it wasn't me and you know that. I love you Ash."

"Drake I love you to but things are going to have to change I know things have been crazy and chaotic but it's no reason to give up our morals and hurt each other. Don't do this to Josh he's a good guy and I think of him as a brother and never once has he ever made a move on me. He talks so highly of you and let me tell you if it wasn't for him I would have left you a long time ago. Every time I was about to give up on you he reminded me of how much you loved me and how great of a guy you could really be."

"I didn't mean to say that stuff to him. Ash can we just get back to basics today I mean I only have a few days left at home."

"That sounds great. I want you to promise me one thing no more girls just me and you the way it's supposed to be."

Drake walked over and hugged me he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed my lips so softly as if scared that they would shatter into pieced like or relationship.


	42. Her rythems out of tune

Drake and I spent the day in the house watching movies and eating pop corn we had some really great talks about how we wanted things to be and how we could make it work. I held back my real feelings most of the time and made them come out a way that wouldn't scare him off I wanted this to work. We talked about getting him help with the drug use and he promised to go see someone before he went away. He promised no more girls or drugs. He begged me to come on the road with him, but I had to say no I had to finish up the semester but I told him I would come and see him for Christmas and I would try to catch up with him every other weekend.

I didn't even think of how much I was going to miss him when he left. We laid in bed dreading the morning he had to leave at six to make the plan on time. Things were going good for the past week Drake and Josh made up and it was as if nothing had happened, Drake started to see a doctor and received a legal anti stress prescription we also started seeing a counselor about or problems and to talk about the lose of the baby. I just wanted it to stay this way forever I didn't want him to leave me we were both scared. I was scared to be alone and he was scared he would go back to his old ways if I wasn't with him. I just wanted the last two weeks of school to be over and I would fly where ever he was. I laid on the bed squeezing my arms tighter around his waist.

"Drake are you awake baby?" I asked looking up at him.

"Yeah… baby what's wrong? You should really get some sleep."

"I'm really sad. I know it sounds dumb but I'm going to miss you so much!"

Drake sat up pulling me towards him.

"I'm going to miss you too baby but its only two weeks and I made my peace with that your going to be so busy with finals and all of that and by the time your going to fly out where going to be in Philadelphia and we can see your family."

"Drake I don't think this is a good time."

"Baby we both have some skeletons in our closet and I want to met them I want to met your brothers and sister I know you miss them."

"I really do miss them. Drake I don't think I can say this enough before you go but I really do love you and I can't wait to marry you."

"I know how you feel baby. But I really wanted to talk to you about something I thought maybe when all of this is over and the CD comes out and the tour ends we could try for another baby?"

I didn't answer him because I didn't know how I felt I just kissed him on his lips and took him in. We stayed in bed as long as we could but I knew he had to get packed so I went down the stairs and made him a huge breakfast to celebrate his success. I packed him a lunch knowing he was going to be on the plane for a long time.

Josh and I drove him to the airport we hugged and kissed until the last minute I stood outside the car until I couldn't see him anymore. I went in the car and began to cry Josh started driving home but my phone stared ringing.

Me- hello (I sobbed)

Drake- Baby don't cry I just wanted to tell you I still miss you.

Me- I love you too.

Drake- I love you too I call you as soon as I land.

I felt a little better about all of this I felt better about each other. I loved him and he loved me.


	43. Did he tie you down

I days went by slowly the nights even slower! I did homework and studied to pass the time. Drake called once during the day to see how I was and once at night to tell me about the concerts he had just done, he told me he couldn't sleep without telling me he loved me, most night he would fall asleep talking to me on the phone. I counted down the days until we could be together again. I didn't see Josh around the house much he found a girlfriend and was busy with finals. The house was big empty and cold. I didn't sleep in the bedroom it made me to sad and lonely so I slept on the couch, falling a sleep to the sounds of the TV. I started talking to my sister again and made plans for all of us to meet up and have a big family dinner. I thought things were going to be stale between all of us but it seemed as I they had nothing but love for me and I returned the feelings I forgot how great it was to have family. Drakes and Josh's parents called all the time just to see how they were doing.

Girls called every once in a while I just told them they could leave a message with me his fiancé and they usually hung up. I thought it was amusing that I had found my self in the same situation that I was running way from months ago. In some ways it was the same but there was so much more Drake actually loved me and wanted to take care of me. Johnny's had called with updates about the baby every once in a while, but usually I wouldn't answer.

Two more days until I could see Drake I sat on the couch watching life time and waiting for the phone to ring.

Me- Hello

Drake- Hey baby, how was your day?

Me- Good… just tried to keep myself busy. How was the concert?

Drake- It was really good it was in this little place in New York. I really like New York did you ever think of living there.

Me- No! I really don't like the city this Orange County is to crazy for me.

Drake- Ash I love you, and I had a lot of time to think while I was away and I just wanted to tell you I am so sorry for what happened. I know I was wrong and that's not the kind of person I want to be. I just want things to go back to the way it was when we first go together.

Me- Drake it was really fun then but the truth is I love you more now then I ever did. I never loved anyone like I love you now.

Drake- That's really nice to hear I really needed that.

Me- Baby you sound so tire why don't you get some sleep.

Drake- I can't wait to see you. I made arrangements for your flight I'm going to meet you at the Philadelphia airport. I'll be there when you get off your flight.

Me- Thank you, good night baby I love you.

Drake- Sweet dreams, love you.

I hung up not feeling so empty anymore. Josh walked in with his arm around a girl. I jumped off of the couch to greet them.

"Hey Ash you still up?"

"Yeah, how are you I'm Ashlee." I introduced myself.

"Jenna."

"Do you guys want something to drink?"

"No, I'm okay." Hs answered not really looking at me.

"Josh I made dinner there's a ton left over."

"Ash you don't have to do that every night why don't you just order in."

"What else do I do, I know I need to get out." I laughed excusing myself from the living room. I didn't want them to feel awkward especially since Josh never brought a girl home and it was his house after all. I went into my bedroom and took out my suite cases and started to pack I wanted to look good for Drake. I had my whole day planed out for tomorrow I was going to get a manicure and peddi I was going to get my hair cut and colored. I just wanted to look good for him. God I loved him.


	44. She falls to her knees

It was an eight hour plane ride for California to Philadelphia but it felt like days I just couldn't wait to see Drake in the flesh. Finally we landed I looked franticly for Drake but I was met with a driver waving a sign for me and a dozen roses. I didn't take I personally I knew coming down here wasn't going to mean we were joined at the hip he was working and that met always being busy. I sat in the back of the taxi not saying a word just looking out the window. Everything was so familiar to me I had been to downtown Philadelphia many times it a he place to be when I was in high school. We finally pulled in front of the hotel I got out and the driver handed me a key. I lumped my bags up myself not wanting the bell boys help.

I opened the door candles were lit from one of the room to the other. Drake was walking in from the other room. He didn't even notice that I had walked in.

"Hey baby." He said as he rushed towards me. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

"I guess your plane came early I was tring to get this perfect."

"What can be more perfect then me and you together."

We embraced and didn't let go. I started kissing him uncontrollably Drake slowed me down stroking my hair and my face.

"I want to make this last." He whispered into my ear.

It was like the first time we were together everything was sweet and slow, awkward but beautiful. His eyes never left mine my lips touched his body every chance I could get. This was like candy to my soul I felt great body and soul.

We lay next to each other not wanting to move not wanting to ever leave this point in time. But I knew it all had to end soon I had made dinner plans with my whole family. I didn't have to ask Drake to dress up because he always did most of the time he outshined me but it never bothered me. He wasn't a jeans and tee shirt kinda guy.

We pulled up to my parent's row home I forgot how small it was with all 6 of us in it. I knocked on the front door not comfortable enough to just walk in. Drake could see the anxiety on my face and he put his hand on my back rubbing it to make me calm down. After a few tense moments waiting for someone to answer the door, my sister opened it and fully embracing me sweeping me into the house. Everyone was sitting in the living room with the radio playing low.

Everyone rushed me saying Hi and how much they missed me. I tried not to be bitter thinking if they missed me so much why not call me? Why didn't they congratulate me when I got engaged? I could think of being so bitter so I just said hi and that I had missed them too. Drake stood by my side the whole time.

"Everyone this is Drake Parker my fiancé." I announced to the room.

"Hi, its nice to finally meet all of you." Drake said shaking some hands.

My younger cousins swarmed around Drake knowing exactly who he was. Asking him questions and giving him googly eyes. I thought it was cute and I know he loved it. I left Drake in the living room with my dad and brothers my dad's a good guy he always called and asked if I needed any money that how they showed that they loved me, with money.

I went in the kitchen were all the women were getting dinner ready.

"Wow that's the ring?" My aunt asked.

"Yeah… it was really cute how he asked me too."

"That must have cost a pretty penny." My mom butted in.

She always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for things like when I wanted to go to school to become a physiatrist she thought I would never make it through medical school so she told me I should just become a teacher girls like me were teacher. Didn't she care how he asked me? I just stayed quite looking down at the ring. It meant so much to me emotionally that I never even asked how much he did spend on it. I didn't care it really meant I had a home, I had someone who truly cared about me.

"How did he ask you Ash?" my sister butted in.

"He was in this really bad car accident and had to get his mouth wired shut and could hardly talk for 3 months so the day I took him to get the wires off he didn't say one word to me all day and we had this big get well party planed for him. And when we got home he walked up the drive way and everyone was sitting outside and he asked me in front of everyone. It was the first thing he said to me when he got it off."

All the girls awed at me. I felt good I did deserve this I was a great girlfriend and a great person.

"So what does he do Ash?" My mom asked.

"He's a singer."

"He had a hit CD right now Aunt Lisa." One of the younger ones added.

"No I mean in real life?"

"He sings and tours he's trying to get into a little bit of acting."

"Is he going to school?"

"Are you kidding. Mom he's accomplished we have an amazing beautiful house and he's putting me through school. What else do you need."

"He needs something else to fall back on."

"Mom he's twenty there will always be time for school in the future." I didn't want to fight so I walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

"Hey baby I'm going to say hi to some of the neighbors."

"You want me to go with you?"

"If you want to."

Drake took my hand and walked me out the door. I looked down the row of homes there was really no one I wanted to say hi to I just made it up to get out of the house. I sat with Drake at the bottom of the steps breathing in the chilly air I almost forgot that it was winter because it was so warm in California. Drake just put his arms around me pulling me in tight.

"I'm so sorry baby I didn't know they made you feel like that. I mean in my eyes you're a ten. You're beautiful, smart, hardworking and the most kind hearted person I have ever met."

I went to kiss Drake until I noticed someone looking over at me.

"Ashlee?"

"Quentin? Oh my gosh how are you?"

Now me and Quentin have some history I went out with him in high school he would drive across the bridge to see me on weekend and we would go on camping trips in the summer. We knew each other since we were in diapers everyone thought we would grow up and fall in love. But I met Johnny and fell for him instead. Quentin was not like Drake at all he was tall and very muscular; he was also in the marines.

"Good, I haven't seen you in like a year."

"Yeah I've been living out in California. I'm sorry this is my fiancé Drake Parker. Drake this is Quentin Grace we grew up together."

"Hey how are you." Quentin said as if he was talking to a sergeant, he reached out his hand to meet Drakes.

"I didn't think I would see you at your parents?" he said giving me a funny look.

"Yeah that's why I'm out here." I laughed Quentin knew everything I used to spend night over his house when I couldn't take it anymore or call him crying in the middle of the night to hear some one tell me it would all be alright. He was such a big part of my life when I was 16 how could he have just disappeared?

"Drake Parker? I think my sister has a picture of you on her wall."

I laughed knowing it was probably true she was probably 13 now.

"She probably does not may teenage girls don't."

"Ash." Drake exclaimed to shut me up.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's cute."

"Well Ash it was nice seeing you. I want to give you my number so you can keep in touch."

He handed me a piece of paper and started down the block.

"Okay Ash maybe we should go in."

He said putting his arm around me as if I could use it as some sort of shield.

"You know I love you right?"

"I know."

The rest of the night went as I expected my mom ignored me unless to tell me how I wasn't doing something right, my brothers left as soon as they could, my sister made an excuse to leave early and my dad said very little. It was awkward and I hope I don't have to do that again until I get married. We went back to the hotel and I was completely drained emotional from the whole dinner I just flopped down on the bed Drake came over and started rubbing my beck trying to make me feel better.

"Ash listen I want to talk to you about something really important to me."

I sat up bracing myself for something bad a stone developed in my stomach and made me nauseas.

"Okay… what is it?"

"I really do want to have a baby."

Wow this was something I wasn't expecting.

"Drake a baby isn't the answer I mean it's a lot of work and your never home. It would only be a temporary fix. We can work this out the right way lets get the kinks out and see how we do on your own first."

"No not like that I mean I want a baby I don't want to be old like my parents and not want to play ball or enjoy the same things I do."

"Are you serious?" I didn't know how I felt I mean girls always want to be presidents or models I wanted to be a mommy. Drake makes enough that I wouldn't have to work I could stay home full time and we could travel and see the world. It was all very confusing to me but most of what Drake asks is. I knew him for two days he asks me to move in with him, 3 months asks me to marry him and 5 months he wants to have a baby?

"Yeah, I mean I think me and you would make great parents."

" Okay baby I understand it takes two and it suchs that you want to and I don't know but maybe this will help. I love you and because I do I'm going to take it seriously but I don't want to do anything until after the tours over. That sounds good right?"

"That's sounds perfect baby."

Drake sat next to me I laid my head on his lap letting him stroke my hair I loved being near him. I loved that everything that happened tonight bounced right off of me he was like my super man. I closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep I felt so protected in his arms.


	45. Live on raw emotion baby

I spent a week with Drake in Pennsylvania it was fun being with him on the tour bus it had late hours and fast food. When he would come back from a concert he would lay with me in back of the bus still siked up from the concert. I haven't seen him that way in such a long time, I mean that was the real him, he was happy, silly, cute and always hyper. Being at home while he was hurt was what had made him change he was depressed and miserable he couldn't do what he truly enjoyed.

Drake and I finally left from home for a Christmas break. I was planning a huge dinner for Drake, Josh and there family. It was Christmas Eve and everyone was sitting in the living room talking and laughing. I was in the kitchen trying to tightly up just a little bit.

"Hey baby forget about the dishes and come join us." Drake said draping his arms around me pulling me closer.

I took drakes and hand let him lead me out to the living room.

"Can everyone open a present?"

I asked the room.

"Sure that sounds like a good idea." Josh shouted out having his new girlfriend sitting on his knee.

"Josh I have a present for you" I exclaimed I was always so excited on Christmas I could never wait.

Josh took the wrapped box and shook it. He ripped the paper.

"What is it?" Jenna asked looking puzzled.

"Oh my god Ashlee Thank you so much." You would have thought I found his lost puppy. "I don't believe you go this for me."

"Well me and Drake got it for you." Drake looked surprised that I had given him credit I knew he had no time to go Christmas shopping. Drake took me by the waist and pulled me on his lap to almost mimic what Josh was doing.

"So Josh what did we get you?" Drake asked.

"It's a Houdini magic set from 1926 the same year he died it's a collector's item and hard to find I've been looking for one for years." Josh lifted Jenna off his lap and came over to hug me and Drake.

"And if no one minds I would like to give Drake his."

"Ash you didn't have to get me any thing."

I handed Drake a small square box wrapped with red and white guitars wrapping paper. Drake opened each corner carefully. He took the glass snow globe out carefully. Drake looked at me with thoughtful eyes he put his arms around me kissing me sweetly on the cheek.

"I love you."

"Why are you getting all crazy about a snow globe?" Megan asked.

"It's a snow globe of sea side heights it's where we met"

"I had it made just for you there no other like it. See here's Mike's Mic and a girl and boy with his guitar out front" I said returning the hug I sat back down on Drake lap watching others exchange there gifts. Drake pulled me closer and whispered in my ear.

"Ash I got you a present but I want to wait till everyone's gone."

"It's not wrapped in your pants?" I laughed.

"No… but that's a good idea." He kissed my fore head and held me tighter.

"Does any one else want some more eggnog?" I offered.

"Josh can we go?" Jena asked.

Josh and Jena left first and as time went by so did everyone else. Drake and I were alone at last we straightened up and started up for bed I walked in fist and sat on the bed in exhaustion. Drake walked in with his guitar strapped around his chest.

"What are you doing baby? I'm tired so if you're going to practice go in the guest room."

He didn't answer he just sat down next to me and started playing.

You were so clever,  
You kept it together today,  
By the way, I'll no longer ignore you,  
I wanted to show you again, I'm your friend,  
Sometimes we just pretend.  
And all I can say is you save me,  
Changed all the things that have made me,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
It's all ok,  
When I say,  
You and I,  
Take your time, I can't wait,  
To see you fly.  
You don't have to wander,  
I've finally discovered tonight,  
Where we're at,  
This is just the beginning,  
It's all that I'm tryin' to say,  
If I may  
You're never in my way  
And all I can say is you save me,  
Changed all the things that have made me,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
It's all ok,  
When I say,  
You and I,  
Take your time, I can't wait,  
To see you fly.  
And all I can say is you save me,  
Changed all the things that have made me,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall,  
Entertaining,  
Thoughts are raining,  
Down We Fall

By: Drake Bell (telegraph)

"I wrote that for you Ash." Drake said laying his guitar down and moving me onto his lap.

I didn't say anything I was so happy the song was so beautiful I started to cry.

"I'm sorry I know it wasn't a real present but…"

"No… no… I love it. It's the best thing I have even gotten."

I went in to kiss Drake when I saw Jenna standing in the door way. She and Josh must have just returned home because I didn't even hear the door open.

"Aww… that was so cute."

Me and Drake looked at each other in disbelief that she was intruding on our moment. It was our first Christmas together and Drake wanted it to be perfect she was ruining it.

"Jenna do you mind?" Drake asked

"Oh… I'm sorry am I ruining your moment maybe Ashlee should have thought about it before she gave Josh that present."

"Josh!" I yelled out the bedroom door.

"What's up Ash? Jenna what are you doing in there room?"

"Josh you better get your girlfriend in check."

"What are you talking about?" Josh looked puzzled

I left the safety of Drakes lap and walked towards the door taking Jenna by the arm and escorting her out.

"Ash get off her what are you doing?"

"Josh maybe Jenna should leave."

"What is wrong with you guys she's not going anywhere she's staying the night."

"Fine just get her out of here then." I yelled at him.

I started to cry and Drake rushed over to me bracing me towards his chest.

"She's ruining my Christmas." I cried into Drakes chest.

Josh took Jenna into her room where we could hear them arguing.

"Baby please don't cry its okay." Drake half laughed. "I'll sing to you anytime you want."

"No it's just… it's our first Christmas and I just wanted it to be perfect and she's ruining it."

We both started laughing at what a baby I was being.

"Drake there was a second part to that surprise."

I ran into the bath room and changed into a red and white teddy suited for Christmas.

"Think of all the fun I've missed, Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed, Next year I could be oh, so good, If you'd check off my Christmas list, Boo doo bee doo."

"Oh baby that's hot" Drake said grinning from ear to ear.


	46. And you love is sreaming loud

Christmas morning had come and I was expecting my sister to fly in for the week. Drake sent a car to pick her up so we didn't get stuck in the craziness of the crowds. I woke up earlier then usual because I was cooking a huge turkey for the whole family. Drake was still out cold sleeping in the bedroom we ended up talking all night. I looked out the window thinking it couldn't be December it was like 75 degree.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs I thought it was Drake fallowing the smell of the cinnamon rolls.

"Hey Ash about last night…"

"Oh Josh you know what I don't know what her problem was and I'm not gonna go there because its Christmas I'm not gonna let her ruin my first Christmas with Drake."

"She was mad you got me such a good gift. She thought you were into me."

"Josh I love you. Of course I was going to get you the best thing I could think of."

"Well she thought you loved me loved me."

"I do love you."

"No in a… you know… sexual way."

"Oh… why would that matter it was a freaking gift why does she have to ruin that for you?"

I heard a knock coming from the front door. Josh and I both walked over to open it.

"Oh my god… Lisa your early come in come in…"

My sister was always the cute one with the style.

"It's nice to meet you" Josh introduced himself it was there first time meeting.

"Who's this?" A mousy voiced asked from half way up the stairs.

"Jenna this is my sister Lisa. Lisa this is Jenna Josh's girlfriend."

"Josh can you bring Lisa's stuff up for her?"

"Why cant Drake?" Jenna asked.

"Because he's sleeping."

"Ash this is beautiful!" Lisa exclaimed.

"I'm so glad you came."

We both walked up the stairs with Josh trailing behind us with the bags. I walked her to the guest room and let her put her stuff down.

Drake walked down the hallway dressed in a velvet blazer, rock tee, and a pair of jeans. Jenna stopped him outside the guest room.

"You look good Drake." I over heard Jenna tell Drake.

"Ugh… Thanks."

"Listen about last night I just wanted to say that song you did last night was beautiful."

"I'm gonna see if Ash need help."

Did she know I was in the guest room? Was she doing all of this on purpose? I hope she wasn't playing Josh he really liked her. I walked out of the guest room acting as if I didn't hear anything.

"Lisa I got a present for you down the stairs. I guess well wait for Drake and josh's family to come over and we'll all open presents."

"Geeze Ash you made it like a Christmas you would see on TV."

"I wanted it to be perfect it's me and Drakes first Christmas together."

"That's so cute, you guys are so cute together."

I walked into the kitchen to find Drake already eating the cinnamon rolls I had cooling so I could put icing on them.

"Baby what are you doing?" I asked as I walked up behind him and gave him a kiss.

"Were we supposed to wait?"

Lisa and I laughed at him.

"You look really cute."

"Well you're the second person to say something this morning. Jenna was acting weird."

"I wouldn't worry about it."

I went back to cooking and checking on everything Lisa and Drake made small talk. The door bell rang again I knew exactly who it was.

Everyone was here now and we opened present and had a good time I as so happy everything was going right everyone was happy. Time flew and hours had passed Dinner was done and I called everyone to the table.

"Josh you didn't have to wear a tie." I told him.

"This is my parent meeting tie." He giggled.

"Oh." I said confused.

He started to walk away from the table.

"Josh dinners done aren't you hungry?" Drake asked him.

"I'm going over to Jenna to eat."

"Did you tell Ashlee that?"

"No Jenna said she wanted to eat over there so were just gonna go." Jenna took Josh's and started to pull him away further from the table.

"Josh I thought we were going to have a big family dinner." Drake said sounding disappointed.

Drake was disappointed Josh usually tours with him, I mean he is his manager but this time he wanted to spend time with Jenna so he was only with Drake for 3 days. Drake missed his family he wanted to have everyone there.

"Well I'm not really family yet." Jenna said with a smile.

Drake and Josh's mom and dad didn't say anything, they didn't know what to see they had never seen Josh act like this.

"Yeah that will be fun." Megan jested, I laughed at the comment.

I liked Megan she was a beautiful young girl who was great in small dose.

"Its okay Josh you should be able to do what you want."

I put my hand on Drakes back to give him some support.

"Okay guys lets eat."

Drake and I put everything out on the table; Drake took the head seat and carved the turkey. It felt like a real family dinner and it almost brought me to tears I was just glad my sister was here to share it with me.

"So Lisa what are you going to be doing while you're here." Walter asked.

"I have friends who go to school up here so mostly go hang out with them."

"That sounds nice." I told her it was okay she didn't have to stay here with us the whole time.

Dinner ended Lisa left to stay with friends Drakes mom and dad got ready to take the train back to San Diego. Drake and I were finally alone.

I walked over to Drake and just hugged him I took every piece of him in I never wanted to forget this moment the way I felt in his arms.

"I'm sorry you didn't have a full family dinner I know you wanted to spend time with everyone." I whispered in his ear.

"Ash I wasn't mad for me I wanted to to finally have a real family dinner where you were happy and Josh had to ruin it."

"Drake I have been happier in these past months then I have ever been. This was perfect, everything, us, you, it was all perfect."

Drake swept me off my feet and carried me up the stairs.


	47. Another one in my bed

Drake could only stay home for a few days he had to leave before New Years Eve because he was doing a big show in New York City. We tried to spend every minute together. I wasn't going to go on the tour bus with him this time Josh was and I thought they could use some time alone.

"Baby you have everything you need?"

"Except you can't I just put you in one of my bags and take you? We never spent New Years together and I want to kiss you at midnight."

"Awww…. I didn't even think about that! But I think you and Josh need some time together you need to talk to him about Jenna when she's not around I mean we don't get 10 minutes around here with out her."

We carried down his bags one at a time. It wasn't that I wasn't going to miss him but I know he's going to miss me too and I trust him now.

"Josh you ready babe?"

I called up the stairs.

"One minutes Ashlee God!" Jenna answered.

Me and Drake just stood there in awl that she would talk to me in that way. But then we heard the bed moving back and forth. Drake and I both started laughing hysterically.

"Maybe that's why he keeps her around." Drake jested.

I took Drakes hands and pulled him closer.

"I love you and no matter how far apart we are I will always just be a phone call away and if you really need me I'll fly right out."

He pulled me in and hugged me tight.

"Do you think you would like to visit you Nana?"

"Of course I would love to go see her."

"Well maybe next week you can fly out to see her."

"I don't want you home alone by yourself for all that time. It was okay when Josh was here but it scares me to think that you're here completely alone and you don't know any one around here." He said sounding really concerned.

"I understand."

"Were going to be friggin' late!" Drake said starting to get angry at Josh.

"Josh lets go bro!"

Josh and Jenna walked down entangled in each others arms her crying her eyes out.

"Ash, Jenna's gonna stay at the house for a few days while I'm gone." Josh informed me.

"Why?"

"Just because Ash." Josh barked.

I didn't say anything else back I just looked at him like he was crazy.

"Calm Josh she was just asking you why!" Drake said in my deense.

"Why is she staying here any way Josh she has her own apartment like 3 blocks away?"

"Because I want her to move in with us."

"Umm… shouldn't you have asked us first?" Drake asked.

"Why? You didn't ask me when Ashlee moved in."

"Josh, why are you acting this way? When I moved in it was because Drake was in a terrible accident, I stayed to help you take care of him. You and I use to be best friends."

"She can stay; it's your house to Josh lets just go before the plane leaves without us." Drake ordered.

"Ash can I talk to you for a minute?" Drake pulled me away.

We walked into the kitchen where we were out of ear shot.

"Ash just let her stay at least I'll have a little bit of peace knowing someone's here with you. He loves her I mean we just have to deal. You know how many girls I paraded in and out of here that josh didn't like."

"No How many Drake?"

We both laughed I knew drake had a lot of girlfriends before me but none as serious as ours. He gave me a kiss on my lips I just wanted to stay like this I didn't want to leave.

We walked out the door hand in hand; Josh and his girlfriend were in the back seat ready to ravish each other. I was never that way with Drake we just always loved each other since the first moment we met it was just sexual like there's. That's how I knew there's would never last.

"Okay all packed and ready to go."

The ride to the airport was quite. I walked out of the car to give Drake one last hug it would be two weeks until the next time I would see him. I let him go with out crying I just gave him a hug and a kiss.

"I love you guys have fun and be careful please."

I gave them both a kiss on the cheek they turned around and walked through the airport doors. I didn't leave the sidewalk until they were out of sight. Drake turned around and blew me a kiss. I laughed to myself and walked over to the car. Jenna was sitting in the drivers seat. I had the keys and who did she think she was.

"Jenna what are you doing?"

"This is Josh's car and I'm Josh's girlfriend so I'm driving."

"Fine what ever." I wasn't going to fight with her it was all just so stupid.

I Sat in the back seat because I wanted to be as far away from her as possible she made my blood boil, I have never et anyone I didn't like I got along with everyone except California girls. My phone rang and I thanked God for the interruption. I looked at the caller ID it was Johnny I talked to him at least once a week and Drake was totally fine with it.

--------------------------phone Convo--------------------

Me- Johnny?

Johnny-Hey Ash how are you?

Me- I'm good Drake just left for New York. How's Cindy and the baby?

Johnny-We just found out it's going to be a girl. And I called to invite you to the baby shower its in two weeks we sent you an invite and we know you might not be able to fly in but I wanted to invite you anyway. I invited Nana too she said she's coming.

Me- You know what I'm flying out soon so even if its not the same day well meet up and do lunch or something.

Johnny-We also wanted to thank you for the Christmas present the crib was beautiful and tell Drake thanks too.

Me- Your welcome, I know you would do what you could do for me too. Okay Johnny I'm at my house so Ill call you later I love ya. Tell Cindy I sent something for you guys too.

Johnny-Okay Ash I'll talk to you later.

"Who was that?" Jenna asked

I didn't even answer her, we pulled into the drive way and as soon as we stopped I jumped out and went up to my bedroom to straighten up it looked like a tornado hit after Drake finished packing. Drake also left me a 'Hunny Do List' which I didn't mind because I would have done it anyway it only had small stuff like take dry-cleaning to cleaners, get guitar tuned, and call gardener.

I got all the clothes ready to take to the cleaners and walked down the stairs but there were no keys hanging on the key hook.

"Jenna I need the car keys!"

"For what?"

"Your not my babysitter just give me the keys and stop being nosy!"

"Well they told me to look after you!"

"Who told you that?"

"Drake and Josh."

"You a fucking liar, just give me the keys!"

Jenna leaned over the banister and threw the keys at me. I wanted to strangle her but I just walked out the house with my laundry. My hands clenched the wheel the whole ride I had to calm myself down I couldn't get so worked up from some snot nose 18 year old. I took a few deep breaths and let it out. I dropped off the clothes and went to Borders to pick up a few books to keep me occupied throughout the week. I spent a few hours there and then went to get some Chinese take out. I didn't like the situation of having to ask to borrow the car, I decided that I was going to pull the money I had from my savings and buy myself a used car. I went to the closest lot and looked around for a while. I found a car I loved it was a 1979 Fire Bird with a T top. I was so excited I bought it right then and there it and had a driver take Josh car home.

I walked up the stairs and opened the door to Josh's room to give Jenna the keys back but she wasn't in there, I walked back to my room and opened he door. She was sleeping in my bed, this girl was so weird. I walked over to the bed and shook her.

"Jenna don't ever come in my room while I'm gone. You know what don't ever come in my room period. Here take the keys don't I don't want to have to talk to you again so I bought my own car."

"It must be great having a rich boyfriend and he's so fine." I didn't answer he back I just took her by the arm and threw her out of my room. I just wanted to go to bed but I didn't want to sleep on the same sheets that she did god knows what to, so I stripped the bed and threw them in scolding hot water. I put new bedding on and fell asleep not even waiting for Drakes nightly call.


	48. I dont feel so bad

I woke up the sound of my cell phone ringing.

Boom boom boom let me hear you say hey ho

Now hear this  
This is the Outhere Brothers back at home  
Ready to rock the world with the boom  
So I hope you can stand the vibration  
'Cos we're about to rock the entire nation  
Alright here we go

Drake changed my ring tone often to something funny that he knows would make me laugh. I looked over to the alarm clock and saw that it was 9 am.

-----------------phone convo----------

Me- Hello

Drake- Ash?

Me- Good morning baby.

Drake- Yeah Um… Josh is having a heart attack Jenna said you hurt her!

Me- What are you kidding me she's done nothing but be a bigger pain in the ass then usual since you guys left.

Drake- Did you hurt her?

Me-I don't believe you're even asking me that! Yesterday she said that you guys asked her to keep and eye on me, she was making me tell her where I was going before I took the keys, then she threw them at me and when I came home she was sleeping in our bed! I took her by the arm and made her get out of our room.

Drake- Ash she was hysterical on the phone.

Me- Drake I swear to god I tried to even stay out of the house all day you know how awkward it feel like to not feel comfortable in your own home.

Drake- She said you were being crazy and bought a car.

Me- She's such a cow! I did buy a car I used my savings but I wanted it to be a surprise for you. I mean I was so excited I bought something that we needed with my own money.

(I started crying I didn't deserve to feel this way I didn't do anything wrong.)

Drake- Ash don't cry. But she said you were telling someone you love them over the phone, and you didn't answer the phone last night.

Me- Are you accusing me of something? Because if you are then just come out and say it.

Drake- No… No… that's not what I meant.

Me- I was talking to Johnny he and Cindy thanked us for the crib we sent for the baby for a Christmas present! He invited me and my nana to Cindy's baby shower were he wouldn't even be because it only for girls. And I fell asleep because I was out all day doing your hunny do list and I was just so miserable I went to sleep.

Drake- I'm sorry Ash I didn't mean to do that to you. You didn't do anything wrong.

Me- I'm not dealing with this I'm going to my nanas until you come home. Oh and just to tell you Jenna has the hots for you that's why she acts all weird.

I hung up the phone on his in disbelief he was accuse me like hat they only knew Jenna for a few weeks. The phone kept ringing I decided to turn it off until I got to New Jersey. I packed my bags quickly and bought a ticket on-line. I walked down the stairs and saw Jenna crying on the phone.

"Who are you talking to Josh? You can just tell him were not friends any more!"

I walked out the door to the awaiting taxi and was driven to the airport. I didn't want to act like a baby but I wanted to get out of that house it was so awkward and I hated it. I looked around the plane and a little girl was wearing a party hat I completely forgot it was New Years Eve. I picked up the phone on the plane and called my nana and told her I was coming out to see her I didn't mention the fight or anything else just that I wanted to see her.

Six hours past and we finally landed in Jersey. My nana was at the terminal waiting for me I ran up to her and gave her a hug we drove home talking about what has happened since I left to California I left out the lovers spat and walked up to my old room. I plopped on the bed and turned my phone on. I had 50 missed call half from Drake half from Josh. I decided to call Drake back and tell him that I had landed in Jersey.

Drake- Ashlee?

Me- Hey…

Drake- I'm sorry about what I said earlier I didn't mean for it to come out that way. It was just the way that she said it. She mad you out to be a monster.

Me- You guys lived with me for almost half a year have I ever been anything but nice to both of you guys and your family.

Drake- I know Ash I know…

Me- Well I just wanted to call and tell you I made it to jersey fine.

Drake- I don't believe you did that!

Me- Did what? I couldn't stay in that house I swear to God I felt like I was staying in her house and she didn't want me there.

Drake- Ash its your house baby… I love you and if that how you feel then well set something up for you… Okay?

Me- I'm just gonna stay at my nanas for a week or two I was going to come down here anyways.

Drake- Well Josh is talking about leaving and going home.

Me- She shouldn't be doing that to you guys making him choose you or her. You're his brother! He should always pick you.

Drake- Josh wants to talk to you.

Me- Fine.

Josh-Ashlee?

Me-Yeah…

Josh- I don't know what going on between you and her but this is ridiculous you have to knock it off. You're acting like a baby.

(Drake- don't talk to her like that!)

Me- Josh I loved you like brother and I have never been anything but completely nice to you just because you have a girl to fuck doesn't mean you give up everyone who truly cares for you like your brother.

Josh- You know what Ash I love her.

Me- And that cool if that's what you want then fine but I will not be there while she is I don like feeling bullied in my own house.

Josh- Its not your house Ash its me and Drake and the car is mine.

Me- Well now I know how you really feel. It's a shame Josh when this little fling dies out your gonna feel really stupid.

Josh- Your jealous!

Me- Yeah I'm really jealous of you having a nut case for a girlfriend. You're just mad she wants your brother!

Josh- You're a bitch

(Drake- Who do you think your talking to.)

Drake- I'm sorry I don't know what's going on here.

Me- look, I don't want you guys to fight your family and that's the most important thing in the world. I love you lets just hope everything cools down I love you guys so much and baby I miss you Ill call you later talk to your brother don't let this stupid thing come between you two.

Drake –I love you Ash.

Me- I love you to so much. Drake I just wanted to tell you I didn't completely ignore you last night I did write you and email telling you how much I love and miss you. Bye baby.

I put the phone down and laid on the bed thinking I just wanted to work this all out I just didn't want to do it on the phone it was just getting worse. I got of my butt and decided to drive to New York City it would only take me 2 hours. I borrowed my nanas car and started to drive I didn't call them because I know it would just start another argument. I finally reached NY and found there hotel it was 6pm already and I knew Drake was probably getting ready to do his show. I walked up to the front desk and asked for there room number they refused thinking I was a crazy fan! I had to call Drake and ask him. I told him I was down the stairs and I wanted to work this entire thing out.


	49. Suspect of a crime

I arrived at the hotel around 5 it had taken me quicker then expected, but it could have been the speeding the whole ride up. I asked the front desk for the room number then sent me away thinking I was some anxious fan. I decided the best thing was to call him.

------------------Phone Convo-----------------------------------------

Me- Drake, just listen I'm at your guys hotel I wanted to work this out in person the phone wasn't doing me and justice and I could let this go on for two weeks so tell me your room number and don't tell Josh I'm coming up.

Drake- 24 B Ash I'm so sorry for accusing you…

Me- Drake I'll be right up.

Drake met me at the elevator with open arms I knew he didn't mean what he said and he was sorry for it.

"Drake I really need to talk to Josh this is getting way out of hand."

"Yeah this is a little crazy."

I walked in to the room Josh was laying on the bed flipping through the TV channels.

"Josh…" I asked actually feeling a little scared.

"What the hell what are you doing here Ash?"

"I couldn't let things go the way they were going. Josh I love you! You guys are the closest thing that I have ever had to a family I would hate to lose you because I can't get along with your girlfriend. So if I have nothing nice to say I just wont say anything at all because I much rather have you and her in my life then have you out of it completely ."

Josh didn't say anything to me he just put his arms around me.

"Ash I didn't know you felt that way I just kind of thought we lived together. And I don't want you guys to not tell me what you think."

I shook my head in disbelief maybe it was because he had a big family and great friends who keep in touch but I cherished our friendship.

"Josh that got us here." Drake said in my defense.

"No I really want you to."

"Well one thing is for sure Ashlee is my fiancé and she lives with us permanently and you have only known Jenna for like 3 weeks and its no cool that she feels like she has to go across country when I'm not home because she doesn't feel comfortable in her own bedroom."

"Ash what happened?" Josh asked

"Well at first I kind of took what she was doing as 'whatever' like when I was going to drive home she said the cars Josh's and Josh is my boyfriend so its mine so I gave her the keys, then Johnny's called me to say thanks for the Christmas present and she called Drake telling him I was telling someone I love them over the phone and I was making plans to see them while he was away."

"Did she really do that?" Josh asked Drake. Drake just shook his head. I continued my story.

"Then I wanted to take my clothes to the cleaners and she told me that I had to tell her where I was going because you two told her to keep an eye on me and then when I demanded the keys she threw them at me. And when I came home she was in my bed with only her panties. And she flirts with my boyfriend and I don't like it."

"Ash… How did you know?" Drake asked surprised.

"Please I'm not dumb and she does it near me on purpose and she's done everything but hump your leg."

"Why didn't you say anything you say anything to me?"

"I trust you." Drake pulled me into a healthy embrace we started kissing.

"Guys this is supposed to be about me for a minute." Josh commanded.

"that's right sorry, listen this is the bottom line if you love her like you do then stay with he make it work out but lay down the law and for me I'm not gonna let her break any of us up especially you and Drake because you guys are brothers and even better best friends."

The rest of the night went good Jenna called a few times but Josh never told her I was down here he decided he was going to try to make it work. Drake and I had out first New Years kiss and I watched his tremendous performance. I decided I was going to stay at my nana's for the next 2 weeks and meet back up with the boys in Ohio and fly back with them. I drove back to Jersey feeling like a whole person again because when I thought there was even a slim chance of losing Drake and Josh I felt like I was losing 2 half of me.


	50. I'll carry tis peice of you with me

_Sorry for the last chapter I was a little rushed… And if anyone is actually reading this please review it would make me feel a little better about the story and where its going…_

I woke up almost forgetting where I was, I was in the same bed I had slept in for the past 10 years. I smelt bacon sizzling from down the stair way. I started to get dressed when I heard my phone ringing. I figured it was drake calling me for our morning talk.

-----------------------phone convo------------------------------

Me- Good morning baby!

Quinton- Well good morning to you too.

Me- oh… wait… who's this?

Quinton- Its Quinton, your sister told me you're in town.

Me-Yeah for a little bit. How are you?

Quinton- I'm good I just thought maybe we could meet up?

Me- Umm… yeah sure I don't see why not.

Quinton- Well I'll come pick you up around noon.

Me- Oh I thought you meant like this week? But sure, why not?

Quinton- Okay I'll see you then

--beep beep—

Me- okay bye Quinton that's my other line.

------Phone convo 2---------

Me- Hello

Drake- Good morning baby… how are you doing?

Me- I'm okay I just really miss you I know it's only been a few days but it feels like forever.

Drake- So what are your plans for the day?

Me- Funny you should ask I was just on the other line with Quinton he asked if we could grab lunch together. You don't mind right baby?

Drake- Umm… I guess not. Why did he call? How did he know you were even down there?

Me- He said Lisa told him. Are you mad babe, because if you are I just won't go.

Drake- No… No go Ash it's okay.

Me- okay baby I love you my nana made breakfast. I'll talk to you later?

Drake- Okay I love you too baby I'll call you later.

---------------------------------End--------------------------------------------------------

I had a nice breakfast with my nana and her boyfriend, and then got ready to go out with Quinton. I was actually kind of nervous, he put me on such a high pedestal that I always felt like I would never be good enough for him. He was always correcting my grammar and stupid things I would say. But I would be lying if I said I never thought about what it would be like if I never met Johnny because I would probably still be with him. I hardly thought about Johnny anymore but Quinton is always in the back of my mind. I was siking myself out I didn't want to think this why because even if he was in the back of my mind Drake was always in the front. I made tried to make myself stop thinking I flipped Drake demo CD in the radio and blasted it drowning out my own thoughts.

I danced around the room in my undies singing along and out of tune.

And like that way you like this song  
because it makes you hum along and tap your foot  
to the beat  
well that's the way you make me feel  
when we're doing it for real  
I can feel it from my head to my feet

(Drake Bell Up Periscope Its only time.)

I heard honking coming from the front of the house I stuck my head out of the window not even realizing how much time had gone by. I threw on a pair of jeans, a plain whit tee and a pair of black chucks Drake had given me for Christmas.


	51. If I can somehow make you mine

I slid into the passenger seat of Quinton's army green jeep.

"Hey"

"Hey Ash you look good."

"Oh… thanks you too."

Quinton sat there looking completely relaxed in his faded jeans and pull over. I had forgotten how cold it got in the winter the heat was blasting in the car making my chock a little from its dryness.

"So where are we going?"

"I thought Olga's?"

I laughed at the suggestion that was the only 'famous' place around here. It was a little truck stop dinner but it's were all the kids from high school use to meet up.

"That's fine." I answered.

Quinton slowly moved his hand over to mine and held mine in his. I was taking back. Why was he doing this?

"I'm really glad were spending some time together." He said giving my hand a squeeze and letting it go.

I felt awkward I felt like everything was wrong. When I went out with Johnny guys couldn't even look at me and I loved about him I felt like I was always being protected. He was a bully but as sweet as pie to me. When I was going out with Quinton, Johnny use to come over to my house and sneak in my bedroom. We would spend all night talking and just holding each other. We never kissed he never pressured me until I finally couldn't take it anymore I need him I had to have him. I called Quinton up the next day and told him the long distance thing wasn't working. He tried to point out that we only lived 30 minutes away but I was done I knew what I wanted and I guess karma is a real bitch because what I did to Quinton sneaking around behind his back seeing Johnny came back to me 10 times worse.

We stayed silent the whole ride I concentrated on the music trying to just think about the lyrics and nothing else. Then my face lit up Drake song was on! I flipped!

"Turn it up! Turn it up!"

"Okay who is this?"

"It's Drake!"

I moved my head side to side like a giddy school girl singing every word. Its so funny because when I first met him I didn't even know who he was now I knew every song every word I love it, it was such a big part of him.

Quinton laughed at me I smiled back things started to unwind I stopped tensing up and relaxed. We finally arrived everything looked the same nothing out of place. We took a corner booth and ordered sodas.

"So how's life?" I asked.

"Army, school, stuff like that. How about you?"

"Umm… a lot of school and just a bunch of nothing."

"No job?"

I laughed a little it was a weird question to ask if I didn't mention it.

"No, Drake says I should worry about school first and when I get my certifications there be plenty of time to work."

"Your sister said you were pregnant, congratulations."

"No… not anymore I lost it."

"Oh I'm sorry. It was just something she wrote on her blog I must not have read the whole thing."

"No don't worry about it. It was a blessing in disguise. Drake was messing around with some bad stuff and I was really depressed but it made us think about our priorities. He actually wants to try for one again. I say we have our whole lives."

"Yeah well I guess he settled early he probably feels older then he is."

"Wow… your right he carries a lot on his shoulders."

The rest of the conversation was light and about the past, family and school. The truth was I wanted to originally go because I wanted to see if any of these feelings were worth the brain space but the truth was there was nothing between us it was completely flat. There were no more fire works and he was longer my knight and shining armor.

When I came home I ran up to my bedroom shutting the door to call Drake. There was no answer so I left him a message. I was so anxious to talk to him but the more I waited the more the stone grew in my stomach. It started to ache and I couldn't think of anything but the bad things he could be up to while I was out with another guy, God please let him understand!

A few hours later I tried back feeling like I was going to jump out of my skin.

A mousey voice answered.

Mousey-Hello

Me- Hello, who's this?

Mousey- You called here, who is this?

Me- Did I call the right number 2126577856?

Mousey- I don't know this number!

Me- Is Drake Parker there?

Mousey- He's sleeping.

Me- Wake him up! This is his fiancé.

Mousey- Oh I'm sorry.

(I heard rustling and then "Drake baby there's someone on the phone for you." "Okay thank you")

Drake- Hello

Me- Drake

Drake-Hey baby how was you lunch.

Me- Is that supposed to be funny? Who was that?

Drake- Ashlee calm down it Serena you have meet her she a back up dancer were all sharing one bus there's broke down and my phone was out in the main room I'm in the back room dreaming of when I can see you next.

Me- I so sorry I'm just a little wound up.

Drake- Why what's wrong he didn't try anything?

Me- No… no… it was just being with him made me think about you the whole time and how much I missed you and then worst of all when we were on the way there your song came on the radio and it just made it a hundred times worse.

Drake- Baby 2 more days and were going to be together lets just et threw this without going nuts.

Me- Okay I'm sorry again… I love you just 2 more days! I think I'm just going to fly home tomorrow. I'll just see you at the house.

Drake- That sounds like a good idea baby and Jenna there so just keep it cool.

Me- I'll try… ha ha ha… I love you

Drake- I love you too… I'll call you tomorrow.

I packed my stuff up and ordered a ticket on-line I told my nana good bye and that I loved her. I had to leave I wanted to be home where I belonged and I also wanted to get things ready for when the boys returned home.


	52. Its gonna burn like hell tonight

I walked up to my car that had hardly been driven yet. I stood on the front steps feeling like this was the only place that I would ever feel comfortable I walked in seeing Jenna sprawled out on the couch the house was a mess dirty dishes from one end to the other, clothes thrown as if her suit case exploded, the carpets were actually sticky.

"What happened here?" I said in disgust.

I had startled her she jumped off the couch.

"I thought you were coming home with Drake."

"I was but I wanted to come home early. What happened?"

"I thought Josh told me they had a maid?"

"No I fired her when I moved in I clean for the guys. What were you doing waiting two weeks for her to come?" I said calmly I didn't want to start world war 3 and get Josh all upset again.

"Well what are we going to do?" She asked coyly

"Well for one I'm going to go into my bedroom and take a nap I'm not helping you, you made your bed now lie in it. And let me tell you one thing Drake and Josh love this house more then anything so I would get working quick there coming home tomorrow night."

I walked up to my bedroom my clothes were sprawled out on my bed and my jewelry was pulled out of my box. I got so upset, not because it was a mess but because I didn't have one piece of jewelry before I moved in with Drake he had bought me each piece for a reason. I gathered it all up making sure every piece was there, I was missing one necklace. That necklace meant the most to me; it had a angel on it because he always says I saved him. I was so upset but I pulled myself together I walked down the stairs where Jenna was franticly trying to pick everything up.

"Jenna do you have my angel necklace?" I asked keeping my self composed.

"Yeah I have it upstairs somewhere." She answered like it was no big deal.

"Well I need it back now." I said with a little bit more urgency.

"Chill I'll find it later."

"Look Drake gave me that and it means a lot to me." I said holding back the flood gate of tears

"Well just tell him to buy you a new one. So what is it Ash you think he loves you because your not like us? I mean you take care of him act like his little mommy. How much longer do you think he'll want his mommy around instead of a real girl? He's so use to the girls fussing over him and wanting to jump his bones every chance they could get he like to be spoiled, and what do you do make him do his own laundry? Yeah you're a keeper."

I heard that before the mommy thing it all came back to me from the party when Drake came home from the hospital that's were I knew her from I never seen her after that day until Josh brought her home. (_Chapter 30)_

"You know what you're a very sad person using Josh to get to Drake. He fucking loves you I have no clue what he sees in you but he'll figure it out."

"Ashlee you're just a bitch... And I do like Josh so you don't know what you're talking about. I'm out of here I'll come back after Josh comes home!"

"What are you going to do about this mess?" I screeched at her.

"You deal with it." She said grabbing her pocket book and racing out the door.

I was so pissed I didn't know what to do I couldn't get a clear read on her I didn't know if she really did like Josh or she was just playing me. But now I was home alone with a messy house I was never going to be able to clean all of this by myself. I decided I was going to call a cleaning service first thing in the morning. But for now I just wanted to call Drake and tell him good night.

---------------------------------Phone conversation-------------

Me- Hey baby

Drake- Hey Honey are you at the house?

Me- Yeah I just got in a few minutes ago.

Drake- Is Jenna there?

Me- No she just left. Bu the house looks like a disaster zone FEMA wouldn't even come in here.

Drake- What are you talking about?

Me- the carpets have stuff all spilled on them there like sticky, there are dirty dish's everywhere, clothes from one side of the house to the other and pizza boxes piled up to the ceiling.

Drake- Are you exaggerating Ash.

Me- No I'm not even kidding with you it looks like a disaster zone FEMA wouldn't even come in here. I'm going to have to call someone to come in I wouldn't be able to clean all this up especially the carpets.

Drake- Okay Ash well you do what you have to do, we'll be home tomorrow night. I love you baby well try to be home as soon as we can.

Me- I love you too but don't rush home I would the house to look atleast half descent before you guys come home.

Drake- Well we can help you.

Me- Are you kidding you have been working non stop for the past 3 weeks you need to chill when you come home and just relax. I love you baby, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I went to bed with a list of things that needed to be done before the boys came home.

Grocery shopping get the house cleaned, make dinner, and all that good stuff.


	53. your beautiful just not on the inside

It took me and three maids all day to get the house looking great. I was finally about to sit down and catch my breath when I caught a glimpse at the time on the TV Drake and Josh were going to be home any minute. I ran upstairs to get a shower and change. Every time he came back I always felt like it was the first time seeing each other.

I was shopping through my closet trying to find the right thing to wear for Drake I was still in my panties when I heard the bedroom door crack. I looked over my shoulder and caught Drake watching me with a smile on his face.

"Hi baby."

He didn't answer me he just tackled me on to the bed. My left hand fell in the middle of his chest while my right one dug into the comforter.  
My legs tightened around his hips. Drake bit back a groan. I licked my lips, leaving them slightly open. My lips stayed there slightly out of his reach dangling over him. I was making him wait for me. I trace his jaw line. His skin was so warm to the touch. My fingers sent trembles through his body.

I leaned down and touched my lips to his. Drake's fingers started searching for the hook of my bra. I wasn't even paying attention the only thing I could feel was his warm lips on mine. His hands franticly pulled my panties off he arched his back in ecstasy. I put my hand on the back of his neck pulling him closer to me. He gladly obliged and slid into me slowly. I let out a moan that could have been heard around the world. I focused on his face every line, every curve. I moved my body with his as if we were on person on one wave length.

We laid in bed for awhile it was still early in the night so we decided to go out and grab some dinner. We walked down the stairs and Josh was cuddling with Jenna on the couch.

"I don't believe she would come over after what she did she didn't even bother helping me." I whispered to Drake.

"Don't worry about it Ashlee. It's all over."

"No it's not over she's like a spoiled child she'll just do it again. And no ones going to say anything to her? She treated your house like a toilet; I should have just left it like it was so you guys would see what she did. But no I have to be nice and I wanted you guys to just come home and be able to relax." I ranted on until I needed to take a breath.

Drake just laughed at me and pulled me close, kissing me on my forehead.

"Ash I love you just chill lets not start."

"What is she complaining about now?" I heard Jenna ask Josh. Josh just hushed her.

"I'm complaining that I spent all day cleaning up your mess and you didn't even ask if I need help, plus you stole my angel necklace and some of my clothes."

"I didn't steal them I borrowed them."

"You took them without asking that's stealing!" I yelled pushing Drake to the side to get down the rest of the stairs.

"Did you take her necklace? That stuff means a lot to Ashlee she doesn't even take it out of the house unless it's important she doesn't want to lose it." Josh asked knowing me better then anyone, better then Drake.

"It's around the house somewhere!"

"Josh, I looked everywhere under every cushion in every nock and cranny I couldn't find it." I said now feeling the tears trying to escape. That necklace meant so much to me.

Drake rushed over to me hearing the distress in my voice.

"Baby don't worry about it I'll find you another one."

"Drake it was your grandmothers and you gave it to me, it was my first piece of real jewelry I had ever had. I kept it in my underwear draw, in a wooden box and in its original case. I never wanted to lose it. I was going to wear it with my wedding dress." I had opened the flood gates knowing that I wouldn't be wearing that on my wedding day as something old.

"Why were you going through her stuff?" Josh asked moving off the couch.

I didn't want to then to see me acting like a baby so I excused myself.

"I'm sorry guys I have to go up stairs I just need to be by myself for a minute."

"Ashlee please come on we were going to go out."

"I can't … I'm sorry." I ran upstairs I didn't want to be bothered I felt like I just needed to be alone after just wanting to be with Drake for two weeks now. I buried my face into the pillow unleashing my tears and letting the pillow soak everyone of them up. I didn't know why I was acting like this. I mean I loved that necklace but I never cry over stupid stuff. I heard some yelling between the three of them, I ignored it untill I heard the door creak

"Drake I said I need a minute!" I yelled through the pillow I didn't want him to see me a mess like this. I was on my favorite little black dress with my hair perfect and make up done to the T, and I did it all for him.

"It's me Ash." Josh answered

"Josh I don't want to see you either."

"Please just one minute." I had never heard his voice like that before like an innocent child. I wiped my face with the sheets and sat up patting the spot next to me.

"Look Josh I'm sorry I know I said I wouldn't start with her but I couldn't just let this go."

"I know that's why I think were going to go. You know for good."

"No! You can't you'll break your brothers heart! I'll go before you go. If that's what it takes."

"Ashlee you love him so much. He could do no wrong in your eyes and when he treated you like shit I said all the same things you guys said to me, to you but you didn't listen either and you guys worked through it and I never seen him happier. He loves you and you have to stay because I'm pretty sure he would pick you over me."

"Josh I would never make him pick."

"He doesn't have to I already did."

"Josh for a girl! You can't be serious! Josh it's gonna start with moving out and then not being able to come over then missing each other on holidays then we wont be invited to your wedding. She not gonna let you have any contact with us. I mean your brothers your brother and I was going to be your sister. Josh you're the only real friend I have, I love you. Please reconsider."

"Ash this is what I have to do right now you don't know how it is when were alone."

"Josh sex isn't everything."

"No Ash she loves me."

"No Josh she loves this life."

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs I was hoping it was Drake to come talk some sense into him but it was Jenna standing at the door with her arms folded across her chest.

Josh stood up not saying anything.

"Josh I love you." I stood up and put my arms around him taking him in smelling like cola and chocolate it reminded me of being a child, he reminded me of a child I guess that's why I always felt like I had to protect him. I mean Drake wasn't the smartest cookie but he could handle himself Josh was always just come across as so defenseless. Josh didn't put his arms around me and I could feel Jenna's eyes burning holes in my back but I didn't care I just held on to Josh for a little longer. I kissed him softly on his cheek and loosened my embrace.

Josh turned from me not saying anything; he just walked to the door where Jenna took his hand hastily pulling him down the stairs. I stood at the top of the stairs waiting for him to look back but he never did. I knew then I had just lost my best friend. I searched for Drake he was sitting on the couch with his chin on his chest. I just put my arms around him we had both just lost our best friend. I laid my head on his shoulder and rubbed his back.

"It's going to be okay baby."

"Did I really treat you like shit?"

"What? Why are you asking this didn't you just see what happened?"

"Yeah I did and I think we need to think about things."

"Things Drake?" I knew this tone I knew where this was going.

"I never treated you like shit on purpose."

"Drake when did I ever say anything like that."

"You didn't defend me when Josh said it. That's just as bad Ash. And you would leave me over something like this." Drake yelled jumping off the couch and bolting for the stairs.

"Drake why are you doing this? I would never leave you I love you." I said grabbing his arm trying to make him stay.

"She got what she wanted."

"Ash your nuts she was never anything but nice to all of us. A little weird but she never did anything wrong."

"I must be fucking crazy then if none of you could see who she really was."

"You do love him don't you? That's what its all about you want him!"

"Drake I love you not Josh he was my friend he was like a brother to me nothing else. Drake I love you." I yelled back trying to make him understand.

"I can't do this anymore Ash. We really need to think about what's going on. And maybe this wedding things is such a great idea"

My heart dropped to my toes I could speak I couldn't move I was a deer in headlights scared and alone. I didn't cry or scream I just kissed him on the cheek and walked upstairs to repack again. I shout the bedroom door letting it all out. I couldn't help myself I was sobbing so hard I couldn't even breathe or moved I just laid on the bed I heard the front door slam and Drake pull out of the drive way. I stayed in bed and cried myself to sleep.


	54. Heart is on the floor

"Baby… Ash… Are you awake?"

"I really don't want to talk to you. I'll leave in the morning."

"No… No…" That's all he could get out and then I herd quick sobs. He sat on the side of the bed. I didn't think he deserved my sympathy he didn't show me one once of compassion calling off the wedding and telling me it was over. I turned over in the bed so I wasn't facing him. He reached his arm out to rub my back I swatted him away.

"Drake leave me alone." I yelled and scared myself the way my voice shook the silence.

"Ashlee Please, I'm sorry."

"For what Drake? Breaking my heart, cheating on me, or how about this lets just say being a complete asshole! That should sum it all up. I put up with so much of your shit and did nothing but smile and stand by your side like your Jackie O, just smile and act like I don't have an original thought in my head. And you know what the worst part is I still love you. You can drag me through the dirt time and time again and I still love you! How mess up is that?"

Drake wrapped his body around me smelling of liquor and something else way too familiar to ignore the smell of Jenna's cheap perfume.

"I'm so sorry baby."

"Who were you wit Drake?" My body trembled in fear, anger, sadness it was a very bad mixture of emotions. "Get off of me." I flipped out the smell made me nauseas his touch made me sick. "You're such a douche bag! Try to find someone like me that will put up with your shit. You're just another trophy on all those other girls wall if you became a one hit wonder and moved into a shitty apartment they wouldn't even give you a second look I gave up everything for you. How could you do this to me? How could you do this to Josh? Who would have ever thought that you would end up such a mess? Where'd you lose your mind?"

"I thought you said you loved me?"

"No I love the good guy I first met not the mess you turn into when you drink or get high. You're a fucking moron." There was no more sadness in my voice just anger.

"Just tell me the truth Drake did you sleep with her?"

"No! I didn't sleep with her I went over there to flip out on her for causing all this trouble and she apologized for all of it and she just jumped all over me kissing me I didn't even kiss her back I swear on my life."

"And the drinking?"

"I just was scared that you have been gone and that was the last thing in the world I would want. I need you." Drake broke out in tears I never seen him cry it broke my heart into a hundred pieces. I sat up throwing my arms around him. He had never lied to me before so why would he start now. I loved him I didn't want to see him like this.

"Look lets just chill for a minute I'm sorry I jumped to conclusion. I didn't meant o be a total bitch."

"No I deserved it. I acted like a total ass hole. Baby, can we just go to bed? I just want to hold you for a little bit."

"Sure after you take a shower you smell like her."

Drake walked into the bathroom I laid back in bed this was a crazy noght and it all started with one crazy person!


	55. Boardwalks and Breaking waves

I didn't sleep much last night mostly tossed and turned. Finally the sun came up and I wiggled out of Drakes arms he had held me tight all night, he was afraid to lose me. I walked in to the bathroom and let the tub fill I need a bath I needed something to make me relax. As soon as I was getting undressed I heard the front door open, I checked the clock and the bed Drake was still sleeping and it was only 5 am. I threw my robe on and raced down the stairs.

"Where's Drake?" Josh said barging past me not even waiting for my answer. I chased after him pulling at his arm.

"What's wrong?"

"Drake came over after I left last night!"

"I know, he told me."

"That's what I'm talking about Ash. Its not like it just happens he goes looking for it."

"Josh leave him alone, he's a good guy and he said he didn't kiss her she tried to kiss him." I said trying to make myself believe. I started crying this was all so messed up I wanted everything perfect I wanted to spend as much time with Drake as possible but right now I don't even want him to touch me.

"Ash I'm sorry but you know what he's like why should we believe him he's cheated on you a ton of times and Jenna has never cheated on me until last night. How can you be sure?"

"He's never lied about cheating why should he start now?"

"Because he knows you don't love him like you use to. You would leave, wouldn't you?"

"Josh stop talking about things you know nothing about. You had a girlfriend for what 5 weeks and 3 of them you were gone? Look I love him, that's it." I heard footsteps coming down the stairs I looked up and saw Drake walking towards us half asleep still in his boxers.

"Josh, just go don't try to start stuff here today. Ashlee and I were fine before you brought her here."

"You guys were never fine. She just put up with your shit. Does she know how many girls it really was?"

"Shut up Josh!" Drake yelled.

"Come on she says you never lied tell her how many! Then tell her what you did last night and why Jenna has hickies all over her neck and body. It wasn't just kissing this time was it? Was it ever just kissing?"

"Josh get the fuck out of here." Drake yelled.

"No stay. What is he talking about Drake what did you do? You wouldn't sleep with her she's not even pretty."

"Ash it was an accident I was Drunk. I'm so sorry."

I felt like I was being kicked in the stomach, I couldn't think, breath or move. I didn't know what to do.

"Drake you're an idiot you will never find anyone like me that will put up with your bull shit and care for you the way I did. I just wasted a year with you."

"I know, I know I am. Please baby, please don't do this." He said trying to put his arms around me. I pushed him away hitting him as hard as I can to get him off of me.

"We're done Drake, its over." I said so calmly it scared me.

"Josh I thought we were brothers? Why would you do this to me?"

"You did this to yourself."

I didn't want to stay around to hear there fight I packed my stuff up as quickly as I could. I walked down the stairs Josh was gone Drake was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"I have no where to go!" I said quietly not knowing what to do with myself I didn't want to go back to Jersey and I didn't want to stay here.

"Ashlee please just stay here. I'll stay in the guest room."

"Drake it's obvious you don't love me the way you should. You wouldn't be sleeping with other girls you would just want to be with me all the time. Like I do with you. Don't you remover when you told me I was the one for you the only one? If I'm the one then what were these other girls just in line at the deli?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what? It's my fault I thought you would change your ways. Everyone told me from the start that you couldn't just be with one girl."

"You're the only girl I ever loved."

"Love isn't supposed to hurt or be complicated if it's right then it should just come easy. I thought when we first met it was love but I think it was just convenient."

I picked my bags off the floor and walked out the door and into my car. I had nothing no money, no home, nothing. I didn't know what to do I looked in my rearview mirror and Josh was still here sitting in his car. I got out and walked over to his car and slid into the passenger seat. We didn't have to say anything we just sat there. Josh pulled me in close for a hug and he didn't let go we sat there forever it felt like just holding each other.

"I don't know what to do Ash I left Jenna and I can't be around Drake right now."

"How do you think I feel? I don't have anything and I cant leave I have school. I'm just going to try to rent a hotel room for now maybe try to her a campus house until the end of the year and then go home."

"So you and Drake are completely done."

"I don't know. I don't think we'll ever truly be done. I think you should try to work things out with your brother nothing should come between family. He didn't mean to hurt any of us it just happened."

"I don't know how you can still not hate him after all he did. I don't know either all I know is I love him. I'm going to go check into a hotel. I love you Josh I'm sorry for everything."

"Please keep in touch Ash I love you. Call me when you find a hotel room I don't like the thought of you being alone in this city."

I nodded in compliance and Josh hugged me goodbye I went back to my car and drove around until I could find a half decent hotel room I could afford. My cell phone was ringing off the hook I didn't want to talk to him right now I just wanted to think things out. I laid on the hard hotel bed trying to think straight. I kept telling myself I'll get over this I'll get over him I thought I would never get over Johnny and that just faded away. I decided to just stay in and get my stuff situated for I paid for the week trying to give myself time to get a job and maybe an apartment. I loved California it was like Jersey except you can go swimming all year long.

_Drakes not totally out of the picture but he will be on hiatus for a few chapters. R&R _


	56. Why dont you step on it

Things were a lot different in the next two week. I had found a nice little one bedroom apartment near school. I hadn't seen Drake in about 2 weeks Josh stopped over a lot to see how I was doing. I got a Job at a local restaurant I saw a lot of Drakes old friends they wouldn't act like they remembered me just stuck there nose up at me. I went to class everyday I doubled my work load trying to keep myself busy. I loved Drake I loved him more then life itself, it didn't matter how much I worked or tried to keep busy but nothing worked.

I was sitting down at my little desk in the corner of my apartment finishing up some homework when I heard a knock at the door. I got up to answer it I was in a pair of old jeans and a white tee shirt I had left most of my stuff at Drakes, I wasn't able to bring myself to go back there I was afraid I would stay. I looked through the peep hole it was Josh we were still trying to keep close.

"Hey come in come in. What going on?"

"I don't know I thought maybe me and you can go grab some dinner?"

"I would love to but I have a ton of homework! And I already ordered out like 10 minutes ago."

"Oh okay" Josh answered sounding disappointed.

"Why don't you stay in with me I'll up China Wok and make it a double?"

"That sounds good."

"So how do you like the new place?" I asked

"Its cute it's definitely you."

"Thanks" I said smiling it took me a lot of time to get it the way I wanted.

"Hey what are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing… Well I have work in the morning. Why? What's up?"

"I have these concert tickets and Drake hasn't left the house in like 2 weeks. So I thought maybe you and me could go."

His face and mine froze and the sound of Drakes name. I wanted to ask how he was every time I talked to Josh but I was afraid to I was trying my hardest to get over him. But since he opened that can of worms why not fish?

"How is he?" I asked looking down at my fuzzy slippers.

"He's still depressed and Ash I think he's really sorry."

"Josh I'm not doing this to teach him a lesson. I just need time and he hasn't even tried to contact me."

"He's scared of what you'll say."

"I don't know Josh. Let's not talk about this. What concert is it?"

"Some unknown guys."

"Sounds good I can use a night out."

Josh and I sat in just talking about school, movies, music, current events, anything but Jenna and Drake. I knew Josh went back seeing Jenna but on his terms he said. So what that meant was he went over when ever he wanted sex. I didn't dwell on what happened that day. I was always crying and throwing fits alone in the dark my neighbors probably thought I was crazy, but I was sad and lonely and tried to keep it all bottled up until it overflowed in to hysterics.


	57. She says shes no good with word

I let Josh sleep on the couch last night I woke up to get ready for work I left him a note to come up to the diner for some lunch when I got off work at 1.. I threw on my petit pink dress and candy stripper apron. My boss liked me I was good with people, she especially liked me working the weekend morning shift because we would get a mix of families and guys still hung over from the bars letting out at 5 in the morning and I was good with them all. Work went relatively good I was making a lot of money for it being almost empty after the breakfast rush. I was taking an order for a group of guys when my heart started to race and my stomach dropped to the floor. Drake had walked in with a group of guys he was laughing and smiling he didn't look depressed like Josh had said. They sat in my section there was only two of us on and Penelope was over crowded with the smoking section. I had no other chose but to take there order. I went to the back to place the order I had half heartedly listened to the one was flirting with me but I paid no attention. I took a deep breath and walked over to Drakes table.

"Hi what can I get for you?" I asked thinking everyone else could hear my heart beating too.

"Ashlee? What are you doing here?"

"I work here."

"Can I get you guys something to drink?" I tried to keep my composure. Drake just sat there dumbfounded and red in the face. He didn't say anything when everyone ordered sodas.

"I gave them there drink and took there orders."

"Ash can we talk?"

"No I'm sorry I'm working. Now guys what can I get you to eat?" I was shaking from the inside- out but I just plowed through it knowing it would be over soon. I walked into the back and placed there order. My other tables order had came up I picked it up quickly and placed it on there table I just wanted to get back to the back were Drake couldn't see me.

"Hey baby so why don't you sit down here with me." The husky rocker looking guys said patting the seat next to him. I put on a fake smile and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I would love to but who would serve my tables which pays for my rent."

"Baby you can come live with me I'll treat you like a princess."

"What would you do if I turned out to be one of those fatal attraction chicks?"

"You look to sweet to be crazy!"

"Awww… thank you." I played along with all the guys it got me a bigger tip they all say the same thing.

I walked into the back Drake and his friend's food was done. I walked over and placed all the plates on the table.

"Do you guys need anything else?" I asked hoping they would just let me go. Drake looked at me like I was crazy for acting like I didn't know him.

"We need to talk Ash."

"I'm busy Drake!"

"There is only us and one other person! I thought you went back to Jersey!"

"This is your old fiancé, Dude she's hot." One of the clean cut boys butted in.

Drake stood up and took me by my upper arm and pulled me into the bathrooms hallway.

"I thought you went to Jersey."

"What is this, your state I can't be here?"

"No but I have been calling you at your nana's for 2 weeks and she just kept saying she didn't know where you were. I was scared shitless I didn't know where you were or if you were okay. I even called Johnny to see if you were staying there."

"I got my own apartment I wanted to finish up the school year."

His hand on his body sent shivers through me, I smelt his musky cologne it was a smell that once reminded me of home but now flooded my mind with images of him and Jenna together.

"Josh knew where I was he help me move in. He slept over last night."

"Ash what time do you get done?"

"Soon."

"We need to talk we need to figure this stuff out I want to see you again."

"I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Come on just ten minutes please."

"Fine I get done in like an hour."

I walked away from Drake and went over to my first table.

"Is that guy bothering you because I could break him like a tooth pick." The husky guy asked.

"No… I hardly know him anymore." I said loud enough for Drake to hear me as he walked by me. When he heard this he winched a little like he had just been punched him in the side.

I waited on everyone like it was a normal day I picked up Drakes check just to rub it in his face that I was doing okay by myself. Josh walked in about 10 minutes before my shift was up. I walked over to him and sat him down at the counter and told him Drake was coming back he didn't know what to tell me just said do what I thought was right. Josh left to go home to get ready for the concert.


	58. and these are the lives you want to lead

I waited around for a few minutes for Drake I thought he was just not going to show up. I jumped into my car ready to race home and get ready for the concert. A car pulled up behind me and blocked me in, Drake jumped out and rushed to my window.

"Ash I'm sorry I'm late."

"Its okay you don't owe me an excuse."

"Well can we talk?"

"Sure but it has to be fast I have a concert to go to tonight."

"Oh… okay."

I opened the passenger door to let him in he sat down and put his arms around me for a hug. I was caught off guard I didn't know what to do his body so close to mine made me feel so good.

"So how's life?" I asked trying to break the awkward silence.

"Ash why did you stay?"

"I wanted to finish up the school year and I like it here. I had no where else to go."

"Ashlee I never wanted you to leave."

"It was something that had to happen sooner or later."

"Ash it didn't have to happen."

"No it didn't. You made it happen you broke my heart and now I think about you every second of the day. I double my school load and work my butt off all not to think about you."

"Ashlee I love you but I think this was a good idea were both getting along okay."

"Wow… you waste a year of my life I stand by you when you can't do anything for yourself and when you become a junkie I stood by your side then you drop me like I meant nothing to you."

"No… No… Ashlee I love you I thought that's what you wanted to hear. I want you to come back I want us to be together. I'm jealous that you seem to be better off with out me. Everyone's better off with out me."

"That's not true. Drake I still love you."

"Well lets start over lets forget this all ever happened."

"I can't right now. I need to prove it to myself that I can be on my own. Drake I love you and I want this to work out." I pulled out a necklace I had hiding under my uniform it was my engagement ring.

"Okay I'll give you some time. But can I ask you if you're seeing anyone?"

"Drake I would never ever cheat on you and in my book were still together but separated temporarily. How many girls have you been with since?" I said spitefully.

"Ash this is like the first time out of the house."

"Well keep it that way. Prove to yourself you can commit and just be with me. If I do this for you, for us just know this is your last chance. You mess up again and were done forever."

"How long do we have to stay apart?"

"Until my lease is up, it's only for three months."

"Ash I thought you were going to say like a week."

"Drake I'm not giving everything up for you again."

"You don't have to I'll give up everything for you. I'll be a normal boyfriend"

"No, I would never ask you to do that. I love who you are I just want you to drop the part where you feel like I wasn't enough. And I ask myself all the time what wasn't good enough. Did I not praise you enough, pay enough attention, sex?"

"No Ash it wasn't you it was me. I was stupid and dumb and it was only when I was drunk, but I stopped drinking."

I wanted to believe him I wanted to hug him and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be okay and that we would live happily ever after but I couldn't do that to myself it was worse enough Drake drug me throw the mud a ton of times but what was even worse was that I let him do it.

"Drake I have to go."

"Okay… Can I at least have a kiss before I go?" I smiled a little and nodded my head. It started out as a little closed mouth kiss on the lips but then I opened mine slowly, he did the same I put my tongue in his mouth it sent electricity through my body he put his hand on the back of my neck to intensify the kiss I pulled away slowly.

"I have to go."

Drake backed away slowly and opened the door. He was about to shut the door when he popped his head in once again.

"Can we see each other soon?"

"How about when you come back from the rest of the tour in 2 weeks? Stay clean, don't cheat and we'll be okay."

"Ashlee I love you."

"I love you too.

Drake shut the door and pulled out of the parking lot.

I raced home as quick as I could Josh was sitting on the front step.

"I'm so sorry…"

"Its okay just hurry up!"

I ran into my bedroom taking off my uniform and throwing on a black tube dress.

"good?" I asked Josh

"Cute… now let's go." He said pushing me out the door.

We didn't talk about Drake I knew it would upset me so I just turned up the music and bobbed my head to it.


	59. You always fold just before you find out

We got to the concert there were no rockers or girls in revealing clothes like me. This was something I wasn't use to, all the guys looked like the were in Weezer and the girls looked as if they were hippies from the 70's. The venue was no concert hall or stadium but a small coffee house on a small street with little high top tables but it was packed!

"Josh who are we seeing?"

"A bunch of nobodies."

I smiled at the answer we found a table close to the front Josh went to the counter to grab a coffee I passed. A bunch of normal looking guys paraded on to the make shift stage. I enjoyed the music it was different very hooky but I was getting bored quickly until a boy from my college named Jared took the stage and started to do a cover of superstar but in an almost Led Zeppelin feel. I melted in my seat.

"Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby?

You said you would be coming back this way again baby.

Baby baby baby baby I love you I really do."

It was great it was original, it was so much more then the bubble gum pop I was forced to listen to around the clock waiting for Drakes songs to be played. Drake was on the top 40 stations but his music was soulful and they meant something but maybe they just meant something to me.

"Josh I'm going to get something to drink I'll be right back."

Josh nodded watching me all the way up to the counter. Jared was sitting there by himself I walked up to him to my own surprise.

"Jared?" I said shyly trying to get some courage up.

"Hi…Do I know you?"

"We have a class together. I'm Ashlee"

"Oh… yeah I know you. You got out with that Drake Bell." I laughed to myself.

"No we broke up. I just wanted to say that was great I love that song but you just did so much to it."

"Wow… I didn't think you would like music like this."

"Well I don't, to tell you the truth a friend brought me here and didn't tell me who we were seeing."

"So that explains the dress."

"Yupp…" We both laughed I felt so intimidated by him but so turned on. For 10 minutes I wasn't thinking about Drake.

"Ashlee!" Josh yelled for me with a group of people surrounding around him.

"Well I guess I'll see you at school."

"I hope so." His smile was beautiful, perfectly straight and white he had a Hollywood smile, he was about 6'2", built nicely, with sandy blonde frat boy you know the kind that sticks up in the front and is flat at a board every where else. He was the complete opposite of Drake who was about 5'6" and wore a smaller pants size then me.

I walked back to Josh he was trying to talk someone into letting him be there manager. Josh was a great manager for Drake and was almost done school were he was majoring in public relations.

I talked Josh into leaving and grabbing something to eat Jared took the stage again singing 'All the young dudes' I just wanted to put my hands in the air. He looked over at me and smiled; I smiled back and walked out.

"So who was he?" Josh asked as we were driving back to my apartment.

"He goes to my school he's in one of my classes."

"He's really good."

"I think so. Josh I want to ask you something. And if you don't feel comfortable then just tell me."

"Okay?"

"Has Drake seen any girls since I left?"

"No… I don't think so."

"I'm thinking about giving him another chance."

"Are you going to move back in?"

"No I told him we won't even say yes or no for 3 months when my lease is up like normal people. I told him I didn't want to see him until after he comes back from the tour. I don't want to put any pressure on you but if you notice he's going to sleep wit someone or something just remind him what he has at home."

"Okay Ash but I just want to tell you he didn't cheat on you last time on the bus."

"I know I can tell."


	60. Y Dont you show me alittle bit of spine

I was waiting for the two weeks to pass I missed Drake so much and what was even worse was that he called me every night to tell me how much he loved me and what it was going to be like we he got home. At least when I left I just cut off all communication with him I wasn't constantly teased with the sound of his voice and his promises of a perfect life. I told him time and time again don't promise me unless you mean it I wouldn't be able to take it if he broke my heart again.

I was sitting on my couch in front of the TV on my day off just trying to relax when my phone rang it was Drake.

------------------Phone Conversation------------------

Me- Hey…

Drake- Hey baby, what are you doing?

Me- Nothing at all.

Drake- I cant wait to see you!

Me- me neither. You sound happy what's up?

Drake- I don't know but there should be a package outside for you.

Me- The mailman doesn't come today its Sunday.

Drake- Ash just go look.

Me- Okay don't get your panties in a twist.

There was one yellow rose of the front step. I picked it up and Drake jumped out from the side of the apartment and was holding the rest.

"What are you doing here?" I yelled running over to him squishing the flowers.

"I took a plane home I had to see you." He said hugging me back and kissing me hard on the lips. I missed that kiss I missed him.

"Come in!"

This was the first time Drake would be seeing my little apartment it was nothing compared to is huge upersided town house. We walked in hand in hand he looked around and smile.

"Ash this is cute!"

"Thanks I like it and it's only like 5 blocks from school."

Drake made himself at home and sat on the couch.

"Can I get you something?"

"No I just want to spend some time with you. I know this is a little awkward but I had to see you as soon as possible. I can't do it with out you."

"Do what?" I asked sitting down on his lap.

"Life, Every time I needed to talk I would think about you and remember you weren't with me anymore. And I'll play by your rules if you want to stay here you can, I mean you don't have to work anymore Ill pay for it."

"No… Drake I don't need you to pay I'm doing okay, I mean its no mansion but its good for me." I said caressing his face with my hand.

"I know your doing okay and it scared me because you're doing it without me." He said nuzzling his face in my shoulder.

"Drake I love you but don't you remember I was doing good before I met you I had a job and apartment and went to school."

"Ash I was doing good before you too but after you it was great everything was great! And good can't compare to great."

"I know baby, and everything's going to work out but it needs time and you have to be willing to put in a hundred percent and…" I was cut off my cell phone going off. It was Jared after I saw him at the coffee house we had hung out a few time and became somewhat of friends but nothing more. I ignored the call.

"Who was that?"

"A guy from school."

"Are you seeing him?" Drake asked in defeat.

"No I'm not seeing him. We were supposed to go to a coffee house later. They were having an open mic night and he was going to sing. I was just going to tag along. Drake I could never see anyone the way I see you." I kissed him on the cheek for reassurance.

"I know baby I'm sorry I just feel like I messed things up so badly that I could lose you at any second like I'm walking on egg shells. I don't know what I would do if you ever cheated on me. I would want to know everything and anything I would have to know every detail. That's why I'm willing to tell you everything if you want."

"No…" I jumped off his lap in disgust. "I don't want to know about your sexual conquers."

"No that's not what I meant Ashlee. I meant…" he stopped mid sentence because my phone had started to ring again. "Just answer it Ashlee tell him you're talking to your boyfriend." Drake yelled in frustration.

"Calm down fine."

-----------------------------------Phone Conversation----------------

Me- Hi Jared.

Jared- Hey How are you?  
Me- I'm good

Jared- Are we still on for tonight.

Me- You know what I'm not sure. I'll have to call you in a little bit. I might just show up.

Jared- Okay… well I'll see you if I see you. I hope I do though.

Me- okay bye… break a leg if I don't see you play sing sea of love I think they'll go crazy for it!

Jared- Thanks Ash you know what Ill call you later to see what's going on.

Me- Okay bye.

I looked over at Drake he was pouting and shaking his head in disbelief.

"What's wrong now?"

"Could you flirt anymore with that guy right in front of me?"

"Are you kidding? I just wished him good luck."

"I thought we were going to spend time together after I got home. I thought you were going to come over tonight and stay at my house."

"No… Drake I said we can spend time together not every waking minute and I'm not ready sleep with you yet. And if that's the only reason your acting sweet then you can just leave. Don't try to change me I'm doing good I'm happy!"

"God this is never going to work! Your never going to forgive me for sleeping wit her."

"Drake I already have, I just think you can't forgive yourself."

"I don't want to fight baby." He said extending his hand to me.

"I don't either." He pulled me back onto his lap.

"You mad at me?"

"No!"

"Well then why don't we go an open mic night might be fun maybe I could try one of my new songs."

"That sounds great it starts in a few hours. You want to met up there?" I said so excitedly when we were together he didn't take me anywhere he was always to busy or just wanted to stay in.

"Why meet up?"

"Well you can go home and get ready and I can get ready."

"Ash I'm not ready to leave you yet." He said brushing my hair out of my face and kissing my lips softly my brain and body wanted to give up but I knew I had to stay strong I couldn't let him have all of me again he had to earn it this time. Drake was kissing my neck madly and starting to undo my shirt. I pushed him away softly.

"Drake I'm not ready."

"I'm sorry I just could help it."

"I know and its taking me every grain of will to say no but I have to. Look I'm gonna go get ready you can stay here and wait and we'll pick up your guitar on the way over. So what ever you feel better with."

"I'll meet you there I'll get my stuff and meet you at the café." 


	61. This is the way they would love

I waited at a high top table waiting for Drake to arrive. People started to take the stage I started to get worried. I started to have that feeling again when I knew he was cheating. I was looking eagerly through the glass door bobbing my head as people walked in front of me.

"Hey you showed." I heard a deep voice ask from behind me and wrap there arms around me for a hug.

"Hey… Jared." I turned around quickly getting him to release me from his grasp.

"I'm glad you showed." He said taking the open seat next to me.

I always got a mix signals from him I didn't know if he was gay or likes me. He was super sweet to me always telling me how great I was and how much he liked me but not once did he try to make a move.

"I wanted to come but then Drake came home early and he wanted to spend time together and things were just a bit crazy." I said half laughing.

"Oh… so where is he?"

"Umm… I don't know he said he was going to show but he's late and I don't want to seem needy and call him so if he comes he comes if not I can still enjoy the show."

"Yeah… I see well can I sit with you for a bit."

"Sure… yeah come on." I said breaking off half of my rice crispy treat they made home made there and offered it to him.

"So you want to hear Sea of Love." He asked taking a bit of the rice crispy treat.

"Of course I never heard it sung the way you do it and it's so beautiful, all the songs you do are great." I said getting red in the face.

"I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said." He took my hand and kissed it softly all I could do it smile.

"Hey dude you made it." Jared said looking be hind me. I turned and it was Drake looking at Jared's hand on mine.

"He Drake did you bring your guitar?"

"Yeah I got it."

"Well I got to go I'm up next. Ill play your song for you." Jared said getting up and walking toward the stage.

"So you're not seeing him?" Drake asked shaking his head in disbelief.

"No, he's not even into me. He's never even made a move on me."

"He's playing your song!" Drake he took a request so does every DJ in California! Drake please just sit down baby please. What took you so long?"

"Ash you look really pretty."

"Thanks."

"You wore that on our first date."

"I know that's why I wore it, it's kind of like our first date all over again since were trying to start over."

"Hi my names Jared I'm gonna play some songs for you I hope you like them."

I was mesmerized by his voice he was a mix between David Bowie and Mic Jagger. I wasn't even paying attention to what Drake was saying it was drowned out by his voice. I think Drake was even impressed because he finally stopped talking and started to watch Jared. He had the crowd he had everyone all the girls and boys. That's why e sent me mix signals I couldn't put my finger on his sexuality.

Jared took a break and started sipping on his water.

"He's good isn't he?"

"He's okay."

"I was thinking about asking Josh to come and see him. You know he's always looking for new people."

"I don't think he's that's good Ash."

"This one is for a very special girl out there tonight." Jared told the crowd in rock star fashion but locked eyes with me and smiled.

Drake looked at me and almost growled in anger.

"Ash who does he think he is?" He said snarling like a pit bull.

"Drake be quite for a minute." I shot back. I didn't understand why he didn't trust me I never did anything wrong I was nothing but the perfect girlfriend.

He finished the song and walked off the stage and right towards me. I stood up to give him a hug.

"That was great! I loved it." I squealed.

"Thanks Ash." He said wiping the sweat from his brow. "Drake how did you like it?"

Drake was taking off guard by the question it was like a child asking a grown up if they approved.

"Yeah it was good it was definitely different. I'm gonna go on now."

Drake went up on the little stage some people awed and the others whispered nasty things saying that he was just there to show them up. Drake took it all in stride that's what I loved about him he was so strong!

"Well not to sound like a broken record but here are some new songs I had just written I'll try it out on you guys but there all for my fiancé."

"I turned red when people looked back at were he was sitting I smiled at him and watched him set up his guitar.

The first song he played was down we fall the song he san to me on Christmas it was such a beautiful song I loved it and hoped it would go on his next CD because I thought other would like it too.

I loved his voice and the way he took over the stage. When he played he looked at me like I was the only one in the room.

"This next song I wrote recently like last week, Its call It's Only time."

I was taking back by the song it was up beat and happy but the lyrics were upsetting if this was supposed to be about me then I think we have _more problems then we thought._

"_I'm giving in  
it's coming out  
you gave it away  
I'm thinking about  
Not taking it  
you're faking it  
you're such a sad girl  
sad girl  
were did you leave  
why did you go  
what were you thinking  
I'd like to know  
If walking away is all it's about  
Then why did it take so long to figure out_

She said I wasn't even here  
She said I wasn't even  
She said I wasn't even here  
She said I wasn't"

_(Its only time- Drake Bell Its only time.)_

_Drake didn't even announce the next song he just started playing. Jared looked at me with disbelief Drake still was smiling at me. How could he say that in front of all these people. People we didn't even know!_

_Break me down enough I'll take your side  
And all your attitude  
I would like for you to just decide  
What you're gonna do_

Maybe I'll decide I've had enough  
Of what you put me through  
Then perhaps you could return my stuff  
And all my records too  
my 78's and my 45's give them back

_(Break me Down- Drake Bell Its only time.)_

I didn't even wit for the end of the song I just got up and walked out of the coffee house. He never talked about how he felt he was to busy trying to fix what he messed up maybe this was the only way he could tell me. But there is no way in hell that doing it in front of a bunch people we didn't know and announcing that it was for me was the right way to do it. I was so upset I just sat in my car crying thinking maybe this is why he treats me like he does; maybe this is how he always felt.

There was knocking on my passenger side window I looked up and it was Jared. He opened the door and sat down.

"Hey… are you okay?" He asked putting his hand on my back.

"No, I don't know why he would say that stuff about me, or sing it what ever!" I said putting my head on the steering wheel.

"Maybe you misinterpreted it?"

"Please I must not have been the only one because you gave me that look too!"

"Why don't you wait around to ask him."

"I'm done waiting around for him. I'm just gonna go home." Jared got out of the car and shut the door I sped out of the parking lot not even saying goodbye.


	62. Serious as a heart attack

_  
She kisses everyone goodbye  
And waves her middle finger high  
They're never gonna mess with her again  
The drama queen is seventeen  
And sleeping with boys for free  
She's got a reputation of being easy_

_(sugar cult- saying goodbye)_

I heard knocking on my door, I knew who it was. I opened the door and let Drake in.

"Why did you leave like that you didn't even wait for me!"

"No I didn't I think you said exactly what you needed to say in your songs."

"Ash I was in a dry spell and you made me write them they weren't about you they were just written because of you."

"They weren't nice songs! And it really made me upset."

"Ashlee I love you I would never say anything bad about you. Can we please not fight again? I still feel the same way I did for you the first time I met you. The only reason I was acting like jerk at the coffee house was because I thought Jared liked you."

"Drake I don't think he does I think he might be gay."

"Listen Drake it's getting late and I have class and work tomorrow."

"You want me to leave?"

"Don't say it like that! You make it sound like I'm kicking you out. We see each other later in the week. We'll sat a date to go get dinner or something."

"So you don't want to see me tomorrow either?"

"Drake I have school at 7 till 4 and then I have work till midnight it's a hectic day for me."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well for like the past year you mapped out my day I wouldn't even know were to start and I don't start at the studio for another week."

"How about take some classes at the college I think it would be good for you."

"Ash I'm not smart like that."

"Drake you are smarter then you think you handle all your own business stuff and you have been living on your own since you were 18 I think your a lot smarter then you think."

"You wouldn't be jealous of me around a bunch of college girls?" He said playfully.

"Drake I could waste my time thinking like that but it would only drive me crazy. If you think that little of me to cheat on me again after you seen what it's done to us then go ahead."

"Ash I was only kidding."

"I know but I am serious" I said looking him right in the eye.

Drake just hugged me and nuzzled his nose in my neck.

"Baby doesn't get upset I didn't mean to say that. Well I think that sounds like a good idea can you go up to the school with me I don't know anything about signing up for classes?"  
"Sure. Maybe we can eat lunch together at school."

"That sounds really good. I guess I'll see you tomorrow I'll give you a call before I come up."

"Okay."

"I love you so much Ash."

"I love you too. Goodnight baby."


	63. Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn

I woke up alone and a little sad knowing the only reason I was alone was because of my own doing. I got dressed carefully again it was like when I first met Drake I picked at everything meticulously hair, nails, make up, clothes were all done the way I knew he would like. I don't know why I still felt like I had to win him over even though I really didn't. Drake would do anything for me with out even asking any questions. I turned my CD player up and danced around while trying to get dressed I put on a white lace baby doll dress and a pair of thong sandals. It took me an extra half hour to straighten my hair the way he liked it, he hated it when I threw it up in a messy bun. I ran out the door and sped to class making it just in time. I had 3 hours till lunch so I text Drake making sure he was up I knew he took longer then me to get ready. My head was in the clouds for most of my classes until I sat down with Jared in out science lab.

"How did things go last night he told me he was coming over?" Jared asked. I liked having him around we were becoming really good friends, and I need friends especially since Josh started seeing Jenna again hard core and I did not agree with that I didn't even want Drake near her I didn't even want her in that house!

"Yeah he came over, we worked things out we always do. It's like I know were supposed to be with each other but things just get in our way, like girls and him saying stupid stuff." I laughed it off. "He's coming up today to sign up for some classes." I checked my phone again and I didn't get any text messages.

"I'm gonna go to the rest room for a minute." I told Jared as I left the work table. I walked out the door and Drake was sitting on the floor leaning against the wall.

"Ash, are you done already?"

"No, I was just coming out to call you. You didn't text me back I thought you were still sleeping."

"I'm not going to mess up again I came like and hour early so I didn't miss you. And I went to bed early so I didn't miss this and I forgot to put my phone on the charger. Nice glasses Ash." He said laughing at the site of my safety glasses. I flung them off quickly dropping them on the ground. Drake stood up giving them back to me.

"You look so pretty Ash."

I smiled a little blushing.

"Thanks, I did it for you."

"Ash you could wear nothing and I would be happy."

"I bet you would be." We both laughed.

Drake took me by my waist and pulled me in for a kiss I couldn't stop myself it turned in to a full on make out session. The classes let out and people started clapping, hooting and hollering! I blushed and Drake took a bow.

"Come on." I said embarrassed. I hate PDA and I hated people looking at me. I could hear the whispers "Wow is that Drake Parker he's so cute, why is he with her?" The girls giggled and bashed there eyes at him acting as if they didn't see him with his fiancé.

I took Drake by the hand and tugged at him to make him walk. Drake threw his arms around me and walked down the hall like I was his trophy.

"So I was thinking about taking some art classes." He said kissing me on the fore head.

"Well let's go see if we can sign you up for classes and then well go out and get some lunch." I said squeezing his hand.

"Why don't we just stay here and eat with your friends?"

"Drake I don't have any friends at school."

"What do you mean? You're a nerd?" He laughed holding his side.

"A little."

"Ashlee you date rock star's your beautiful, funny and smart. How can you be a nerd?"

"I'm not like these girls. I don't watch the hills and go to islands for spring break. I work hard for my grades and for the life I have."

"Well at least you're my nerd."

"Whoopee for me!" I said waving my finger in the air.

"You're a smart ass you know."

"Yeah but I'm your smart ass." I said smiling back at him.

We kissed one more time before going into the registrar's office. This was great things were working out just like I wanted, just like when we first met. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. Drake registered for an art class and a business class. I think this will be great for us he we will have something in common. We walked down to the cafeteria and got sandwiches.

"Where do you wanna sit?" I asked him look for an empty table.

"Well there's Jared you wan to sit with him?"

"Sure."

We walked over to Jared who was sitting alone with his nose in his books. In my highschool he would have been a catch he was an all American boy played football, in a band, worked on cars, but at this school he was look at as an out cast because he didn't have any money.

"Hey do you mind if we sit with you?" Drake asked.

"No… no… come sit down. I wanted to tell you the songs you did the other day were great!"

"Thanks…"

"Hi Ashlee!" A few blonde squealed.

"Hi" I said not knowing who they were.

"We really like your music we think its great." They said drooling over Drake.

"Aww… well thank you very much." Jared and I looked at each other and smiled. I was so use to this it didn't even faze me. We finished lunch not being able to talk to each other the entire time.

"Drake what are you doing here?" It was Josh coming in for classes I hadn't talked to him in almost a week because of Jenna she didn't want me talking to him.

"Josh!" I screeched throwing my arms around him I missed him so much.

"Bro I'm signing up for classes." They gave each other a hug. "Haven't seen you around much." Drake told Josh you could tell he missed him.

"You know busy." Josh answered shortly. "Guys you know what I got to go, running late for class." He said not even looking at us but at the door, Jenna was standing there giving dirty looks.

"Bye." I said Drake didn't say anything he just let him walk out the door.

"Come on baby lets go out somewhere." I said pulling at him waist.

"Don't you have another class?" _cough… Cough_ I faked.

"I think I'm coming down with something."

"That's my girl!" Drake said throwing his arm around my waist leading me towards the door. We jumped into his new car and sped out of the drive way. I felt so carefree like anything was possible between us. Maybe it wasn't just Drake I did change after a while I became a frumpy house wife when I should have been acting my age and having fun. That's why I left Johnny for Drake because I wanted to have fun and act my age!

"Where are we going?"

"Back to your house?" I asked having lust in my eyes.

"Are you sure?"

I tugged at his hand bringing it to my lips and kissing it slowly.

"I'm sure."

We rushed up the stairs bumping into everything in our path, we couldn't see with our lips locked on to one another. We couldn't get up the stairs fast enough Drake took me in his arms and rushed me up the rest of the steps and into his bedroom. He shut the door behind us, pinning me against the close door. I never thought I would be this close to him again.  
I let his hands stray past the boundaries of my back, he got to me breathing faster hen ever before and my heart beating harder then I ever thought it could. He kissed my neck making me melt in his arms. "Are you sure." He asked before quickly undoing my bra. His hands explore my body I couldn't find the words to answer him I just started kissing him back. I backed up towards the bed pulling him by his belt loop undoing them as quick as I could while trying to pull the rest of my dress off. Us tangled between the sheets, or bodies intertwined into one another. We knew what we needed we didn't ask questions we just took it.

"I love you" Drake said rolling off from on top of me.

"I know you do." I said tracing his chest with my finger tips.

"Then why do we do this to each other?"

"Drake I don't want to talk about the bad. I love you and right now everything is perfect."

"Because were alone and I'm not working."

"Crap work! I completely forgot about work!"

"Ash please I'm trying to talk to you." He said as if I was an out of control preschooler.

"I'm sorry. There just going to be mad."

"Ash I love you I want us to get away from all of this."

"All of what?"

"These girls, school, work, everything."

"Drake they'll be waiting for us when we came back we just have to face them head on. Its called life and everyone has to deal with it."

"I know Ash I just feel like I need to be with you."

"We are together."

"No… I want to move in with you."

"Really? I thought you wouldn't like my apartment after living here."

"If it means I get to spend more time with you then I want to do it. I want to move in with you."

I thought this over for a second this would be great it would still be mine and I was finally getting on track with my life and I wouldn't have to worry about Jenna coming over.

"I think it's a great idea!"


	64. Not as smart as the words you spoke

Me, Drake, Josh and Jenna sat down to talk everything out Josh wanted to keep the house and Drake thought it was to big and thought they didn't need it anymore and if Jenna was going to move in she could pay Drakes half. It was bitter sweet for us all to break apart, I wanted all of us to stay together and be one big happy family but it was never going to be that way again. Josh loved Jenna and even though I didn't approve I understood. Maybe it would be okay if I could get over what she and Drake did but I couldn't. Every time I seen them in the same room it burned a cruel and disgusting picture in the back of my mind that will never fade.

We all agreed it would be better if we were separated but I can tell it hit Drake and Josh the hardest.

"Baby you okay?" I asked as we were starting to put some of his clothes away in our new apartment.

"Yeah… it was bound to happen sooner or later. We couldn't act 16 forever."

"Drake look this isn't set in stone, the one thing I always said was I would never make you choose between me and Josh." He stopped me right there and pulled me into a hug.

"Ash I picked this I want to be with you and he wants to be with her. I want to start our own family I want us to be a family. You know one day soon with a little baby and we can dress him in cute clothes and walk down Hollywood boulevard and have everyone owe and awe over him."

"Drake you are the only guy at this age that wants to settle down and have a baby to deal with. But I'm not ready yet, I need to finish school."

"I know baby and I'm not gonna start up with this again I just want you to know how I feel about it."

"I think that's adorable but lets enjoy being 20 lets go out tonight maybe dancing?"

"That sounds great I didn't even know you liked dancing. You know one time me and Josh won a dance contest together."

"You guys are such goofballs! You think he would want to come with us. I mean Jenna does have work."

"No let's just go out me and you tonight."

The night was great we went to a local dance club and danced until the club was about to close. A lot of girls recognized Drake and asked for dances I let him and sat down for a break every once in a while. A few girls even slipped him there number even though I was standing with him. I tried to not let it bother me he was so use to this he was even like this before he was a rock start in high school Josh told me many times that he never kept a girl longer then a week and if he did then it wouldn't be more then a month he had up to maybe 75 girlfriend. I guess I was special because it was almost March and we have been together for 8 months. It felt like so much longer like we had been together for years. His birthday was coming up soon and because of all the craziness I didn't even have time to plan anything. I'll have to rush and get something nice together; I mean it's his twenty-first birthday it's a big thing!

I watched Drake dance with a girl out of the floor and my heart broke a little I want to forget all that he did to me I want to act like he does and none of them meant anything to him. But in the back of my mind I think if I meant anything to him he wouldn't have strayed. But I have to push them out of my mind and remember that he's with me and I want to believe myself when I say that he wants to change he just wants to be with me.

I woke up the next morning with Drakes bared body embracing my barely clad body. I had to get to school I had slept in to late and already missed my first class. I was racing around the room filled with moving boxes trying to find something to wear.

"Baby what are you doing!" Drake yelled in a sleepy groan!

"We have class today! I already missed on and yours is in an hour."

"Yeah I don't think I'm gonna go."

"Drake it's your first day you have to go." I laughed it off but I was really stewing inside. This is what he always did; he would get lazy and not make an effort unless it came to his music.

"What's the big deal?" Drake moaned with his head pressed into the pillow. "I wanted to get shit done around here while you were gone."

"That's sweet and all but I'll be gone all day."

"What do you mean?"

"I have school, work and then a study group in the library. I'll be lucky if I get home before 2 am."

"Really?" Drake asked now sitting up in bed. His face had a twisted look of confusion like he couldn't believe I had a life outside of cleaning and cooking for him.

"Really babe now start getting ready I'll see you at lunch?" I said kissing is cheek as he grabbed my butt. "You're such a caveman!"


	65. I swear that I'm not kidding

I went through my classes like a robot just doing what I had till I could get to lunch and was able to see Drake. I walked through the cafeteria doors looking around for him. I found him in the corner booth with two girls on each side of him. He was a Drake and blonde whore sandwich. He saw me and raised his hand and waved me over. The girls whispered and giggled like they thought they were getting away with something. God I hated girls. Drake pushed his way out of the booth and stood next to me introducing him to the girls that were so helpful in his new class.

"Hi… nice to meet all of you." I mean could I really blame these girls for wanting to be near him. He just had this personality that made everyone feel welcome, plus I haven't wore my engagement ring in more then a month and I never talked to any of these girls not to many people even knew I know him.

"This is my fiancé Ashlee." Drake introduced me. I smiled basking in their jealousy and red faces.

"Aww… can we see your ring." Now whose face was red? Drake looked over at me disappointed not seeing the shiny rock on my finger.

"I wear it around my neck it's a little big I have to get it sized but I've been so busy."

"Planning the wedding?" The girls cooed at I placed it on my finger to show.

"Umm… no just school and work."

"You work?"

"yeah, at the dinning car." Drake winched a little hating the sound of me working. As if I wasn't working before this cleaning, cooking and running his errands that was twice the work and I was on call 24/7.

"Yeah… I know the place I've been there, cute." The one blonde said twisting her face as to force a smile.

"Come sit down with us." Another called over patting the seat next to her.

"No thanks but Drake can sit here if he wants." I said turning and leaving the table to walk towards Jared sitting with a few guys from the local fraternity. I knew most of them they were nice guys not the kind you see in movies.

"Hey Jared you mind if I sit here with you." Jared turned his head to the side to look around me and see Drake leaning over the same table talking to the four blonde.

"Sure." I sat quietly only answering questions when asked.

"You want to go get some pizza with us." Another typical looking frat boy asked. He was about 6'4" wearing a letter jacket and carrying no books.

"Sure." I said I would be happy going anywhere else so I didn't have to see Drake enjoying the girls drooling all over him. I don't think he gets it when I left he was supposed to leave! God he made my blood boil. I looked over at him one last time, I caught his eye and mimed that I was leaving with the guys. Drake jaw just dropped and shook his head no. I acted like I didn't see the last part and walked out the door and over to my car.

"Oh my god Ash that's your car?"

"Yeah I love it." The guys made googley eyes with it for a short time and offered to give them a ride in it. As soon as we got into the little pizza polar my phone started to ring off the hook.

Me- hey baby what's us?

Drake- Why did you leave? This was the only time I got to see you before you go to work.

Me- The guys asked me to go and you were hanging out with those girls anyway.

Drake- You told me to.

Me- No I didn't I said if you want you can stay with them I didn't think you would want to stay with them I thought you would want to stay with me.

Drake- Ash I just want you to make friends.

Me- Drake I'm happy I don't want friends that only want me because of who you are.

Drake- I'm sorry I was just trying to help. Where are you guys at I'll meet you there.

Me- Pizza Roma, its right around the corner. I'll order you a slice for you.

Drake- Okay I'll be right there.

I sat down with the guys and talked about school, movies, music all the stuff that normal 20 year olds talk about.

I drifted in and out of the conversation looking in my planner where I had all my ideas for Drakes 21st birthday. I didn't really have work after school I was going to see a club that was going to hold the party. Drake walked in with the girls still trailing behind him. The guys kinda grunted and moaned there was no chance the girls were going to pay attention to them when Drake was in the room. Drake scooted into the booth as the girl ran to the counter together giggling and looking back.

"Drake I meant you can come alone. I don't want to be around them."

"Ash they wanted to come what was I going to do be rude and not give them a ride."

"You gave them a ride in your car. You get me so mad sometimes." I said biting my bottom lip trying to hold in the rest of what I thought about him at that moment.

"Why what did I do? You're hanging out with guys why cant I hang out with girls."

I didn't answer I didn't tell him because he cheated on me more time then I could count on my fingers and toes. That he couldn't turn down any girl no matter how ugly as long as they had boobs. I just got up and walked out of the pizza polar. I thought about Jenna for a minute and tried to imagine what he saw in her why he couldn't keep his hands off of her. She had a skinny horse like face, her two front teeth were too big and she didn't even have boobs she was a board front and back.

Drake stormed out of the pizza polar slamming the door like he had a reason to be mad.

"I thought you said you forgave me." He asked pacing back and forth.

"I did but that doesn't mean you can flirt with every girl you met." I said calmly like I was talking to a first grader trying to explain why pulling up the girls skirts was a bad idea. But what I really wanted to do was to take him by the shoulders and shake him until he understood.

"I'm not flirting I'm trying to make friends." He said throwing his hands in the air. "Maybe you should try it!"

"Drake don't be a dick!"

"I'm not I just don't understand why you can't get along with anyone I like."

"Drake maybe you should walk away before we both say something we regret."

"Fine … fine." He said walking back into the pizza polar.

Jared walked out after Drake walked in. He was like my knight in shinning gay armor.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I don't even get mad anymore it's like an everyday thing we get mad fight and then make up. Probably not the healthiest relationship but I think sooner or later it will just work it self into place."

"Well I hope sooner then later." We both smiled. Jared put his arm around my waist and escorted me back into the pizza polar."

Drake was trying to make conversation with the guys but it just wasn't happening. Drake really only hung out with a very small group of friends and the main on was Josh. We finished our pizza in a civilized manor and went back to school.

"Drake look I have to leave early I'll see you at home later."

"I thought you didn't have work till 4?"

"I don't I just wanted to get a little bit of shopping done I mean its getting hot out and most of my summer clothes are at the old house."

"I understand here?" He said handing me his credit card and giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Love you."

"I love you too." I said giving him a soft smile. He meant it today, I meant it today and that was very rare.


	66. Everytime I caught you look

I found this great place to have the party at; it was a private club that would close its doors for one night to have the chart topping Drake Parkers birthday party. I usually hate to name drop but there was no other way I could get such a great place for a good price. Plus Drake had mentioned it once where some kid had like a huge party where he wasn't invited to, The Diego Club.

I called Josh to see if we could meet up I wanted him to be apart of this. After all it was his brother and I was going to need help hiding things and the apartment was way too small for that. He agreed that we could meet up at the house.

"I want to have this big birthday party for Drake, I mean BIG! I found this great little club that there gonna let us rent out for the night." I said walking in to the house without even saying hello, I was so excited.

"How are you going to pay for all of this?" Josh asked shutting the door behind me.

"Well I have some money saved and your mom and dad offered to chip in if I made it family friendly which I was going to anyway." I flopped down on the couch patting the spot besides me.

"Well that sounds nice."

I showed him the pictured and the catering menu.

"I want to do it like black and white. Really fancy you know?"

"Well it sounds like you have everything under control. What do you need me for?"

"Well I need somewhere to hide decorations and maybe do some errands with me. I need to like pick out the cake and music, you know him better then anyone else you'll know what he likes."

"Well… I don't know if it's a good idea."

"Look Josh I know it's hard to forgive your brother but he's really trying to change."

"Yeah I can tell I saw him leaving school with four girls in his car."

"Are you serious? I will freakin kill him. Josh you know what we'll have to talk about this later."

I got into my car and raced home as fast as possible. I had only caught him once but he was totally messed up so I really didn't blame him but if I caught him this time it would be totally different. I rushed through the front door holding my breath the whole time as if I forgot how to breathe. Drake and the giggling girls were scattered in the living room fully dressed with text books scattered on the floor.

"Hey baby is something wrong? Why are you home so early?"

"Drake I need to talk to you, outside." I said feeling my body get heavier with worry, with shame. These girls must think I'm a moron to let my boyfriend have 4 beautiful girls over alone.

"What's wrong babe, your scaring me."

"What are you doing with four girls in our apartment? Drake I said I forgave you, I didn't forget."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That's means you can't have girls as friends right now and you definitely can't have them over my apartment."

"Ash we went doing anything." He said smiling and putting his arms around me.

"No Drake it's not that easy." I said pushing him away I was so mad at him. I know he didn't cheat with these girls but they represented every girl he did cheat with and who knows what would happen if I didn't come home early.

"You came home from work to yell at me about studying?"

"No… I… I… Came home because I didn't feel good." God I was such a bad liar and this whole thing was going to tumble out of control and one lies going to have to cover another. But I hope it's worth it in the end because it is his 21st birthday and you only get one.

"Aww… whats wrong?" He said putting his hand to my cheek.

"The fore head Drake, you're supposed to check the fore head not the cheeks." He pulled his hand away quickly.

"Drake what's on your hand?" I hated acting like his mother. Why couldn't he ever just tell me the truth?

"Look one of the girls wrote it. It's no big deal."

"Yeah that's why you were trying to hide it."

"No… I knew you would go off about it like you always do. Look Ash it's stupid its nothing."

((_Drake and Chelsea AAF_))

God I wanted to gag! Why does he even get himself into these situations?

"Drake you're a… you're… forget it…I'm gonna go lay down. You do what you want and I'll do what I want." I said as I walked into the apartment.

"What does that mean? Is that a threat?"

"Drake take it anyway you wanna take it." I went into my bedroom and laid down on the bed. Every time I heard one of the girls giggle I shoved my head into my pillow and screamed. Finally I just fell asleep. I woke back up to a quite house; I looked at the alarm clock it was only 6 pm. I walked through the apartment, there was no one there. I got this feeling in my stomach that felt like I had just eaten a blowing ball. He wanted to play this game I'm gonna play it too. I called Jared and told him we were going out anywhere, anywhere away from here. I put on my tightest jeans and my lowest tunic. Jared honked his horn just as Drake was pulled in.

"Where are you going?"

"Out." I answered not even looking at him.

"You're going out like that? I thought we could talk?"

"I don't want to know if you cheated I'm done feeling like crap!"

"Ash what are you talking about they were just nice girls."

"Yeah they were with you for the conversation."

"Is that's so hard to believe?"

"Yeah it is Drake, because you don't just talk. You need to be faithful to me and if that means cutting off girls completely until I'm comfortable with it then that's how it has to be."

"That's unfair!" Drake yelled and stomped his foot like a 5 year old. I swear if I could put him in time out I would have. "Well at least tell me where you're going!"

"I'm not bargaining with you. You go out with four cute blondes and don't tell me where you are, why I should tell you. You show me no consideration why should I show it to you."

"I show you consideration didn't I give you my card to go shopping all the girls thought that was like the nicest thing. Your better then me Ash we all get it you're a fucking saint, get over it."

"I'm over it drake. But I want you to think about this… I have never asked you for anything, anything at all except to love me the way a man who loves a women should. I think that's a whole lot sweeter then a credit card." I said biting my lip trying to hold back the tears.

"Ash come on I didn't mean it that way I swear. I'm sorry."

"I'll talk to you later."

I hopped into Jared's car and we rode off into Hollywood. I held back the tears that were trying to escape all night. Jared already thought Drake and I were a little crazy and I didn't want to prove him right. We went to a little dance club on Hollywood blvd. I tried to have fun I danced with Jared until my heels felt as if they were going to give out from under me. Finally we called it a night and he drove me home.

"Thanks so much I need to get out of there for a little bit."

"Ashlee I don't know how you do it. But maybe you should think if it's all worth it."

"Look to other people Drake a screw ball but I see a whole different side to him and he's loving and kind. He's a good person when he wants to be. I'll be okay, again thank."

The moment was awkward I couldn't get the door to open and Jared leaned over me to giggle the door handle and as the door opened he kissed me.

"Whoa! What are you doing?"

"I just thought…"

"You're into girls? I thought… God I'm sorry I'm with Drake." I didn't let him answer I just left and ran up to the apartment and busted through the door. Drake was sleeping, fully dressed on the couch.

"Baby why don't you come in the bedroom. Your backs going to be killing you in the morning."

"I was waiting up for you." He said putting his arms around me still half asleep. This was the Drake I loved and he loved me. "I won't hang out with them anymore if you don't want me to."

"Drake I am just scared that I'll lose you."

"Ash I'm not going anywhere."

"So did you have fun dancing?"

"Yeah how did you know?"

"Jared told me. Come on lets go to bed its late we have class tomorrow. Oh wait how you are feeling?"

"A little bit better."


	67. Start acceleration

I didn't want to upset drake last night so I didn't tell him about the kiss, I wanted to wait till the morning.

"Baby its time to wake up." I said giving his butt a tap.

"10 more minutes!"

"No…no… Come on I want to go out to breakfast!"

"Ash later we'll go to the dinner they serve breakfast all day!" He whined.

"Blah… Blah… Blah… Fine we'll do this the hard way."

I jumped on the bed putting my hands on his bare sides and started to tickle him with no mercy. He wasn't going to put up with it to long. He got a hold of me and threw me under him. I braced my self to be tickled to death but instead I was met with his soft lips on mine, his hand caressing my face. Every touch sent a shiver down my spine. I couldn't remember the last time we just kissed. I felt like I was back in high school. I made myself stop thinking and started to just go with the motion of his body.

"You know I really do love you and I try my best to be a good boyfriend."

"I know. You just really have to try a little harder to show it."

"What are you doing today?"

"I have a few errands and some girl stuff to do." The truth was I was going to look at some DJ's and get some other little things ready for the party." Babe I have something to tell you."

"That scared me a little."

"Jared kissed me last night. I mean not like a real kiss but like a peck and I think I hurt his feelings because I was so surprised I said I didn't know you liked girls!"

"Ashlee… you didn't say that! Wait he kissed you what an asshole! I don't care if he's gay or not that's an asshole move."

"I'm sorry I dint tell you last night you were in a good mood and it was eating at me all night."

"Well at least you told me …I mean if you didn't I wouldn't even know and I know you wouldn't hook up with him anyway."

"Really! why not?"

"Because why go looking for it if you have me at home." He said giggling.  
My face just went black I couldn't believe he just said that. What did he think that meant to me? He knew what he said because he went quite quick and put his hand on his head. He was waiting for world war 3 to start. But I didn't know what to do, he probably never could say anything so true again in his life.

"Ash I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did because it's true. You're here and give me everything I could possibly need why would I go looking anywhere else? And if that's it what's so wrong with me? What do the other girls have that I don't?" At this point I was holding back my tears, biting my lip, playing with my hair, looking at the ceiling as to push the tears in back of my head.

"Ash please don't look at it like that. It wasn't you it…"

"Its not you, it's me, please I've said that… and you know what I was always lying because it was there fault. If it wasn't there fault why would I have broken up with them? Why wouldn't they have broken up with me?"

"Look Ashlee it was my entire fault I never felt like anything was good enough for me that's why I went from girl to girl they were never good enough. Girls, my music, friends, even Josh but the truth is your to good for me and I kind of always felt like okay she's going to realized this and leave its going to be over anyway so why not just do what I always did. And the only time I have ever cheated on you was when I was drunk or high, only when I was out of my mind." Drake was now besides himself he looked so nervous, I never seen Drake nervous even when he played these huge gigs.

His explanation was down to a science she was going to get rid of me anyways so why not? I didn't really know what to think of this so I just accepted it. I didn't want to fight I wanted to start getting back on track.

"Drake I'm not mad its okay, I know you didn't mean it like that and it's the truth I do have everything I want right here because you're here."

Drake just took me in his arms, we stayed that way for a while just taking each other in.


	68. Take it back to square one

Two weeks have passed and things with the party were coming together. Things were actually going great I picked a great DJ, invited all of his friends, and all of this without him even being suspicious. The party was in two days and it was starting to come down to the wire it was starting to get a little hectic, but I liked it I thought how great would it be to do this for a living, setting up parties.

I was sitting in the living room trying to get some homework done; I have been so busy setting up the party and just spending time with Drake. We were actually getting along; he was actually acting like a real boyfriend for once. He was sweet, goofy and fun, like he use to be. We were slowly learning if we fight just get over it!

Drake walked in through the front door, he had been gone all day shooting a music video for another singer. I thought it was great he was having so much fun. I was a little scared because the singer was a beautiful girl who was just getting started.

"Hey baby a lot of homework?" Drake asked kissing me on the cheek.

"A little I just want to get it done so I'm not stuck doing it at midnight."

"Good because I made plans for us." He yelled from the bedroom jumping into him pajama pants it was only 12 in the afternoon.

I hated when he did that I didn't like most of his friends and they never did anything fun anyway.

"Oh great… what?" I said sarcastically.

"Don't say it like that, Bebe the girl's video that I'm doing invited us to dinner at her house." He said flopping on the couch picking up the remote.

"Are you sure she didn't just mean you?"

"Why would she do that? I told her I had a girlfriend."

"But doesn't it sound kind of weird that a girl invited me and you over and no one else is coming over? It would be the first time or the hundredth time some one tried to pick you up knowing you had a girlfriend. I don't think I want to go it's like my only day off and it's a Sunday we have school tomorrow."

"Does that mean I can't go either?" He said like a defiant teenager.

"Drake please don't start. Do what you want!" I didn't want to start a fight I just wanted to enjoy the afternoon and get my homework done.

"Fine Ash I won't go!" He yelled back.

I shut my laptop and walked over to the couch.

"Drake if you want to go then just go. I don't care I'm fine with it. Josh was going to come over anyways. I thought you were going to be gone all day." Drake and Josh still weren't really on talking terms they would just say hi to each other and that was it.

"Why would I go if you don't want me to go? Plus you don't even trust me to go!" He yelled turning away from me.

"Drake I trust you, your with her all day you could cheat on me when ever you want to why would be going to her house any different? I mean if I didn't trust you I would be one of those crazy stage girlfriends that stays glued to your side, but I don't so give me a little more credit then that." I sat down next to him and put my hand on his knee.

"Ash I'm sorry I just think that were in a rut. And I just wanted to try to get things moving."

My stomach sunk, he gave me that feeling a lot. I think he likes the fighting I think that's why he starts petty things with me. I did notice that he was never in the mood for sex any more I just thought maybe he was being nice just wanting to cuddle.

"A rut? That's funny because I was starting to think that we were finally getting along."

"That's what's so different about us Ash. You want to stay home and watch movies and cook dinner. I want to go clubbing and stay out till 3 in the morning but I can't with you because you have work or school." Drake said in a whinny voice mimicking me.

"Drake you know how dumb you sound. Isn't that the reason you originally said you liked me was because I wasn't like all the girls in California? I mean I don't know why your acting like this, did I do something wrong."

I always felt like I did something wrong like I wasn't good enough or dumb enough. I don't know with drake sometimes he wants everything, smart, dumb, clubber, housewife, mother of his children and someone to drink with. Nothing was ever good enough for him I think that's why he has always needed more the one girl he needed others so he could have the perfect relationship.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just telling you how I feel."

"I don't get it. I mean do you want to break up or do you want to break up so you don't feel guilty about sleeping with her tonight?"

"Ash I don't want to break up with you I just got you back."

I ignored his interruption. "I mean this is all starting to feel all too familiar."

"Ash look I didn't mean it that way…"

"What way like I'm not good enough? That I should be who you want me to be not myself. Look Drake I took you back even though I told myself that it would only bring me heartbreak. I wanted to take it slow but no it all has to be at Drake speed! 3 day you ask me to come to California with you, 2 weeks you ask me to move in, 3 months engagement, I mean come on I need to breath every once in a while."

"Ash you know what I gotta leave."

I took him by his arm before he could get off the couch.

"No you need to sit down and talk this out with me."

"Ash this isn't going to work out."

My eyes filled with tears my heart was broken I needed him I wanted him to stay I just wanted to be with him and not right now it at least had to wait till after the party. I knew if I let him go he would come back.

"Drake if you need a minute then go take it, but if we're going to break up then just do it. Don't string me along like this."

"Do you really want to live like this Ash?"

"Drake I thought if we loved each other it would all work out."

I couldn't stop crying my words came out in pieces because I had to catch my breath in between. I was so embarrassed I didn't want him to see me like this but I had done exactly what I told myself not to do. I said I wasn't going to totally devote myself to him but I did again, and I think I will always I said go slow and I jumped in head first.

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. "I'm sorry I just had a bad day and I'm just tired and you know I don't mean it. You say lets just break up all the time I say it once and it's the end of the world. How do you think I feel when you say it then?"

"I don't mean to hurt your feelings but you did it on porous. Look Drake I love you and I want to be together but if you don't want to be here with me then just go."

"Ash were in a tiny apartment there's hardly any room for my stuff your never home you either at school, work and when you not at either your with Josh, I mean I don't even get to spend time with Josh or you. I feel left out. Plus you don't even wear you engagement ring I mean come on that hurts.

I started to hug him back and get myself together.

"I'm sorry I didn't know you felt like this. I'll quite my job and we can move and I'll stop hanging out with Josh. You gave up a lot for me I'll do that same but Drake I want you to know I love you more then I have ever loved anyone. I mean its like apart of me needs you to function."

"Lets not talk about this right now. I love you and I didn't mean for it all to come out like that. I want to stay here with you come on lets just chill."

"No we have to talk about this, look what happens when we don't you hold it all in and we end up fighting. You don't like the apartment and its way to small for the both of us. Let's move! We have the money let's go looking. The ring was actually a surprise I got it sized at the jewelers and engraved I was going to wear it on your birthday. I wasn't doing it intentionally."

"Can we really move?"

"Drake you live here to not everything is my decisions I mean if you want to move just tell me. I just thought this was what normal 21 year olds did we lived in little crappy apartment. I want you to feel comfortable where you live. If you're embarrassed that I work well I'll quite, it was just something to take my mind off of you when you weren't around."

"Let's go now!" he said pulling me off the couch.

"Now? Drake you're in your PJ's and its Sunday! Everything's closed."

"No open houses! Come on I'll get dressed you look in the paper for open houses. He flung the paper at me and raced to the bedroom."

We spent all day looking at big houses, small houses, condo's and lofts. We had fun and then we decided to have a nice dinner at a really fancy restaurant. I remember when he first met me he would take me to these places to show off and I loved it he use to try to hard to make me happy. We finally got home and there were 10messages on the phone some from Bebe and some from Josh. We laughed and walked in the bedroom knowing all that we needed right now was each other. The sex was great but it always was after a fight. I cuddled up to Drake putting my head on his chest he started to hum on of my favorite songs while running his fingers through my hair. It was Dave Mathew's band satellite.

_Satellite, headlines read  
Someones secrets youve seen  
Eyes and ears have been  
Satellite dish in my yard  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Whos the king of your satellite castle?_

I listened to him whisper the lyrics softy I concentrated on his touch and his voice until my eyes were so heavy I could no longer keep them open.

"Are you still awake?" Drake whispered rubbing my back.

" What's wrong?" I knew something was wrong his voice was sad.

"I think I was going to cheat on you tonight, you know with Bebe."

"I know, but you didn't that's all that matters."

"You do care about me don't you?"

"Of course I do Drake I love you."

"I just want you to know I haven't cheated since we got back together."

"I know I can tell. Look I love you don't let it get you all riled up it was just a thought as look as you don't act on it, we'll be okay."

I put my head back down on Drakes chest letting my head go up and down with his breathing. I pushed the thought in back of my head and just let myself fall back asleep.


	69. She's perfect in her own way

Two weeks have passed and things with the party were coming together. Things were actually going great I picked a great DJ, invited all of his friends, and all of this without him even being suspicious. The party was in two days and it was starting to come down to the wire it was starting to get a little hectic, but I liked it I thought how great would it be to do this for a living, setting up parties.

I was sitting in the living room trying to get some homework done; I have been so busy setting up the party and just spending time with Drake. We were actually getting along; he was actually acting like a real boyfriend for once. He was sweet, goofy and fun, like he use to be. We were slowly learning if we fight just get over it!

Drake walked in through the front door, he had been gone all day shooting a music video for another singer. I thought it was great he was having so much fun. I was a little scared because the singer was a beautiful girl who was just getting started.

"Hey baby a lot of homework?" Drake asked kissing me on the cheek.

"A little I just want to get it done so I'm not stuck doing it at midnight."

"Good because I made plans for us." He yelled from the bedroom jumping into him pajama pants it was only 12 in the afternoon.

I hated when he did that I didn't like most of his friends and they never did anything fun anyway.

"Oh great… what?" I said sarcastically.

"Don't say it like that, Bebe the girl's video that I'm doing invited us to dinner at her house." He said flopping on the couch picking up the remote.

"Are you sure she didn't just mean you?"

"Why would she do that? I told her I had a girlfriend."

"But doesn't it sound kind of weird that a girl invited me and you over and no one else is coming over? It would be the first time or the hundredth time some one tried to pick you up knowing you had a girlfriend. I don't think I want to go it's like my only day off and it's a Sunday we have school tomorrow."

"Does that mean I can't go either?" He said like a defiant teenager.

"Drake please don't start. Do what you want!" I didn't want to start a fight I just wanted to enjoy the afternoon and get my homework done.

"Fine Ash I won't go!" He yelled back.

I shut my laptop and walked over to the couch.

"Drake if you want to go then just go. I don't care I'm fine with it. Josh was going to come over anyways. I thought you were going to be gone all day." Drake and Josh still weren't really on talking terms they would just say hi to each other and that was it.

"Why would I go if you don't want me to go? Plus you don't even trust me to go!" He yelled turning away from me.

"Drake I trust you, your with her all day you could cheat on me when ever you want to why would be going to her house any different? I mean if I didn't trust you I would be one of those crazy stage girlfriends that stays glued to your side, but I don't so give me a little more credit then that." I sat down next to him and put my hand on his knee.

"Ash I'm sorry I just think that were in a rut. And I just wanted to try to get things moving."

My stomach sunk, he gave me that feeling a lot. I think he likes the fighting I think that's why he starts petty things with me. I did notice that he was never in the mood for sex any more I just thought maybe he was being nice just wanting to cuddle.

"A rut? That's funny because I was starting to think that we were finally getting along."

"That's what's so different about us Ash. You want to stay home and watch movies and cook dinner. I want to go clubbing and stay out till 3 in the morning but I can't with you because you have work or school." Drake said in a whinny voice mimicking me.

"Drake you know how dumb you sound. Isn't that the reason you originally said you liked me was because I wasn't like all the girls in California? I mean I don't know why your acting like this, did I do something wrong."

I always felt like I did something wrong like I wasn't good enough or dumb enough. I don't know with drake sometimes he wants everything, smart, dumb, clubber, housewife, mother of his children and someone to drink with. Nothing was ever good enough for him I think that's why he has always needed more the one girl he needed others so he could have the perfect relationship.

"You didn't do anything wrong. I'm just telling you how I feel."

"I don't get it. I mean do you want to break up or do you want to break up so you don't feel guilty about sleeping with her tonight?"

"Ash I don't want to break up with you I just got you back."

I ignored his interruption. "I mean this is all starting to feel all too familiar."

"Ash look I didn't mean it that way…"

"What way like I'm not good enough? That I should be who you want me to be not myself. Look Drake I took you back even though I told myself that it would only bring me heartbreak. I wanted to take it slow but no it all has to be at Drake speed! 3 day you ask me to come to California with you, 2 weeks you ask me to move in, 3 months engagement, I mean come on I need to breath every once in a while."

"Ash you know what I gotta leave."

I took him by his arm before he could get off the couch.

"No you need to sit down and talk this out with me."

"Ash this isn't going to work out."

My eyes filled with tears my heart was broken I needed him I wanted him to stay I just wanted to be with him and not right now it at least had to wait till after the party. I knew if I let him go he would come back.

"Drake if you need a minute then go take it, but if we're going to break up then just do it. Don't string me along like this."

"Do you really want to live like this Ash?"

"Drake I thought if we loved each other it would all work out."

I couldn't stop crying my words came out in pieces because I had to catch my breath in between. I was so embarrassed I didn't want him to see me like this but I had done exactly what I told myself not to do. I said I wasn't going to totally devote myself to him but I did again, and I think I will always I said go slow and I jumped in head first.

He put his arms around me and pulled me close. "I'm sorry I just had a bad day and I'm just tired and you know I don't mean it. You say lets just break up all the time I say it once and it's the end of the world. How do you think I feel when you say it then?"

"I don't mean to hurt your feelings but you did it on porous. Look Drake I love you and I want to be together but if you don't want to be here with me then just go."

"Ash were in a tiny apartment there's hardly any room for my stuff your never home you either at school, work and when you not at either your with Josh, I mean I don't even get to spend time with Josh or you. I feel left out. Plus you don't even wear you engagement ring I mean come on that hurts.

I started to hug him back and get myself together.

"I'm sorry I didn't know you felt like this. I'll quite my job and we can move and I'll stop hanging out with Josh. You gave up a lot for me I'll do that same but Drake I want you to know I love you more then I have ever loved anyone. I mean its like apart of me needs you to function."

"Lets not talk about this right now. I love you and I didn't mean for it all to come out like that. I want to stay here with you come on lets just chill."

"No we have to talk about this, look what happens when we don't you hold it all in and we end up fighting. You don't like the apartment and its way to small for the both of us. Let's move! We have the money let's go looking. The ring was actually a surprise I got it sized at the jewelers and engraved I was going to wear it on your birthday. I wasn't doing it intentionally."

"Can we really move?"

"Drake you live here to not everything is my decisions I mean if you want to move just tell me. I just thought this was what normal 21 year olds did we lived in little crappy apartment. I want you to feel comfortable where you live. If you're embarrassed that I work well I'll quite, it was just something to take my mind off of you when you weren't around."

"Let's go now!" he said pulling me off the couch.

"Now? Drake you're in your PJ's and its Sunday! Everything's closed."

"No open houses! Come on I'll get dressed you look in the paper for open houses. He flung the paper at me and raced to the bedroom."

We spent all day looking at big houses, small houses, condo's and lofts. We had fun and then we decided to have a nice dinner at a really fancy restaurant. I remember when he first met me he would take me to these places to show off and I loved it he use to try to hard to make me happy. We finally got home and there were 10 messages on the phone some from Bebe and some from Josh. We laughed and walked in the bedroom knowing all that we needed right now was each other. The sex was great but it always was after a fight. I cuddled up to Drake putting my head on his chest he started to hum on of my favorite songs while running his fingers through my hair. It was Dave Mathew's band satellite.

_Satellite, headlines read  
Someones secrets youve seen  
Eyes and ears have been  
Satellite dish in my yard  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Whos the king of your satellite castle?_

I listened to him whisper the lyrics softy I concentrated on his touch and his voice until my eyes were so heavy I could no longer keep them open.

"Are you still awake?" Drake whispered rubbing my back.

" What's wrong?" I knew something was wrong his voice was sad.

"I think I was going to cheat on you tonight, you know with Bebe."

"I know, but you didn't that's all that matters."

"You do care about me don't you?"

"Of course I do Drake I love you."

"I just want you to know I haven't cheated since we got back together."

"I know I can tell. Look I love you don't let it get you all riled up it was just a thought as look as you don't act on it, we'll be okay."

I put my head back down on Drakes chest letting my head go up and down with his breathing. I pushed the thought in back of my head and just let myself fall back asleep.


	70. Smoke rings rising to the winter grey

Today is the day of Drake 21st birthday party his real birthday is in the middle of the week so I thought he would be more surprised if I did it the weekend before. He had been working crazy hours in the studio and on the music video so I had plenty of time to go do everything. Drake and I were doing better then we ever have been before we were finally being truthful with each other. Plus we had found a house! We are so excited it was going to be like our house, we were just waiting on the finally paper work to go through.

Drake was sitting on the couch watching TV and eating cereal enjoying his day off.

"So what do you say we go out tonight?" I asked trying to sound as casual as possible.

"I have plans."

My jaw almost hit the floor all his friends knew about the party everyone he knew, knew about the party.

"With who?"

"Bebe asked us to come to the wrap party and since I was in the video I would like to go."

_Fudge fudge fudge! _I didn't invite her because I don't like her!

"Okay well we will go to dinner first and then go!" I thought once he was at his party he wouldn't leave, right? God I hope so.

"Ummm… I don't know I'll think about it."

I bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to draw blood. I went in the kitchen to wash some dishes. I needed to come up with a plan. And then I thought of it I would just call Bebe and explain everything. I grabbed Drakes cell phone off his bureau and skimmed through it till I found her.

-------------------------------------------Phone Conversation------------------------

( The phone only rang once and she sounded like a hyper cocker spaniel)

Bebe- Oh Drakie I'm glad you called! I was thinking about you.

(_Drakie… OMG please gag me!)_

Me- No it's not Drake it's Ashlee his fiancé.

Bebe- Oh… right yeah… what do you want?

Me- Well Drake told me about the wrap party tonight and I just wanted to tell you that I had planed this huge 21 birthday party for him and it's a surprise and its tonight…

Bebe- Awl… I would love to go…

_(Crap I didn't invite her, but if this is what its going to take Drake to get there then fine and if I really decided that I didn't want her there then I just wont remember to put her on the list!)_

Me- Well yeah it's at the Diego club at 6 pm. But I was wondering if you could help me maybe call drake and tell him that the wrap party was cancelled so I could get him there on time.

Bebe- Okay… I can do that.

Me- Don't forget it's a surprise please

Bebe- Okay I'll call a little later.

-------------------------------------------------------end--------------------------------

I walked back into the apartment and he was just lying on the couch lifelessly memorized by the Tom and Jerry like cartoon on the screen. I sat down beside him and put my head on his shoulder; I looked up at him and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

He smiled at me putting his arm around me and drawing me closer to him.

"What's that for?" He asked snuggling his nose into my neck.

"I don't know you just looked so cute sitting there."

"Yeah right…"

"I'm serious I haven't seen you so relaxed in a long time."

"So where did you want to go for dinner?"

"Uh-huh… I knew you would come around. I was thinking it would be a surprise. I want to take you some where nice." I shifted over until I was on his lap and my arms around his neck.

"Well that sounds good. We'll go at like 5."

I pulled myself off of him and made my way to the bedroom I had a ton of phone calls to make and that really consisted of my whole afternoon. Time flew by and I thanked god for Josh because he went to the club hours before the party to make sure everything was being set up just right.

It was 4:30 and Drake still hadn't gotten off the couch.

"Babe come on I made reservations please get up and get dressed."

"There's no wrap party so I invited Bebe to come out to eat with us."

"Drake! Why? Come on babe!" and some more moans and grunting.

"Ash come on I felt bad. She had nothing to do tonight."

"Okay well I'll call her and tell her where to meet us."

"Why can't she just come here?"

"Drake please if you ever could do anything for me please just do this."

"Fine…fine…"

"Good now get dressed!"

Drake got off the couch and put on a pair of jeans, rock tee and velvet sports coat. He looked adorable; I was dressed in my new black V neck halter. I loved it I curled my hair and painted my face up. Drake couldn't keep his hands off of me I could hardly drive. We finally came to Diego's and everyone was waiting out said the movie theater style sign read 'Happy Birthday 21 Drake'.

"Ash what did you do? Oh My God it's great."

"Come on get out of the car. It looks a hundred times better inside."


	71. Laughing, you won

"Ash this is great I don't believe you did all of this for me!"

"Are you kidding I love you I wanted your 21st to be special!"

"How did you do this with out me knowing?" Just as he finished his sentence Josh was walking up with Jenna to wish him a happy birthday. Drake tenses around her but I don't fear her anymore she almost means nothing to me. I love Drake and Josh so I made my peace with what happened.

"Dah tah da da…!" I extended my arms out to Josh. "This was my right hand man he helped with everything.

"Bro thanks." They hugged each other, they were brothers they loved each other, and there was really nothing that could stop them from being friends again.

Drake was busy most of the party greeting and mingling. I hardly saw him the entire part. I mostly stayed with his family dancing with Magen and Walter. I finally spotted Drake on the dance floor with Bebe, I was seriously hopping she just wouldn't show. She was so close to him, there bodies touching, she was grinding on him and he wasn't objecting. It was his day so I let it go but I couldn't stop watching it was a train wreck. Finally the DJ put on a slow song and my heart broke into pieces as I watched Drake pull her as close to him as possible, she rested her head on his shoulder and tightened his arms around her hips they whispered in watch others ears giggling and laughing. My knee where weak and his family noticed the dramatic change in my body.

"Are you okay?" Audrey asked putting her hand on my shoulder. I didn't answer her eye fallowed mine and saw Drake on the dance floor with his nose nuzzled in the pretty girl's neck.

"Ha … well I guess he's just a friendly guy." Megan snorted.

I didn't pay any attention to her. I decided I had seen enough and it was time to step in. I walked over to the two of them entangled in each others arms.

I taped Drake on the shoulder.

"Anyone mind if I cut in?" Bebe was obviously mad and Drake's look of disappointment shot me through the heart.

"Umm… were dancing here." Bebe answered not knowing who I was.

"Well I would like to dance with my fiancé at least once at the party that I worked so hard to throw."

"Oh you're Ashlee." She said with no emotion.

"Well you know what Ash well just finish up this song and then I'll dance with you." He didn't wait for my answer he just pulled Bebe close to him once again.

And that was the straw that broke the camels back. I just walked to the closest exit and left. Why do I love him? Do I even love him any more? I think all the hurt had dulled my heart. I mean I love him but it was starting to feel like loving him was a choir a burden and why should I have to carry that burden I was a beautiful, smart, caring 21 year old who had to much to give to the world but I was giving it all to someone who just threw it in the corner with his dirty clothes. I am only one girl and I don't think I'm his one anymore.


	72. You know time heals nothing by itself

I went to the apartment and started packing all his stuff up in trash bags. I had no emotion I just wanted him out. I wanted to get on wit my life. A few hours later once the party ended Drake called my cell I reluctantly answered.

----------------------------------Phone Conversation-----------------------

Me-Hello

Drake- Hey Ash where are you?

Me-I went home like 3 hours ago.

Drake-Well I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna catch something to eat with Bebe I'll be home late don't wait up.

Me- Trust me I won't.

------------------------------Hung Up----------------

I put his bags on the front step and locked the dead bolt I was done. I wanted me back. I went in the bedroom threw my head into my pillow and screamed, I just wanted to scream and get it all out. I was so confused I loved him but was it worth giving up me? NO!

I finally fell asleep but was woken up by banging on the front door. I just wanted to ignore him it was 4 am and I knew what he did.

"Ashlee open the door!" He yelled.

"Drake just take you stuff and go!" I half cried.

"Come on baby lets just talk this out." He tried saying calmly.

"No… Drake I'm done!"

"Fine this is it there's no running back to me, if you don't open the door now I never want to see you again."

"Bye Drake."

He kicked the door a few more times and then left I watched him stubble to the car from the front window. I didn't go back to sleep that night I laid on the couch watching Nick at Nite until the sun came up.


	73. I see that ever so clearly now

Many more sleepless nights had fallowed it had almost been 2 months since the party and I have only had minimal contact with Drake I just wanted to get over him. I was different and I'm not talking about personality wise but I was constantly sick to my stomach and had migraines that made me want to throw myself in front of a bus. I haven't had health insurance since Drake and I broke up but it was getting to the point that I had to go to the hospital.

I hated hospitals I sat in the cold uncomfortable hard plastic waiting chairs for hours. When I was finally called back I waited in another little room for a few more hours. Nurses came in and out taking my blood pressure and blood work.

"Mrs. Green, well I'm glad to tell you it's nothing serious."

"Thank God! So what's wrong with me can it be treated?"

"Well when's the last time you had your period?"

"A few months ago but I think it's because I've been so sick and putting on weight my bodies all out of wack."

"No Mrs. Green it's because you're pregnant. I thought you knew."

"No… I can't be pregnant. I don't even have a boyfriend."

"Well you don't need a boyfriend to get pregnant sweetheart it only takes on time." She smirked and handed me a paper. "Now I want you to get a prenatal check up just call this number they help people get insurance."

I sat there not knowing what to do or say. I mean it's completely possible I was pregnant me and Drake never used condoms. I was actually starting to worry that I wouldn't be able to have a baby after the miscarriage. Well I guess I know the answer now. I lifted my self off the hospital bed and walked to my car. What should I do now? The only thing I knew for sure was that I was going to get everything checked out before I brought Drake back into my life.

A couple weeks had past and baby belly was starting to protrude through my tee shirts and I feared the day were I would have to put elastic on my jeans. I hid it well in school with flowy shirt and hoodies. The only person that knew was Jared and he was wonderful he would sit on the couch with me and rub my belly and tell it crazy stories. I was so afraid to get attached to him but I needed someone, I kept telling myself that I was strong and brave but in the back of my head I was screaming for my mommy.

Jared didn't try to escalate our relationship he was just there for me. He had almost moved in he never slept at his own house he would just cuddle in bed with me rubbing my back and stroking my hair.

"Ash don't you think its time to tell people? I mean your 5 months now and as much as I hate to say I think Drake has a right to know."

"I know but I just can't right now I mean I can't even tell my family. I ended up there worst night mare, pregnant, alone, not out of college."

"Ashlee your gonna finish and I'll help you."

"You're too good to be true. You wanna go with me to the mall tomorrow I have finally broken down and decided its time to get some mommy gear."

"Sure" He answered with a yawn and we fell asleep.

The next morning I woke up and literally rolled my self out of bed my belly was getting so big and in the way. I had only a few things that fit over it anymore, but today I was going lazy with a pair of fitted sweats and a white tee. As I walked down the hallway I did tried my best not to waddle like a penguin.

"Jared you ready." I called down the hall.

"Yeah come on. Wow you look pretty."

"Shut up!" But I knew I was still pretty even though I couldn't wear all my nice cloths I still did my hair nice and my make up to the T, it made me feel better about myself.

I slid into the passenger seat of Jared's car.

"I was thinking about what you said last night and I am going to start telling people, I mean I can't hide it anymore." I said rubbing my belly.

"I think that's a good idea." He winked

We got to the over crowded mall, me and Jared had all day to waste since we were on summer vacation. We got cinnamon buns and hot chocolate, we weaved in and out of store until we finally came to mother hood maternity. I almost turned around and ran but I held my breath and walked in. I was surprised when I walked out with four full bags.

"Ashlee?" My heart jumped my stomach sank.

"Josh, hi how are you?" I hadn't talked to Josh in months I know things between him and Jenna didn't work out because she ended up sleeping with someone in Drake band while they were on tour.

"Ashlee!" He said in a somber voice. "You're pregnant, really pregnant."

"Yeah I know?"

"Congratulation Jared." I almost peed myself when I saw the look on Jared's face.

"It's not Jared's."

"It's Drakes isn't it?"

I didn't answer I just nodded my head in shame.

"Don't you think he has the right to know?"

"Yeah Josh he did so great last time. I'm going to tell him I'm just getting up the courage."

"Josh come on Bro lets go." I heard Drake distinct voice calling Josh from inside Spencer's.

Drake walked out of the store laughing with a girl under his arm.

"Ashlee? How are…. Whoa Ashlee." He actually stumbled backward.

"Hi Drake." I stood there not knowing what to do not knowing what to say I just wanted to run and hide pretend none of this was really happening.

"You're pregnant. Really pregnant."

"That's what I said." Josh butted in.

"Ashlee why didn't you tell me? That's really messed up." He was so angry I never seen him so pissed off.

"Look guys she's had a hard time doing this by herself and I don't think this is the place to do this." Jared said coming to my rescue like always.

"No I want to talk about this now!" Drake said grabbing my arms and pulling me to the side.

"Why?"

"Why, what Drake?"

"Why keep it?"

"What are you kidding? You don't have to be in the picture, I have been doing fine with out you."

"Obviously you haven't been doing that great with out me look at you, you're a mess." I held back my tears that were trying to escape.

"Drake!" Josh yelled.

"Drake what the hell dude. Come on Ash lets go home."

"So what you guys are together now? That's right Jared your gay aren't you? Nice job on picking up my sloppy seconds."

"You're an asshole Drake. You always have been. I don't want you in this babies life, I don't want you in my life." I flipped him off and walked away. I think he was waiting for me to beg for him back. To ask him so money or to move in, I wasn't going to do that I didn't need him.


	74. Maybe a little bit softer around her eye

When I got home I just wanted to be alone and Jared understood he told me he would call and check on me later on that night. I laid on the couch not wanting to do anything. I couldn't stop thinking about how mean Drake was and his determination to actually hurt me. I still love him, I think I will always love him and now I'm going to have a constant reminder of him. I couldn't help think about how helpless I will be taking care of a baby by myself, working and going to school. I had no family, no close friends, and no dad for this child. I mean Jared's a great guy and he's hinted around about getting together but I'm just not into in that way right now. Maybe if I have never met Drake and Jared and I met in under different circumstances maybe it would work out.

My crying stopped when I heard a knock at the door. I went and looked through the peep hole. Brown shaggy hair covering his eyes, it was Drake.

"Drake please just go away." I said defeated.

"Look I just need to talk to you. I bought you something." He said pleading with me.

I opened the door a crack not enough to let him in.

"Look Ash I'm dumb we all know that. I was scared, angry and all that stuff and I have a right to be, you kept this from me. Can I come in please… I got you flowers and chubby hubby ice cream."

"Yeah… come on in."

Drake walked in and gave me a hug; I shrugged him off of me. I wanted more I wanted all of him but I resisted.

"How are things?" He asked going into the kitchen and pulling out two spoons.

"I'm okay. I get tired but nothing I can't handle."

"You look beautiful." He said as he sat down beside me handing me a spoon.

"Thank you."

"So the baby… is it a girl or boy?" he smiled

"I don't know yet last time they couldn't tell. Drake why are you here?"

"Ashlee I love you. I'm not going to let you go through this alone. I want to be there for you and the baby. I'm willing to just forget about everything and start over." He scooted closer to me putting his arm over my shoulders.

"No! No Drake this isn't how its going to happen if you want to be apart of this babies life then you can but your not going to be apart of mine."

"What are you talking about you can't take care of a baby by yourself, in a one bedroom apartment, how are you even going to pay for school next semester, you're a waitress. Ash I don't even see any baby stuff. Have you even gone shopping for a crib or anything? I'll change I swear I'll be better. No more cheating it will just be us. That's what I always wanted."

"Drake its not that easy you hurt me badly and I can't forgive you right now." I put my hands on his, I knew how much he wanted a family he didn't have a really one until he was teenager and moved in with Josh and Walter.

"Ash I don't want him to grow up like I did where the parents can't be in the same room and have to split his time in two. Please just give me another chance."

"Drake I know how you feel I want this baby to have a normal life too, but I cant be with your right now. I mean maybe we can take this slow like friends first, and I mean it this time."

Drake just took me into his arms and held me tight. He backed away quickly when he felt the bump touch his stomach. He looked down at it with his big beautiful puppy dog eyes.

"Can I…" He asked holding his hand out.

"yeah… hold on." I said standing up and lifting my shirt slightly.

He was so gentle like he was caressing a glass ball. My heart pounded and the baby began to kick.

"He kicked!" Drake squeaked.

"Yeah he does that time to time." I said putting my hand on his.

"Ashlee I love you."

"I love you too Drake."

"Do you think I could go with you next time you have a doctor's appointment?"

"Yeah… I think that will be great. Jared has been doing everything with me."

"So are you guys together?" He asked broken heartedly.

"No he's just been a good friend. He does me craving runs and tells the baby stories, things like that."

"Ash I want to be that person." He stopped holding back tears but a sniffle escaped. I knew having a baby was the only thing in the world that he wanted and he was always looking for the right girl and for some reason he always thought it was me. He had his head in his hands, he sat down on the couch not able to look up at me. "Walter raised me just fine but I want to be the one to raise my own baby." He broke down then he could no longer hold back his tears they streamed from his face.

"Drake this babies going to know who his dad is. He's going to know how great you are because you're going to show him. I would never keep this baby from you." I just wrapped my arms around him kissing him gently on his cheek. "Please don't cry Drake, everything will work itself out. Maybe this was God's way of telling us were supposed to be together."

"Do you really believe that Ash?" He said with a glimpse of hope.

"I don't know but I know but I hope he didn't do it as a practical joke." I said with a smile.

"Yeah some joke right. Look Ash we'll take it slow, at right now it's me, you and this baby. No other girls ever I just want you." He put his arms around me pulling me closer stoking my hair. "Come on lets go get something to eat. Are you hungry?"

"All the time!" Drake took me by the hand and led me out to the care taking care of me like I was going to break.


	75. Take it slow and make it softer

Things were going good, only a few days had passed but Drake kept to his word he didn't push me into anything he visited everyday and called to see how I was doing. I was getting ready to go to the doctors with Drake for the first time. I put on a white baby doll dress and a pair of flip flops. I got in my car to drive over to Drakes house his parents were in town for the weekend and Drake thought maybe they would want to see me.

I was a little nervous when I first got to the house; I almost didn't want to get out of the car. I knew I would have to face this sooner then later so I swallowed my fears and rang the doorbell. Drake answered the door in a pair of board shorts and white tee shirt.

"Hey baby how are you?" He kissing me on the cheek then rubbing my stomach.

"I'm good but we can't leave to late, I can't miss this appointment." I said nervously fiddling with my dress.

Audrey and Walter were sitting in the living room playing a game of cards with Megan. Drake put his arm around my back giving me a nudge forward.

"Ashlee how are you dear? How are you feeling?" Walter asked putting his hand of cards down.

"I'm okay… I'm past the morning sickness and I can actually eat now."

"Your boobs are huge!" Megan exclaimed. They were I was already in a large C now I was pushing DD's.

"Megan!" Walter exclaimed.

"It's okay." I laughed.

"I don't know if Drake told you but were going to get an ultra sound today to tell if it's a girl or boy if you guys want to come, your more then welcome. I mean it's gonna be your granddaughter or son."

Audrey flinched at the word grandmother.

"So you guys are really going through with this? I mean you guys don't know how hard it is, Ashlee especially to raise it on your own."

"Mom I'm going to be there for them!" Drake roared.

"Drakie I'm just saying if something happened in the future you really never know."

"Mom its mine! Please just stop."

"Then why didn't she tell you for 5 months."

"Because I was an asshole I did stupid shit, all the same reasons you left Dad, Drugs, drinking, girls. If anything she was dumb to stay as long as she did. Come on Ash lets go!" Drake took my by my fore arm and pulled me out to the car. "I'm so sorry you had to hear that."

"Drake its okay I mean my parents were 100 times worse. I'm a big girl I could have defended myself. I have to tell you some thing Drake."

"What?" He said leaning his head on the car.

"You never admitted to all the things you did and it really makes me feel like you've changed, for the better"

"Ash you don't know how much I want this how much I want you."

"Trust me I do. Drake we have to go we're going to miss out appointment.


	76. Easy likes it nice and steady

I laid on the stretcher like bed waiting for an ultra sound technician. Drake was sitting in to the side of me holding my hand and talking to my belly.

"So what do you have planned for tonight?" I asked looking him in the eyes.

"I don't have a date if that's what your asking." He said leaning back in his seat.

"No… that's not it I was wondering if… maybe we could spend the night together?"

"Really? I mean can we have sex?"

"Drake I was talking about just spending the night together. Like you just sleeping over or me sleeping over there. I don't know about the sex thing I'm as big as a house."

"I think this is the most beautiful you have ever been."

All I could do was blush; I sat up on the bed and kissed him on the lips. He moved next to me on the bed, putting his hands on the side of my face, my stomach filled with butterflies, his kisses were gentle, soft and smooth. The baby kicked as my heart raced.

"I missed that so much Ash." He said running his finger tips down the side of my face. That was the first real kiss that we in almost 4 months. I couldn't even respond, but I think the smile on my face said it all. We both dipped our heads in for second.

"Whoa… whoa!" A familiar voice screeched. "Now I know how you guys got into this mess."

"Josh… what are you doing here bro?"

"We didn't want to miss this… guys you can come in." Josh said opening the door.

"Ashlee I am very sorry about what I said I was just very scared for you two." Audrey said standing by my bed side.

"I understand he's your little boy. I wouldn't expect anything different you want to protect him and its okay."

"So do we get to see if it's a boy or girl?" Megan asked pulling up a chair for the show.

"Yeah… are you excited to be an aunt?"

"Definitely I'm the youngest so there were never babies around for me to play with." Megan said touching everything.

Drake kissed his sister on the forehead and sat back down on his chair. I laid back on the bed listening to everyone gush over the baby. I wasn't use to it yet but I liked it, I liked the idea of this baby having a real family.

"Hello Mrs. Green, Mr. Green." The handsome doctor greeted.

"No its Parker." Drake corrected.

"Oh… okay no problem. Now are you all family?"

"Yes… Josh spoke up for everyone."

"Well I guess you're all excited to find out the sex of the baby today. Okay now let's take a look." The doctor lifter up my shirt exposing my round belly, I cringed when he puts the cold gel on my stomach. Drake sees this and grabs my hand.

"Its okay it doesn't hurt its just a little cold." Drake loosens up his grip.

"Okay now there's the head we're going to take some measurements and here's a hand."

"Oh my god it looks like he's waving." Megan screamed excitedly.

Drake put his head in my hand and kissed it softly. Audrey and Walter held each other and smiled.

"Okay here are the feet ten toes, and that would mean it's a boy."

Drake jumped out of his chair. "Hug me brother." Drake and Josh hugged each other with excitement. Audrey cried and Walter giggled in delight.

"Were going to have a grandson." Walter hooted.

"Drake hug your girlfriend." Josh said pushing him off of him, giving him one last pat on the back.

"Oh yeah… Ashe we're having a boy. We wanted a boy." He announced to the room. He hugged me tightly and kissed the side of my face and whispered in my ear.

"We're having a boy, I love you Ashlee." I was so happy everything was working out I just cried. "Please don't cry baby everything is going to work out." He continued whispering in my ear.

"I think they need a minute guy's." Walter escorted everyone out of the room.

"I'm not sad you guys can stay I'm happy. I was going through this whole thing alone and I though it would be in everyone's best interest if I kept it all to myself but now I am so glad I get to share this with all of you."

"Were glad you decided to share this with us too." Audrey said wiping the tears from her face.

"Okay now here are you pictures." The handsome doctor said handing them to me.

"Can we get doubles so I can have a set?" Drake asked somberly.

"Oh… I'm sorry I just figured… no problem."

My heart broke for him he wanted to be apart of every second and I was the only one holding him back from it.

"Lets all go out to eat my treat." Walter said breaking the awkward silence.

"Let's go somewhere nice to celebrate." Audrey added.

"We'll meet you guy in the parking lot."

The left us alone in the room, Drake was awestruck by the photo's of his son.

"Drake how do you feel about me?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what do you feel for me? Do you still love me?" I asked standing up wiping the gel off my belly. Drake took me by my hips and guided me onto his lap. He put his finger on my chin pulling my lips into a kiss.

"Ashlee I have never stopped loving you since the day I met you. I know I fucked up; I know there is a part of you that will never forgive me because there's a piece on me that will never forgive myself."

"Drake can we do this together. I don't want to be alone anymore. I need you."

"That is the best thing I have ever heard." Drake wrapped his arms around me tight. "Does this mean you want to move in?"

"Yeah… start new start our family off on the right foot."

"Yes!" Drake said kissing me gently on my fore head.


	77. you're a sucker for anything acoustic

Drake was now a huge star having his record come out while we were apart and it shooting to number one and going platinum 3 times, it was easy for us to get a table at the Ivory with no reservation. As soon as we got out of the car there were paparazzi all over the place waiting to get a glimpse of any star. While we were apart I tried not to watch TMZ or E! it would just make me upset with candid photo's of Drake kissing various stars including Bebe who's CD didn't even make it on the top 100.

"Drake… Drake…! Where's Bebe? Who's this with you? Are you the babies Daddy?" A group of paparazzi asked with there camera bulbs flashing.

"Let me clear this up now. This is my fiancée Ashlee and I are expecting a baby boy."

"How many months are you Ashlee?" I got so nervous I felt like I was going to puke. I hated cameras!

"We're at the 5 month point." Drake spoke up for me.

"Weren't you with Bebe a few months ago?"

Drake took me by the hand and navigated me through the crowd of Photographers asking ridiculous questions. Finally we were in the restaurant and sat immediately.

"That was nuts Drake, next time were ordering pizza." Everyone laughed.

The dinner went well Megan and Audrey talked about setting up a baby shower for me. Drake and Josh talked about all the things that they were going to do with the soon to be mini me's. When we finished dinner I went back to the town home that I knew all to well. Drake whisked me off to his bedroom which use to be our and I guess will be again, leaving his family down the stairs to entertain themselves. I sat down on the bed exhausted from the day's events.

"Are you glad to be moving in?" He asked sitting next to me rubbing my back.

"I really am, I just want things to be normal, as normal of a life as we can give him. And you have changed so much and you remind me of the man I first met in Jersey."

"I have and I mean I never thought my life could be this good. Are you tired do you want to lie down? We have a ton of your clothes here still I didn't move them there still in your draws."

"That sounds great I don't want to be rude, you know with your parents here."

"No you have to relax. They'll understand, just lie down and take a short nap." Drake covered me up wit his comforter and kissed me on my forehead.

I feel asleep almost instantaneously but I was woken up by my phone ringing. I leaned over the side of the bed to pick up my cell phone.

---------------------Phone conversation----------------

Jared- Ashlee!

Me- What, what's wrong?

Jared- Turn on channel 5 hurry now.

(I reached over to the end table and clicked the TV on.)

Jared- You're on it after the commercial.

Me- I'll call you back.

"Drake!" I yelled down the stair well. Drake ran up the stairs like superman.

"Ash what's wrong?"

"Come here!"

I sat Drake down at the end of the bed and turned the volume up.

_Drake Parker 21 year old singer now expecting a baby and not from the any of the girls that we have seen him around town with, but an Ashlee Green 21 year old college student from New Jersey. They say they are expecting a baby boy in 4 month. Well that will be one beautiful baby! Now more updates with Brittany spears._

I put the TV on mute. "How did they know all of that?"

"I have no clue."

"Jesus I didn't even get to tell anyone it was a boy."

"Don't worry about it. I bet no one saw it."

"Yeah… well let me call my parents before someone else tells them."

Just as I was about to pick up my phone Drake's cell rang.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Drake- hello?_

_Drake- listen I don't have time for this I said were done… look I have a family to worry about now… Look just don't call here again._

"That was…"

"Don't worry about it… I don't care, I don't want to worry about the past just the future." Drake's phone didn't stop ringing for about 2 hours until he got so pissed off he threw it at the wall and broke it into pieces.

I had called my family but people had already told them, my mom wasn't completely thrilled to be a grandmother and acted as if she was to busy to talk on the phone and handed it to my dad.

"_Is he treating you good? Are you getting enough sleep? Don't exhaust yourself to much this is the time to relax and spend time together because pretty soon it won't be just you and him it will be the three of you." _My dad acted as if he cared which was a very unusual to me.

Finally everyone had left and Josh had gone to a club to stake out some new talent. Drake took me into the game room.

"I want to turn this room into the nursery. I thought Josh and I could paint it and we could go get some things for the baby. I want him to have everything."

"Everything? Why?"

"Ash I had nothing when I was little, I mean nothing we were lucky if my mom could put food on the table, my dad was never around and when he was it was only to sober up. My mom would cry almost every night because he would bring women home and kick us out. Finally she had the courage to get her stuff and leave we lived with my grandmother until she died and we got the house, my mom met Walter and things starting going good I mean we didn't have to worry about where the next meal was coming from and he treats her great."

"I didn't know." I said reaching for his hand.

"That's because I didn't want you to know or I didn't want to admit to myself that I was just like him."

"Your not because you came back to take care of us, your not giving up. Babe I'm sorry but I have to go to bed I am so tired."

"Okay go in the room I have something for you and the baby."

"Okay." I walked down the hall with a smile on my face I couldn't believe how much I loved him at this moment.

Drake walked into the room with his guitar strapped to his chest.

"You remember how you said Jared use to read to the baby and talk to it."

"Yeah…"

"Well I never know what to say and the only reading I have in here is rated R, so I thought I would sing to it, I mean him. Every night if its okay with you."

"Oh yeah… that's a great idea!"

"Okay this is one of the great Lennon songs." Drake loved the Beatles he had there signed album of Abby Roads hanging on the mantel framed. Drake had me lay down with my shirt over my belly so the baby could hear him better.

_Close your eyes,  
Have no fear,  
The monsters gone,  
He's on the run and your daddy's here,_

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,

Before you go to sleep,  
Say a little prayer,  
Every day in every way,  
It's getting better and better,

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,

Out on the ocean sailing away,  
I can hardly wait,   
To see you to come of age,  
But I guess we'll both,  
Just have to be patient,  
Yes it's a long way to go,  
But in the meantime,

Before you cross the street,  
Take my hand,   
Life is just what happens to you,  
While your busy making other plans,

Beautiful,  
Beautiful, beautiful,  
Beautiful Boy,  
Darling,  
Darling

He was so handsome, as he sang and played the guitar. He put down his guitar and leaned on the bed and put his lips to my belly and kissed it lightly he moved his lips up to my mouth and we connected. I don't know what comes over us when were together it's always on either end of the spectrum, either it was better then it will ever be or the apocalypse. We kissed then kissed some more, nothing could stop us at that moment except the damn phone that rang and rang.

"Just let it go Ash." He ordered in-between kisses.

Drake reached his arm behind the bed and pulled out the wire without even leaving my lips.

"I love you Ashlee." His said as his lips moved to my ear then my neck. "I want you so bad. You are so beautiful right now. I miss you."

He didn't wait for an answer he just slid out of his jeans and I did the same. I didn't know how I felt about him seeing me like this or how it would even work. But I wanted him so bad that all my worries took a back seat. Drake was gentle and slow. Being cautious the whole time, it was like we were never apart. Drake finished and laid down beside me.

"You want me to draw you a bath?" Drake asked tracing his finger up and down my arm.

"That sounds really good." I said twirling the sheets around me as I tried to move off the bed.

"Why are you being shy?" He asked trying to grab the sheet off of me.

"Drake I was always fit and now I'm huge, period!"

Drake just shook his head and kissed me on the fore head as he went in the bathroom to run the water for me.

"There's clean towels and everything in there for you. I'm going to get something to eat."


	78. And I'm sick of your tattoos

As soon as I got into the tub I heard the front door open and some yelling. I wrapped a towel around me and raced down the stairs. Drake was standing there yelling at Bebe.

"Are you serious this is who you gave me up for?" Bebe yelled, pointing at me.

"Ashlee go up stairs you don't need to listen to her." Drake offered giving me a pleading look.

"I thought you said you loved me." She pleaded with him.

"It wasn't real. Ashlee and I are real. You never really meant anything to me." Drake said trying to shoo her out of the house.

I stood there al if an in awestruck not being able to move or say anything.

"All the bad things you said about her. How horrible she was for you! She was the complete opposite of what you wanted. She's from Jersey!"

"Just leave Bebe… I don't ever want to see you around here again."

Drake escorted her out of the house and slamming the door. He walked up the stairs to where I was standing and escorted me up the stairs.

"I'm so sorry. I just want you to relax and she comes around."

"Drake when did you break up with her, today, yesterday?" Drake didn't answer he just looked down at his socks. "You didn't break up with her did you? She saw it on the TV that's why she came over that's who called right after the broadcast."

"Ashlee I wasn't really dating her, I was just seeing her. I really don't want you to worry about things like that. I love you and it's just you and me."

"Are you just with me because of the baby?"

"No not at all, it's about me and you. I love you so much I have always loved you."

"Did you really love her?"

"No… Ashlee she was just a dumb girl that I'm embarrassed to say I used for sex okay?"

"It's okay. I mean I understand we were going through a hard time can we just go to bed?"

"I think that sounds like a great idea."

I fell asleep fast not letting what had just happen make me upset. I knew if I was going to stay with Drake and make this work I would have to put up with these kinds of girls. I have to put up with him.

Waking up in bed with him was great I forgot how great it was to be held by him all night long. Drake woke up smiling at me.

"Good morning baby, what time is it?"

"Its 9:30..."

"Good I have a lot to do today. I have to stop by the studio and tie up so lose ends there. I thought maybe you and I can meet up around lunch and go shopping. I noticed you didn't have many pregnancy clothes and I'll take you to get some really nice ones."

"Awe… that's sounds really good but I have work this afternoon."

"Ashlee you can't work your five months pregnant!" He said rolling out of bed and throwing on his jeans.

I kissed him on his forehead. "I'll quite, it's no problem." I didn't want to fight about this and I didn't want to work I wanted to relax and enjoy having a man that could take care of me.

"That's my girl! Okay baby I got to run, just relax and I'll call you when I'm done."

I lounged around the house for the rest of the day with Josh filling each other in on what we missed. I forgot how great of a guy he was, I would love to have the friendship that we once had.

"I'm really happy everything worked out for you, and I'm real sorry for all the stupid things I did."

"Josh no good comes out of dwelling on the past. Were all happy right now and I thinking that's what everyone should worry about."


	79. I got a twentydollar bill

Drake have called and asked me to meet him at Fred Segal's to go clothes shopping. I decided not to drive but to just get a taxi. I called Drake when I was a block away and he said that he was stuck and traffic and would be there as soon as possible. I waited out front of one of the most trendy stores in Hollywood, feeling awkward as hell, especially since there were paparazzi walking up and down the street. I didn't want another incident like the day before. But I spoke to soon when a boy who couldn't have been any older than me came up to me with a video camera in my face trying to start up a normal conversation with me like he has known me forever.

_Kid with camcorder- So Ashlee how are you feeling today?_

_Me- I'm fine._

_Kid with camcorder- Are you waiting for Drake?_

_Me- Yes... __( I__ kept my answers short hoping he would get bored and leave me alone. Wasn't Brittany driving erratically somewhere?)_

_Kid with camcorder- So what do you think about what people are saying about Drake?_

_Me- I don't know what they're saying…_

_Kid with camcorder- Well how bad of a guy he really must be I mean getting two girls pregnant at the same time and picking one over the other._

_Me- What are you talking about another girl pregnant? I have no clue what you're talking about! Drake's a good guy we were on a break he saw other girls, that's all, we're back together now and that's it. And I don't know anything else about another girl being pregnant._

_Kid with c__amcorder- Well Bebe Masterson w__en__t__ to TMZ last night saying she was also carrying Drake Parkers baby. She also said that he won't take responsibility for it and his family has great concern that you're lying about the real father of your baby._

_Me- That's ridiculous, I'm sorry I'm done talking to you._

I started walking away and into the store I needed to get out of the heat I felt like I couldn't get enough air. I was having a panic attack.

"Mrs. Parker… We've been expecting you." I walked past the smiling girl waving my hand in front of my face.

"I can't breathe." I gasped.

"Oh my god, sit down honey. Some one call 911." She screeched.

I sat on the bench putting my head in my hands. I fumbled with my purse trying to get my cell out. "Call Drake!" The girl took the phone off of me and found Drakes number.

"Mr. Parker we have you wife here and she's having so difficulty breathing." She put him on speaker phone.

"She has panic attacks! Ashlee just calm down and breath, relax don't think about anything else but breathing." I closed my eyes listening to his voice pushing everything else out of my mind and finally started to breathe without feeling like there was an elephant on my chest. I heard the ambulance sirens and started to choke up a little again.

"I don't want to go to the hospital." I whined.

"Baby I'm pulling up right behind them just relax."

I didn't say anything else I just glued my eyes on to the front door. Drake came running in almost comically pushing the EMT's out of the way. "Are you okay baby?"

I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out slowly. "I'm okay I was just having an attack, I'm fine now. I don't want to go to the hospital."

"Ash please just go with them to get checked out if not for you but for the baby."

" Fine!" I said defeated. The EMT's wanted me to go onto a stretcher but I refused. I let one of the EMT's take my arm while I walked to their truck. Drake was at my other side holding my hand. The sirens drew the wrong kind of attention there were paparazzi everywhere.

_Crowd of paparazzi_-_Is something wrong with the baby? Is she okay?_

_Drake- She's fine she just had a small panic attack, she'll be okay were just going to the hospital to make sure that's all it was._

_Crowd of paparazzi__- Is it from just hearing the news about Bebe also carrying your child?_

_(Drakes face went white his mouth dropped.)_

_Drake- What? Who said that? She's not pregnant! _

_(My heart sank when I saw the sadness on his face. I didn't know why he was sad but I could only think of the worst possibilities like he would have picked her over me if he knew, or regretting letting her go.)_

Drake didn't answer anymore questions he just helped me onto the ambulance and sat down on the metal bench.

"Ash it's not true I was so careful! I swear to god."

"Drake you never know I mean were you even sober half the time?" I asked quietly so the EMT's couldn't listen in.

"Ash I swear to god I always wore protection! Ash I don't know what we should do!"

"Drake I don't know, God I knew things were going to good! This baby is never going to having a normal life." I started to lose my temper I tried biting my lip but the hormones were building up way to fast. "God if they all don't think I'm already white trash can we say Jerry Springer! Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Drake sometimes you make me… Owe Owe Owe!"

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked looking up at me, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"I guess your son don't want me yelling at you." I rolled my eyes and Drake cracked a smile. "Look we'll just deal with it head on. If she's really pregnant we'll get her to do an amnio test it can extract the DNA at any time of the pregnancy."

"How do you know about all of this?"

"I was almost certain you were going to make me get on, by the way you were acting when you first found out. I just wanted you to know it was yours."

"Ashlee I know you never cheated on me." Drake hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"We're here… But Mrs. Parker you seem fine and I would hate for you to have to run into all of them again so if you feel up to it we can just call you a taxi and have them take you back to your car."

"That would be great thank you so much."

_**Okay so its 2: 30**__**am**__** on a Sunday and I was on a roll I like this chapter I think it shakes things up again and I love **__**pr**__**ego**__** Ashlee and loving Drake so I'**__**m gonna try to keep him around for a little while… tell me what you think!**_


	80. This is the first song for your mixtape

We walked through the front door and Josh was sitting on the couch eating a sandwich.

"Bro mom and dad are at their hotel and they are pissssssed!"

"I guess they were watching TV?" I asked meekly.

"It's on everywhere!" Josh said standing up almost chuckling to himself.

"Great it's the total opposite of what we wanted." Drake said moving toward the fridge and pulling out a beer. I looked up at me and saw the expression on my face. I didn't want him drinking that's what got us into some of the mess we were in. "I'm sorry it's like second nature when I'm frustrated I drink." I didn't say anything I didn't want to push him I wanted him to do it on his own.

Drake picked up the phone and called his parents and asked them to come over.

"Ash do you want to cook or do you want to order out." Putting his hand on my ponytail and fallowing it down to my back. I looked over at him and kissed him gently on his lips.

"Drake things are a little crazy and I understand you're probably stressed out if you want me to go to my apartment for a few days until this all dies down I will." I asked pulling his hand to my mouth and kissing it.

"No Ash that's the complete opposite of what I want. I want to be here with you it doesn't matter how everything turns out it's me and you and that's the way it's supposed to be."

I didn't say anymore that was all I needed to hear. Drake decided on Chinese and just ordered one of everything on the menu. His parents came over with a heartrending look on their faces. They wanted to talk to Drake alone and I totally understood.

"Josh, Meg's let's go out for a little bit. Let's go swimming." I took Megan up to me and Drakes room and handed her a swim suite I didn't have a maternity swim suite so I just put on one of my bikini's so my stomach had room I still fit into it so that made me feel a little better. Me, Josh and Megan snuck down the back stairs to the back yard. It was so hot that I could hardly stop myself from jumping in the pool.

"What do you think there saying to him?" Megan asked concerned.

"Probably what he's been asking himself. What they hell has he gotten himself into?" I answered.

"I know mom and dad were just getting use to the idea of having a grandson and then this whole Bebe thing comes along. Ash your nuts for putting up with him I don't know how you do it."

"I love him. I know that sounds stupid but I do." I answered honestly.

Finally we were all in the pool having fun; I almost forgot I left Drake to the wolves only 100 feet away. I saw Drake through the sliding glass doors yelling something we all watched like it was the newest TV show.

"If that's how you feel mom then just leave, you're real good at that!"

"Drake Parker shut that door and come back here." Audrey yelled after him.

"This is my house I'll do what I want." He slammed the door behind him like an angry child.

Audrey retreated to the other side of the house.

"Can you friggin believe them?" Drake yelled in frustration putting his hands through his hair.

"You shouldn't talk to your mom like that Drake." I said calmly.

"Can I stay with you guys for a little longer?" Megan asked almost inaudibly.

Walter came to the back door and opened it before we could even answer her. He didn't look at Drake just at Megan.

"Come on Megan your mom wants to leave now." He said peacefully.

"I'm gonna stay here with them for a little while longer." She pleaded.

"No, your mom wants to go back San Diageo." Walter said still avoiding eye contact with Drake.

"Well I want to stay here it's not like I have school, it's the summer and this was supposed to be my vacation too!"

"Dad she can stay here and we'll send her back in a week or so." Josh added.

"Fine I'll tell Audrey but I don't know what she's going to say." Walter answered defeated.

Megan was given the okay to stay with us after almost a half an hour of pleading. Josh drove her back to the hotel to get her stuff. From what I understand was that Megan seriously softened up for her brothers after they left the house and moved so far away. Drake wouldn't tell me what the fight was about but I could pretty much piece it together. He was ruining his life, the life that he had worked so hard for. He had proved everyone wrong, everyone thought he was some slacker that would never move out of his parent's house or make anything of himself. But he did, he had a beautiful house and the number one CD in America right now. We were alone and he looked so sad like a lost puppy I just wanted to cheer him up.

"Come on baby jump in!" I yelled splashing some water on him.

"Let's go on a vacation." Drake pulled out of nowhere.

"No… your sisters staying with us and I really don't want to go anywhere right now." I swam up to the side closest to him and leaned my chin on the side.

"Please Ashlee I just want to get out of here for a little while. Well take them with us." Drake crouched down his eyes pleading with me.

"Okay… I guess it wouldn't hurt to relax a little bit."

"Baby come on in and swim with me a little bit."

"I don't feel like getting my swim suit."

"Don't you have boxers on?" Drake smiled and wiggled out of his jeans and threw his tee shirt on a ground and cannibaled in.

"You're such a goofball!" I yelled at him. I swam out to the shallow end to be with him.

"Remember when you first moved in we came out here one night when it was way too hot to sleep, no clothes, no rules?" He said putting is arms around me but that wasn't the only thing touching me.

"Now?" I asked blushing.

"Why not?" He asked trying to take my bottoms off.

"Well for one thing we don't know when your brother and sister are going to come home and…" I couldn't finish my argument he was kissing my neck and all I could do was give in.

"Real quick I promise." He said finally got my bottoms off and threw them on the cement. I didn't answer I just put my arms around his neck; he put me up against the side and slid into me gently. I put my head back leaning it on the cement, I held on to Drake as we went through the motions. Just as we were finishing up I heard a car pull in to the drive way.

"Drake hurry!" Drake finished up and pulled himself out of the poll retrieving my bottoms. He jumped back into the pool like nothing was wrong except for that he was panting like a dog.

Josh and Megan walked through the back door.

"Do you guys know that the delivery guy have been standing out front for like 20 minutes with his bike." Megan asked half laughing.

"Shit… Hold on let me get my wallet, I totally forgot about it." Drake said running through the house soaking wet in his boxers.

"Oh god!" Megan yelled at the site of Drake.

"Jesus Drake put some pants on!" I yelled.

"No pants… No pants! This boy never has pants on!" Josh yelled wailing his arms in the air.

"Dinner is served." Drake yelled out to us dropping the large bags on the table.

"Okay Drake I'll take everything out just go get dressed." Drake looked embarrassed for a minute kissed me on the cheek and ran up the stairs.

"That's what got you two into this is the first pace." Josh yelled up the stairs after him.

Me and Megan just laughed, I ran up after him to get out of my bathing suit.

"Leave me and egg roll or this baby will be pissed!" I yelled down the stairs. Drake and Megan laughed at the remark.

I peeled myself out of my suit looking for some warm clothes.

"That's so hot!"

"Drake you are such a weirdo, I am as big as a house no makeup, my hairs a mess and you think I'm hot. You know what I would go through every day for your hair make up clothes!" I squealed trying to run away from him as he tried to pin me up against the wall. "I'm starving and someone is kicking up a storm." Drake put his hand on my lower stomach waiting for it to kick again.

"Buddy me and you are going to have so much fun!" He whispered to his unborn son.

I finally got far enough from him to put on some clothes and get down the stairs to eat. Me and Drake walked down hand in hand.

"Guess what guys!"

"What?" Megan asked

"You're having twins!" Josh said sarcastically. I bopped him on the back of the head as I walked past his chair.

"No… We're gonna go on vacation." Drake answered

"Who's going to stay here with me?" Megan asked disappointedly.

"You guys are coming with us!"

"Yeah Drake wants us all to go on vacation with him, but you'll have to ask your mom Megan."

"Crap I don't know what she'll say she almost didn't let me stay here she doesn't want Drakes bad habits to rub off on me." Drake almost let the food in his mouth fall to the table.

"My bad habbits! My bad habbits! Where does she think I learned them from! She set me up with a great teacher!"

"Drake relax, she's just upset she'll get over it." Megan assured him.

"Drake I don't know about this… I mean I think maybe you should clear things up with Bebe first see if this is all true make her go to the doctors." I said not wanting to make him any madder.

"Yeah maybe that would be a good idea; I'll call her after dinner."


	81. you don't appreciate Brand New or me

"She agreed to come and talk to me as long as you're not here." Drake told me holding my hand.

"Oh that's bull she's banking on you cheating!"

"Well that's not going to happen so don't get all stressed out about it. Look she said she doesn't want you around because she'll get stressed out and it's bad for the baby she said. Look Ashlee we really do have a problem if she is pregnant I'm gonna have to take care of them too." He said putting his arms around me rocking me slowly.

"No Drake, you're going to have to take care of the baby, it's not your duty to support her."

"Ash come on that doesn't sound like you. You're loving and caring and you would never want to see anyone on the down and out."

"Yeah, I am loving and caring but I'm definitely not stupid! And maybe I have changed because I wouldn't like anything more than for her to be miserable and alone."

"Ash what's gotten into you?"

"That's exactly how she made me feel for months while you two were seeing each other. I gotta go, don't cheat okay."

"Baby please wait, I didn't want you to get all upset. I love you." He said trying to pull me into a hug.

"What time is she coming over?"

"6."

"Okay well its 5 now so I'll get dressed and me and Megan will go shopping. I mean were going on vacation right I'm gonna need some clothes that fit."

"That's my girl" He exclaimed pulling me into a kiss and tapping my butt as I walked away.

I decided since I was going to be tortured by not being able to be there while my fiancé was alone with the whore that he cheated on me with and might be carrying his baby then I was going to spend of his money.

"So where should we go first?" I asked Megan sitting in the passenger seat.

"Look Ashlee, I like you, you're like a sister to me and you're not like the other stupid bimbo's my brother has brought around and I think you're the best thing that could have happened to him I mean he doesn't act THAT stupid anymore and he's acting mature. "

"Look it's not all your brother he's a good guy were just 21 and were young and I think we were ready to grow up way to fast when we should have been taking it slow. But that's your brother everything is rushed. Let's not talk about all of that right now let's just go shopping."

We spent a few hours shopping and talking. I got a few nice dresses and a new bathing suit I got Megan a whole new wardrobe for school I knew that Walter didn't make a lot of money being one of the worst whether men in California so I thought she deserved it. We were finally on our way home and my stomach was turning and my hands were shaking. I didn't knock I just rushed through the front door. Bebe was sitting almost on top of Drake and he had her hand in his.

"Drake! I thought she wasn't going to be here." She squealed.

"I live here."

"Ash give us a few minutes."

"No! I'm sorry Drake but I've been run over by her already I'm not doing this again."

Megan walked in behind me carrying bags. "Josh a little help!" She yelled for him. "What is she still doing here we waited 2 hours!"

"Megan what is all of that?" Josh asked.

"Don't worry we got you something too! Drake I'm not leaving unless you want me to leave for good."I yelled at him crossing my arms over my chest.

"No… I don't want you to do that." He got up off the couch and whispered in my ear. "Ash just give me like 5 minutes I swear and then I'm all yours"

"Fine! Josh come upstairs I'll show you what I bought for the baby." I said as I walked up the stairs.

"Megan go!" Drake yelled.

"NO! Don't push me!"

"Fine!"

I didn't hear much more I sat on Josh's bed pulling out everything that I had bought and showing him. I got Josh a shirt that said Best Uncle, and his bath soap's. I got the baby a whole bunch of rock onesies. So he can dress like his dad.

"There so cute!" Josh swooned over the baby clothes. "Do you know what you want to do the nursery in?"

"I had a really good idea to do it in like a rock n roll theme. I don't know how I'm going to do it yet but I can probably get some good ideas off line. Oh you have to see these shirts I got from spencers they have a maternity section." 'Living proof the pull out method doesn't work' 'should have just given him a blow job' "How friggin cute are they?"

"There so funny Ash!"

"Drake what are you doing!" I heard Megan yell from down the stairs.

"Shut up Megan!"

I ran down the stairs and saw Drake yelling at Megan.

"Whose sister are you? Mine or hers?"

"She's treated me more like a sister then anyone of you's!"

"Megan what's wrong?"

"She was hugging him."

"It's okay Megan." I said putting my arms around her. "She's done a lot worse with my fiancé."

"I'm not a whore." Bebe stated flatly.

"Really then what would you call a girl that sleeps with another girls fiancé and knows about it?"

"He told me you guys weren't even really together. When you guys lived in this house together I stayed away from him and then you guys broke up for like a month and he was all like 'I love you and I want to marry you.' Then somehow you guys got back together and he moved into your apartment and he just kept bringing me here like nothing changed. I didn't even know you guys were together until you called me and told me you were throwing a surprise party for him! So I might be a ho but your just dumb."

I couldn't even talk I felt like I had just got hit in the stomach with a cinder block!

"Ashlee she's exaggerating! I did see her when we broke up and then I stopped until the end of everything and you knew about it! She's not even pregnant!"

"It's over between you guys right?" Drake hesitated and looked at her. "Well I guess that's the only answer I needed!"

I walked out of the living room up to the bedroom and started packing.

"Just get out of here Bebe I don't want to see you around here anymore."

"You're such a loser Drake. Ashlee getting pregnant was probably the best thing you could ever do now you messed that all up and you know what she's too good for you!" Megan yelled down the stairs.

"I know Megan don't you think I know that! Why do you think I fuck things up all the time?"

"Ashlee please come down here… please!" Drake pleaded.

"You want your pregnant ex girlfriend to bring all her suitcases down the stairs by herself?"

"No I want my fiancé to leave her suitcases up stairs and come down here." He yelled back playfully.

"NO!" I yelled at him I was so done playing his stupid games! I heard him running up the stairs I wasn't quick enough to shut the bedroom door. "No…no…no… I'm done with your crap, and I know how this goes because you're a repeat offender. You apologize I brush you off a few times, I threaten to leave you beg me to stay. I leave you catch up to me and everything's okay again. NOT THIS TIME, I'M DONE I'M DONE, I'M DONE!"

"Please Ashlee I love you!" He pleaded trying to grap at my hand as I was throwing stuff into a bag.

"And Bebe… you hesitated?"

"What do you mean? I didn't hesitate!"

"I asked if things were done between you two and you hesitated! Look I'm almost 6 months pregnant; I'm smart, caring, loving and pretty. I am the ultimate package but some people still prefer the beat up town car and that's what Bebe is. She has more miles on her then most New York buses."

Megan laughed at the remark.

"Ash please don't go. He really does love you." Megan stepped through the doorway pleading.

"I'm sorry Megan, you're a great sister and you'll be a great aunt to the baby but I don't think Drake is ready and I should have gone with my gut and stuck with what I originally thought."

"Ashlee you're not taking this baby away from me."

"I wouldn't do that Drake, but maybe you should think about this, if this is what your father taught you, then what are you going to teach our son? Look I'm going to stay with Jared for a few days and then probably go visit my nana. I'll probably just end up staying down there for a while and she'll help me with everything."

"What do you mean how long?" Drake asked with sadness in his eyes.

"Drake I have nothing here, no school, no friends, in Jersey I have all of that and I think that's were I'll stay."

"You cant do that!"

"Yes I can."

"Don't just do this to hurt me!" He said sitting on the end of his bed.

"Why not? You don't like that feeling? Being hurt sucks doesn't it? How do you think I felt finding out that you have been cheating on me this whole time? I thought I could blame her for being a slut, or you're drinking, or drugs, anything but I can't! It was you; you purposely slept with these girls!"

"I didn't do it to hurt you! Ashlee think about what you're doing for a minute is this what's best for the baby?"

"Drake do you think this kids going to be happy when he sees his mom crying every night because she doesn't know where his daddy is or who he's knocking up this night! No he won't!"

"Ashlee I didn't do anything wrong! I'll get a restraining order on her I'll do anything please just stay. Look, just give it a night okay? I'll stay in the guest room. I swear on my life that I will never cheat on you again."

I didn't know what to say, and for once he was right he didn't do anything wrong and he was at the verge of tears, he really didn't want me to go. "Fine, I'll think about it over night, only because I probably won't be able to get a flight until then anyways."

Drake pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. "Can I still sing to him tonight?"

"Not tonight Drake I just want to get to bed." I sighed knowing that, that it would break his heart.

"Okay… I'm sorry." He said trying to hold me closer.

"Just go Drake."

Drake walked out of the room. Megan was still at the door, I sat on the bed and put my head in my hands and started to cry. I was holding it in the whole time not wanting Drake to see me weak. Meag rushed over to my side patting my back.

"It's okay everything's going to work out."

"I know! Well I guess your bunking with me Drake's taking the guest room."

We both just laughed alittle.


	82. But when I say let's keep in touch

I couldn't sleep the house was to quite, Megan was next to me wrapped up in my huge comforter. I got out of bed and decided to get something to eat. I flicked on the kitchen light and sat down with a bowl of wanton soup. Drake came down in his boxers rubbing his eyes.

"Ash, What are you doing babe?"

"I got hungry."

Drake face broke into a smile. "I thought there was a burglar or something."

I just rolled my eyes at him as he sat next to me with a container or rice, but before he could even get close I jumped off of the stool. "I'm gonna go back to bed."

"Okay goodnight baby, I love you so much." I couldn't walk away from him; I hated myself for being mean on purpose. I just took him by the hand and led him upstairs. Neither one of us said anything. I just took him in to the guest bedroom and laid down Drake laid down beside me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you so much Drake." He didn't answer he nuzzled his face into the back of my neck. I could him sniffle as he kissed my neck softly. I feel asleep believing that he loved me.

I woke up the next morning alone; I walked down the stairs in my Pj's. Josh was sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

"Where's Drake?" Josh turned around startled by my voice.

"Oh… I don't know!" He said in his weird exaggerated voice.

"Okay… I guess I'll just call him." I picked up the phone it started ring but I could hear it in the house. I fallowed the ringtone until I was in the kitchen. Drake was standing over the stove flipping pancakes. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Shit Ash you scared the hell out of me I thought you were sleeping!" He answered untying his apron.

"I was sleeping but then I woke up its pretty normal for most people."

"Not… what I meant to say was that I was making you breakfast in bed."

"Aw… that's sweet but I promised Jared that I would hang out with him today. I haven't seen him seince me and you got back together."

"Well…"

"Well what?"

"Well… that's how its supposed to be."

"Drake please you are in no position to lecture me today! All I am doing is going out with him and a few friends to the beach. If you want to come your more than welcome I was going to bring Megan along anyways." I said kissing him on the fore head. "Look I love you and I have never given you any reason not to trust me and I would like it if you came today, I mean come on my heads like take him everywhere with you don't let him out of your site. But the truth is if I do that then the second I turn my head you will wonder so I don't want to push you in that way."

"I'm sorry Ash he's just a really good guy… and I mean when I first found out you were pregnant and you were with him I was actually happy because I knew he would treat you right, but I want to be that person."

"Drake you are that person… come on upstairs I want to show you what I bought yesterday."

I pulled out all the stiff that were in the bags and put them on the bed.

"Lavender bath soap is that for us?" He said slyly putting his arm around my shoulder.

"No that's Josh's."

"Eww! Baby rock tees! Ash that is the coolest thing ever!"

"How about this one?" I held up another baby outfit.

Drake read it out loud. "_If__ you think I'm cute you should see my dad_I love it, that's great!"

"Look I thought about it and I'm ready to move on with all of this. I'm ready to give up the apartment and stuff. I mean if you still want me here."

"Of course I do!"

"Well let's get ready if your coming with me." Drake wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. I slightly moved my lips from his. "Oh and just so you know I bought Megan some new outfits." I didn't let him answer I just kissed him again.

"The pancakes… Burning… The pancakes! Burning I say!" Josh yelled from down the stairs.

"You didn't turn them off? " I laughed.

Drake just shook his head and smiled he walked into the bedroom finding his swim trunks.

"Megs come on get up Ashlee wants us to go to the beach with her." Drake nugged his sister gently.

"I'm sorry Drake."

"Don't be sorry Meg's you love her… I do too… we don't want her to get hurt…" He searched for the words. I stood in the door way watching Drake in action I know he's going to be a great dad.

"Josh are you coming with us?"

"Well I guess I'm not eating pancakes!" I laughed so hard I had to sit down before I peed myself. It was a lot easier to make me pee myself now that I had something jumping on my bladder.

I put on my new bikini and a sun dress. "Let's go guys!"


	83. I mean I wish that you grow up

We finally got everyone to the beach.

"Jared!" I yelled waving my arm in the air.

"I'm so glad you made it. You guys look so cute, a little family." Jared kissed me on the cheek. "How are you man? Congrats." He said giving Drake a manly hug.

"Thanks, I'm doing good." He answered Jared shook Josh's hand. But when he got to Megan I saw a sparkle in his eye.

"Jared this is Megan Drake and Josh's sister she'll be going to school up here with us soon."

"Hi I'm Jared. That will be cool you'll be close to your nephew or niece."

"Oh My God Jared I forgot to tell you, it's a boy!" I exclaimed jumping up into the air not high because I didn't have gravity on my side.

"That's what you wanted!"

"I know I'm so excited."

The boys set up the blanket and the umbrella. I introduced them to the rest of the people that were hanging around mostly guys from Jared's fraternity.

"I forgot sun block!" I announced.

"Don't worry Ash I got my SPF 120!" Josh exclaimed pulling the tube out of his back pack.

"Well I guess we don't have to worry about getting tan!" Megan playfully hit Josh.

"Jared was totally checking you out!" I turned and whispered to Megan.

"Yeah… I don't know."

"Are you kidding? He's hot, tall, built, sweet and smart as hell!" I said pointing in his direction where we was playing volley ball with his shirt off. "Come on lets go watch!" I grabbed Megan's hand and dragged her towards the court. Jared come over to us taking a drink from his water bottle he was shining in the sun he was such a good looking guy to most girls standards but I thought Drake was so handsome he was skinny but with some muscle he was short but so was I he was perfect in my eyes.

"Ash why don't you ask Drake to play?" Jared asked, Megan actually laughed I kept it in.

"Drake and Josh you guys want to play so volley ball?" Jared yelled over to the blanket.

I smiled over at Drake and he accepted the challenge, and I'm glad they did I needed a laugh. I almost peed myself watching them it was like watching an old black and white comedy. One would run for the ball and it would fall behind them or run into each other. I could see it on Jared's face that he regretted asking them.

"Drake you wanna go into the ocean with me?" I left Jared and Megan alone on the beach it was starting to get late and the frat boys pulled out there grills and started making everyone hamburgers and hotdogs.

"Ash I don't like the idea of Megan and Jared together."

"Please he's the last guy you have to worry about, I mean he's a great guy and Meg's would be lucky to grab a guy as nice as him." I said clinging on to Drake as the waves rolled in. we went out far enough past the breaking waves were it was clam. I put my arms around him and kissed him delicately on the lips we really didn't talk about the day before and I didn't want to I just wanted to move on.

"I love you Ash"

"I love you too."

"I'm so glad we're doing this together."


	84. It's short just like your temper

A few weeks had past I was now 6 months pregnant and starting to enjoy it. Things were going great! Me and Drake were doing great it was like nothing had ever happened. Bebe went on TV and tried to save face by saying that she had lost the baby and dragged Drake and me through the mud but I knew she was just jealous so I just let it go. Megan was still staying with us he hinted around about her living here; Drake loved the idea he knew I would need help while he was on tour or away. She was going to the same college as me and Josh anyways and staying in the dorms. We wanted to convert the basement to her own little place. Audrey and Walter weren't too pleased with this they thought we would rub off on her and she would end up on drugs and pregnant.

"Baby, do you mind if I go out tonight with a few friends?" Drake asked peeking his head into the new nursery where I was folding little baby clothes.

"No, its fine I was just going to relax tonight and sign up for classes."

"You're going to go back to school?"

"Of course I have one year left I can't just quite now!"

"Who's gonna watch the baby I mean I might be going on tour and Josh has school!"

"Trust me I already thought about all of this either I'll find a sitter which kills me to say, or I can do what I originally planned and me and Jared rotate days and he watches the baby when you're not here. I'll go to school Tuesdays and Thursday's and Jared will go Monday, Wednesday and Fridays."

"Is he really willing to do that?"

"Yeah… he's like my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend!" Josh yelled from the next room.

"Well I look at you like a brother so I think that's a step up from best friends. So you've been promoted. And stop ease dropping!" I told Josh who was now standing in the door way with Drake and I was still putting away things.

"What's going on here? Is Ashlee having the baby?" Megan said poking her head in between the boy.

"You're such a smart ass!" I laughed "I love how all of you are just standing there while the pregnant women is doing all the work!"

"What are you two doing tonight?"

"I have a date!" Megan answered pushing through the boys to sit next to me and start folding onsies.

"With who?" Drake bellowed.

"Ummm… MYOB!" Megan replied with a smile on her face.

"MYOB? What… what is that?" Drake asked like an old man.

"Mind your own business Drake!" I answered rolling my eyes.

"No I have the right to know she's living with us!" He hollered back at me.

"No Drake, it means mind your own business." I inhaled deeply not wanting to say what was on my mind.

"I'm sorry for hollering." Drake apologized sitting next to me and kissing my cheek.

"It's alright we all know you're a goofball! Why don't you go get ready to go out?" I said kissing him back softly on his lips. He walked out of the room and down the hall completely forgetting to ask who Megan was going out with tonight.

"I'm not doing anything tonight what do you want to do?" Josh asked taking Drakes place and picking up baby socks.

"Dinner maybe, I really don't feel like cooking and I thought maybe we can walk the mall. I can't go with Drake it's like something out of a nightmare."

"That sounds good. I'll go take a shower and get ready."

"Sounds good!" I waited till both boys were out of ear shot to get the dirt out of Megan. "Are you going out with Jared tonight?"

"Yes and I hate to ask but I need to borrow some money. I like him so much and I think he thinks that I have to be taken to the nicest places in town I would like to be able to pay half." She asked looking at the floor embarrassed.

"Oh yea that's fine. Drake doesn't mind you borrowing money until you get a job."

"Ugh… a job?"

"Yes Megan sooner or later your gonna need to get a job."

"Okay!" Se grunted and walked out of the room.

I finished up in the nursery and got dressed to go out with Josh. All of Drakes friends came over before they went out. Of course they all ignored me they thought I was taking away his freedom, I was ruining his life.

"Drake can I talk to you real quick before you go?" The crowd of clean cut teenagers owed like he was called to the principal's office.

"What's up baby? Now you two be good tonight!" He told my belly.

"Look I just want to tell you a few things… I don't want you driving drunk if that happens just get a cab or call me or Josh. No girls! That's it that's all you have to remember and we'll be cool."

"Okay… baby please don't worry. I love you and I won't do anything to mess this up."

_**Should he mess up or let it go? **_


	85. yeah, but I wish you were my shadow

Josh and I went out to the mall and just walked around like normal people no one bombarding me, no cameras, or paparazzi. By the time me and Josh got to the house all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and not move my body wasn't use to carrying around all this weight, especially since it was all in my front my back was killing me from having to fix my posture constantly. Josh fallowed behind me carrying the bags.

"Oh my freaking god! What are you doing? I can't believe this, get up and get dressed your brothers coming in behind me; he's going to be pissed." I screamed at the dimly lit sight that was playing out in front of me.

"Please Ash don't be mad!" The weak voice begged.

"I'm not mad just get dresses." I rushed picking the clothes off the floor.

"Megan!" Josh yelled dropping the bags at the sight of his undressed sister in the arms of and older undressed man. "Oh you are in so much trouble girl."

"Jared get dressed I need to talk to you." I ordered flatly.

"I'm so sorry Ash." Jared sighed trying to put his pants on.

Josh handed Megan the couch throw blanket to cover herself and as soon as she did he took her by the arm and led her in to the kitchen where he began to yell at her. I rushed in I thought he was being way too harsh. When I got to the kitchen Megan was in tears begging him not to send her home.

"Josh she's 18 and out of school. I mean she's a women now." I came to her aide.

"Please Josh I'm sorry but I really like him."

"This is exactly what mom and dad didn't want happening."

"Josh come on I lost my virginity way younger than her, and I bet you did too." I tried to make him understand.

"For your information I didn't!" Josh said folding his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, but not by choice!" Megan took a below the belt jab.

"Thin ice little girl, thin ice!" Josh yelled throwing his hands in the air.

"Honey I'm home." I heard the front door shut Drake was home already it was only 10 o'clock I thanked god I came home before him, he would have killed Jared. I ran out to meet him in the living room he was greeting Jared.

"Hi baby. Your home really early!" I exclaimed in and over the top way. Drake came over and hugged me, while his back was turned I mimed to Jared to get the hell out of here. He caught on and snuck out the front door.

"What's all the yelling about?" He asked walking into the kitchen. Josh had his head in his hands and Megan was sitting on a bar stool with the blanket still wrapped around her.

"Megan please go up stairs and get dressed!" I begged desperately. I could see the wheels turning in Drakes head you could almost smell the effort it was taking him to piece it all together. The gears were a little slower than most but I knew he would catch on.

"What's going on?" He asked innocently. Well maybe he won't get it, I still love him though. Josh threw his head back in defeat.

"Your naked sister, Jared! Come on Drake I know you can get it!" Josh yelled impatiently.

"What the hell. Ash I told you!" Drake turned his frustration towards me. Megan walked up from the basement fully dressed.

"Look it wasn't Ashlee's fault, I really like him and I wanted to do it." Megan said looking down at her rainbow socks.

"You know what Megan just go to your room we'll talk about this later." Drake sent her to her room and she fallowed his command.

"Ashlee I don't want to have to worry about her, you and the baby!" Drake said putting his hand through his hair.

"Drake please she's eighteen I think you all forget that she's not a little girl she's going to college this September, she is all grown up! When did you lose your virginity Drake?"

"When I was 16 but I was a guy!" He sighed putting both his hand in mine trying to make me understand.

"So was I Drake and I loved him I thought he was the greatest thing since hot pockets! She's in love and he's a good guy and cares about her. Did you care about the girl you did it with?" Drake didn't answer he just played with my nails. "That's what I thought, how can we be so hypocritical. You're doing everything you wished you parents didn't do. And let me tell you one thing if we tell her that she can't see him she's still going to see him and if you send her back to your parents she'll be mad at you two and still get to see him in like a month when she comes to live here for school, and then she'll have her own dorm!"

"Oh frig!" Drake said putting his head to the countertop. "Why didn't she do it in her bedroom?"

"Maybe they didn't plan it? Look guys just get over it all we really have to worry about is if she's being smart about it. Condoms the pill, you know all that good stuff." I said patting them both on the back.

"Well good luck Ash." Drake said walking out of the kitchen and into the living room. "The couch is tainted!" He said sitting carefully on the arm rest. All I could do was roll my eyes at him. "Megan can you come up here please?" Drake yelled up the stairs. "Look we over reacted you're a grown women we just want to make sure your smart about it."

"We used a condom."

"Well that's good we'll go and get you a doctor's appointment and make sure you tell Jared to get tested." I said feeling a little embarrassed feeling like I was playing mommy to her I was only a few years older than her.

"Wow I should really be listening to you guys for advice on this."

"Megan don't be such a smart ass." I said feeling insulted.

"Please when was the last time Drakes been tested he's probably a walking VD machine."

"Megan stop why are you acting like this." Drake asked standing up.

"Well you know what Jared doesn't have to get tested why don't we just ask Ashlee!"

"Megan I never slept with Jared." I said flatly it was the truth.

"Yeah right he loved you, he fucking adored you. He talks about you all the time, the only way to get him to shut up about you was to have sex with him. He talks about how you two practically lived together you slept in the same bed for months and never slept together? I doubt it. He's a good kisser aint he Ash?"

"Megan, Drake already knows we kissed I told him that night. Megan I don't know what you're trying to do but I am very truthful with your brother I tell him everything."

"It wasn't just that one time!" Megan screamed hysterically.

"Megan knock it off!" Drake screamed back.

"No she's right it was more than one time when we were broken up I had made out with him one night and I didn't tell you Drake I'm sorry about that was one night and I was upset and I told him I didn't feel right doing it again with him so I never did it again after that."

"Ash its okay we were broken up you didn't even know if we would get back together."

"I knew we would." I smiled softly.

"God I just got a sick taste in my mouth!" Megan yelled. "You act all innocent but I know you're not. I know you want him."

"Megan knock it off I don't want your boyfriend! I love Drake and if I wanted him I could have had him a long time ago okay?"

"He sang a song for you!"

"Yeah so has Drake and Johnny and every other singer I have gone out with."

"He's the perfect guy, he stayed with you when you were carrying another guy's baby and told the baby stories every night. You like have him on the backburner just in case anything happens."

"Megan I swear to God I don't want your boyfriend have I ever done anything to make you think that? I mean I just defended you the whole time down here I introduced you to, I convinced him to ask you out!"

"You convinced him! What did you have to do bribe him?" Megan yelled stomping down the stairs.

"Drake I didn't mean it like that! I just meant I was like why don't you ask her out and he said yeah she's cute I swear that's it."

"Ash I know don't get all crazy over it, she's overreacting, she's probably just trying to put the attention on to someone else."

"Drake I'm going to bed, are you coming up?"

"Yeah." He aid taking my hand following behind me.

We both got to the bedroom I put on my pajamas and just laid on the bed I just needed to get off my feet! I tried to understand why Megan would go off on my like that I was never anything but nice to her. Drake came out of the bathroom in his boxers. He was so cute and at that moment everything else faded away.

"Did you have a fun time out tonight?" I asked patting the spot next to me. He laid down close to me I laid my head on his chest and curled up next to him.

"It was okay we went to this club and had dinner. I only had one drink, but I had to leave there were all these people and they were trying to get close to me. I mean I couldn't even just hang out with my friends. I mean I don't think half of them are really my friends for the right reasons."

"Drake I think it all comes with the territory baby." I said running my finger down the line of his chest.

"You right and I knew that and I thought I wanted that. But now I know I want this and I can't have both."

"Drake I think you can I think it's just all gonna have to be in moderation. Look I love you and I would never ask you to change I just want you to be happy."

"See its things like that, that pisses me off. You say you don't want me to change yet you ask me to not do this and not do that."

"What is it gang up on Ashlee day?"

"Josh you have anything bad to say about me?" I yelled through the walls.

"You did eat the last piece of cheese cake that was in the fridge!" He yelled back. "You bitch!" Then started to laugh.

"Drake I don't know what you want from me I try to be the perfect girlfriend."

"No one's perfect Ash. That's what I want I want you to put your guard down."

I sat up in bed thinking about what he said. "Drake I want to be the best I can be! Every time I put my guard I lose you."

"Ashlee you'll never lose me again!"


	86. but somewhat golden like the afternoons

The next few days were a little awkward between me and Megan. I was waiting for her to apologize and she never did so I went on like everything was okay. Drake had to go away for a few days to New York he was going to be on TRL for like the 50th time. He was so loyal to him since they were the first to give him his first real shot at the big time. He asked me to come along but I was just so friggin tired anymore that I just wanted to stay home.

----------------------------------Phone Conversation-------------------

Me- Hey baby, I was just calling to see how things were going. I miss you.

Drake-I miss you too. I have just been hanging around the hotel trying to relax. I did TRL yesterday and a CD signing today and tomorrow I'm doing the today show. I'm beat, how are you feeling?

Me- I'm okay I was just trying to get stuff done for the baby's room. I just wanted to ask you if I could have some money so I can hire someone to come finish it for me. I'm just too tired to do everything and the due dates coming up and I don't want it to look half assed.

Drake- Baby, I don't think the baby will mind if it's only half done. (He laughed)

Me- Please don't laugh I'm being very serious. I'm so tired anymore I don't want to clean or cook I just want to lay around. Plus schools gonna start in like 2 weeks.

Drake- Okay baby you can call whoever you want to come in and why don't you call our old housekeeper I mean she cooked and everything.

Me- Drake I like doing that stuff for you it makes me feel like a real wife like I'm contributing something since I don't work.

Drake- I know baby but how about just until you're feeling better and we can let her go whenever you feel like you can take it all on again. I mean you don't want to get yourself too tired out before the baby comes.

Me- You're right I will give her a call.

Drake- Okay I love you baby please just relax I'll be home in tomorrow night days. I love you

Me- I love you too.

----------------------------------------End----------------------------------

I decided to go look for the numbers later right now I was in middle of a Top Model Marathon on VH1 and I had the house to myself Megan and Josh drove up to San Diego to visit with their parents for the night. I got up to get myself a glass of water and a bowl of ice cream. I craved room temperature water with ice. I know it wasn't as good as pizza with peanut butter but it also wouldn't make me barf. As soon as I was about to sit down I heard a knock at the front door. I put my stuff down on the coffee table and walked over to answer it.

"Hey Jared what are you doing here Megan's not here she went to spend some time with her parents." I said letting him come on a sit down.

"I know I just wanted to come over here and see you. We use to spend every day together and now we never even talk." He said putting the box of pizza down on the dining room table. "Plus I knew you were home alone and I thought we could have a little pizza party."

"I am really sorry I know we haven't spent too much time together lately, I mean this whole thing happened between me and Megan and I think it's just better if we keep our distance."

"I know she told me." He said sitting down pulling out a piece of pizza from the box and putting it on a plate for me. "Can I get you a drink?"

"I have one on the coffee table." I said sitting down at the dining room table. "Well I'm glad she told you, I mean she has no reason to be jealous."

"Well think of it this was if Drakes best friend was a girl how would you feel." He said handing me my glass.

"Hmmm… I didn't think of it that way." I sat quietly for a few minutes just concentrating on the pizza, being with him alone felt a bit awkward and I was afraid of what Drake would think.

"So what did you have planned for today?" He asked putting his hand on mine.

"Nothing really I was just going to veg out in front of the TV."

"Top model marathon." He asked slyly. I smile spread across my face he knew me all too well.

"Ash I think you've seen like every season like 3 times each." Mimicking a cali girl.

"Does Megan know you're here?"

"Ash look you're my best friend I don't want to lose that because she's jealous. If we haven't done anything by now, come on were friends and that's it."

"I know that it's just that you mean so much to her you're her first."

Jared laughed a little and then coughed in his hand to cover it up.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ash, Megan and I didn't have sex we didn't even get up to that. And I can almost be positive that I won't be her first. She wanted to and I wanted to take it slow."

"But she was naked."

"Yeah and I wasn't! She got naked on her own I was still in my boxers. Ash you do know there's more then sex that can be done."

"I know smart ass it was just… she said you guys did it and used a condom."

"Ashlee I'm still a virgin."

"Oh…hmm." A smile went across my face I could see that he was embarrassed and I still laughed a little.

"Ash come on don't laugh!"

"I'm sorry, I really am. I just though …you're so handsome and smart and you're a great guy any girl would love to have you."

"Well I'm waiting for the right person." He said laughing a little.

"Okay well I'm glad we had that all cleared up. I mean Drake wanted to kill you."

"Come on let's just chill and watch some Tyra."

Jared and I spent the entire day on the couch not moving unless we needed a bathroom break. Jared fell asleep first around 10 we were still only on season 3 and I didn't want to wake him so I just leaned my head on his shoulder and shortly after feel asleep too.

"Good morning Ash we're home." I heard Josh yell I thought I was still dreaming. I opened my eyes slightly to find that I was still lying on Jared's shoulder. I nudged Jared awake. "Get up Megan's home."

"Ash calm down we didn't do anything wrong." He said fixing himself.

Josh walked by me with a ton of bags in his hands.

"Jared what are you doing here? Did you guys just wake up?"

"Josh look we fell asleep watching a top model marathon, we didn't do anything."

"I didn't think you did you're like 20 months pregnant what can you do?" he said with a smirk.

I attempted to lift myself off the couch to bop him on the head but failed and sew-sawed back and forth a few times until I gave up.

"Here your gonna hurt yourself let me help you up." Jared offered.

"Thanks at least there's on gentleman around her."

"I would have helped you but my hands are full plus you were going to hit me."

"Where's Megan she's gonna flip when she sees him here."

"Well she's coming in now. Don't lie to her just tell her the truth." Josh said with a sighing.

"Jared what are you doing here with her?" Megan screech, her voice rang through my head like a siren.

"Megan relax I came over yesterday to hang out with her and we both feel asleep in front of the TV."

"You didn't answer you phone last night!"

"I must have left it at my house, I'm sorry."

"Who doesn't carry around there cell phone? Your lying!"

"Megan I don't even know were mine is." I came to his defense.

"Ashlee stay out of this."

"Do you like me Jared?"

"Yeah you're a great girl."

"Well if you want to keep me, you can't see her!"

"Megan I'm sorry then I'm not going to be with someone who can't handle me having friends. You don't want me to hang out with guys from my frat because you're scared I'm gonna cheat and I can't hang out with Ashlee because you got this weird possessive thing. I don't like it and if that's how you're going to act then I don't think I want to keep you." Jared said putting his shoes on and walking to the door. "Ash I'll call you later." He walked out of the door without saying another word. Me and Josh said nothing we just looked at each other.


	87. before you got too cool

Megan stayed down the basement with the door locked for the rest of the day. I was just trying to straighten up and make a nice dinner for when Drake came home, plus I was very proud of myself for calling the housekeeper and hiring her back. I waited patiently listening to Josh talk about some girl who he thought was to good for him so he sat back and did nothing.

"Josh there not going to come to you! You have to get out there and just put yourself out there and if she doesn't like you for who you are then maybe she's not the right one."

"Well what do you think about this as an opening line…"

"Honey I'm home!" Drake called from the front door.

"Baby I'm in here!"

Drake came in with open arms I jumped off the bar stool and let him embrace me. "I missed you so much!" Drake said kissing me softly.

"Drake!" I heard Megan stomping up the stair.

"Let's get ready to rumble!" Josh impersonated a boxing ref.

"What… what's going on?" Drake said smiling. Megan was now in front of us with her arms folded over her chest.

"Not now Megan you can yell and scream later he just got home at least let him eat." I sighed.

"Oh so I guess you didn't tell him? Well then I think he would want to know now."

"Want to know what?" Drake said with his smile fading fast I know he could feel trouble brewing.

"Ashlee cheated on you!"

"You what!" He looked over to me with a sour look on his face all I could do was roll my eyes.

"Drake I'm almost 7 months pregnant and can't even get up off the couch myself half the time, but yes I'm sleeping around." I said sarcastically.

"That's not what I meant." Megan screeched. "She stole my boyfriend!"

"Megan please let's not start with this again I thought we worked this out a few days ago?"

"No this was today he slept over last night and then he broke up with me!"

"Ashlee can I talk to you upstairs?"

"Fine let's go!" I fallowed Drake up to our bedroom he looked so pissed he just kept pacing back and forth.

"Ashlee I am so mad at you!" He never used my whole name which pissed me off at first because I liked the name Ashlee why shorten it to something as unappealing as Ash, it was like calling Cinderella, cinder! But I got over it because when he said it, it was cute.

"I can see your mad but relax, he came over to talk about school and how everything's going to work out, we ate pizza, and watched a top model marathon!" I said as calm as I could.

"Well why didn't he just go home?"

"Well he fell asleep and I was in middle of a judging and I feel asleep the next commercial on the couch fully clothed and not even a blanket on top of us! Josh woke us up when he came in the front door." Drake stopped pacing and sat at the edge of the bed I stood in front of him, he put his arms around my waist and leaned his head on my belly. "Look if I upset you I didn't mean any harm by it, and If I thought it was that big of a deal I would have called you in New York but I didn't want you to freak out and then not be able to explain."

"Why did he break up with her if nothing happened?" He asked looking up at me with his puppy dog eyes.

"She was moving way to fast and he wanted to slow things down, he wanted to stay a virgin and she was pressuring him."

"Wait… what? A virgin? I thought she said?" Drake could hardly put words together.

"She lied she was naked he wasn't I didn't really look when I came in I just saw you sister in front of me naked I was trying not to look at Jared! I think she was trying to make me jealous or something and I just don't like him in that way I like him in like the gay friend way." I said getting frustrated wiping away a tear. My stupid hormones make me cry over everything. I definitely can't watch extreme house make over any more Ty makes me bawl every time.

"Don't worry about it ash don't get upset, I believe you." He said standing up putting his arms around me tight. "I don't believe you even think about cheating on me."

"I don't I'm happy."

"That's why I love you." We walked down the stairs hand in hand.

"Josh, Megan are you hungry I made a pot roast?" I yelled into the living room.

"That's it?" Megan asked walking into the kitchen.

"Look Megan either you knock your shit off or you're going to have to go home. Do you understand me? Ashlee is pregnant and she can't be getting all upset. Megan she didn't make Jared break up with you that sounds like something you and Jared are going to have to work out. Their friends I'm over it and you're going to have to get over it because he's going to be over here a lot when school starts in like a week."

Megan didn't say anything I think she was a little hurt Drake was taking my side. But she really was acting all crazy for no reason.

"Megan I don't want you to be mad at me we were becoming such good friends and I don't like Jared like that." I said walking over to her.

"Whatever I don't care, you all act like I'm going off my hinge and I don't know if I am and just making a big deal out of nothing but I think my feelings should be validated." Megan said calmly.

"Your right we should listen to you but you're not listening to us and if you did then none of this would have happened this morning." I said trying to give her a hug. "Megan I love you I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Fine I'm just going to watch TV in the living room." Megan said not putting her arms around me but leaving them limp at her sides.

"You're not eating?" Drake asked unruffled.

"No!" Megan answered shortly.

"Okay well come on guys I made a good dinner and I made brownies for dessert."

"Ash I'm not going to fit into my jeans after this." Drake said patting his flat stomach.

"I don't want to hear about you fitting into your jeans!" I yelled playfully.

After dinner me and Drake went up to our room to relax we just wanted to be alone.

"I missed you so much Ash." Drake said staring up at me from my belly.

"I missed you too. So did he I guess he's kicking like crazy." I said giggling a little. This was perfect I don't think I had ever had a more perfect moment my whole life.

"I don't feel it." Drake said disappointed.

"Here feel up here. He turned around so he is now upside-down." I took his hand and moved it up to the top of my belly.

"Okay now I feel ya buddy." We both laughed.


	88. recap!

_I just wanted to do a short recap because I'm getting a little jumbled- I'm up to chapter 87 and I think this is time to review._

**Family**

Ashlee is 21 and from New Jersey she lived with her nana, she has 2 twin brothers around 18 who live with their parents in Philadelphia and a sister who is 20 who live in Ashlee's old apartment in NJ. Ashlee's parents sent her to live with her nana when she was 10 so she could go to a better school. Her parents are very closed off and don't show much love her dad is okay and cares but the mom acts like she could care less and always rags on her. Ashlee wants to have a big family but finds it hard to stay close to any of them.

**Past Relationships**

Ashlee use to go out with Gavin who was the lead singer of Terror 24in high school I kind of based this character off of the typical buff spiky blonde macho rock star in my real story she dates him for years and just can't move on until she falls for his band mate. Gavin introduced Ashlee to Johnny they stay friends for a long time while she dates another guy until she eventually falls for him. In my mind is skinny and straggly, blonde long hair, greasy kind of guy. But loves her in his own way but just can never tell her or stay faithful. She loves him so much that she doesn't make him put a title on it she's just kind of there when he needs her so in the beginning of my story there not really together but you can still tell they have something for each other. Between Gavin and Johnny is Quinton who use to live near her in Philly in my real story he was a bad boy in the neighborhood kind of white trash family but good people, but he was so good to her and they stayed together for a long time almost all through high school. But her and Johnny's friendship started to turn into more he would sneak in through the window and they would just stay up all night talking. She would turn off the ringer to the phones before she went to bed and just left her ringer on so Johnny could call and they would talk until she had to go to school. Ashlee broke up with Quinton and just really tried not talking to him or thinking about him. Johnny treated her good until he started using drugs and it just got worse and worse until he figured out it wasn't helping anyone and started drinking thinking it wouldn't be as bad as drugs. Ashlee was at one the Terror 24's gigs and seen Drake Parker singing it was different from everything else that was playing and that she liked but there was something about him. He said hi to her every night he played and she kind of ignored him until she decided she was going to take action.

**Drake Parker**

She thought it was going to be a weekend thing but it turned out to be so much more after 3 days he asked her to come back to California with him she hesitantly agrees to go because terror 24 was flying out in a week anyway. There romance sky rockets until one night he kisses another girl and gets into a huge car accident trying to race home and explain himself he breaks his jaw and has it wired shut for 3 months, Ashlee decides to stay to help out because she's guilt ridden and can't see leaving him there alone. Their relationship is going great and he asks her to marry him the first day he gets the wires taken off his mouth. She agrees but doesn't know how to react she was with Johnny for so long she forgot how it felt to have someone care for her unconditionally. She almost flinches inside every time he says I love you and she explains no one has ever said it to her except her nana. Drake slips into the rock star cliché he starts doing drugs after Ashlee miss carries because he was so depressed about not the accident and being out of the music business for so long. He cheats on her many times but she only catches him a few times.

**Josh**

Josh and Ashlee become best friends immediately they are both very down to earth people. Josh and Ashlee have a lot in common but just aren't made for each other there is a lot of back and forth from them in the beginning, they do slip once and kiss once and their relationship is really never the same after that. Josh gets a girlfriend who is in one of the earlier chapter giving Ashlee a hard time because she secretly has a crush on Drake. Jenna is a total bitch she likes being like that and she knows Josh is vulnerable and takes full advantage of it. She sleeps with Drake and it becomes the final straw Ashlee moves out and gets her own apartment. Josh and Ashlee stay friends, he takes her to a little open mic café and she meets Jared who she thinks is gay. They become friends very quickly and share a kiss but it turns out to be nothing. After a few weeks she decides to forgive Drake but there's something different about him he acts like the perfect boyfriend for like a week and then tries to make Ashlee mad on purpose to she would break up with him momentarily so he could sleep with a girl that he's been working on a music video with. Now this video is taking a lot longer than usual he starts having meeting with her months before the actual shoot. Ashlee knows something is up between them, she plans a huge 21st birthday party for Drake and she doesn't see him the whole party and when she does Bebe and Drake are holding each other close whispering in each other's ear. Ashlee asks to butt in but he pushes her away.

**The big break up**

Ashlee is done with Drake after she the birthday incident she changes her number and kicks him out she wants nothing to do with him so she cuts off contact completely. She starts not feeling good and finds out she's 2 months pregnant. She decides to do it on her own and not tell Drake. Jared and Ashlee become closer and closer he almost lives with her. He reads stories to her belly every night; he offers to do anything she needs while she's going to school to help her finish her last year. She falls in love with him but as a friend and nothing else. It comes out later they did make out one night but decided to be friends. Jared and Ashlee are in the mall she's 5 months pregnant and it is very noticeable. Josh sees them at the mall and Drake is also there with another girl. Drake automatically knows whose baby it is at first he's furious that she didn't tell him but only because this was the only thing that he wanted and Ashlee refused to give him while they were together.

**One big family**

Ashlee and Drake decide to get back together after Drake shows what kind of guy he could really be he's sweet and caring he becomes the perfect boyfriend with some quirks. When everything is going the right way Bebe comes out on TV says she was pregnant to by Drake, the media slams him as he denies it. Bebe recants her story saying she lost it. People take Drakes side saying she was never really pregnant. Megan moves in with all of us after Drake has a huge fight with his parents about his life style. Megan ends up hooking up with Jared at the persuasive hand of Ashlee. The boys always told Ashlee stories about Megan and just couldn't believe it she was nothing but sweet to her and she thought of her like a sister they became really close but when Jared wont sleep with her and starts hanging out with Ashlee all her feelings become bottled up and she just lets the explode all over Ashlee accusing her of liking Jared and wanting to steal her away from her. Ashlee tries to let things work itself out between her and Megan she is also trying to get Josh to stand up and be a man around woman and not let them take advantage like Jenna did. Ashlee is now almost 7 months pregnant with a boy and her and drake are the happiest they had ever been.

_In the real story Gavin is the one with a kid and is a lot older then Ashlee when she was 16 he was like25 and had a baby .Johnny never get a girl pregnant but does settle down with a girl and when Ashlee has the big break up with Drake she goes back to live with Johnny for a while they stay friends but she ends up with Quinton who is in the army she ends up staying with him in Nevada where he is stationed only to find out he wasn't the good guys he use to be he plays her before she could play him again. The only reason she goes back with Drake is that her and Josh are supposed to meet up in Los Vegas and he ends up having to go to the hospital and Drake calls her in a panic not telling her what was wrong she jumps on the next plane to find out he has appendicitis and he was going to be fine he was always fine he was even going to still meet her in LV but her and Drake spark again!_

_A lot of stuff I do is inspired by the music I listen to, I have a playlist just for writing… I always accept what people think and take into consideration of what they want to happen next! So don't be scared to tell me what you think or what you want to happen!__ I hope you all love it…__ PS I read and review almost all new stories so I'm not just the __kinda__ person who writes and doesn't review anyone __elses_


	89. Everyones caught on to you

After Drakes last trip he had told Josh to not book him for any other appearances away from home until the baby was born. He stayed home more and went out occasionally with his friends; he didn't come home drunk off his ass or 3 in the morning anymore. Things were going better than I have ever thought it could be. Megan and I were piecing back a broken friendship; she cringed every time she saw me and Jared together in school. Me and Jared had this connection that I had never felt with anyone we loved each other but didn't expect anything in return. He was almost like my twin we knew what each other were thinking before we even said it out loud. I was back in school and it was hard I didn't fit into the desks anymore; people stared and whispered '_You know they say it's not Drake Parkers'_. I just tried to ignore it, and go on like nothing was different. People are always going to talk and there's nothing you can do so you can either get upset about it and drive yourself crazy or just let it roll off your shoulder.

I walked into the house and threw my book bag in the corner of the living room.

"Hello is anyone home?" I asked loudly to myself. I walked up to the bedroom, it was a nightmare in California it had to be close to 100 degrees and it didn't matter how high the air conditioner was up I ended up sweating like I was in a sauna. I pushed open the bedroom door to find Drake sprawled out in his boxers. I nudged him lightly.

"Good morning baby." Drake said drowsily with a smile on his face.

"Drake its 3 o clock in the afternoon, did you not get out of bed today?"

"No… I made some phone calls but I had my cell." He took my hand and pulled me on to the bed.

"Drake I asked you to try to finish up the nursery!" I said defeated it was like trying to pull a cow down the stairs it just won't happen.

"Baby… Baby … wow I'm gonna have to start calling you something else!" He laughed.

"It's not funny I'm being serious…" I pouted.

"Don't worry princess? I don't know about princess? Sweetie? No! Cupcake? How about…"

"Drake shut up! Jeeze it's like talking to a chimp!" I said throwing my hand up in aggravation.

"You know I once bought a chimp but then I traded it in for a car."

"Drake! You know what I don't even know what to say I'm gonna either cry or piss myself laughing…!"

"Awww… pookie don't cry!" He said in an exaggerated cooing voice that made me gag a little. "Come on Ash I want to show you something." Drake took me by the hand and led me to the nursery. It was completely done with a glitter guitar mobile and costume bed-set, the moral was a picture of a stage and all the instrument that a rock star would play.

"Drake it looks great." I tried to hold back my tears but it was no use. "I love it." I put my arms around him as tight as I could. "I love you so much."

Drake took me by the shoulders and pulled me away from his body to look me in the eyes. "Ashlee this is everything to me. This is all I ever wanted in the whole world, and I love you so much because you gave it to me and on your own terms. I mean I bet there are girls out there that would just be like okay he has money why not but you waited until we were ready and you made me the man I always wanted to be."

The tears were now uncontrollably rolling down my face. He pulled me in close he nuzzled his nose into my hair taking it all in. I looked around I was in a big beautiful house in California, I had a man who loves me and wants to marry me, and a baby boy on the way is there anything better than this? I couldn't think of anything better.

"Honey I'm home!" Josh called out in a Spanish accent imitating Ricky Ricardo.

I sniffled a few times and wiped the tears from my eyes. "We're up here Josh!" I yelled down the banister. I heard him and someone else come up the stairs.

"What did you do now Drake?" Josh said exhaustedly.

"Shut Josh!" Drake said playing around hitting him on the shoulder.

"Oh my god the room looks awesome! Did you finish it today?" Josh was in awe with how great the room looked.

"Yeah I worked on it all day." Drake was so proud of himself for contributing to the pregnancy someday I think he would carry this baby around if he could he always wants to know when the babies kicking or how it feels. Drake and I were looking at the quirky looking girl standing behind Josh.

"Hi I'm Ashlee and this is Drake, if Josh wasn't so rude we would know your name."

"Oh Guys I'm sorry this is Tabitha." I looked up at Tabitha's blushing face looking at Drake in nothing but his boxers. The boy should join a nudist colony he just plain out doesn't like to wear clothes.

"Drake go get some pants on!" I growled

"Yeah… sorry about that, nice meeting you! I'm going back to bed."

"No… go get pants on then we have stuff to do!" Drake didn't answer he just whined and grumbled something down the hallway.

"Well it's very nice to meet you Tabitha."

"You can call me tabby." She spoke up with her mousy voice. She was the kind of girl you didn't notice in the hallways. She was ultra thin with no shape what so ever, she was as flat as a board front and back I don't think she even had to wear a training bra, for some reason Josh like those kinds of girls. She had long straight black hair down to her butt and large plastic frame glasses she wasn't ugly but she wasn't cute either she was just kind of there. And she's not like the kinda girls in the movies were they look frumpy at first and then have a great make over and find out there hot she just wasn't.

"Are you guys going to be staying for dinner?"

"Okay June Cleaver I don't know what we're doing yet." Josh said with a sarcastic snarl. I just scrunched my nose up and made a face at him, I know immature right? But I had no snappy remarks to throw back at him, this is a time that you wish Megan was around… where was Megan?

Megan was now staying with us in the basement and things weren't too bad between us a snotty remark here and there but we were working through it. Their parents not so happy, they called all day all night to make sure Megan wasn't partying it up in Holly Wood because we all know how that ends… dum dum dum dum… Drake! His mom was still pissed off at him about the whole pregnancy slash false pregnancy. Even after Bebe recanted everything they were still on his back about it. They really didn't talk anymore just yelled.

I walked into the bedroom Drake was where I first saw him sprawled out on the bed.

"Baby come on I told you were have to get some things today!"

"Like what aren't you having a baby shower or something?" The comment hit a sour note with me.

"Drake you're not supposed to plan your own baby shower and I guess I have no one close enough that thought it would be a good idea to plan one. Lisa's a little upset about it she wants me to come to Philly so she can plan one but I don't know if I want to go down there right now I don't want to deal with my mom's bull."

"Ash you're going to have to face them sooner or later and I know your brothers and sisters would probably love to see you, and how about your nana she calls here every day asking about you?"

"Maybe I should take a trip down there? Would you come with me if I did?" I asked laying down next to Drake putting my arm over his stomach and my head on his chest kissing it delicately.

"Of course I would come with you! You think I would let you travel alone pregnant your lucky I let you go to school by yourself."

"I love you like this?" I whispered softly.

"Like what?"

"Like the man I knew you could be, I know you love me before I had to guess it was like everyday it was different. Before when you would say I love you and meant it, it felt good and the days when you didn't, it just made the days you did feel 100 times better then it wore off and the inconsistency killed me. I hated playing this guessing game, but now you love me all the time." I pressed my ear against his chest relaxing listening to the sound of his heart beat.

"Ashlee I might have not shown it the right way but there was always a piece of my heart for you since the first night that I saw you, I was so scared to come up and talk to you, you seemed so sure of yourself sitting at the bar. I usually only talked to tiny boppers who would hang on every word. But I had seen you talking to everyone that had played and I knew you were different you didn't treat them like gods you kept their heads level." Drake rubbed my back kissing me on my fore head. "So I couldn't take it anymore I got the courage up to talk to you and what did you do! You said hi and then ignored me. I tried every night that week! All you could say was hi and then turned away from me. And then I was like if she doesn't talk to me tonight I'm done trying and then you actually talked to me you told me I played good. I was so excited I had to ask you out and in my head this little movie was playing of how we would be together forever. Your where so beautiful sitting there by yourself I just kept saying, why is she sitting by herself? I need to be sitting next to her kissing her and holding her. I lost that feeling along the way and took you for granted. But I always knew my life was so much fuller with you in it!"

Drake sat up on the bed making me sit up to. I just looked him in the eyes I knew her meant every word he had never told me how he felt about me except I love you but he never explained it like that. He made me feel so special like I was the ONE for his ONE.

"Thank you. No one has ever made me feel that special before in my entire life."

T


	90. I believe you

Me, Drake, and josh were on a plan to Philadelphia Megan decided to stay home and go to school, their parents fly down to stay with her.. I caved in I really did want to see my family I thought maybe this baby could bring us all together. We drove right to my mom's house where they were having a big family dinner for me. She actually sounded excited for me coming home, it was different but I was happy a piece of me always wanted her to treat me like a daughter like she loved me. We stood in front of my family's row home. I knocked on the front door and fixed myself one last time. I was dressed in a black and white flowered dress it was definitely cute even though it looked like I was stealing a ham underneath it.

"Ashlee come in." My dad answered the door looking down at my belly.

"Surprise!" The room of people screamed. There were blue banners hung up everywhere. They through a baby shower for me. I fought back the tears that were trying to force their way out. All of my family was there not just a few but the whole clan! Brothers, sister, uncles, aunts, cousins, and a few people I didn't even recognize all cramped into this little house. The smell of my mom's cooking filled the room. My mouth started to water along with my eyes.

"Come here let me see you." My mom's commanded holding her arms out. "You look beautiful."

Was this my mother? I don't even remember the last time we talked without acting like pit bulls.

"Ashlee you look so good!" My sister cooed.

"Don't you get any ideas Lisa Marie?" My mom barked. I giggled we were like a real family. I got passed around a few times and everyone had to touch my belly and asked a ton of questions I was becoming exhausted. Drake and Josh sat in the corner with the other males I looked over at Drake talking to my brothers. He smiled at me and I felt as if the whole room lit up.

"It's time for you to open presents!" My mom got up clasping her hands together.

"Oh my gosh guys thank you so much! I don't have many friends in California and I'm just so glad that you guys did this for me." I stated opening presents, I had thought that I had gotten everything but I guess I had missed a lot of stuff most of it I didn't even know what it was. Everything was so cute and blue!

"So what's the theme of the baby's room?" My sister called from across the room of sitting women.

"Rock and roll, he as a guitar mobile and a beautiful moral painted on his wall. Drake decorated most of it."

"So when are you going to make an honest woman out of her Drake?" One of my already drunk uncles asked as they put their arm over him. I just rolled my eyes.

"Trust me I tried to marry her she refuses!" The room busted out in laughter.

"That's Ashlee's dream to get married." My sister chuckled. "She's been planning it since she was 3! She knows every detail down to the want the DJ's going to play. What you're going to walk down the aisle to, she knows the cake, the linens, the napkin colors." The room burst out into laughter they all knew it because it was true I knew exactly how I wanted my wedding but I saw how it hurt Drake.

"I want it perfect and that takes time!" I said sympathetically looking at Drake; I couldn't catch his eye he had his head down. I just kept opening presents smiling and cooing over all the new baby stuff. At the end of the night I said goodbye to everyone and left for the hotel. Drake was silent for the ride back. We got into our hotel room Josh went down to the pool.

"Drake I'm sorry about what they said."

"You made me look like a loser?"

"How did I do that? Drake please don't be mad at me I love you so much and I do want to marry you. Come on lets go get married right now!"

"You made me feel like I wasn't good enough to marry you like your holding out for the perfect guy." Drake said slipping out of his clothes. He never keeps his clothes on when we fight it's like he gets his auguring powers from being half naked.

"Drake you are the perfect man for me." I said moving in close to him placing my lips on his. "I love you so much." I didn't move my lips form his. We began kissing and our fight just disappeared. He moved me to the bed and one thing led to another.


	91. failure by design

Drake and I were asleep in the hotel bed when my stomach began to hurt it felt like I had a cramp.

"Baby… Drake…" I shook his trying to get him to wake up. He opened one eye and petted my head.

"What's wrong baby?" He asked closing his eyes once again.

"My stomach hurt." Drake did have to hear anything else he jumped out of bed.

"The babies coming where not home, your doctors not here."

"Drake relax I don't know what it is."

"What does it feel like?" He asked anxiously.

"It feels like a cramp." I said rubbing my belly

"Well what does having a baby feel like?" Drake said putting his hand on my stomach.

"Drake I don't know this is my first time doing this."

"Well you're a girl isn't an alarm clock supposed to go off or something?"

"What? Drake just go back to bed it passed. It was probably all the tomatoes sauce I ate tonight."

"You woke me up because you had gas." Drake rolled his eyes and buried himself under the blankets.

"I did not have gas! It was just a cramp. I'm gonna walk down to the vending machine for a minute. I was a snickers or something." I put my robe on a walked out of the room.

"Don't go too far I don't want you having this baby in the hallway of a Hilton. It would be a funny story though." I slammed the door before he could say anything else.

I walked down the hallway I could feel the cramps coming on again…Shit it's not cramps its contractions! I was only a few feet away from the room. But I couldn't walk it felt like someone had taken my insides and twisted them.

"Drake!" I screamed.

Drake ran out of the room in only his boxers. "What's wrong?"

"This babies coming! Owe… Owe…" Drake ran up to me guiding me back to my room banging on Josh's door.

"What's up bro?" Josh said rubbing his eyes.

"She's having the baby! Call an ambulance I don't know where the closest hospital is. Make sure you tell them that she's having a baby." Drake was at the point of hysterics.

"Drake relax the contractions are 15 minutes apart we have a lot of time. We know what to do so let's relax and get stuff ready. I need pajama's, baby clothes, my purse and wallet."

Drake took a deep breath and hugged me. He let go and got everything ready.

"Okay I called our doctor and he said he could fly out!" Drake said with a smile on his face.

"Drake we're not going to fly him out here! I'm okay there going to have doctors there."

"Okay… that's right. I just want this to go smoothly."

"Women have been having babies since the beginning of time, I'll be okay." I said giving him a smile.

"Wow this is great. I'm going to have a baby boy, 2 songs in the top 10 a number 1 selling album and 2 videos on TRL all in the same month. I am so lucky."

I laughed at first but he was being sincere this was his dream and they were all playing out in front of him. Another contraction was coming and now they were becoming more apparent and closer together. Josh ran over fully dressed.

"They said they don't just pick someone up if it's not an emergency. They said we can take a cab."

"What the hell!" Drake was so mad he picked up the phone and dialed again. I took the phone off him so he didn't piss off Philadelphia and have the 911 call plastered on TMZ.

Operator- 911 what's your emergency?

Me- Hello I'm about to have a baby I need an ambulance now!

Operator- How far apart are your contractions.

Me- 3 minutes apart, I'm in town visiting relatives I'm not supposed to be having this baby for another 5 weeks! I live in California I don't know were any hospitals are especially ones that deliver babies.

Operator- You're still too far apart for us to dispatch an ambulance.

Me- Listen my names Ashlee Green my husband is Drake Parker one of the biggest singers out right now I will pay whatever it cost just please get a an ambulance here! _I was now in serious __pian_ Get me your supervisor

Operator- Hello who is this?

Me- My name is Ashlee Green and I need an ambulance at the Hilton hotel in downtown Philadelphia now!

Operator- What's your emergency.

Me- I'm having a baby! I'm not from around here I don't know were any hospitals are!

Operator- Sorry we don't dispatch ambulances for births all the time it took you to argue with our dispatcher you could have been there by now..

Me- What the fuck!

"I had to hang up go down the stairs and hail a cab Josh!" I yelled in pain.

"Ash okay calm down you said we have time." Drake said rubbing my back.

"No the contractions are getting closer and closer together and…" I couldn't finish my sentence I just started crying.

"Eww… Ash…" Drake noticed the puddle of fluid around my feet. I just cried louder.

"No baby I'm sorry not eww. It's a good thing." Drake pulled my night gown over my head I slipped out of my panties and got redressed. Josh had hailed a taxi now all I had to do was get to the front entrance. We finally made it to the cab and we were on our way to the hospital.

"Drake call my mom please." I laid my head on josh's shoulder cringing every time I had a contraction. Drakes lap was piled with the hospital bags. Josh flipped open his camcorder.

"What are you doing Josh?" I asked into the camcorder.

"I'm taping it, don't you want it taped?" Josh asked with a smirk.

"You can tape all you want after the babies born!" I screamed and pushed the camcorder away from my face. "Call your mom and your sister! Let them know what's going on."

"Baby here lay your head on my shoulder." Drake tapped Josh on the back of the head. "Your moms going to meet us at Hyndman Hospital, where they're taking us she said it's gonna take her awhile since its all the way down town, but she said she'll get here as fast as possible." He rubbed my head and kissed my forehead.

"I felt so protected in his arms."


	92. safe and slow

I laid in the hospital bed in complete agony; I was in so much pain I couldn't even cry!

"Drake please tell them to get me something! Anything I'll take Tylenol." Drake was pacing back and forth in little room.

"Ashlee we should have gone back to OC these hospitals aren't like the one you were going to go in!" Drake said taking my hand into his.

"Drake stop complaining… I didn't know this was going to happen. Just get me a nurse so I can talk to her." I said trying to hold back my screams.

Josh walked in the room with his camera on again. "Turn that damn thing off Josh!"

"My mom and sister aren't here to see it I want to tape it for them."

"Josh please I'm begging you turn it off." I started to cry I was so scared.

"I'm sorry Ash I won't turn it on again. Here I got you some ice chips."

"What are they for?" I asked puzzled.

"I don't know I was watching TLC one day and they had a Baby Story on and the guy got her ice chips it seemed to help. I don't know I don't know what to do in this situation." He said overwhelmed.

"It's okay Josh just go sit in the waiting room!" I said as calmly as I possibly could.

Josh kissed me on the fore head and told me he loved me then left me in the room alone.

All I could do was scream every time a new contraction came on. Where the hell was Drake? I need him I need something just knock me out and wake me up when it's all over!

"Drake where were you? Where the nurse?"

"She's coming in now. Just relax baby." He said patting the hair out of my face. "Everything's going to be okay. I love you so much."

"I love you so much to but it hurts so bad. I can't take it." My words were broken up from my sniffling.

"Hello my name is Penny I'll be your nurse tonight. Now who is your OB?" Beautiful blonde no older than me and Drake asked.

"Were from California! Our OB is there. Listen I just want something for the pain please."

"Okay well let me take a look." The nurse pulled up my gown and positioned my knees for me. Oh my gosh. I'm going to need a doctor in here stat!" she yelled out the door.

"What's wrong is she okay?" Drake panicked.

"Its more than okay she's crowning, you'll be having this baby any minute Mrs. Parker. Wait your Drake Parker?"

"Yes…" Drake answered annoyed he didn't care about being Drake Parker right now he just wanted to be my boyfriend this baby's dad.

"I'm her mother!" I heard my mom yell at one of the attendants.

"Well she is having that baby now she can't have anyone in there right now." The attended answered.

Drake let go of my hand and went towards the door. "Mrs. Green Ashlee doesn't want anyone in there I promise I'll take good care of her." A tear came to my eye and not just out of pain this time.

"Okay Mrs. Parker were gonna push on 3…" A heavy set man told my vagina.

"No I don't want to push it hurts to much."

"Mrs.Parker 1…2…3…" The man yelled into my vagina once again like I had an ear down there.

"Ashlee push!" Drake cheered me on.

"Mr. Parker would you like to catch the baby?"

"Isn't that your job? How if…" The doctor pulled him towards the end of the bed. I was in such agony all I could do was scream I couldn't even fathom what was going on around me.

"It's a boy." The doctor exclaimed.

"Ashlee look!" Drake said with tears in his eyes! The nurse took the baby off of Drake and onto a tiny table to suction airways and clean her up. "Josh, Mrs. Green come in here!" Drake yelled at the top of his lungs.

Josh and my mom ran in together. I was still crying but for a different reason this time.

"Can I tape now?" Josh asked with tears in his eyes.

"He's beautiful Ashlee!"

"Seven pounds and six ounces and 22 inches, He's perfect." The nurse cooed.

"This is Ashlee holding her baby for the first time! What's his name?" Josh narrated for the camera.

"I wanted to use Walter, I mean dads name and Ashlee's dads name so we decided to do Colton Walter Robert Parker. "

"I think that's a beautiful name Ashlee." My mom said hugging me and kissing the little babies head that was laying in my arms.

"This is crazy I'm a mom."

"What's even crazier is that I'm a dad."


	93. keep your feet on the ground

I am lying here in this hospital bed with this beautiful baby in my arms. I can't explain these feelings that are running through me I find myself smiling through the tears. I watch this baby sleeping in my arms I study his lips and eyes his, he looks just like his daddy. Everything about this baby reminds me of Drake, he had reddish brown hair and almond eyes. I look over at the corner of the room and see Drake slumped over on a chair sleeping. I don't know what to do next. How this is supposed to work? In my head it was like we'll have this baby and it would almost be like playing house with a cabbage patch doll. But now I'm scared out of my mind second guessing my every move with this precious life. I'm still the same self doubting girl I was 11 hours ago but Drake change everything about himself. His voice was gentle and soothing, his touch delicate and graceful like he was handling a china doll.

"Mrs. Parker are you ready to go to sleep?" A nurse asked.

"I don't want him in the nursery I want him to stay with me over night." I said defensively as she walked closer to me.

"Usually we don't do that." She said sympathetically.

"Ash what wrong baby?" Drake asked rising to his feet and moving closer to my bed.

"I don't want them to take him to the nursery I want him to stay here with me." I was a little ashamed I felt a little selfish. Drake smiled at me and ran his fingers down the side of my face. I just stared into his eyes and it was like my world had lit up.

"Maybe it would be better so you can get some rest before we leave tomorrow." Drake said sliding the baby out of my arms and held it closely to his chest.

"Okay yeah I guess I need some sleep." Drake carefully passed the baby to the nurse but not without kissing him gently on his forehead.

"Good night little man." He whispered.

We were now alone in the room awestruck by what we had done.

"We did something great Ash." He said sliding into bed with me and wrapping his arms around me. "And I love you so much for picking me, for letting me be here with you."

I put my hand on his and gave it a squeeze I couldn't respond my throat tried to hold back my whimpering, but my eyes gave in I could feel the warmth run down my face. Drake put is fingers on my chin and turned my face towards his.

"Are you sad?" He asked insecurely.

"No I don't think I have ever been happier." I let out with one big sigh. "I love you."

"This is only the beginning for us baby." He kissed my lips softly put you could feel the passion all the way down to my toes, my heart fluttered my cheeks blushed. I turned over in the bed and put my hand on his heart I could feel it pounding too.

This all started with two kids so fell for each other and now they made it three.


	94. the day we droped out

"Jesus you're already at it again this is how you guys got in trouble the first time!" Josh whispered loud enough for both of us to hear.

Drake took the pillow from under my head and flung it across the room. "Too early dude." Josh ducked the pillow and laughed.

"Well where's my nephew?"

"He's in the nursery. Can you ask one of the nurses to bring him back in?" Drake asked trying to pry himself out of the hospital bed but not before kissing my neck softly.

"Sure."

"This is so weird it all feels like a dream like the last few months weren't real." I said still too tired to get up.

"Yeah but I wouldn't trade them for the world." Drake said standing by my bed side rubbing my back. "Why don't you go back to sleep for a while I'll take care of the baby for awhile. I want you to get as much rest as possible."

"Yeah I'm to excite I can't sleep I want to see little man."

"Well I guess we found his nick name so you get to keep baby."

I just shook my head and headed to the bathroom I wanted to get out of these hospital gowns. I slipped into a pair of grey sweats and a white tank top. I pulled my hair into a pony tail and did my makeup. I walked out of the bathroom to see Drake feeding Colton and Josh cooing over his shoulder.

"You look beautiful." Drake said smiling up at me.

"I still look like I'm carrying around a baby." I said sadly looking down at my belly that was still protruding through my shirt.

"Yeah but the nurse said it will go away its just swollen, I think you look beautiful anyway." Drake handed the baby over to Josh. Drake walked over to me he put his fingers on my chin and made me look up at him. "Ashlee this isn't all going to end because the babies here I love you. I want to be with you forever I want to get married to you and have more kids I want it all for us."

The baby started to cry and we ran over to Josh.

"He smells!" Me and Drake both laughed. "Okay well here you go Ash." Josh handed me the baby.

"Why don't you give him to his daddy?" I said taking the baby and holding it close to my chest.

"I have seen Drake change a diaper it wasn't pretty. He used a curtain for a diaper." Josh said as if a flash back was going to appear.

"Ash I'll do it I don't mind." Drake said putting his hand on my back as I laid the baby down on the bed.

"No it's alright can you two go down and get me something to eat I'm starving."

"Sure okay I'll be right back." Drake said kissing us both on our forehead and leaving the room.

"So it's just me and you little man. It's gonna be just you and me a lot. Your daddies famous and goes all around the world. He is going to love you to pieces and then there is Uncle Josh he's a big goofball he'll probably be your best friend he's still a big kid. Aunt Megan she's a handful but she can't wait to see you. And your dad's parents there good people I guess they can pick what they want to be called you just can't call him Walter like your dad. You're gonna love your mom mom and pop pop there great people they are so excited you here. You're going to have such a big family."

"Mrs. Parker did you feed the baby yet?" The blonde nurse from the other day asked.

"His dad did. He's now in a milk coma." I said looking down at the sleeping baby on my chest.

"Well you're going to be going home today. Would you like me to take the baby so that you can get packed?"

"No Drake wants him here. There are three of us we can get packed fine with him here. Umm... can you find out when we can take the baby on a plane?"

"Do you mind if I ask is that Drake Parker the singer?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Are you famous to?"

I laughed at the suggestion. "No we met at one of his concerts."

"Wow you're a lucky girl."

"Yes I am, he's a great guy."

"Okay well I will find out about the air plane thing and get back to you. You can leave after 12 okay."

Drake stood in the doorway with a plate of food in his hands. He moved out of the way to let the nurse pass.

"You are a lucky girl!" Drake said with a sly smile sitting on the edge of the bed with me.

"Shut up." I kissed him on his cheek I could feel it heat up as he blushed.

"Is he changed?" Josh asked scarffing down a breakfast sandwich.

"Yes he's changed! Okay let's get the hell out of this place!" I said laying the baby down in the plastic make-shift crib that the hospital deemed comfortable enough for the babies first days.

"When can we go back home?" Drake asked packing up a bag.

"I don't know the nurse is going to find out for us."

"My parents are going crazy they want to meet him so bad."

"I don't think they deserve to see him." Drake said acting as if it didn't bother him.

"Drake don't say that. They mean good its just a lot going on at once were lucky we stayed sane." I said reaching for his hand.

"I know it's just hard they weren't there and they were supposed to be there for me."

"You can't stay mad forever. Look let's just get focus on getting out of here. Pick out an outfit for the baby to leave in I want to go to my parents house I want them to see him before we leave. Who knows when the next chance they'll get to see him, you know?"

"Your right you can forgive your parents, I can deal." Drake pulled an outfit out of the baby blue bag. "I like this one. Here Josh throw it on him."

"My dad can kick your dad's ass! Drake this is the coolest thing ever." Josh cheered.

"Drake no! Come on there going to be taking pictures there's a little pair of jeans and sweater in there. It's not hot out there like it is in the OC he can't just go out in an onsie." I pulled the outfit out of the bag and walked over to the sleeping baby.

"Fine Ash but he's wearing that one tomorrow."

"Okay, Okay eh can wear it tomorrow hopefully we'll be on a plane back home. I want to sleep in my own bed."


	95. I contiplate the day we wed

We sat in my nana's living room it was like everyone was in a story circle like we use to do in first grade and everyone was passing around Colton. My dad was ecstatic that we used his name. He couldn't stop telling me how proud he was of me; it made me choke up every time he said it.

"Maybe we'll come up and visit you guy in California?" My mom asked timidly.

"Mom any time you want to come up just call me I'll send you the plane tickets, the whole family."

"Yeah, Mrs. Green don't hesitate we have plenty of room! We would love to have you." Drake said putting his hand on my back.

I couldn't take my eyes off little man he was such a good baby he cooed and smiled for everyone. He only cried if he was hungry or wet. I loved him so much and I had only known him for such a short amount of time. But my attention was taken away from the circle when I heard the front door open and close.

"Johnny! Oh my gosh how are you? I missed you so much! And look at this beautiful baby girl." I screeched running over to him with my arms open.

"Hey Ash how are you?" He said embracing me with his one open arm.

"I'm good how are you?"

"Here let me take Emily for you Johnny." My nana insisted, she had told me she babysat for him when he went to work.

"Come outside I need some air anyways." I said taking him by the hand.

"So you're a mommy?" He aid sitting down on the patio swing.

"Yeah I guess I am it really hasn't hit me yet he doesn't feel like mine."

"You look great Ash."

"So do you."

"I missed you so much."

"Aww… I missed you to, there were so many times when I wanted to pick up the phone and call you but I just kept thinking he's a grown up now and has grown up problems he doesn't want to hear about my drama."

"I felt the same way. When me and colleen broke up I had no one to talk to I mean she just left me and the baby with no notice at all."

"Oh my gosh she did that." I said taking his hands into mine.

"Yeah she was way too young to handle all the responsibility."

"I'm so sorry."

"No let's not talk about that. You're a mom and he's beautiful, come on I want to go see him." Johnny extended his hand to help me up. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight.

"Johnny we were best friends and if you ever need to call me you do it okay."

"Definitely you do the same okay."

We walked back into the crowded room I couldn't see Drake but I could feel his eyes burning holes through me. Johnny walked towards my nana and his baby Emily.

"Ash what are you doing?" Drake asked pulling on my arm and whispering into my ear. "Seriously let's not do this here."

"Drake you better get off of me. I just said hi! That's it!"

"I'm sorry he just reminds me of… I don't know I just don't rust… him."

"You better say him, I have never done anything for you to not trust me… please don't ruin this day for me this is one of the happiest days in my life and I get to share it with the people I love the most, and you being THE MOST."

"I'm sorry Ash… I just don't want to lose you."

"Please Drake you haven't lost me yet, I don't think you ever will." I kiss Drake on the lips putting my arms around him to show him that he is most important thing in my life well I guess next to the baby now.

"Can we get picture please!" My mom yelled across the room. I stood there holding the baby flash bulbs went off from every angle. The baby started wailing…

"Ha I guess he's not going to be a camera whore like his father!" I giggled.

A few more hours had past Josh had gotten all the travel arrangements set up and had all the presents shipped to our house.

"Okay guys were going to have to go." I said sadly. "We have a real early flight in the morning and I need to get some sleep.

"Okay Ashlee we love you we'll come out very soon to see you." My mom insisted.

"Anytime you guys want I mean it." Drake said shaking my dad's hand.

"Drake I just want to go say bye to Johnny" I said handing him the baby to put in the car.

"Josh get off the phone with your girlfriend and help me." I heard Drake yell in the drive way. Josh was head over heels again for a girl and it had only been a few weeks and he was gone for 2 of them.

I walked over to Johnny who was trying to put a coat of the sleeping baby.

"Hey Johnny I just wanted to say bye."

"Yeah, well we'll see each other again."

"I know it's just…" I said looking at my feet.

"I know…" Johnny put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

"Bye."

"Bye."

I walked out the door trying my hardest not to look back at him like some John Hugh's movie.

_The song that plays at the end of breakfast club--- I thought it was cute._

_Simple minds- don't you forget about me_

Won't you come see about me?I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby

Tell me your troubles and doubtsGiving me everything inside and out andLove's strange so real in the darkThink of the tender things that we were working on

Slow change may pull us apartWhen the light gets into your heart, baby

Don't You Forget About MeDon't Don't Don't Don'tDon't You Forget About Me

Will you stand above me?Look my way, never love meRain keeps falling, rain keeps fallingDown, down, down

Will you recognise me?Call my name or walk on byRain keeps falling, rain keeps fallingDown, down, down, down

Hey, hey, hey, heyOhhhh...

Don't you try to pretendIt's my feeling we'll win in the endI won't harm you or touch your defensesVanity and security

Don't you forget about meI'll be alone, dancing you know it babyGoing to take you apartI'll put us back together at heart, baby

Don't You Forget About MeDon't Don't Don't Don'tDon't You Forget About Me

As you walk on byWill you call my name?As you walk on byWill you call my name?When you walk away

Or will you walk away?Will you walk on by?Come on - call my nameWill you all my name?

I say :La la la...


	96. your friends are boring me to death

The first night was hard we didn't get much sleep the baby needed us every hour or so to be changed or fed. But we did really good we took turns helped each other through it.

I felt someone nudging my back I opened one eye and saw the sun pier through eh blind. "Baby I know you're tired but we have to start getting ready." Drake said already dressed and ready to go home.

"Is the baby awake?" I was so tired I didn't even care if we missed the plane as long as I got another hour of sleep.

"No… but come on you can sleep on the plane. "

"Okay I'm getting up is Josh awake?" I said prying myself out from underneath the covers. The brisk spring air stung my exposed skin. "Okay let's do this I just want to get home and start our lives."

We packed and drove off to the airport I tried to keep the baby up for as long as possible I wanted him to sleep during the plane ride. The plane ride home flew by very fast especially since I slept most of the way home Drake and Josh tried their best to take care of the baby on their own. A car came to pick us up at the airport and take us home. When we finally arrived home I felt like doing that "Land Of sweet Land!" thing a kissing the ground I was so happy to be home I just wanted to relax. And spend some quite family time with the baby.

"Surprise." A crowd of people yelled from the living room.

"What the hell!" I exclaimed dejectedly and then painted a smile on my face. I held the baby close to my chest, everyone was trying to touch him and they were breathing on him I didn't even know half of these people. I was so pissed off no one even told us that they were throwing a party in our house. I looked at Drake accusingly; he caught my drift and just shrugged his shoulders.

"Wow this is so great well were just going to put our stuff up stairs and change the baby and stuff. We will be right down." Drake said as I ran up the stairs quickly.

I flopping down on my own bed I laid the baby in the bassinet that was set up weeks ago for him. "Did you know about this?" I asked now getting a little depressed that I haven't had a second to spend time with the baby by myself. I mean I had him in the hospital (full of people), my mom's house (full of people), the hotel (to tired), and then the plane (full of people).

"No I swear to god I had no clue. Come one let's just go down there I mean these people are here because there happy were home and they want to congratulate us. You know?"

"I don't want any of your friends taking pictures of the baby. Okay?"

"Yeah I understand."

"I mean I just want this baby to have a normal life I don't want him to be three and us be out shopping and have to see the newest baby pictures on Star magazine or something stupid."

"I know baby… come on please for me." He aid taking both my hands in his and pulling me up right. I walked down the stairs with a smile on my face. I held the baby tightly in my arms.

"Can I see him Ash?" Megan asked innocently.

"Of course." Megan extended her arms I positioned them right having her support the head. I left her standing next to Drake who was more of a wreck then me with people holding him. I went into the kitchen to seek some refuge from the cooing crowd.

I heard the kitchen door slam; I picked my head off of the cool counter.

"Ash…?"

"Jared… Hey…"

"Is this a bad time."

"No… but do you want to go up stairs with me for awhile I'm just go need a few minutes of peace."

"Sure…" I lead Jared up to the baby's nursery. Jared was so sweet looking with his college boy hair cut and chiseled body. I snickered to myself thinking about his body under his polo. "So how is being a mother?"

"I don't really know yet… I haven't had two minutes with him by myself."

"Well how are you doing?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"I'm doing good… I mean a little tired but good and I mean you should see Drake he's a totally new person."

"Yeah you just sounded a little upset the other night on the phone."

"Yeah well…"

"Where's the mommy she needs to open her presents." I heard the Audrey cry out for me from down the stairs.

"Well I think they want you back down the stairs." Jared kissed me on the cheek lightly and put his hand on my back guiding me down the stairs into the kitchen.

"I'm coming…" I yelled through the closed door. "We'll talk later, when it's not so crazy."

I fixed myself and went in to the living room where everyone was standing around a chair in the middle of the room.

"Okay new mommy come sit in this chair and we will hand you the presents." Audrey ushered me through the crowd. I didn't know what to think about this I mean 3 days ago she wouldn't even return our phone calls. But Drake seemed happy so I painted that familiar smile back on my face and sat on the chair taking it all in, I had it down to a routine now, open present, drop jaw, and say thank you even if I had no clue who the person was. I was finally done all the presents when Megan came over with one wrapped in brown mailing paper.

"This came in the mail the other day it says for Parker baby."

That wasn't unusual since fans of Drake were sending all sorts of baby items. And I appreciated it I thought it was the cutest thing that they wanted to be a part of this and his fans are such a big part of his life without them he would be able to live the way he does today.

I opened it carefully it was a big beautiful baby book, but it looked old and used. I opened the front cover and read it carefully.

"Drake it says it's your baby book. Audrey I don't want to take this from you." Audrey's face turned white.

"Why did you send it by mail if you were coming up?" Drake asked. He took the book and looked at it. "Why have I never seen this before?"

"Because your dad had it I left it there a long time ago."

I read the card attacked and Audrey was right it read

_I wish you the most happiness and joy that you can possibly have in a hundred life times._

_Joseph Parker_

"Well that was nice of him." I said trying to move things along I knew Drake didn't like to talk about his father so it was probably best just to ignore it. "Who want cake?"


	97. watch you on the 1's and 2's

I didn't know his dads present would have such an effect on him he excused himself from the party and went up stairs leaving me alone with the group of people I didn't know. Soon after Drake left the group slowly dispersed. Audrey, Walter, Megan, Josh and his girlfriend Tabitha were the only people left down in the living room. I left the baby with Audrey so I could go look for Drake. I finally found him in the nursery sitting in the rocking chair going through his baby book.

"Hey…" I said leaning up against the doorway.

"Hey… I never seen it I just wanted to see what was in it." He put the book in one hand and patted his lap. I obliged and took a seat on his knee.

"Are you mad?" I asked putting my arms around him kissing his cheek.

"No just a little confused I mean my dad was a real asshole to my mom but with us he was always there even after she left he would come and see us play sports, he even came to the school to see me in the talent show. I never said hi and he never would come up to me he would sit in the back and leave as soon as I was done. I always felt like I wasn't good enough for him to stay around."

"Drake obviously he still thinks about you and has nothing but good intentions."

"My mom made him leave; Megan and I didn't even have a choice of who to stay with. She just packed us up and left. And a few years later she married Walter and we just acted as if we never even had another dad out there. The phone calls got fewer and fewer then they just cut off altogether. No birthday cards, nothing just completely cut off."

"I'm sorry baby maybe he's trying to make it up to you now?"

"Maybe but what am I supposed to do now?"

"I think he just put that in your control there is a number and address on the card. I'll back you with whatever you decide. I love you baby and I know you'll do the right thing for you." I said trying to get up off his knee but he took me by the waist and pulled me back in. He looked me in the eyes and moved my curls out of my face.

"I love you." He kissed me so passionately it sent shivers down my body.

We heard the baby crying we both got up but not without one more kissed and walked down the stairs hand in hand. Audrey had in under control she had the baby over her shoulder patting his back. Walter walked up to us putting his arms around us.

"I just wanted to tell you guys how much it means to me that you gave him my name. And I just wanted to tell you guys how much I love you's and if you ever need anything just tell me." Walter said with a tear in his eye. I smiled lightly drake put both arms around him.

"I just want us all to be a family again." Drake said retracting his arms and stepping back. "I want to talk to all you guys about something and this is serious, I don't want anyone getting mad and no one talking to me for months. I want to get in touch with my real dad at least just to say thank you."

Audrey passed the baby to me and stood up to take a stand. "Drake I think this is a really bad idea I mean do you really want him to come back in your life and leave like he did last time."

"He didn't leave us we left him!" Drake said trying not to yell.

"Drake I know you blame me and now you think it could have worked because Ashlee stayed with you, but do you know how many years I stayed with your father?"

"No but…"

"And if you keep up the games you were playing before you found out about this baby then guess what! Ashlees going to leave you too, she's too smart to be played around with like I let your father do for 10 years! Okay Drake so before you get on your high horse just remember the bad times because I know the 10 percent when they were good stands out but don't forget about that 90 percent."

"What harm can it possible do to call and say thank you?"

"It's your life Drake you can do what ever you want it's your decision."

"Yeah now it's my decision? I actually have a choice.

"What?"

"I didn't have the choice when I was younger you didn't ask us who we wanted to stay with!"

I could see the tears forming in Audrey's eyes. "Drake stop it!" I yelled. He looked over at me with eyes as sad as hers.

"What you would have chosen him over me?" Audrey asked fighting back the sobs that you could hear clearly in her throat.

"No but I would have like the choice whether or not to see him every once in a while. I mean Walter you were a great dad I'm not taking any of that away from you but you weren't around when I was 12 and I needed a man around."

"I'm sorry and that was a mistake that I regret but I provided you guys the best life I possibly could." Megan ran to her mother's side. Audrey completely fell apart her makeup ran down her face she covered her face with her hands. I could tell Drake felt awful but he didn't go to her he just took the baby out of my hands and went up stairs. I didn't know what to do, I was just standing there staring like I was watching a car accident you don't want to look but you have to.

"Audrey I'm sorry." I apologized softly.

"You know what Ashlee you just keep pushing him to the edge! You just keep pushing him!"

"Audrey I didn't tell him to get in touch with his father I told him I would back anything he decided."

"He hangs on to your every word, he thinks you can do no wrong but you're going to mess up sooner or later and then we'll see what he thinks of you!" Audrey screamed in my direction.

"Mom!" Josh yelled! "Leave her alone she has nothing to do with this!"

"Audrey I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm so glad to be home! Tabitha I'm sorry you had to see that." I said and walked up the stairs. I fought back the tears I was holding on to the feeling that I would actually have a real family with all of them but it seems they don't want me in it.

I found Drake lying on the bed with the baby, talking to him softly and playing with his exposed toes. I stood in the doorway just watching for a while. I walked towards the two of them slowly lying on the other side of the baby.

"He's beautiful isn't he?" Drake asked leaning over and kissing me on my forehead.

"Yes he is!" I said lightly laying my head down on the bed spread.

"Thank you."

"For what?" I said with a little smile on my face.

"For giving me him."

"Well you're very welcome."

We heard the door slam I guess everyone had left, the house was completely quite. The baby was sleeping we were finally alone. We laid the baby in his bassinet. We laid in the bed together I know he had a lot of him mind so I just wanted to take him away from all of that if even just for a little while.


	98. through a window in a well lit room

A few days had passed and Drake was still contemplating on what to do about his dad, he would pick up the card look at it and put it down he did this about three times a day. He was standing by the hallway reading the card again for about the millionth time; he was completely consumed by this decision.

"Drake…Drake!" I said moving closer and closer to him. "Drake!"

"What Ash!" He yelled back in an irritated way.

"I need to get ready to go to school can you take little man for me I need to jump in the shower he's just in the play pen in the living room."

"No… Ash I told you I have something to do today." Drake yelled frustratedly throwing the card on the table.

"No you didn't. If you did I would have asked Jared to come over and baby sit."

"Well I have something to do so I guess you just can't go to school."

"What do you have to do?" I said trying not to get angry.

"There talking about another tour, I have to go in and see what dates I can go. Plus they want to see when I want to come in for my next recording session." He said softly pulling me in for a hug. I knew he didn't mean to flip out on me sometimes it was just he had so much on his plate now me and the baby just add to it.

"Your gonna be going on tour again?" I asked softly putting my arms around him and pulling him in tighter.

"I know I don't want to leave so soon but it looks like it might be in the next couple of months." He said nuzzling his face into my shoulder.

"How long do you think it's going to be for this time?" Drake took my hand and led me to the couch and sat me down.

"There talking about different countries. So probably six months or more…" He stopped short because he saw the tears accumulating on my cheek. "Ash you knew I would have to go back on the road. I mean this is my job."

"I know but it doesn't mean I won't miss you." I said standing up and starting to walk away.

"Ash please don't walk away." He hollered after me jumping up from the couch trying to grab at my hands. "Please this is hard enough on me I don't need you starting with me. You guys can fly out and see me I mean I'm going to miss you guys to death."

"I have to go I'm gonna call a Jared up and ask him to babysit I'm just going to drop the baby off there."

"How about if I take him with me and then we can ask Josh and his girlfriend to babysit tonight and we can go out just the two of us?" He asked trying to pull me closer to him I kept resisting him.

"I don't know I'm really mad at you right now."

"Ashlee please we can either be mad at each other for the remainder of the time or we can spend every day like it's our last."

"I'll think about it and call you after class. Now if you're going to take the baby dress him warm the airs always on there." I said picking up my book and walking out the door.


	99. one more late night basement song

I didn't go to class I just needed a minute to think about this, all of this. I wasn't mad at Drake I was just mad he had to go away. I didn't want to act like that but everything has been so crazy lately I was so tired. The baby never slept at night, Drakes been gone more and more, and I was all alone again. I drove up to Jared's house and just parked in front of it debating weather to skip class or not. I decided to skip I didn't knock on the door I just walked right in and there was Jared half naked on the couch with a girl.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I should have knocked!" I yelled covering my eyes. I felt so dumb and things were just starting to pile up on my chest I had no one to talk to I just started to cry I felt so dumb. At this point I was crying and laughing at my embarrassment.

Jared laughed so hard he fell off the couch. "It's okay are you okay?" He asked pulling his shirt over his head.

"No things are … you know I'll call you later I didn't mean to interrupt anything. Again I am so sorry." I said making my way to the front door.

Jared took my by the arms. "No Ash just wait a minute." He said tugging at my arm.

"Sara I'm sorry." He aid to the very pretty girl now sitting up to fix her hair.

"No it's okay I'll give you a call later." She said picking up her purse and walking out the door.

"I'm so sorry…" I whimpered sitting down on the couch covering my face.

"What's wrong Ash? Why are you crying? What did he do?"

"Nothing he's being perfect and things are going to good but now he…" I just broke down my sobs were so sudden and forceful I couldn't talk anymore. "He's leaving for a long time."

"Ash he's a musician!" Jared said pulling me close to his chest and kissing my forehead.

"I know and he was trying to be nice and I was being a bitch. I just don't want to be alone!"

"Your not going to be alone I mean I can come over or you and the baby can camp out here while he's gone."

"Jared that's asking so much from you, you don't want me and the baby scaring away all the girls."

"Are you kidding… I love you guys. Plus I'm over there every other day anyway it would save me the drive."

"Jared I have something important to ask you and you can say no if you want."

"What is it?" He said holding my hands in his.

"I want you to be Coltons god father."

"How about Josh? Wont he be mad?"

"Josh gets to be the uncle and you were there in the beginning when no one else was and you here for me all the time I just want it to be you."

Jared's smile said it all. He turned to be bringing me into a greatly needed hug.

"Come on lets relax and watch some law and order. Wait aren't you supposed to be in class."

"No this is exactly where I'm supposed to be." I said leaning my head on his chest.

"Where's the baby?"

"With Drake at the studio. He took the baby for me to go to class and was like let's get a baby sitter and go out for a nice night, and I act like a psycho. But the truth is I'm just so scared if I let him out of my site he might fall back into his old ways."

"Ash I think he finally realizes what makes him happy and it's you. I mean Drake is not Drake anymore he's a totally different guy."

I didn't want to talk anymore I just wanted to drift off to a zombie state watching a nonstop marathon of Law and Order. I spread myself on the couch and put his arms around me.

_What do you guys think? I mean this is a whole new Drake he's mature! R&R I'm going for 100000 words now!_


	100. a bitter anthem!

I stayed at Jared house for about 2 hours and decided I had enough freedom.

"Thank you I needed this. I think I'm gonna go surprise Drake at the studio."

"That sounds like a good idea Ash I mean you should just tell him how you feel." I gave Jared a hug as I walked out of the door. "I'm here whenever you need me." He stated sweetly. I blew him a kiss as I started up the car.

I walked up the steps leading to the studio. Drake's producer was there but Drake wasn't.

"Hey Will where's Drake?"

"He went home with the baby to look for you." He said angrily, he was probably losing a lot of money by wasting studio time. I didn't say anything else I walked back to my car going through my purse to find my cell phone. I must have left it at the house when I rushed out the door. I sped home as fast as I possibly could. I ran through the front door.

"Ashlee where have you been!" Josh yelled

"What's wrong is the baby okay?" I said looking through the rooms with Josh trailing behind me.

"No the babies okay we thought something happened to you. You didn't answer your phone and you didn't go to class."

"I left the phone here by accident. Josh where's Drake!"

"Out back with the baby."

I rushed to the back door, Drake and Tabby were in the pool with the baby.

"Wow you look real worried!" I yelled out of frustration, he got me so upset not being at the studio and me not knowing exactly where the baby was.

"Where the hell were you?" He yelled handing me the baby and lifting himself out of the pool.

"I was all upset about you leaving I went to talk to Jared! Why aren't you at the studio?" I yelled back wrapping the baby in a warm towel it might have been September but it was still hot as hell out. Tabitha stayed at the other end of the pool. I don't know what it was but when I saw other girls with Drake it made my blood boil. I was never this way before him I mean Johnny never even tried to hide it when he would cheat just would flat out tell me. Maybe that's why Drake was always lying and sneaking around, I had to push those thoughts out of my head I had to make myself believe that I could trust him.

"You didn't go to class! I was worried." He said lowering his voice and taking the baby again.

"How do you know I didn't go to class?" I asked accusingly.

"Tabby called me." Drake said lowering his head. He knew he opened a can of worms.

"Drake give me the baby!" I took the baby out of his hands and turned to walk back into the house. "Tabitha I don't need a baby sitter so next time I'm not in class I will tell my boyfriend." He could push all the wrong buttons at all the right times. I know he didn't mean to but sometimes this part of me comes out with him and I could just be a total bitch and anything he said I could turn it around and make it 100 times worse in my head. Tabitha didn't say anything she just looked down at the water Josh stood in the door way with his mouth open but didn't say anything.

"Ash please we were swimming with him."

I didn't answer him I just smiled a nasty smile and walked back into the house. Some part of me wanted him to chase after me and tell me he was sorry and loved me, the other part of me just wanted to be alone. I walked up to the bedroom and changed the baby out of his wet clothes. He wasn't even a month old yet and Drake has him in the pool.

"Sometimes I don't know what goes through your daddy's mind I swear he just likes to make mommy mad. Yes he does!" I cooed to the baby and he cooed back. "I think this is the best conversation I have had in a long time."

"Mommy don't you love daddy?" A squeaky voice asked from the door way.

"No he's a pain in the ass!" I mumbled but I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

"I'm sorry… I love you." He whispered in my ear I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. He moved my hair to my shoulder kissing my bare neck. He placed his wet body against my back it sent a shiver down my warm body, he wrapped his arms around my stomach.

"You don't even know why I'm mad."

"Yup... but I know you want me to say sorry."

"Drake I love you I'm sorry I'm acting like this! You have so much on your plate and I just add to it constantly."

"It's alright Ash, you're worth it."

"Am I worth it or is the baby? I'm sorry I just can't shake the feeling that the only reason were together is because of the baby."

"Ash that's a big reason but the biggest reason is because I love you and I'm so completely lost without you. I mean I rather fall off the face of the earth then be without you."

"I feel the same way I guess I'll just miss you." Drake put his hand on my back rubbing it slightly. I got up and looked out the window it was such a pretty day out. But then I saw a something move in the bushes behind the pool, then Tabitha get out in only her underwear's not a bathing suit her underwear's. I didn't know what to be more concerned with more.

"Drake there's someone out there...!"

"It's probably Josh."

"No there's someone in the bushes."

"What!" Drake put the baby in the bassinet and ran over to the window. "I don't see anything Ash."

"Look in the hedges behind the pool." I said pointing my finger to the glass. We both saw it this time the bushes move and it definitely wasn't the wind.

"Drake call the cops!" Drake ran to the phone that was sitting on the night stand and called 911. He explained that there was someone hiding in our backyard they said they would send someone right out.

"Get Josh and tell I'm to come up here without causing a scene." Drake ran down the stairs and drug Tabitha and Josh into our bedroom. I couldn't help but notice Tabitha still in her white panties and Bra with her headlights blinding me; I turned around and passed her my robe.

"Put it on!" I commanded her sternly.

"Okay" she complied shyly.

We all looked out the window and saw a flash bulb go off.

"It's a photographer!" I yelled.

"They can't come on our property!" Josh stated with a know it all tone.

Before we could even think about doing we saw the red and blue lights flashing from the cop car sitting in the front of the house Drake grabbed the baby and we all ran down the stairs. I answered the door.

"Is this the Parker residence?" The tall officer asked.

"Yes… we have someone in the back yard hiding in the bushes taking pictures."

I let the officer in and took him to the back of the house. He took a look in the back yard and caught the man taking the pictures. They talked for a while and then the man with the camera just left. Drake handed me the baby.

"Officer what are you doing he was taking pictures of my family on my property."

"Actually he was on the other side of the bushes so he was on public property, I can't do anything about it."

"This is really bullshit." Drake yelled. "It's one this thing if it was just me but this is my new born son were talking about!"

"I'm sorry sir but there is really nothing we could do about it."

"Fine." Drake stormed off and went up stairs. I let the officer out of the house and thanked him for coming. I walked up the stairs with the sleeping baby in my arms. Tabitha was still in our bedroom in my robe.

"Okay look Tabitha I tried to bit my tongue but…"

"Tabby you can call me Tabby or Tab." She interrupted me.

"Listen don't go in the pool in your underwear's okay! I have bathing suites…"

"Yours would have been too big." She stated. My jaw dropped my blood boiled. I looked over at Drake who now had his head in his hands sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Okay well then just don't go in the pool then!" Tabitha looked at josh with questioning eyes she couldn't see what she had done wrong here.

"Ashlee…" Josh said pleadingly.

"No Josh you know what that reports going to say! Whether we all like it or not were always being watched and we have to be on our best behavior. So that means no cotton panties in the pool while my son and fiancé are in it!"

Drake let out a chuckle. Josh took Tabitha by the arm and led her out of the room. I heard them arguing behind Josh's closed door.

"Dude are you still babysitting for me tonight!" Drake yelled down the hall.

"Yeah 6 o'clock right?" Josh yelled back through the walls.

We were now sitting alone in our bedroom.

"Drake that goes for you too! Don't go in the pool with a girl in her underwear's."

"Please Ashlee she's not even cute." He said playfully grabbing my hip trying to pull me close to him.

"Yeah neither was Jenna." When I said her name I could feel a piece of my heart break off.

"Ash please don't start a fight." He pleaded.

"Come on its almost five why don't you start getting ready and wear something really nice. Like five star's nice."

"I don't know if I can fit into any of my clothes I'm too fat."

"Please Ashlee you went right back to your pre baby body in like a month. You have a body you have a great ass and your breast…" He said pulling me closer, I was now in his arms. "Are great and real! It's not like I'm playing with water balloons." We both laughed together I kissed him affectionately on his neck.

_Okay guys tell me what you think is it getting boring yet I don't want to go in circles! Review please I have a hundred chapters and only like 27 reviews! But I love everyone that has reviewed….._


	101. I dont want to know its over

"Please tell me where were going?" I begged giving him my best puppy face.

"No it's a surprise! I promise you'll like it just relax." He said taking my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

It was a little hard to relax especially since it was the first time leaving the baby with Josh but I had faith in him he was a good uncle. I leaned my head back on the head rest trying to close my eyes for a minute and drift off, letting my body relax.

"Where here babe." A man in red ran over to the car and opened my door.

"Mr. Chows? Drake I really didn't want to see anymore cameras." I said discouraged.

"No baby please I wanted our first night out together since the baby to be the best night ever I got us the private booth and anything you want you can have I mean we'll go out shopping after?" He said cheerfully jumping out of the car and meeting me on the other side. Drake handed the valet the keys to the car. He put his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the front of the restaurant of course it was swamped with paparazzi. I mean it always is it's where all the stars come.

"Drake… Drake … over here how's the baby? What's his name?" An older gentlemen with a camera asked.

"He's doing very good he's a healthy baby. His name is Colton."

"What do you have to say about the newest reports coming out about you?" A younger guy asked.

"Who are you with?" Drake asked as I stood behind him shyly.

"TMZ… The stories about you cheating again with a girl at you house and Ashlee caught you in the pool with her in her underwear's. I mean they have pictures of you and the baby in there with her. What do you think about that Ashley?"

I didn't say anything I just screamed in silence. "I wasn't cheating on Ashlee the girl is my brother girlfriend she didn't have a bathing suit."

"You two must be awfully close the way you guys are hugging in the picture." The guy asked. "Ashlee do you think Drake changed his ways? You can see the pictures on guys are also the same people who ran the story about Bebe being pregnant? She wasn't she did it to get back at Drake. I don't know if he changed were just taking it one step at a time." I said spitefully.

I wrestled out of Drakes grasp and rushed through the front door.

"Reservations for Drake Parker." I said quickly just wanting to be alone.

"Where is Mr. Parker?" She asked with a snotty tone. I knew she didn't know who I was and I didn't care I just wanted to sit down. I focused on my breathing not wanting to have another panic attack. I breathed through my nose and out my mouth. Drake came in behind me putting his hand on my back.

"I'm so sorry Ashlee."

"Let me tell you one thing Drake if I look at those pictures and I find anything inappropriate about them I swear to god Drake." I whispered in his ear.

Drake didn't say anything back to me he just looked down at his shoes while the hostess brought us to our table. The table was in a private room it had the little Chinese waterfall with a coy filled pond.

"Wow this is really beautiful!" I said in awe of this place. We even had our very own waiter.

"What can I get you to drink tonight?"

"Coke… or Pepsi... whatever you guys have." The waiter looked at me awkwardly making me feel self conscious.

"Umm… I'll have some Saki." Drake asked as if he turned forty over night.

"Right away sir."

"Why was he looking at me like that?" I asked quietly.

"I don't know." Drake whispered back.

We sat there for a few the awkward silences was filled with the laughter and chatting of the other patrons outside our private door.

"What's wrong?" I whispered across the table. I sounded as if it had boomed off the walls. "Do you have a guilty conscious?"

"No!" Drake yelled which made the silent barrier shake around the room. "You don't believe me you don't trust me!"

"Drake if you would have seen me in the pool in my underwear's with any guy would you not flip out?"

"Yes but its different this is Josh's girlfriend?" Drake stated. I could feel my face scrunch with anger, fear, jealousy, and hurt. "I know I know Jenna. You're gonna bring her up every time something goes wrong. I was wrong I hurt you and Josh the two people in the world that I love most. I'm sorry I feel dumb and trashy! I know!" He said leaning his head back over the chair.

"Drake I didn't say anything about that….plus all I said was if I think there not as innocent as you say they are I don't know what I'll do but I don't know if I can stick around if something like that happens again. I'm sorry but that's the truth."

"Ash please don't say that." The waiter came over with our glasses. "Can you give us a minute and leave the bottle of Saki." Drake demanded. "Why would you say something like that… that you would leave me again… is that all you have to threaten me with."

"I'm not threatening you Drake I'm just telling you… if you screw me over again I'm out."

"Fine I didn't do anything… Josh was there! Let's have a nice fucking dinner."

"No you have a nice dinner by yourself." I pushed my chair out and stormed out of the restaurant. I could hear him call after me but I just ignored it and caught a cab home. I know what the tabloids are going to say but if no one else cares why should I care?


	102. You always fold first

I went home Josh was lying in my bed with the baby.

"Josh… Josh… I'm home" I nudged him awake.

"Where's Drake?"

"I left him at the restaurant."

"Oh my God what is wrong with the two of you? You guys just can't get along. You are going to have to realize that he is flawed and he is never going to be the perfect guy there is no such thing!" Josh said in hushed toned making sure not to wake the baby. I could feel the warm tears run down my face.

"They said he cheated again!" I said in broken sobs.

"With who he never leaves the house?"

"Tabitha! They said they have pictures!" I said trying to pull it together.

"What! Ashlee why would you say that I don't believe you!"

"Josh I didn't say it the reporters said the pictures are on we can't believe everything they say. Look it we'll prove it now let's go see the pictures." Josh said reaching for the laptop on the little desk in the corner of the room.

"I don't want to see them how about if it's true! I mean where you here when Tabitha first got here?"

"No I was at school they were in the pool when I came home."

"So your girlfriend stripped down to her underwear's and jumped in the pool with Drake when they were alone?" I couldn't fucking believe him, he was like a disobedient dog, did I really have to explain to Drake that, that was wrong? That he could just hump anyone's leg and get away with it.

"I didn't really think of it like that. Actually I didn't know she was only in her underwear's until she got out of the pool. You don't have to look but I'm going to." Josh flipped open the laptop I could see the anger in his eyes. It was like Drake had everything he could possible want why take what He had? I don't think I will ever be able to understand it. "What the hell does he think about when he does stuff like this?" Josh yelled He had his head in his hand I knew I had to look now if Josh would have said oh its fine… There harmless then I would have been okay but the look of Josh's face made my stomach turn. The first few were harmless them two talking by the pool and then as the pictures went on my nausea started to kick in. Him staring at her while she took off her clothes. Her taking off her bra. Swimming nude in the pool with Drake the baby sleeping in the stroller next to the pool. My eyes swelled up so much with tears I could hardly see the rest. My gag reflex was working overtime but I tried to keep in control. Every part of my body told me to look away but I just couldn't I just kept clicking down to more and more picture. Her hugging him with no bra on, her kissing his chest and neck. Then the kicker Josh's car pulling up and her getting dressed then jumping back in and then kissing Josh. Josh finally left the room crying this was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

I fought back the tears so I could see the buttons on my cell phone. I dialed Drakes number, he didn't pick up he let it go right to voice mail.

"Hey its Drake Parker leave a message!"

"You're so fucking stupid, it's over I don't love you like I loved you before. I actually can't stand you right now I mean you literally make me sick to my stomach! Try to find someone half as good as me, that will put up with your shit like I did!"

I hung up the phone and dialed Jared number while packing bags.

--------------------------------phone call-----------------------------

Jared- hellllllooooo….. (He half laughed.)

Me- (I couldn't answer right away I just sniffled into the tiny cell phone.)

Jared- Ashlee what's wrong? Are you okay? Is the baby okay…. Ashlee Please talk….

Me- He cheated again and this time it's all over the internet ….

Jared- What's all over the internet Ash you can't believe everything you hear.

Me- The pictures… of him and Josh's new girlfriends she snake and kissing him in the pool the babys right next to him….

Jared- I'm so sorry honey… What are you going to do?

Me- Can me and the baby stay at your house at least until I get a place. I can't do it again… I can't forgive him he swore to me…

Jared- Of course you guys can stay with me.

Me- Thank you…

Jared- Look I don't want you driving I'll come and pick you up

Me- Okay please hurry.

Jared- I'll be there in fifteen minutes

Me- Okay just come right in it's just me and the baby home.


	103. I'm 2 quarters of a heartdown

I sat on the bed for a few minutes trying to let things soak in.

"Ashlee!" I heard someone yell from down the stairs I thought it was Jared coming to save me once again. "Look I'm sorry; if it makes any difference I didn't kiss her or have sex with her."

"Does it make a difference? Are you fucking mad? Drake I'm done I'm not worth it to you to stay faithful to me! It's not worth it for me to stick around."

"You're not taking the baby!"

"Actually I am, it's a mother right! As long as I don't leave the state I have all rights." I started throwing all the things in bags aimlessly. I packed most of the baby's clothes and put the play pen in the corner for Jared to take for me.

"You don't even have any where to go!" Drake said through a clenched jaw taking tight hold of my arm. "You're not taking him."

"Drake I'm leaving with my son. If you try to stop me I'll call the cops!"

"Please Ash look I'm sorry I just thought you were mad at me and I was weak. We never have sex since the baby was born."

"Three weeks ago… the baby was born three weeks ago you try pushing that out and then come to be when your completely swollen and hurting! You're an asshole it's so clear to me now. You always made me feel like if I did something wrong that you would leave me for another girl so I always felt like trash, but the truth is that you the trash and you sleaze around with trash that's why we'll never work I'm too good for you."

"What the Fuck are you doing here?" Drake asked over my shoulder.

"Look Drake I don't want any trouble I just want to take Ashlee and the baby to my house."

"Please you act like the good guy your just like me just waiting to jump in her pants but the truth is it's not as good as you think."

"That's enough Drake. Have you been Drinking? Maybe you should just go sit in with Josh for a little bit." Jared yelled back softly.

"So what if I'm drunk! I'm 21 what are you going to tell the tabloids! I bet the bitch already told Josh!" He said stumbling into the bassinet knocking it over. The baby began to wail my heart dropped, I never heard a cry like this.

"I'm so sorry little man." Drake said leaning down to pick him up.

"Don't touch him!" I ran over to him he was okay still wrapped in the blanket inside the bassinet. "You're a real loser, I didn't show Josh he showed me. I hope she was worth losing everyone who has ever cared for you, plus your son. I hope she was really good." Drake fell to the ground his face on the floor sobbing like a baby, I picking up a few bags with my free hand Jared fallowed me down with a bunch of bags.

"Wait I'm sorry Jared I need to say bye to Josh first."

"Okay here give me the baby I'll put her in a car seat." Jared cradled the quite baby in his arms and I ran as fast as I could.

I opened the door slowly to Josh's room. "Josh I'm leaving I just wanted to say bye."

"Bye Ash, I'm so sorry what I said earlier I made it sound like it was your fault he acts the way he does. You know he use to steal all the guys in school's girlfriends. But I always had the not so cute nerdy type that Drake would never look at twice but he thinks if the girls not his then there's something wrong with him." Josh's eyes were red and swollen.

"Josh I love you it was bound to happen sooner or later right. Call me tonight please, Drakes in the bedroom completely zonked out drunk! Just make should he doesn't choke in his sleep." I said kissing him softly on the cheek.

I raced back down the stairs Drake was in at the top of the balcony looking down. "Can I please just say bye to him."

"Fine! Just go out and say bye he's already in the car." I hated every piece of him but I felt so sorry for him! He was trying to stop himself from crying.

"What's going on?" Megan said running through the front door concerned. I hadn't seen her in almost a week she's been staying on campus. "Drake why are you crying?"

"I'm leaving with the baby?" I said with confidence for once.

"I told you she would leave you for Jared!"

"NO Megan he cheated on me with Josh's girlfriend AGAIN! And this time it's so everyone can see it on the internet."

"You made a tape your such an idiot did you not learn anything from Paris Hilton. How do you know it's recent?" She yelled at him!

"He didn't make a tape a photographer took the pictures of them two swimming in the pool her completely naked and the baby right next to them. You're so fucking sick!" Saying it all over again made me nauseous.

"Drake!" She said with disappointment in her voice. "Where Josh is he okay?"

"He's up stairs." Drake ran out to the front door and opened the door to the back seat. "Little man daddy loves you so much I'm sorry I messed up, I just wanted you to have the best life every but your mommies doing the right thing if she doesn't leave now you'll just end up like me."

"Drake I'm not taking him away forever. I always told you if anything happened I wouldn't keep him from you. Look, call me in a few days and we'll make a schedule so you can see him."

"I'm so sorry Ashlee, I really do love you with all my heart." He said putting his hand on my cheek kissing me on my lips softly. I knew he was sorry put if I stayed and he did it again and again, I would just look like an idiot. I could feel the tears run down my face I loved him so much but I couldn't live like this anymore. "I'm so sorry." He said once again pushing his face into my neck putting his arms around me, I didn't hug him back I didn't say anything he let go turning to walk back into the house.


	104. Find out weve been lying cheating

I woke up with my heartbeat in my head I reached the other side of the bed that was not slept in. Cold sheets again it reminded me of what he did. We definitely needed to take a break for a while it's been so long since I smiled. Drake leaves messages and I just ignore them because I don't wanna listen now I'm just trying to live what he did down. I heard a knock on the bedroom door and I finally peeled myself out of bed. It has only been 2 days but it felt like eternity every day passed by slower then the next.

"Ashlee I have the baby if you want to sleep a little more it's okay I'm gonna go down to the student union I'll just take him with me." Jared yelled through closed door.

"No it's okay I need to get out. Come on in, I'm dress." Jared slid the door open slowly. He sat on the edge of the bed cradling the baby in his arms. "I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you letting us stay here until I find a place. I'm gonna look for a job asap I promise."

"Ash take as much time as you need I was looking for roommates anyway. I can't think of people I would want living here more then you two."

"You're too nice Jared. But thank you." I said leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Okay well let's get dressed!" He aid patting me on the back, he walked out of the room with the baby in tow. He was so good with him why couldn't I love him like I love Drake. It's all Drakes fault he ruined me for everyone else I was damaged goods.

I looked in the bags that I haven't unpacked yet and pulled out jeans and a tank top, brushed my hair into a pony tail and put on some make up. I didn't want to look as bad as I felt. I slipped on my flats and ran down the stairs.

"Now you look nice. Doesn't you mommy look pretty?" He cooed to the baby.

"Okay lets go." I smiled, it actually hurt to smile.

"Now there's a smile. Now there's the Ashlee we all love!"

He put his arm around my shoulders and escorted me to the car. We drove in silence to the student union.

"What are we doing here anyways?"

"I don't know I thought it would be nice to take a walk on campus."

The campus was beautiful it was surrounded by parks and the ocean I mean it was a beautiful day out this is exactly what I needed.

"Thanks." I said taking his hand and squeezing it. We both jumped out of the car, Jared went for the stroller and I got the baby out.

We walked for about an hour around campus, we had to stop like every five minutes Jared knew everyone! People came over to coo at the baby asking if it was his. He just laughed and said he was the Godfather. We were about to go in the dining hall when I heard someone call out for me. I turned around to see that it was Josh. We stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"Hey little man, hey Ashlee. How are things going how are the two of you?"

"Were okay, I wanted Drake to call me I wanted to see if he would take the baby for a day so that I could go job hunting."

"Ash he's not ready for that."

"What do you mean this is his kid! He needs to help out too."

"No I mean he's been in a drunken or drug stupor for the past 2 days. I don't know what he's on. But I'll take him if you want."

"No I don't want him at to see his dad like that."

"Yeah he's really bad I told him I was going to call an ambulance the other day but he told me well… I don't want to worry you about it. The only reason I even stayed was to make sure he didn't drink himself into a coma."

I looked at Jared with worried eyes, and he understood it all. "Ash why don't me and Josh stay here with the baby for awhile go get lunch and you go make sure he's okay he'll listen to you." Jared said kissing me on my cheek and giving me a hug.

"I think your right." I said trying to build up my courage to face him again.

"Here Ash take my keys I'll just get a ride home later." Josh said handing them over.

I took the keys and sped to what once use to be my home. I rushed through the unlocked door. I ran upstairs in fear that he could already be too far gone. Drake was laying on the bed completely passed out and a girl shooting up on the floor.

"Get out. You get out now."

"Who the hell are you?" she slurred back.

"If you leave now I won't call the cops." I girl gathered up her things I kneeled on the bed by Drakes side. "Drake wake up! Drake baby please wake up!" I checked for a pulse he was breathing fine. I checked his arms for needle marks but there was nothing I knew he would never do anything that stupid! "Drake please wake up its Ashlee."

"Ashlee? What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing Drake? Look at yourself!"

"Please come back to me?"

"Drake you need help. Please let's just find somewhere for you to go."

"Ash I just wanted you guys to have the best life I could possible give to you."

"Drake the best life your son could have is with you in it. What good are you to us like this."

"I know… I'm dumb and everything else that sucks…"

"Drake I'm not going to feel sorry for you I'm here to just help you."

"Let me help you guys what do you need? Money?"

"No Drake we need you?"

"You guys have super Jared now!"

"But he's not you."

"You still love me don't you. I haven't lost you yet."

"Drake you need help and you need it now just let me call the doctor's office and see what he recommends. Just stay here."

"You didn't say no."

I left the room to call on the house phone I rummaged through draws to find the doctors number. Finally I found it tacked up on one of the bulletin boards.

--------------------Phone Call----------------

Me- Dr. Faltina Drake is in trouble he needs help.

Dr.Faltina- Ashlee?

Me-Yes… I'm calling for my fiancé Drake Parker. I'm sorry I rushed.

Dr.Faltina- Well what kinda trouble is he in?

Me- He needs to be put in a detox center for alcohol today!

Dr.Faltina- Has this been going on for a long time.

Me- Over a year. Maybe before I met him I don't know. Look he's agreeing now so we need to move quick!

Dr.Faltina- Okay well we can set him up with the one in the hills.

Me- No I want him in a real one were he's not treated any different where he's not shopping and taking days off to party.

Dr.Faltina- Okay well there's another one called Mercy it's not as nice as the Hills but it's not completely terrible. That sounds good can you set it up I'll get him packed and drive him there now.

I walked back upstairs Drake was sleeping once again on the bed. "Ashlee please come lay with me." I heard the sorrow and destitution in his voice. I crawled in bed with him and laid my head on his chest.

"Drake we need to get you packed and go."

"Ash I don't want to go I just want to stay like this forever."

"We can't we have Colton and real lives."

"I still don't want to go."

"Drake let me put it this way if you don't go you lose us forever. I know you don't want that so come on we have to leave now before the press gets any part of this."

"I'm I going to the Hill's I was there once it didn't work."

"What I didn't know you went there? And no you're going to Mercy."

"I went before I even met you. I tried Ashlee I really did you know I love you more then I love myself?" I kissed him softly on his forehead and started packing clothes in random bags.

"Is there anything specific you want to bring?"

"My cell phone so I can call you guys, shit I broke it!" he said slamming his fist against the bed.

"We'll buy you a prepaid on the way there. We'll stop at wall mart get you underwear's and socks things like that."

"I want the picture of you and little man."

"Okay come on get out of bed and get dressed." He tried to get to his feet and just fell backwards, he was such a mess, and he was so far gone. Finally he got to his feet and I had to help him get dressed.

"How do I look?" He asked after putting his over sized sun glasses on.

"You look good." I said patting his back like an attention seeking child.

I walked him out of the house and into Josh's car.

"Ashlee where are you two going? We haven't seen you around here is it because of the pictures that were published?" a man jumped almost out of the freakin bush's with a camcorder in my face another one flashing pictures of Drake slumped over in the passenger seat.

"Were going shopping so he can make it up to me. Bye" I jumped in the car and sped off I knew they would call other paparazzi to fallow us.

"Ash I don't feel good. Can we stop for a minute?"

"Please Drake just old it in I need to stop at the wall mart anyway to get you a phone and stuff so just sit tight and close your eyes. I need a card or something." Drake went into his back pocket and pulled out is gold card.

"I want you to keep this just in case you and the baby need anything." I said kissing my cheek.

I ran into Wal-Mart trying to be as fast as I could I got back to the car to see Drakes head sticking out of the side of the car puking all over the parking lot. I rushed over rubbing his back.

"It's okay Drake just let it all out. Here a napkin."

Drake finally put his head back in the car and we were of once again to Mercy. We sat in silence for a few minutes outside the old building.

"Will you come in with me?" He asked putting his hands to his face.

"Of course!"


	105. you know and i know

I sat in the cold room littered with health pamphlets. The chubby girl behind the desk was typing on her computer leaving us in the awkward silence to stir.

"We usually don't get cases as high profile as you!" She said spinning her chair around to meet our faces.

"Look I want him to get good treatment without any of the perks like being able to go shopping."

"This isn't a prison Mrs. Parker."

"No I know that… I didn't mean to sound insulting I just meant this is a good facility where he won't get pampered like the spoiled brat he is."

"Mr. Parker? Mr. Parker is this what you want?"

"Mrs…" I looked down at her wooden plaque "Heffernan he's out cold and its only 12 in the afternoon, his whole families worried about him. This isn't his first time in rehab, plus I'm really scared if he doesn't so something now, he'll kill himself doing this." I looked over at Drake with slobber dripping from the side of his mouth. "Drake… Drake wake up!" Drake stirred a little and looked over at me. "Tell her you want to do this program and get better so you can have your family back!"

"Yeah… right now I'll do just about anything." He mumbled into his hands as he ran them through his greasy hair. "Will I be able to see them?"

"Who Mr. Parker?"

"Ashlee and the baby?"

"Yes on family days and visiting days every Saturday and Sunday. Plus we have family sessions were you whole family is asked to come and sit in."

"Ashlee will you come and visit me?"

"Of course."

"And bring little man?"

"Yeah he misses you. Drake I am so proud of you." I started to cry I couldn't help it I just wanted the best for him.

"Ashlee I'm so sorry. I want you and the baby to stay at the house while I'm here."

"I'll think about it, okay?"

"Mr. Parker we have to take you in now."

"Here Drakes, this is your phone and stuff and you bags. I love you okay? Just do whatever they ask of you!"

Drake stood up and hugged me like he would never see my again.

"Bye Drake."

"NO don't say bye, I'll see you soon."

"Okay I'll see you soon." I blew him a kiss as he walked down the hall. I waited outside the door until I couldn't see him anymore.

I went back outside to Josh's car and laid my head on his steering wheel. I felt my pocket vibrate I pulled out the cell phone and saw that it was Josh.

----------------------------Phone Conversation------------------------------

Me- Hello…

Josh-Ashlee I'm at the house and you and Drake are both gone.

Me-I know I had to take Drake to rehab.

Josh- What it doesn't work.

Me-Look he's going to kill himself if he keeps going the way he was going.

Josh-Ashlee you don't know what you're talking about he did this last time you guys broke up and then he was fine after a few weeks.

Me- No he wasn't he didn't stop drinking he just wouldn't drink until he was stupid. Look he wanted to do this so just let him work this out he can leave anytime he wants.

Josh- You had no right. You're not family.

Me- you know what Josh he's not doing this for me he's doing this for Colton.

Josh- This isn't going to work!

Me- Well he's at Mercy visiting days are Saturday and Sunday. I'll be there if you don't want to see him there then don't come.

---------------------------I hung the phone up on Josh I didn't want to hear anymore.-----------------

I started up the car and went back to Jared's house I left a message on Josh's cell to pick up his car there. I didn't want to see him right now. I walked through the front door and Jared was laying on the couch with the sleeping baby on his chest. I couldn't help but smile they looked so sweet together.

"Hey Ash how did things go?" He stood up putting the baby down in the play pen.

"I took Drake to a rehab center." I said sitting down on the couch next to him leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Well it's probably best. You hungry I could make you some dinner?"

"No I'm okay but thanks I just want to sit here and never move."

"We can try." He said wrapping both arms around me and kissing me softly on the lips.

"Jared!" I whispered almost inaudibly. "I don't know."

"Shhh…" I didn't pull away I just went with it I let my body take over. I kissed his lips softly putting my hands all over his body. He lifted my shirt off slowly removing my bra. I don't really know what I was thinking about as I was doing all of this but I just wanted to be happy for awhile. He removed his pants and rubbed against me. The passion fizzled out when the baby started cry.

"It's alright he'll go back to sleep." Jared whispered in my ear kissing my neck.

He was right the baby stopped crying, and the kissing commenced. I let his lips explore my body without any objections. I always wondered what it would be like to be with him and it completely exceeded my expectations. He started to slowly take off my panties. I gasped for air as I felt him slid into me. My body went into shock and I could think anymore I just thought about how great it felt to be with someone who cared about me again. I kissed his lips and turned him over on the couch to take control. I worked my body the best I knew how to. The memory flashed into my head that it was his first time; I wanted to be the best he could ever have. He put his hands on my hips guiding my body.

"I love you Ashlee." He said as he released his hands and his body relaxed.

I felt guilty and dirty, not just because of Drake but because it was his first time and he should have done it with someone who felt the same way as he did. He should have done I with someone who loved him more than just friend. I just did it to escape from reality for a moment.

"I know you love him." He said running his hands along my bare legs.

I looked down at my bare body still situated on top of him, him still inside me. I didn't know what to say I was confused the feeling were rushing around my head, my heart my conscious. I just shrugged my shoulder and kissed his soft lips gently. Is this what I was waiting for? Maybe he is what I need.

_I am on a friggin writing spree! __Woot__woot__…. Tell me what you guys think? __Ashlee and Jared…._


	106. I know exactly what goes on when your on

Jared looked at me with questioning eyes. He didn't know what the shrug had meant but truthfully neither did I. I stepped off the couch leaving him completely exposed. I leaned over and kissed his lips softly. I grabbed my clothes off the floor and shimmied into my shirt. I took the Colton out of his playpen and brought him up stairs. He was still sleeping so I decided to put him in his crib and take a bath. I grabbed the monitor and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the shower letting the steam consume me. I stepped in not wanting to stand anymore I sat with my back against the shower; I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my head. I tried not to think about what just happened or about Drake all alone in a weird place. I concentrated on the water beating on my back until I heard my cell phone ring through the monitor and then the baby start crying. I jumped out of the shower quickly turning it off then throwing a towel around my body.

When I reached my bedroom Jared had already grabbed the baby shushing him in his arms. I grabbed my phone a small smile escaped when I saw it was Drake.

----------------------------------Phone Conversation----------------

Me- hey…

Drake-Hey baby how are you guys doing?

Me- We're okay… I was just taking a shower… How are you?

Drake- Should I call back later?

Me- No… No… it's okay. (I looked over at Jared who was hanging on to my every word. I gave him a small smile. I don't know how Drake could juggle all those girls.)

Drake- I'm okay its nothing like what you see on TV. I mean its nice, are you and the baby coming up tomorrow?

Me- Are you going to be up for that? I mean you just got there.

Drake-Yeah… I mean I just want to see Colton.

Me- I know you want to see him. I'll bring him no problem. Do you need me to bring you anything? 

Drake- No I'm okay. Okay well I have to go to a meeting. But I love you. 

Me- Okay… I know…

Drake- Okay… well I guess I'll see you tomorrow.

"You're going to see him tomorrow?" He said with disappointment.

"Jared I don't know what we have, I don't know what me and Drake have but we do have Colton. And I don't know what I'm trying to say but I'm just very confused. He misses him he hasn't seen him in over a week."

"What are you so confused about? I love you!" He said putting one hand around my waist, he held Colton close to his chest.

"Drake loves me too! I know it doesn't seem like it but…"

"But what Ash? He only loves you when it's convenient. I mean can you really afford to stay on the roller coaster that is yours and Drakes love life? Do you really want that kind of life for Colton?"

"Jared you're right Drake can be a total asshole and a complete Jerk but he does love me and the baby. He just has a very hard time showing it."

"Why do you feel so sorry for him?"

"I don't know it's like he needs me."

"No I need you Ashlee."

"Jared you could have any girl, you're smart, handsome, ambitious."

"Then why am I so wrong for you."

"Jared I'm not saying I don't like you, I'm just saying I don't know what to do! Do I leave the guy I have a baby with that sometimes treats me like I'm the best thing in this world? Or do I stay with the guy who's sweet and loving all the time to me and my son?" I walked over to him slowly and kissed him on the cheek he had gotten the baby to go back to sleep. I took the baby out of his arms and put him in his crib and cover him up. I thanked god he was so young, he didn't know what was going on. I looked at his beautiful face and all I could see how much he looked like Drake.

Jared put his arms around my waist, I turned to face him. My lips on his lips felt so good yet it felt so wrong. Jared laid me on the bed. I laid down next to him just putting my head on his chest. I feel asleep that night with a war going on in my head. 

My cell phone went off and it was a text message from Drake.

_There having a BBQ for the families so make sure you pack the sunscreen for the baby… I love you3_

I rolled out of bed trying not to wake up Jared who was still sleeping in my bed. He was so sweet looking; he was the total opposite of what I usually go for. He was nice and clean cut, I don't know but then there was something in the way he looked at me and touched me. I threw on a pink tube top and a pair of kaki shorts, I wanted to look really good for drake so I took the time to straighten my hair and do my make up just right. I picked out the cutes little blue outfit with a little blue sun hat. When we were all ready I tapped sleeping Jared on his butt.

"Hey were going to go. I'll see you later?"

"You want me to drive?"

"No it's alright I'm just going to take my car."

"That car is not baby safe."

"Its all right I'll be careful." Jared sat up and puckered his lips. I thought for a moment about what to do, about who I was going to see. I gave in anyways and placed my lips on his taking it all in. He kissed Colton on the fore head and told us to have fun.


	107. talk a waste of time

I signed in at the front desk and walked down a long white hallway to his bunk room. 

"Ashlee…" I heard someone call from behind me.

"Hey…" I turned around and saw Drake towel drying his hands.

"I'm so glad you made it." He said taking us in a long embrace. "You guys look great. Just give me a minute let me finish up in here." Drake walked back out after a few minutes. I sat on his bed and looked around the room it looked like a dorm. 

"How are you?" I asked watching him cuddle and coo at the baby.

"I'm okay I mean they said withdraw wont kick in for another day or so. But this time I want to change, for good. I'm really sorry for everything I did or didn't do for you guys."

I didn't say anything I just shook my head. He went back to playing with the baby.

"Is Josh or anyone else coming?" He asked unsure of himself.

"If they don't it's not your fault its mine."

"You didn't tell them?"

"No, I did there just a little mad at me for taking you here."

"Well that's up to them I just really wanted to see you guys, I miss yous." He stood up and walked across the room to sit next to me on the bed. He kissed me gently on the cheek putting his arm around me. He fucking loves me I know that so why am I looking for it some where else? What am I looking for with Jared? Why would he love someone with so much baggage like me? Drake looked at me, I couldn't look back I just put my head down staring at my hands. Drake picked up my hand and inter locked his fingers with mine. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed them softly. I missed his lips his kisses. But how long will he be good for? How long will he love me like this? A few weeks, days sometimes hours. "I know this is hard for you so I really appreciate you guys coming. Why don't we go outside it's so nice out and its tiny in here?"

Drake stood up putting his arm around my shoulders leading the way. We went passed the receptionist desk where we had to check in and out all the time like a prison. 

"Hi Drake." The young girl at the desk said batting her eyes, I just rolled mine.

"Hi." He said shortly "This is my fiancé and my son." He said then just kept us moving. "I didn't do anything with her."

"Drake I don't think you do it with every girl you not Gene Simmons."

"Who's that?"

"The guy for kiss with the tongue he supposablely slept with over four thousand girls. But he doesn't drink or do drugs he's straight edge when it comes to that."

"Oh." He said in shame. "Would you mind coming to a session with me today? I have to go and then sometime this week I need to find a sponsor. Do you know what all of this means?"

"Yes Drake I have an uncle who is over 2 years sober and still goes to meetings he'll be going to meetings until the day he dies."

"I know Ashlee I'm going to try my best!" He said starting to get mad at my attitude.

I didn't answer him I just sat there staring at my thumbs. The baby started to cry I took him off of Drake. "I'm going to go feed him."

"I can do it!" Drake said jumping out of his seat.

"Okay just take him inside and out of the sun for a little bit."

"I'm sorry Ash I didn't mean to snap. Why don't you go get us some lunch?"

I shook my head in agreement. I walked up to where they had food on sale. I bought Drake a little bit of everything. When I went to return to my seat I saw Josh looking around.

"Josh!" I yelled out waving my hand.

"Hey Ash, I'm so sorry about yesterday I just have been in a mood and…"

"Josh don't worry about it. It's just been crazy."

"Ash listen I just wanted to tell you last night when I came to pick up the car I saw you and Jared on the couch."

"You looked in Oh my god." I said in horror my face turned red my eyes began to water. I was like a child caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

"No you left the blinds open the whole neighborhood saw." He said putting his hand on my back. "Look I'm not going to say anything but I don't think its right to lie to him right now he's banking on when he leaves he's going to have you and the baby back."

"I know and truthfully I don't know what I'm going to do I don't think I love Jared like I love Drake. "

"Okay well I leave all that up to you." Josh said sitting down next to me.

"How are you doing?" I asked picking up his hand in mine.

"I was hurt and mad but I just got over it obviously she wasn't the one for me right?"

"He's going to be happy you came." I said taking his hand in mine.

"Josh!" Drake said running over to him. "Bro I thought you weren't going to come."

"Of course I'm going to come you're still my brother."

"Is Megan coming?" Drake asked handing the baby off to Josh.

"No she's been just been a little out there lately so don't take it personally."

We sat in silence for a few minutes mixing food around our plates.

"So did you move back into the house?" He asked holding my hand and looking into the coach were the baby was napping.

"No, I think I'm just going to stay at Jared's house a little longer. I think its wrong to keep moving the bay from one place to the other."

"Yeah you're probably right." Drake said moving the food around his plate.

"Drake Parker please report to Dr. Fawn's office." The loud speaker announced throughout the facility. 

"This is the session I was talking about. Josh do you want to come in with us?"

"No why don't you guys go and I'll take the baby home with me. Mom and Dad are coming down today and I know they'll love to see him."

"That sounds like a great idea." I told josh giving him the diaper bag and kissing him and the baby on the cheek. Drake picked the baby up kissing and hugging him like he would never see him again. We waited till the baby and Josh were out of sight before he took my hand and led me through the vacant hallways.

"Dr. Fawn's this is my fiancé Ashlee. I want her to sit in with us today." Drake announced to an older man in a white coat.

"Hello, ashlee, do you want to sit in today you look a little nervous."

"Ummm…. I just want to do what ever will help Drake."


	108. how close is close enough?

I sat in the small room next to Drake staring at the man in the long white coat. I just kept thinking this all has to be a dream there is no way that out lives had come to this, lying and cheating. We must have been in there for over an hour. Drake just went on and on about his childhood and parents. I just wanted to scream get over it you have your own family now! But I didn't I just sat back on the leather chair trying to listen and pay attention it just wasn't working. My head's been in another world lately.

"Mrs. Green…. Mrs. Green…" Dr. Fawn tried to get me out of my inner thoughts.

"What were you just thinking about?"

"Ummm…. No I'm just here for Drake. You don't have to do that thing with me."

"What thing?"

"You know where you analyze me. There's nothing wrong with me."

"Do you truly believe that? I mean how long have you and Drake been together?"

"Umm… jeeze I've lost count almost 2 years on and off."

"Why on and off?"

"Well because …." I looked over at Drake taking in every word I said like he was taking mental notes. "Drake cheated and lied a lot."

"So you didn't do anything wrong in this relationship."

"Dr. Fawn she really is a great girlfriend. I mean she takes care of me and keeps me grounded." Drake said coming to my rescues he could see how uncomfortable I was at that moment.

"You guys are total opposites why are you trying so hard to make something work that obviously brings the worse out of the two of you." At that moment the bells and whistles were going off in my head. That was the same question I have been asking myself for two years now. Everyone always acted like it was a privilege to be with Drake. I wouldn't end up in a one room apartment with a guy working on the docks. 

"We love each other?" Drake said squeezing my hand tightly. He looked over at me waiting for me to repeat him.

"I don't know… I mean I thought he was the one. He use to treat me so good, I mean like I was the only person on this earth and then he became so transparent. He cheated and lie, I could see right though him he didn't even have to tell me I just always knew. He then he started pushing me away and making me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was the reason he cheated there was something wrong with me, I was lacking. But the truth is I like I'm a smart and pretty girl. I don't think the way I use to."

"Ashlee… what are you trying to say?" Drake said looking like I had just put a stake through his heart.

"I don't know, things are just a little crazy and you guys are making me choose." I blurted out and then prayed to god he wouldn't question it. Fuck what did I just do!

"Who's making you choose? Jared? Why would he make… you… choose?" He saw the shame on my face it wouldn't be more obvious if I wrote it on my forehead with marker. "You slept with him didn't you? When before all of this? Before we broke up?" I shook my head no.

"Drake I have never cheated on you."

"Then when Ashlee?"

"Drake I have never asked you to disclose any details. Please don't make me tell you."

"Ashlee!"

"Last night I was upset and he made me feel good. I just needed someone."

"You drop me off here, promise me everything's going to be okay and then go Fuck Jared! Your nuts you know that."

"I'm nuts Drake look I'm sorry I never ever meant to hurt you. I do love you but I don't know if it's the right kind of love."

"What other kind of love is there. I love you more then I love myself. Why do you think I'm like this?"

"Don't blame this on me Drake. I didn't do this to you, you did this to yourself."

"I'm not staying here, the only reason I was staying here was to get my family back." Drake jumped off the leather seat waving his hands in the air as if it would help him prove his craziness.

"Mr. Parker I don't think I heard Ashlee say that there was no chance for your family to reunite. Did you Mrs. Green?" He said patiently taping his fingers on the clipboard.

"No Drake I do love you and I want to be a family I just can't be with the person you are right now." I put my hand out for him and pulled him back down to the couch.

Drake and I sat there in silence for a moment not looking at each other just stewing in our own shame.

"Drake were twenty-one years old we have a baby and responsibilities. I'm scared and now I'm even more scared that I'm doing this alone!" I screamed through my hands that where covering my face to hide my fears and tears. "I'm sorry I mean before I met you I lived in a little crappy apartment that my nana paid half for and I had a full scholarship to school. Now I have to worry about how to pay for formula I mean you rush everything you rush me and this baby and everything!"

What do you mean rushed?" The doctor asked the both of us.

"I met Ashlee when she was with someone kinda, and I didn't want to lose the chance to get to know her so I kinda made her go back to California with me. I mean I would have been scared too, she told me she had never been away from her family or even that far from where she lived. She tried to leave after the 2 weeks and I got in a car accident she stayed with me to take care of me. I was afraid she would leave after I healed so I asked her to marry me in front of everyone. I knew she wasn't comfortable with it and I just kept pushing it. But she still said yes and she still stayed and never did she once try to make plans for a wedding that was her lack of commitment to me. And then we were apart for almost 4 months and I ran into her at the mall with my brother and she was 5 months pregnant."

"She didn't tell you she was pregnant?"

"Why would I? I didn't want him to screw up this baby's life like he was screwing up mine and everyone who gets close to him. Everyone that loves him gets hurt! I am no the bad guy so don't even try to turn it around. You want to know why I broke up with him! Because I threw a huge 21st birthday for him after just getting back together because he cheated on me with his brothers girlfriend and then he decided to cheat on me there with a girl he had been seeing the whole time! In front of his family and friends I was humiliated."

"I know I messed up but you will never have to worry about money, I will always take care of you and the baby."

"I don't want your money Drake I want you! Me and the baby want you back in our lives we want you to just be a good dad and a husband. Look I messed up too we both did we jumped in head first without thinking about ourselves and now the baby. You finish this out we date for a few weeks we see how things go from there we will start all over again! If we can truly do this with out you cheating we'll move on."

"I don't want you cheating either Ashlee."

"Drake I have to tell you right now, I don't regret what I did all it made me realize is that I just want you and no one else I felt no passion no fireworks with Jared I mean he's a great guy who loves me and the baby but I don't love him. I love you Drake and I realize that more now then I ever have."

"I love you Ashlee, I always have that's why I pushed so hard to keep you around to keep you close enough that maybe I would be able to change. I don't know how to explain it."

"Its alright I know what you mean." We smiled at each other; these were sincere smiles not the kind that we usually flashed to make each other feel better. Drake wrapped his arms around me burying his face in my shoulder 

"See now that we have all that worked out we can start on the other things like infidelity and the substance abuse. Are you up to that now Drake?"

Drake shook his head in agreement.

"Okay well then we'll start that tomorrow." Dr. Fawn smiled at us like he knew we would be one of his success stories. 

Drake took me by the hand and walked me out of the office and into his little dorm room. I sat on the bed unsure of what the next move was going to be.

"We can do this Drake I mean I know its going to be hard but we can do this just clean the slate and start all over again! As soon as you get out we'll go on a date."

"That would be great. Listen Ashlee I don't know if this is the right time to bring this up or not but I won't be able to sleep knowing you're with him so close."

"I understand but you have to understand something too. I thought we were done I was going to try to move on. Jared is my best friend and if he doesn't see it just as that then I'll just forget about him no one is more important then my family right now."

"Do you think you'll stay at the house?"

"No I'm sorry I just think that was some of the problem all our problems were amplified by everyone else I mean it was hard enough to deal with the public always being around we never had a moment alone. Don't get me wrong I love your family it's just that we need to grow up. We can't lean on everyone anymore."

"Ash I understand look just take the check book and rent a house for as long as you need I mean I want the baby and you to have your own place."

"Visiting hours are over! Visitors can you please say your goodbye and sign out at the front desk." The announcement shook my insides I wanted to stay with him I wanted to lay beside him as we slept.

"I guess its time for me to go?" I said shyly.

"Can I give you a kiss goodbye?"

I didn't answer him I just put my lips on his. Drake wrapped his arms around my shoulders holding me tight like he would never see me again.

"Will you come visit me tomorrow? With the baby?" He never let go he just whispered everything into my ear.

"I don't know your mom and Walter are coming up. You know how we all are together maybe they'll pick up the baby and bring him with them and I promise I'll visit next weekend. Plus if you want me to move out of Jared's I could look for a good place to stay tomorrow and it will be easier if I don't have the baby." 

"Yeah that sounds good baby. I love you so much. I'm gonna call before lights out." 

"Okay. I love you too."

I kissed him one last time and walked to my car.

"Ashlee! Ash!" Drake called from the side walk waving his arms. "Bring my guitar to me please!"

I nodded my head and blew him a kiss as I sped out of the parking lot. 


	109. you hallow out my hungry eyes!

"Audrey, Walter, Hi. How are you?" I said timidly walking through the front door not expecting to be bombarded by the whole Parker- Nichols clan.

"Ashlee he's beautiful." Audrey cooed staring at Colton smiling in her arms. "He looks just like Drake when he was a baby." 

I smiled at her faintly, I felt as if I had walked into a parallel dimension. She was so mad at me last time she came down and blamed all Drakes problems on me. I felt as if I had to walk on egg shells around her at all times.

"Umm… tomorrow is another visiting day and Drake would like to see you guys, he wants you guys to bring the baby up with you. I mean if you want too."

"Why aren't you going?" Walter asked with a little concern in his voice.

"Well he would like to see you guys and I thought you would want some time alone with him. Plus I have a lot to do tomorrow."

"We weren't planning on seeing him." Audrey said flatly.

"Wait… why? I thought that's why you guys came down here."

"No Megan has a huge recital with the schools band that's why we came down here we really don't want to see Drake like that."

"Okay well I guess I'll go up there then. Listen, can you watch Colton for a little bit more I need to gather up some things to bring Drake tomorrow."

"Yeah sure if you want us to take him for the night we will, and we'll watch him tomorrow for you so you don't have to drag him back down there."

"Umm… actually that sounds great I really need a break. Doing this alone has totally tired me out. Well Drake still has everything here that you'll need. But let me clean up his room before you go up there."

"Ash don't worry about it I already did it." Megan finally broke her silence towards me. I was starting to think she would hate me forever.

"Thank you Megan." I trotted up the stairs walking into my old bedroom. The picture of Drake totally out of his mind flooded my brain time and time again. I opened the closet looking for his guitar it was no where to be found.

"Megan do you know where his guitar is?" I yelled down the steps.

"No it wasn't up there I figured he took it."

"Okay I'll call Josh and ask."

I went out to the balcony off of the bed room and called Josh who had no clue where the guitar was. I searched through out the whole house for over an hour. Finally I gave up it was already 7 pm and I had a busy day ahead of me tomorrow again!

"Okay Audrey, Walter you have my cell number I'm staying at a friend's house so if you need me for anything just call. He pretty much sleeps through the night I set up the monitors for you and his crib is all made. I'll call you guys before I leave to see Drake tomorrow."

"That sounds great Ash. We should have no problem we might take him to Megan's recital." 

"Okay well if you do there is a car seat in the hall closet and another in Josh's car. I love you little man be good for your grandparents."

I drove around for a while just listening to the radio turning it up every time I heard one of Drake songs I just sat at the red light bopping my head back and forth letting the music and his words just take over my body. I didn't care what other people thought this was the first time in a long time I was actually content with where I was in life.

I finally got to Jared's house I prayed to god he wasn't home but he was sitting on the couch with the same little blonde he had over the day I moved in.

"Hey Ashlee where's little man?" 

"He's with Drakes parents they took him so I could relax a little bit. I'm just going to bed."

"Well Brittany was just leaving you don't have to run away." He flashed one of his school boy smiles my way but my heart didn't melt not like it did every time me and Drakes eyes met or the way my skin tingles in the best way when Drake touched me.

"Oh… no please don't leave on my account I'm seriously ready to fall out."

I walked upstairs not waiting for an answer I changed into my pajama's and buried myself under the covers. Just as I was about to pass out I heard Jared coming up the stairs.

"Ash is there something wrong?"

"Yeah but I really don't want to talk about it right now." I said pulling the cover over my head like intolerable child.

"Did he do something to you?"

"No you did. You made me choose!"

"I didn't think it would be a hard decision!"

"Are you kidding?" I screamed scrambling to my feet. My body shivered as my bared feet hit the cold floor. "Choose my best friend who wants more or the father of my child, the guy have been with for over 2 years my fiancé."

"Ash you know what maybe we should talk about this in the morning."

"No I don't think so it's easy either you stay my best friend and that's it or we can't see each other anymore." I sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm myself down.

"Are you kidding?" 

"No…"

"Well then I don't think we could be friends anymore."

"Fine… I'm just going to go to a hotel tonight and tomorrow I'll get someone to get me and the babies stuff."

"Fine!" He said as he stormed out of the bedroom.

"Fine!" I said to a closed door.

I packed a few things and walked out of the house and went to the closest Hilton. I walked into the suite and just flopped onto the neatly made bed. I didn't even change out of my close I just wanted this day to be over. I laid my head on my pillow and just drifted away with no problem. It wasn't that my brain wasn't wracked with what to do about everything, Drake, Jared, Colton, Audrey and Walter, it was just it had so much swirling around it just made it one big mess that I wanted to shove in the closet until tomorrow or maybe never.

"_this maybe the last thing that I write for long can you hear my smiling when I sing this song for you and only you!"_

I sat up wondering what the hell was that I checked the alarm clock it was only 10:30, I would have thought it was 3 am. My cell phone did a little dance while it vibrated across the night stand. I checked it first I didn't want to talk to Jared right now but it was Drake he had told me he would call, where did the ring tone come from? Drake he always did little things like that for me. That was one of his favorite songs. But it fit perfectly into the whole little disaster we were currently in.

Me- Hello

Drake- hey baby

Me- Hey

Drake- I just got done my meeting I was going to call it a night.

Me- I like the ring tone.

Drake- All American rejects… I love that song. 

Me- Drake is your guitar at the studio or something? It wasn't at the house I looked every where for it.

Drake- Ash I seriously don't remember the past week and there were some sleazy people coming and going.

Me- So what do you want me to do? You want me to get you another?

Drake- I guess so just use the card I gave you. So where are you?

Me- I am at a hotel. I thought it would be better for all of us. Your parents took the baby for the night. But there not coming tomorrow. I'm gonna come up if you want. There going to take Megan to her recital at school.

Drake- Shit I forgot about that it! I told her I would come. 

Me- I don't think she minds she actually talk to me.

Drake- Well that sounds good. Listen, you can either go out and get me a new guitar or you can pick one up from the studio, I need papers from there anyways. I need to sign a whole bunch of stuff for the tour.

Me- That's right are you going to be out on time?

Drake- Yeah I hope you're still not mad about it.

Me- Drake this is your job and I know you love it. I'm not mad, it's okay. I'm proud of you. 

Drake- I love you. 

Me- I love you too, I have to get some sleep I am completely depleted.

Drake- Okay good night I'll see you tomorrow.


	110. Thers just an empty space

Visiting Drake went good he seemed a little weaker he wasn't eating anything but the doctor warned me this was normal it's all the alcohol leaving his body he was going to be going through withdraw. I knew what it looked like he would feel like crap for a few days while his body begged him for just one more drink. A tear came to my eye think he was doing this alone no one was there with him. I sat out by the pool with Colton in his coach. I had been a few days and we were still at the Hilton I was trying to find a little house for me and Colton. Drake tried to call every night or at least every other night I told him to just take it easy and stop worrying about us. He needed to get better by the end of the month because that's when his tour started he was completely sold out around the world. Drake begged me to bring Colton and come live on the tour bus with him. He promised he would get one for just himself and us. I told him no I wanted to stick to the plan of just dating just starting over again.

"Mrs. Green there is someone at the front desk for you." The young girl in a blue blazed informed me.

"Oh Okay just give me a second."

I was only in my bathing suite I didn't want to flash the world so I looked around for a towel and wrapped it around me. I walked through the lobby pushing the stroller.

"Walter, Audrey? What are you guys doing here?"

"Well Megan told us you usually had school today and we wanted to know if you would like us to watch him while you went? Maybe we could take him to the park?"

"Oh guys you don't have to have a reason to take him you can ask me anytime you're his grandparents! Of course you guys can take him. I'll have to get some stuff ready for him."

"We also wanted to know if we could take you out to dinner with us."

"Me… Ummm… sure. I get done school at 6 sometimes a little later."

"Okay well we will pick you up here?"

"Sure."

I went up to the room and got a little bag packed for the baby, bottles, diapers, wipes, formula, toys, blanket. For a little man he had a lot of stuff.

I handed the bag to Walter who was trying to figure out how to put a new car seat in. "Here Walter I'll get it."

"Ashlee we really appreciate you taking the high road after the way he had been acting… I mean I know I was wrong and I just want to say sorry and thank you for taking care of Drake and Colton."

"Well I love him and you guy. I mean you're his grand parents I would never keep him from you." Audrey wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I waited on the sidewalk until there car was no longer visible. I walked back to the pool and pick the newspaper up once again highlighting properties that sounded good.

"Mrs. Green there is someone at the desk for you again."

"What the… okay I'll be right there." Once again I wrapped the towel around me. There was a tall lanky man leaning against the front desk. I didn't know him, but yet he looked so familiar.

"Hello? Can I help you?"

"Ashlee Green?"

"Yes… but if you're a reporter I'm not interested."

"No… No…I'm Joey Parker?"

"Drakes dad? Oh hello… I'm sorry how are you? You know can you give me a minute to get dressed I'll meet you in the café?"

"Sure." He said lowly.

I raced up the stairs not wanting to wait for an elevator. I went through my suite case trying to find something appropriate to wear. I threw on a pair of jeans and one of Drake's band shirts.

"I'm sorry to make you wait." I said sitting down at the same table as Joey. 

"Its okay is the baby here?" He asked sweetly.

"No Audrey and Walter just took him out for the day."

"Oh that's good it gives you some time alone."

"I heard about Drake on the TV and I just wanted to see how he was doing. I mean I don't know what everyone has told you but I had the same problem when I was his age and I only got help a few years ago. They say it can be hereditary."

"Well I think he's doing good. He's going through withdraw right now."

"Do you think I could see him?" 

"I don't know, I mean after you sent the present he talked about getting in touch with you. Maybe I can go Saturday and see what he think about it and I'll give you a call maybe you can visit Sunday."

"Well that sounds great he's lucky to have a girl like you. Standing beside him."

"Well I'm lucky to have him too. Mr. Parker I need to go to school I'm sorry I have to cut this short."

"Well can I give you my cell number?"

"Sure."

Joey Parker was tall and skinny like drake he had the same almond eyes that Drake and Colton have. His hair was dark brown with a tint of red. I watched him walk out of the café, I always pictured him as this big monster the way they always described what he did to Audrey. 

I left the café and drove to school. School was the only place I was normal. No one bothered me no one cared who I was. I sat in the front of the room listening and taking notes. I just wanted to finish school I was over all of it. After class I walked to the quad to get a soda I needed the caffeine if I was going to go out with Audrey and Walter.


	111. Just a memory of his face

I sat in the hotel room by myself I felt so lonely without Colton. I mean he brightens my day when I need to smile I just look at him and everything's okay. I know everything's going to work out or at least I know I'll try my hardest to make him the best life I possibly can.

I decided to wait out front of the hotel for Audrey and Walter they pulled up shortly in there little SUV. 

"Hi… Hey little man did you have fun." The baby smiled and cooed at the sight of me.

"How was class?" Audrey asked.

"It was good a little boring but I'm almost done I just want to get out of there. So where are we going for dinner?"

"We had reservations at the Ivey for weeks now we thought you would like to come with us."

My stomach twisted and sunk. I didn't want to go back there that's what set off everything last time. I didn't know what to do they were being so nice to me I just wanted to stay in the good graces so I just shut my mouth and went along with it. 

"Listen guys if there are paparazzi just say nothing okay."

"Okay." Walter agreed and Audrey shook her head.

Walter left the car with a valet we walked around the corner to the front of the Ivey and there were a swarm of paparazzi I was just hoping they had would have no clue who I was without Drake. I put my head down as I came closer but there was no luck.

"Why is Drake in rehab?"

"Is this the baby?"

"Are you guys broken up for good?"

"Who's getting custody of Colton."

"Look I'm going to make this short because I'm out with my son and family. Drake is in rehab he's getting better. Were not broken up were going to try to work things out and for now Colton is living with me. Please leave us alone. "

"Can we have a picture of the baby?"

"No!" I tightened my grip on the carrier looking down once again to make sure that the cover was over top of it so no one could sneak a picture.

"Are you guys waiting out on the money?"

"No… I don't know what you're talking about?"

"In touch offer Drake 5 million for a family shoots of you guys and the baby."

"Look we just want him to be as normal as possible."

I didn't say anything else I waited for Walter to make a hole for me and the baby to walk through without being stomped on. We walked in and were immediately seated. 

"This is where we fist came when we found out about little Colton here." She said stroking the baby's soft face.

I smiled at her awkwardly.

"So how is the place where he's at?" Walter asked.

"Its okay it kind of looks like a dormitory. Small room, white walls, that kind of thing. But I wanted him to go somewhere that would help him."

"Ashlee we know you don't have to explain yourself." Walter said putting his menu down. 

"Audrey I need to get this off my chest and I think you should know. Drakes dad came to see me today at the hotel like a half hour after you guys left."

"What did he want?" She said more concerned then mad.

"He wanted to know if he could see Drake but I told him no. I didn't think this was the right time, but I got his number and I'm going to see what Drake says because the last thing I want is this blowing up in my face which is what always happens."

"I understand and it is his choice."

The rest of the dinner was pleasant it was like they were my parents for the night I was so relieved they weren't mad about Drake being in rehab or us still being together. I ran past the paparazzi with the baby covered up in his carrier. When I got to the hotel it had felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I heard my phone ring I flipped the top and walked over to the crib next to my bed and peeked in making sure it didn't stir him.

---------------------------Phone Conversation------

Me- hey baby

Drake- Hey…. You sound like you're in a good mood.

Me- I actually really am. I went out to dinner with your parents and we actually had a great time.

Drake- Wow… that's different. How's Colton?

Me- He misses you we both do. I show him picture of you all the time and play your CD when he's falling asleep.

Drake- Thank you, that means so much to me.

Me- How are you doing?

Drake- Good I think they said the worst of the withdraw is over and there going to put me on some sort of medicine that makes you severely sick if I drink.

Me- Okay well I just wanted to talk to you about something pretty serious.

Drake- What is it? 

Me- Your dad came by my hotel room today.

Drake- What did he want?

Me- He wanted to have permission to see you.

Drake- What else did he say? What did you say?

Me- I said I would talk to you.

Drake- Why did you just tell him NO!

Me- Drake please don't yell at me I didn't want to make a decision for you. He's your father I wanted to see what you said first.

Drake- You know what I can't talk to you right now sometimes you make me so mad.

Me- I didn't do anything why are you so mad at me?

Drake- Because you can never just say no to people that how you end up in the positions you do.

Me- Drake please lets not fight I had such a good day for once and I was looking forward to your call.

Drake- I'm sorry it's just killing me to be penned up like an animal in here! Are you bringing the bay to see me Saturday?

Me- Do you just want to see the baby or me?

Drake- Ash come on I'm just going crazy here of course I want to see you.

Me- I don't know I guess we'll just see what happens.

Drake- Please Ashlee I'm sorry I didn't mean to freak out I just miss you so much.

Me- Drake look I don't know what going on right now and I know you have your mood swings and I have made peace with that but it usually happens when something is going on so is there something you want to tell me?

Drake- It's really nothing…

Me- Well obviously it's bothering you.

Drake- Bebe keeps writing me letters, I called her to tell her that I wasn't interested and she just kept telling me that we were meant to be and that she was coming up Saturday. I don't know she always makes me feel so torn.

Me- What torn between me and her?

Drake- No… kind of.

Me- Drake do you want me to make this easier? I mean I will just walk away. I don't know what you want me to do! Your telling me that you might love someone else come on your play with my head what to much. (I started to sob uncontrollably once again I felt so alone in the world. I could never understand what these girls had that I didn't. Why couldn't he just adore me like I did him.)

Drake- Please don't cry baby that's not what I meant. I don't love her I love you. Its just that she's my type, she's in the same business she would drop everything to be with me

Me- She's a wanna be who could never make it on the chart even with your help. And I guess giving up my life wasn't enough for you? Drake I think I'm going away for a while with the baby.

Drake- Where are you going to go?

Me- I don't know but I need to time to think if it's worth sticking around if your whole hearts not in it. You're a cheater and you'll always be a cheater. Me and you son mean nothing you're selfish! You're a selfish spoiled brat. Good bye Drake!

Drake- Ashlee please no! Just hold on a minute.

Me- No Drake I want nothing to do with someone that can committee themselves to me. Jesus if you can't stop with all these other girls there's no help for us.

Drake- No Ashlee I just meant that… I don't know what I meant but I know I want to be with you I love you, and I know you love me even if you don't want to admit it right now. Please don't go anywhere.

Me- I don't know, I'm going to go to bed the babies sleeping and we had a big day all on our own.

Drake- Good night Ash can you kiss Colton for me.

Me- Sure.

Drake- I'll call you tomorrow morning.

Me- No it's alright I'll call you.

Drake- I do love you with my whole heart. I sleep in this little bed and it feels so empty, this bed, my head, my arms I just want to be with you so much that some times I can't even sleep at night not knowing that you and the baby are safe with me. I can't protect you from here. I'm useless.

Me- You would be even more useless in the arms of another woman so just remember that! Plus I do love you with my whole heart I really do.  
(I started crying once again.)

Drake- If it makes you feel any better I told her if she comes near me or you guys I would send nasty things about her to TMZ.

ME- No just don't talk to her no more she writes you a letter throw it our she calls you ignore it. I mean I listened to you and dumped my best friend. You could at least so me the same respect.

Drake- I understand I'm sorry I love you. Get some sleep I'll call you in the morning.

Me- Goodnight I love you.

_Rehab what does everyone think? Drake's dad I don't know where to go with that yet I just kind of left it hanging with the baby show._


	112. kissable and quite

Another week with out him past it felt as if my heart was taking the pattern of the moon piece by piece was disappearing but I knew it would be full as soon as I had him back in my life for good. Walter and Audrey left without seeing Drake; they just kept saying they didn't want to see him that way. Drake refused to see his father he said he was the reason he was that way. I told him it was no ones fault besides his own. But he was stubborn and there was no use forcing him to do something he didn't want to do. I just decided to pick my battles.

The baby was now 5 weeks olds and rolling over I played with him on the floor of our new house. The house was cute right outside the city in the suburbs, 3 bedrooms 2 baths nothing fancy but it was what I wanted. Colton cooed and laughed constantly it made me feel as if I was doing a good job! Halloween was coming up and I decided to make a costume for him I was thinking about a baby Elvis in his white jumpsuit days. Of course Drake was mad he was going to miss it but what was there to do really act like life wasn't going on around me and just be depressed and wait around for him. He only had one week left but after that he would only have 2 days to spend with us. But if the best thing for him he needed to get better if not for himself then for us.

I started packing the babies bags so that I could be ready to visit Drake tomorrow, when I heard a knock at the front door. I didn't know anyone in the neighborhood so I peeked out the front window and put the baby in his swing I couldn't see anyone only a yellow taxi. I opened the front door in my sweats and a torn tee shirt.

"Honey I'm home!"

"Drake!" I screeched wrapping my arms around him. "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't take it anymore I wanted to be with you guys! I missed you's so much."

I opened the door letting him in. I couldn't believe it he looked so different from 3 weeks ago he had put on some weight his tight jeans weren't baggy anymore his eyes just beamed with love and light. He threw his bags on the coach and wrapped his arms around me kissing me overpoweringly. I didn't object I just went along with it I missed kissing him everyday I missed him so much, sometimes it hurt.

"Drake!" I whispered trying to pull away from his grasp.

"Shhh… Please." He shushed me. I knew what he wanted but even though my body wanted it my heart wasn't up for it.

"Drake, Colton's awake he's in his swing." I said pushing him away but still wanting him close.

"Oh I'm sorry I just missed you so much I just…" He said putting my fingers to his lips.

"I know." I said sliding my fingers down his face and through his shaggier then ever hair.

"Can I see him?" Drake asked looking around the room.

"Of course god he's going to be so happy to see you. He rolls over now!"

"Are you kidding? I missed it!" He said bending over to pick up Colton. I could hear the sorrow in his voice.

"Its alright you're here now. I'll give you guys a minute."

"No… no I want to spend some time with you." He said taking my hand so I couldn't walk away.

"Okay… are you sure you don't want something to eat or something to drink?" I asked kissing him on his fore head my heart felt so warm watching Drake sitting on the couch holding his son so close to his heart.

"Oh my god… are you making dinner?"

"I was going to make dinner."

"Ashlee the stuff they give us in there tastes like cardboard and sludge."

"I can make you something nice and hot how about some chicken stew? With some home made biscuits."

"That's why I love you."

"For my home made biscuits? So they let you out early why didn't you call and tell me I was packing to come visit you tomorrow I would have come and picked you up."

"They didn't exactly let me go."

"Drake you escaped?"

"No I signed my self out I was in rehab not prison." He said with a smirk.

"Jesus Drake! What am I going to do with you? You can't commit to anything not even for a month."

"Ashlee don't give me grief I just wanted to see you and the baby I'm gonna still go to meeting and things like that."

"Okay I mean you only had a week left so I guess what would one week do right?"

"Exactly!" He exclaimed then hushed up quickly seeing the baby had fallen asleep on his chest.

"Here, I'll put him in his room."

"So how do you like the house?"

"It's nice did you buy it or are you just renting."

"Just rented I thought it was good for me and the baby it's small and in a nice neighborhood." I said making myself comfortable on his lap.

"Why didn't you get something in the city?" He asked putting his arms around my waist. "Did you get skinnier?"

"A little I saw myself on the TV when I went to the Ivey with your parents I looked like a cow."

"No you looked beautiful. Not that your not now. I'm just saying you didn't have to lose any weight." He fumbled over his words I didn't want to make him to dig himself any deeper so I just kissed his lips forcing him to shut up.

"So does it have a pool?"

"No but it has a nice back yard."

"Why did you pick somewhere so far from where I live?"

"I don't want him growing up in the city. If I needed to go into the city it's only a 45 minute drive."

"I guess so. So where can I put my stuff?"

"At your house! Drake I meant it when I said we were going to take it slow let's see if we even want to be close like that again. I mean I love you don't get me wrong its just I think you need to be able to alone and be okay. I don't want to have to baby-sit you."

"Are you serious?" He said pushing me off his lap.

"That's what we agreed on! I'm sorry you can come over anytime you want plus I definitely need you to baby-sit when I'm at school and it would be easier if I didn't have to take the baby all the way down there."

"Ash so you just don't want me to sleep over? You don't want to get to close just incase I mess up?" He said gently laying his hand on my arm rubbing it ever so slightly. "I won't disappoint you. I promise." His voice was so innocent yet scary.

"I want to believe you but you've fooled me one to many times."

"Ash I'll sleep on the couch! In my car I don't care!" He shouted dramatically falling to his knees and clasping his hands together to beg.

"You don't have a car!" I said trying not to look at him, in fear that I might laugh.

"I'll buy a car and sleep in it." He said now waving his arms around.

"Drake please don't do this to me I mean if I let you stay I could end up worse then I am now but if I don't let you stay I'll feel like a monster." Drake could hear the serious in my voice and see the sorrow in my eyes I was so confused.

"Ashlee I swear to god I'll sleep on the couch if that's what you want."

"Fine! Fine you can sleep in the spare bedroom!" Drake picked me up by my waist and spun me around until we fell on the floor. I laid there on top of him looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I love you so much Ashlee." He said sliding his finger gently across my forehead moving the loose strands of hair out of my eyes. He put his lips to mine and I knew I had made the right decision.


	113. A funeral keeps both of us apart

Literate and stylish kissable and quite that's what girls dreams are made of

"_**Literate and stylish kissable and quite that's what girls dreams are made of."**_

__The day went faster then usual; I laid my hand over the side of my bed being met with the coldness of the unmoved sheets. My head knew Drake was close but not close enough. I snuck out to the kitchen for a glass of water to help me lull myself back to sleep. The TV was blaring and Drake was sloppily draped over the couch in his boxers. I couldn't stop my eyes from looking at him; in my eyes he was so beautiful. I knelled by his side moving the brown shaggy hair out of his face. I kissed his fore head I wanted so much to take him by his hand and drag him to my room and let him wrap his arms around me, but I had to stay strong. I pulled the sofa blanket onto him. He looked so innocent just sleeping. I walked back into my room wishing I had the guts to just be with him again. But I didn't and I wanted to be careful this time I wanted to be smart.

"Good morning baby!" I opened one eye drowsily, Drake was standing in the door way with the baby and the smell of bacon flooded my senses.

"Good morning."

"I thought we would have a nice breakfast and then maybe go out and do a little bit of shopping you guys still need stuff for the house and maybe some baby stuff."

"That sounds like a good day!"

"And maybe stop by the studio so you guys can get a little taste of my new CD?"

"Drake I don't think he will be good in the studio if he cries Will, will have a hissy fit!"

"Well maybe we can get a baby sitter and me and you go to dinner after wards."

"That actually sounds good I'll call Josh or Megan."

"Shit they don't know I'm out."

"Well we'll surprise them!" I laughed a little.

I walked out to the spread of burnt pancakes and burnt toast. "Drake how do you burn toast you don't even have to cook it you just put it in the toaster!" I said waving around the toast. "Let's go out for breakfast there's a little dinner down the road."

Drake smirked as if that was his plan the whole time.

We sat in the little dinner it wasn't like the ones in the city at all it was like the ones from back home and it made me a little home sick. I missed my parents they called all the time now to see how we were doing they didn't judge Drake which made me think either they really like him or that they just wanted me with him I could have a better life then they could have given me.

"Oh My God It's Drake Parker!" A few teen waitresses wailed as we walked through the front door. My face turned as red as a tomato Drake looked at me with scared eyes but a smile on his face. I smiled back at him I couldn't hold it in I still thought it was hysterical that I was dating a music star.

"Drake Parker?" A young girl with glasses asked.

"Yeah we just need a booth." He said with a huge smile on his face. He loved the attention he loved being noticed, this was his dream he wanted to be a rock star and everything that went along with it.

The day went well we dropped the baby off with Josh and his new girlfriend. She was cute this time not ugly and shy like the other ones I guess he thought if Drake was going to sleep with all his girlfriends no matter how horrible they are he might as well get someone who's cute. When Josh answered the door and saw both me and Drake standing there you could see the blood slowly clear from his face.

"Drake what are you doing here?" Josh said as if he was looking at someone he hated.

"You don't sound happy to see me?" Drake said taken back by the greeting.

"Look dude I love you you're my brother but I'm still not over what you did. I mean I will get over it sooner or later but for now we're not friends."

"Josh come on he just got out." I pleaded. I didn't want anymore bumps in Drakes road I just wanted everything to work out for him. Drake walked back to the car and just sat in the passenger seat. I walked into the house and hit Josh on the arm.

"What are you doing? He needs us right now! I know you don't forgive him yet but you could have at least asked how he was doing he was so excited to come and see you."

"Ashlee I know you love him and I do too but I need some time." Josh said softly taking the diaper bag off my shoulder.

"I understand… I'll be back later to pick him up."

"No I'll take him for the night you guys work things out."

"That's why I love you." I hugged Josh and kissed him on his cheek. There will always be this beautiful friendship between me and Josh that no one will ever understand not even us.

I walked out to the car just feeling bad for Drake he was so use to people just getting over his mistakes he was never held accountable! "Drake you really can't blame him for the way he feels, he'll get over it."

"You really are certain kinda girl for the way you love me."

"That what you said when we first met I was the one girl for you. And you were the one guy for me so why I don't fight it. I know I'm always going to love you. You've ruined me for anyone else…" I said with a smile, taking his face in my hands. "You took too big piece of my heart and I don't think there's no going back now." I said with a smile creeping even bigger across my face. I couldn't believe I just said that I felt as if I have just put my heart on a silver platter and served it up to him with a side of fries. I wasn't ready for that yet I wanted to keep that one under my skirt for a little while longer. But that's how I felt and there was really no going back now. I looked Drake in his eyes and I make out what he was thinking when had he become so complicated?

"I didn't know." He said lowering his head. I couldn't see his eyes anymore he looked more vulnerable then I felt.

"You didn't know I loved you?" I said with my stomach and heart feeling as if it had become one big knot.

"No that you felt like that."

"You don't feel like that?" I felt as if I was choking on my words.

"Ash I love you. I tell you that all the time its just I thought you loved me. I just didn't know you felt that way." Drake said taking my hand in his.

"Drake! Its not a bad thing I'm okay with being with you."

"Ashlee what will you do if we don't work out."

"What? What are you trying to say?"

"No… no not like that I just mean I'll never get over you I will always want you and if you'll always come back to me what kind of life is that for you?"

"I guess the kind of life I'm use to by now. But Drake I'm in love with you but I'm not stupid so don't think I will feel this way forever… I…."

Drake didn't let me finish my sentence he just put his lips on mine kissing with so much force it pushed all the negative thoughts out of my head. Drake finally stopped letting catch my breath and I put the keys in the ignition and started driving to the studio.

"Ash I don't want to go."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."


	114. the price we pay for lose of control

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know, like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart. For the past two years I've held it all together, but it's beginning to pull me apart.

He only had a week and a half with us. I wanted to be selfish and keep him all to myself. He loved us, but his passion for music was immense. I would never try to take that away from him. Being a rock star was his dream, and he loved every part of it- the fans, the fame, even the craziness. I snuggled my head on his chest unable to go to sleep, knowing he would be leaving us in a few short hours.

"Ash, are you still awake?" He asked, petting my head in a sloppy manner.

"Yeah… A little." Drake rolled over on his side to face me.

"Are you scared?"

"A little." I answered, flashing him a small smile. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep him out of my bed for to long.

"I wish you would just let me do the worrying for the both of us." He kissed my lips bit by bit, letting them linger.

"I'm going to miss you," I said, allowing a tear escape, unable to be as strong as I wanted to be for him. He kissed me with more fervor than before.

The morning finally arrived, waking me up in a lonely bed, nude. My eyes drifted to the clock, noticing Drake only had two hours left. I looked around the room filled with bags and suitcases, but no Drake. In an instant I grabbed my robe, not caring about getting dressed and went down the stairs to the living room. My face turned red, and my body turned around quickly when I noticed the whole Parker-Nichols clan sitting in my living room.

"Good morning Ashlee!" Audrey called out.

"Good morning. Just give me a minute. I'll be right down!" I tried to yell back, but it sounded muffled and coarse.

I got dressed as fast as I could mange, throwing on a dress and a pair of flip flops. Swallowing my pride, I walked back down the stairs.

"Hello everyone." I said as I walked back down, wishing my cheeks didn't look like tomatoes anymore. "Can I get anyone some coffee?"

"No, it's alright. We stopped at Starbucks before we came. There's a cup on the counter for you." Audrey said raising her cup.

"Listen we wanted to talk to you about something," Drake said, pulling my hand to sit me down next to him on the couch.

"What?" I asked irritated; these meetings were never good.

"I was just thinking maybe it would be good if you moved in with my parents while I was gone…" He stopped for a moment when he saw the confused look on my face. "I mean they have plenty of room and you're going to need someone to help you with the baby."

"I'm sorry. No offense, but I'm starting to feel like a nomad. I have moved like 10 times in the last couple of years! And I really like this house and the neighborhood. And frankly I don't like the idea of all of you putting me on the spot…"

"Ashlee I didn't mean to-"

"I'm not done, Drake… I have been putting my schooling on hold! I need to finish and I have a few months left. I just want to get my degree. That's all!"

"Well then will you move in with us after your done school?" asked Walter, quietly.

"Drake, you have 2 hours before you have to be on the plane. Do you really want to leave with this conversation hanging over us?"

"Ash, look… I just want what is the best for you and the baby."

"Drake, the baby and I are fine! We have been on our own for a while now. I'm doing a great job at raising Colton and I'm going to continue, but I'm going to do it on my terms."

"Ashlee, that's not what were saying. And you can do it on your terms at our house." Audrey said, shifting the baby to her other shoulder.

"Look, Audrey and Walter, I love you guys like my own parents. The truth is I wouldn't move back in with them either," I explained, half laughing.

"You're right, Ashlee. I don't think this is the right time to talk about this," Drake agreed, putting his arm around my shoulder, then getting up.

"Wait just one minute, Drake! You're not just sneaking out of this. Haven't I shown all of you that I can handle my life with or without Drake? I handled the pregnancy without him and the last month."

"Ashlee, you can't say you've done it alone! I mean, come on, who's paying for this house?" Megan said, spreading her arms in the air.

"Before you ask me that, who's paying for the house you live in?" I spat right back at her. "Did you even get a job yet? Probably not! Look, I'm going to school! I was working until DRAKE made me quite! I had my own apartment until DRAKE wanted me to move out. I am taking damn good care of my son. There's no way you're all ganging up on me on this!"

"Ashlee, I don't think that's what there saying!" Josh exclaimed, taking my hand in his.

"Josh, of all people you know I can do this without anyone's help," I said, almost whispering from feeling his gentleness and compassion streaming out of his body.

"I know you can, but why wouldn't you want help?" Josh released my hand and smiled at me; he knew he had me. I was a proud, but I wasn't stupid.

"Look, lets just see how things go. And if you guys are afraid of me using Drake, well, just let me tell you… I love him I really do. I mean, we have no clue how things are going to work out between the two of us, but were preparing for the worst and hoping for the best." Drake put his arm around me, kissing my forehead. The baby started crying. I took him out of Audrey's arms and carried him up stairs without saying a word. I heard footsteps come up after a minute.

"Baby, I am so sorry I didn't think it was going to go that way."

"Well, what way did you think it was going to go?" I said, touching his face and seeing his hurt. I knew he didn't mean for it to come out that way. He knew who I was and he knew I was strong. There was something beneath all of it that had been eating at him for weeks now. "You pawning me off to your parents so you don't have to worry. I'm not going to cheat on you and I know you constantly have flashes on me and Jared together…"

He cringed as the name as it fell out of my mouth. "I know because I have the same flashes but times a 100. Jared had been begging for it for almost a year. I just wanted to forget about you for more then a minute I wanted to feel happy for a second. But I didn't, I felt dirty and skanky. I felt like the worst person on the face of the earth! And when it was all done I sat in the shower trying to scrub the smell of him off of me. I scrubbed until my skin was practically raw. Then I went back into the room and threw on one of your tee-shirts and fell asleep with the thought of you being so close to me in at least one way."

I saw his eyes water up. I wanted to take the pain away from him, but I didn't know how because I didn't know how to take the pain away from myself. Being cheated on is like having a scare on your heart and the scar tissue just refused to leave your heart beat the full beat it use to. We sat on the stairs for a little while, just holding each other. Not wanting to give up what we had just yet.

I waited with his whole family as we watched him go through the swarm of paparazzi and slowly disappear into the airport terminal. As I looked at Colton sitting in the car seat smiling and cooing, I thought about how great it would be to be so young and not know what's actually going on.


	115. leave it all behind

I went to school when all I wanted to do was make a cocoon out of my bed and never leave. Days passed on that turned to weeks and weeks turned into months. I never went out to visit him mostly because he was in other countries and I didn't want to be a burden; he use to beg but then it just stopped. He came around three times and we acted as if everything was great. He had bought us a new house- a bigger one on the hills, but I refused to move. I had made a home out of the one we've been living in.

Drake missed everything. Colton crawling, walking, his first words, his first birthday and my graduation- things he will never get back again. I had no clue what one year could hold. At this point Drake and I weren't anything; we were just going with the motions. I have no clue if he had cheated on me, but I had stayed faithful. Never once had I strayed from him. It wasn't as if I didn't love him anymore, rather it was just my heart that was dull from being alone for so long. Drake showed compassion towards me some of the time. It just wasn't constant in my new life, alone.

But it wasn't fair to say I was completely alone. Josh had given up the old house and moved in a little studio apartment. He met up with Drake often and brought us home gifts from other countries. And when Josh was home he usually stayed with us in the guest room. I liked having him around. Everyone thinks that he and Drake are so different, but they're both goofy and quirky in there own ways.

I had met friends in the neighborhood- all female to boot! When I meet the women in the neighborhood I never tell them the identity of my fiancé. I made sure they liked me for me before I brought them to my house, where they would see pictures of me and Drake together, pictures of him and his son hanging on my wall.

"So are you guys excited to go meet up with Drake, I mean daddy?" Josh asked excitedly as if I was the same age as Colton .

"I don't know!" I said a bit ashamed.

"Ashlee, why? What's wrong?" Josh said, putting his arm around my shoulders giving me a good shake. I smiled at his attempt.

"I just don't know. I guess I'm kind of scared since I haven't seen him in a few months. You think he has a new girlfriend?"

"Are you kidding? He still loves you, Ashlee. I think it was just hard for him to show it so far away. I bet he's wondering the same thing." Josh took Colton's hand and guided him towards the front door.

"Are you coming?"

I took a deep breath in; I had such a surge of emotion going through me. I followed the two of them out to the car, where they were waiting patiently for me.

When we arrived at the airport we waited patiently outside the terminal for him, and then we saw it flashes of light and a hoard of reporters. Then from the middle of it all emerged a very different looking Drake. He looked as if he had grown into a man in a year he had a scruffy face and his hair was cut business short he was wearing thick plastic frame glasses.

I forced a smile as he waved both of his hands towards us. He ran up to me throwing his arms around me kissing me feverishly. I was taken aback. I was thinking he would have been as nervous as me. He loosened his grip on me and put both hands on my face kissing my lips. There were tears in his eyes, which made me weld up inside.

"This can't be Colton ! Oh my gosh! Little man, you got so big!" Drake tried to reach down for him, but Colton clung to Josh's leg.

"Drake!" I exclaimed taking his hands and moving him toward the exit. "We need to get out of here he's not use to all of this, okay?"

"Okay, no problem," he answered with a smile and a kiss. He rushed us towards the exit holding me close.

"Bye, Drake… I guess I'll see you later." A young blonde said as she whisked passed us. I held my breath trying to not let myself explode. I pushed it down my throat, hoping it would miss my heart.

"Bye Jenny," he said with his head hung in shame. "She's just one of my back-up singers," he whispered into my ear.

"Drake, you can do what ever you want," I said as I moved into the car. Josh put the baby in the car seat.

"Ashlee, please don't start," Drake said sternly.

"I'm not starting! I'm just saying we have no clue where we're at right now, and we need to get home. So what ever happned... happened and theres nothing we can do about that."

"I didn't sleep with her! I haven't slept with anyone. Are you trying to tell me you have?"

"First off, Drake, lower your voice. Your son hasn't seen you in 5 months, so don't start yelling and accusing his mother. I haven't slept with anyone; I've been completely faithful. I wrote you everyday and sent you pictures constantly."

"I'm sorry, lets not start our time off like this."

"I agree." He reached over from the back seat to give me a kiss on my cheek.



"So little man what's going on?" Drake asked the fussy baby sitting next to him. "He doesn't remember me," he stated with sorrow in his voice.

"Well, he's only a baby. They don't really remember much. He hasn't seen you in a few months, but give him and hour and he'll be fine," I said, trying to reassure him. We finally returned to the house and Drake looked confused.

"Why are we at this house?"

"This is where I live."

"How about the house I just bought you?"

"Drake, I told you I like this one!"

"What are we doing with the other one?"

"I've been renting it out. We're making good money on it," I explained, putting my hand on his back and rubbing it slightly. He was still the man I loved and it only took me 5 minutes with him to realize it.

"Josh, watch the baby so I can help Drake unpack," I said not even waiting for an answer. Josh opened his mouth but it was already too late we were running up the stairs.



We couldn't keep our hands off each other; we needed each other, we need to feel each other entirely. We kissed as if it was the first time. His hands exploring my bare body literally made my skin twitch in delight. I needed all of him and I gave him all of me.

We laid in bed exhausted. I laid my head on his chest not wanting to have to deal with anything real just yet just his familiar heart beat, but I knew it was coming.

"What's wrong?" he asked, moving me so I could be face to face.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not happy. I mean, you didn't look happy to see me."

"I wasn't mad I was just scared. I still am."

"You never have to be scared of me."

"No, not of you. I was scared that maybe everything had changed between us- that there wouldn't be that spark. That you would come home with a new girlfriend and a new family. I really didn't know; I let my imagination run amuck for a few days."

"Ashlee! I stayed celibate for the entire tour. Trust me, it was hard and I fell off the band wagon a few times, but I just went to another meeting, or called my sponsor, and just remembered what I had waiting here for me."

"So does that mean were okay? I mean, are we still together?"

"God, I hope so. That's the only thing that kept me from going insane- hearing from you guys."

"Well then, I want to get married. I want to make it official." I half muttered.

"Are you kidding!" He screeched excitedly.

I shook my head in agreement. "I'm ready and I love you, what more is there? You'll be home for awhile, right?"

"I am taking the next year off. Being away, made me miss everything. Look at my son! He doesn't even know me! I missed him learning to crawl. You would send me the pictures of him eating solid foods or walking, and it was always you and Josh. It should have been me! And a part of me hates myself for being away, but I just kept saying if I never worked another day in my life, you guys would be taken care of. Let's get a wedding planner and get things rolling."

"Drake, why don't you relax for a couple of weeks first? I'm done with school and we have nothing planned, so just relax and chill out," I offered, kissing his cheeks softly, letting each kiss linger until it felt right.

"Let's go see your son."

We got dressed and walked down to the stairs to find Josh and Colton sleeping on the couch together. They looked so cute and peaceful hugging one another.

"What the hell?" Drake whispered.

"They were both really excited. Josh is going to be a great dad. Come on, I'll make you something."



We walked into the kitchen to let them sleep a little longer. Drake and I both sat at the breakfast table.

"So what made you change your look?" I asked running through his once beautiful shaggy hair.

"What you don't like it?"

I shrugged my shoulders and gave him uneasy smile. "I will always think you're the most handsome man in the world," I said leaning over for a kiss.

"I don't know. I'll probably grow my hair out again, but I like the mustache!" he said touching it. I wrinkled up my nose, thinking of how weird it felt kissing. It like I was kiss a whole other man.

"Okay, I'll shave it." I gave him another kiss on his cheek.

We sat and talked for a while, catching up about the tour and life. We acted as if there were no problems, as if we had never been separated.


	116. Chapter 116

I sat in the parlor with a few girls from the neighborhood the kids were playing on the floor in front of us all.

"Ashlee, I can't find anything here!" Drake called from up stairs coming down in just a towel.

"New boyfriend?" One of the girls snickered.

"No! Girls this is my fiancé Drake Parker. Drake this is Kathy, Marie and Janelle and these are there babies. Well Marie has a boy a little younger then us too."

Drake looked at me confused and I understood the look I never had girlfriends and if I did they were never close enough to bring around the house. Each girl greeted Drake and he was polite back. Drake stood at the top of the stairs waiting on more direction.

"Drake go get dressed!" I ordered.

As soon as we were starting up our gossiping again the door bell rang. I got up to answer there was a huge package bigger then me at the door from Audrey and Walter.

"Drake, Josh, there's a package out here for you two."

"Drake hurry up I got to show you this!" Josh yelled running in from the kitchen.

"What is it?" Drake came down in his boxers.

"Drake PANTS please some pants!" Drake turned around like a sour 5 years old and retreated back up the stairs.

"It's our ping pong table." Josh said exhaustedly trying to shimmy the package threw the door himself.

"Awww….So it is our time now! Young one are you ready for the paddle?" Drake asked in a Chinese accent.

The girls looked at me like I was nuts. I just shook my head and gave Drake a smile.

"We're going to set it up down the basement; I'm going to take Colton with me." Drake tried to pick Colton up once again but he started screaming his head off. I felt so bad for Drake but it had only been a few days since he came home I thought Colton would have warmed up to him by now.

"Drake get his bank, he wont go anywhere without it." I said gently. Drake picked up the blanket and threw it over his shoulder then picked Colton up. Colton cuddled on Drakes shoulder and I could see the complete happiness that little move from the little baby made him.

The girls and I sat upstairs for awhile talking.

"So what's he like?" Marie asked

"He's a good guy a good dad." I answered.

"So where has he been for the last year?" Kathy asked.

"He was on a world wide tour. It took him a little over a year."

"Wasn't there a big scandal with you guys a few years ago?" Janelle asked in her own snotty way.

"Yeah we were separated and some girl tried to claim she was pregnant too but she wasn't she was just doing it for attention."

"Hmmm…" The girls commented in unison.

"Look don't judge me he's a good guy. I love him were getting married as soon as I'm ready." The girls' quieted up and we went on with our ideal talk about everything from hair to books. Until we heard a big boom and some screaming, then Drake and Josh running up the stairs.

"What's going on guys is Colton okay?"

"Josh let go of the paddle and it hit my wrist look what I can do again!" Drake said excitedly flicking his wrist back and forth making a clicking noise.

"Drake that's so gross!" I said laughing. "Are you okay?" I asked taking his hand examining it carefully.

"Yeah I'm fine. Here look girls!" He said showing the group of girls almost snarling on the living room couch.

"Okay babe where's Colton?" I asked pushing him towards the basement door.

"He's fine!" Drake exclaimed.

"Okay." I said unable to hide my amusement I kissed him on his cheek and sent back down the stairs.

"Wow it seems like you have a day care to run." Janelle said.

"You know what guys I have a lot to do today I'm going to pick out a wedding planner. I'll talk to you guys later." I said ushering them out the door.

"Don't forget you and Billy are going to the concert tomorrow!" Marie said as I was shutting the door.

"I remember!"

God I just wanted them out who were they to judge me they haven't even known me that long so pass judgment on me. I was so mad but then I heard the abrupt laughter coming form down the stairs.

"My powers are too mighty for you son!" Drake said to Josh who was making the baby hold the paddle, in the same Chinese accent moving his paddle like he had kung fu moves.

I sat on the steps watching them. I could help but think how much I loved my little family it finally all felt right it felt as if this was the way it should have been.

"Baby what wrong?" Drake asked walking over to the steps.

"Nothing I was just watching you guys play. I didn't know a ping pong table could make two 20 something years olds that happy." I said with a smile.

"This was one of our favorite things when we lived at home." Josh butted in putting the baby on the tiny reclined that was set up next to a big recliner. The basement had turned into a man cave. I was out numbered.

"What happened to you friends?" Drake asked twirling the paddle in the air.

"I sent them home."

"I'm sorry are we being too loud?"

"No they were judging my family and if were not good enough for them then I don't want them around."

"Ashlee please don't do that."

"Drake don't make excuses for them if there really my friend they like me for who I am, not for who I'm dating."

I stood up walking behind Drake kissing him delicately on his neck he turned his head ever so slightly. His lips feel so soft against mine. I heard Josh take the baby up the stairs. I wrap my arms around his neck he has a firm grasp on my hips. He push's me onto the ping pong table pulling the shirt over my head.

"Ashlee I really didn't know what love was until I was apart from you for so long." He whispered to my neck.

I just smiled at him kissing his lips; I didn't want him to ruin the moment with talking. I kissed his neck softly taking in his sent he always smelled like youth, not little boy-mud and dirt, but energy and enthusiasm. I didn't even know they ever had a smell but that's what it always reminded me of.

Drake took me by the shoulders and pulled me far enough so we were looking in each others eyes.

"I missed you." He said lightly swiped the hair from in my eyes.

I started kissing him again I didn't want to talk for a year all we did was talk on the phone and through emails I was so sick of just talking. He moved back uneasily. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Well of course!"

"You didn't act like it, I mean you never even came out to see me. you should have at least done that for Colton. He doesn't like me." Drake said in all seriousness, but I couldn't help but let out a little smirk.

"He's one he doesn't know the difference between like and dislike."

"He thinks Josh is his dad." He said lowering his head.

"Drake… baby no… he just knows Josh. He loves you its just gonna take some time."

"And you?"

"And I what?"

"Do you still think of me as a boyfriend… a fiancé what ever we are? You don't think of Josh as that… I mean as the supporter."

"Drake no one could ever take your place in my heart or Colton's I hope you know that." I took Drake into my arms and hugged him tightly, kissing his forehead, running my fingers through his spiky hair.

Drake backed up smiling I could tell he was ashamed of feeling so insecure, he was usually so sure of him self.

"You know I thought almost the same thing right before you came home. I thought maybe you would have anew girlfriend or whole new family. But the second I saw you smile and you held me in your arms I knew nothing had changed that I loved you just the same and you still loved me."

"I loved you more then ever at that moment. You were waiting at the airport for me with our beautiful son you were the most beautiful person standing there in the crowd of people. It was just like a dream me finishing my first world tour and you guys still waiting for me. I finally had something to come home to."


End file.
